FUPA R#3: Mother Night (1588 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: poetry
Rating: 1.46 on 66 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sacrilicious (View user info) at 2006-04-02 19:40:10 EDT
Full fathom five he lies;
Of his bones are coral made;
Those are pearls that were his eyes:
Nothing of him that doth fade,
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange.
-Kurt Vonnegut, "Timequake"
****
As I lay listlessly
In the heavy August darkness,
Limbs pressed down into damp sheets
By the sinking air of summer's storm,
The constant clamor of cicadas
Buzzed in my brain
With sweet swirls of smoke
That lilted their last lines
Before fading and fleeing,
And I pondered many a trivial thing.
I had nothing but time
To do nothing,
But was powerless to lend it or to mend it.
While in the next room,
Just through a thin wall
But in mind a world away,
You were running
Out of time.
I drowned in a dreamy doze,
Where my wishes were welcomed
And my self-seeking was served,
Once my conscience was checked at the portal
Until that moment-
They came crashing through the door
Like a thunderous roar,
A din of despair
That would change my view
Of days, and months, and years
Forever.
To your bedside I stumbled,
Shaking slumber
And tripping over guilt,
To find you near rest
Like I'd been, minutes before,
But you with no time to spare.
Your slow and steady breaths
From your pale and frail form,
Were the only sounds in a world of silence.
Then, with your final words, through trembling lips,
You called us to our last embrace,
And somber and scared,
Our family came together,
Whole for the very last time.
I remember the panic, the uncertainty,
The fear and the fury,
The longing and the love,
And how every emotion swelled in each of us,
All in a few moments' passing.
I wonder if you then relived
Your lifetime, in that heartbreaking instant.
Were you meeting death through the eyes of a child?
Did you see us, your children, as children?
Our father, your love, as you shared your first kiss?
Did you think of your mother as she lay dying,
And know I was now you, at her side,
Or were you gazing toward a celestial light
That would end five years of agony,
And unite you eternally with your father above?
Most of all,
I recall when your sick and swollen eyes
Opened wide as the sky
And shone brightly as emeralds
And you showed me we were one
In that moment, one we both knew was our last.
And though mere seconds passed,
That memory was seared in me
Deeper than any symbol inked by a needle to skin,
Or any word of man etched into stone,
And I will carry it with me for all my days.
Our time on terra firma
Was fated to be finite
Our love is perpetual.
User Reviews
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-06 23:14:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wonderful Read. Not sucking up either.
Having said that...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/100431
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-04-06 22:43:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me cry. :(
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-04-05 14:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sigh.
Submitted by webcorona (user info) at 2007-01-09 11:29:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-01-08 22:50:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-01-08 22:33:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-07-27 15:38:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Uberversary!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98-j2EQ9Sog
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-07-27 11:55:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mutha
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-06 13:20:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-04-06 12:24:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
so i went to post the pics of the toys...
my mac shit a brick so i can't do it unless i email every pic individually to myself and photoshop the crap here. fun right?
=========
I hear you, girl..I have a new work laptop and it's giving me grief. AND, it doesn't even have photoshop installed..and I lost rights to get it. Any PSing I do will have to be done at home, and like I'm going to waste a alot of time with that, you know?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-06 12:55:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-04-06 12:09:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit he spotted me.
But it is OK.
We share a love of something which is far more important than that of a woman. A shared passion which allows us to show our emotions in a way that guys that love each other, yes I am reffering to the ghey menz, can never appreciate.
Plus we know how to share.
No touching of manly bits. Cool with you Jake?
-Dave
---
Absolutely. We can exchange a hand shake half way through though. No eye contact though.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-04-06 12:24:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so i went to post the pics of the toys...
my mac shit a brick so i can't do it unless i email every pic individually to myself and photoshop the crap here. fun right?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-06 12:15:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You guys are so adorable. I would LOVE to meet up with you- logistically it's looking grim because my stay is only a week and I have a wedding to attend, et al, but damn if that wouldn't be fun..
wait..no touching? NO DEAL.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-04-06 12:09:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit he spotted me.
But it is OK.
We share a love of something which is far more important than that of a woman. A shared passion which allows us to show our emotions in a way that guys that love each other, yes I am reffering to the ghey menz, can never appreciate.
Plus we know how to share.
No touching of manly bits. Cool with you Jake?
-Dave
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-06 11:43:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-04-06 11:34:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
If you feel like heading Englandwards, (now I know THAT isn't a word), fire off a mail to me and I am sure I can rally the London Alcoholics, I mean Uberers, to get together for a drink.
dave.groves.at.gmail.com
Just don't tell Jake.
-Dave
---
Don't think I'm not watching you Dave. I know what you're playing at. And I respect that.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-04-06 11:34:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you feel like heading Englandwards, (now I know THAT isn't a word), fire off a mail to me and I am sure I can rally the London Alcoholics, I mean Uberers, to get together for a drink.
dave.groves.at.gmail.com
Just don't tell Jake.
-Dave
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-06 01:54:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Again, I love that this comp is turning out to be your coming out party.
You're getting better every round.
I'm long on thoughts but short on time at the moment, so let me just leave it at this - this was moving and wrenching, but I don't think it could (or should) have been done any other way. I love how personal your posts read, because they absolutely put you in a particular moment or feeling and refuse to let you stray.
She's proud of you, you know.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-06 00:04:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
what this rating comes down to is which one i thought showed more of a level of skill than anything else... i really liked both of them, and i hope this doesn't fuck the shit up...
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2006-04-05 21:01:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
TOO MUCH SERIOUS WRITING
itsgoodniceworkface<- yeah
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-05 17:20:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I call them as I see them, dear one.
Call me some time if you get the urge.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-05 17:15:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you, scourge. I kind of think if it doesn't make me feel something, I shouldn't bother trying to write it, because it isn't going to be of any value. I'm glad to know it evoked something from someone other than me.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-05 16:53:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've weighed this one back and forth, back and forth in my mind. Over and over. I've read both posts a few times. Rechecking, closing my eyes and speaking some of the lines to myself
I really enjoyed both of the posts in this matchup. A lot
The feelings evoked in this were perfect for the theme, the closing lines sealed the deal.
In his, his language was good, again. Reading it you were pulled along nicely, from one line to the next. His flow, his sense of timing balanced against word usage, is what makes what he puts out there so good.
Both of these were a solid +2 to me. In the end I guess I have to go with the simple emotion elicited by the piece, how it moved me. Maybe that's a poor way to choose, but it was either that or a coin flip.
You win.
+2 for you, and a +1.5 for O.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-04-05 10:34:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There's hope in those last lines. It's a good reminder: there are things more important than time.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-04 11:14:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You cannot disguise your lust for Shlongy, try as you might.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-04 11:09:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the feedback Gank. I'll be honest- it was originally 'door' instead of 'portal', but then, with "door" in the next line ("crashing through the door"), I didn't want to repeat it. So you're right, that was a little forced.
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-04-04 10:39:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:48:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
I drowned in a dreamy doze,
Where my wishes were welcomed
And my self-seeking was served,
Once my conscience was checked at the portal
Wow. I wish I could write like that.
*******************
This was one of the only parts I didn't like about this. At least, just the last line there, "Once my conscience was checked at the portal".
Let me say, it read to me like you were trying too hard to sound "deep" with that. The rest of it isn't written that way, and that's probably why it stood out for me.
Don't get me wrong, I like this and have liked your entries thus far.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-04 09:47:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-04 03:47:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-03 20:25:18 (#)
Ranking: 1
trying to rhyme cicadas was...ambitious.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 20:31:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There were no rhymes here, silly.
I know you love me ghola. That doesn't mean I can't pout and withhold affection for the evening.
*weeps*
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-03 20:25:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
trying to rhyme cicadas was...ambitious.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 20:23:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
but i looooooooooooooooove you wifey.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 20:14:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah. I knows.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 20:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 19:54:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
I make my rating a solid 1, because O's was fabulous.
Ya knows?
---
I'm still of the opinion that this piece is marginally better than O's. They're both good, but this one reaches me better than O's, whether that was due to the formatting or not.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 19:54:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I make my rating a solid 1, because O's was fabulous.
Ya knows?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bad? Of course not. Predictable? Almost entirely. Repetitive and boring? Sometimes. Childish? Usually. But I wouldn't call you bad.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:30:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
See? And you thought Shlongy is all bad, all the time. I provide a service.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:26:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I keep winning more time on MRR with your comments. Thanks, darling.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:18:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 16:22:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
p.s.- I won last round by a landslide. But nice try.
REALLY? WHAT'D YOU WIN??? THIS SOUNDS EXCITING!!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-03 16:23:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
We're done when I say we're done, toots.
You read every word I type and NEVER try and deny that.
Now apologize to me and we can go back to the way it was in the good ol' days, when we cybered until we both lost weight.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 16:22:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
p.s.- I won last round by a landslide. But nice try.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 16:22:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I LIVE to turn you on. Really. Your speech has grown tiresome. Stick around or go, but we're done here.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-03 16:20:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sounds to me like you're crying over my rating.
That's a big turn off.
Well, you know what Shlongy always says..."toughski crapski", which translates loosely to "tough shit".
Just think...my -1 that I gave you last round probably allowed you to advance to Round 3.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-04-03 16:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gorgeous.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 16:08:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, I'm sorry- apparently I'm paying about as much attention as you are. I'm a big girl, I don't need any favors. Thanks for stopping by, though.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 16:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks to your rating on this one, I have a slimmer chance of having another entry. But thanks for your concern.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-03 16:00:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I lost both my mum AND dad-in-law in the last 9, 10 months.
Surely you're aware that I'm not even reading the entries into this bogus competition...well, besides my own. Oh, and nitty's. PS. And Wardy's.
I'll +2 your next non-FUPA post...how's that grab ya?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:15:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I appreciate that, shlong. Didn't you recently lose an in-law or something? Thought you might relate. Guess not.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:13:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Needs more semen on you.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:07:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:50:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
simple, did you put that in a translator online, or do it yourself?
+
i did it myself cause i am teh l337 h4xor...
*chokes on lie*
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:50:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
simple, did you put that in a translator online, or do it yourself?
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I drowned in a dreamy doze,
Where my wishes were welcomed
And my self-seeking was served,
Once my conscience was checked at the portal
Wow. I wish I could write like that.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:37:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:13:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:07:52 (#)
Ranking: 1
"nostrum vicis in firmus terra
eram fatalis futurus perago
nostrum diligo est perpetuus."
=========
WTF I'M NOT TRANSLATING ALL THAT
+
tis your last lines in teh latin.
and don't forget: hard stress on all consonants (c is k)
and v's are w.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:17:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Latin is the roxxors.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:13:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:07:52 (#)
Ranking: 1
"nostrum vicis in firmus terra
eram fatalis futurus perago
nostrum diligo est perpetuus."
=========
WTF I'M NOT TRANSLATING ALL THAT
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:07:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"nostrum vicis in firmus terra
eram fatalis futurus perago
nostrum diligo est perpetuus."
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:45:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now this, THIS is why I heart you.
But how dare you bring my ghola into this. She'd beat me, sure, but not because you decided anything, silly.
---
I meant that I aim to prevail against the twin forces of Link and the foxy wiles of yourself. In a battle twixt yourself and Ghola there would likely be elemental forces released and all manner of chicanery.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:36:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 02:20:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
This poetry shenanigans is all very good. I think this stands up as prose as well.
Well done Licious.
I'm still gonna kick your arse at Ubermadness though. I have decided. Ghola too.
"Mongol General: We have won again. That is good! But what is best in life?
Mongolian trainee: The open steppe, fleet horse, falcon on your wrist, wind in your hair!
Mongol General: Wrong! Conan, what is best in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!
Mongol General: That is good."
=============
Now this, THIS is why I heart you.
But how dare you bring my ghola into this. She'd beat me, sure, but not because you decided anything, silly.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 04:36:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
By the sinking air of summer's storm,
The constant clamor of cicadas
My favourite lines.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 02:20:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This poetry shenanigans is all very good. I think this stands up as prose as well.
Well done Licious.
I'm still gonna kick your arse at Ubermadness though. I have decided. Ghola too.
"Mongol General: We have won again. That is good! But what is best in life?
Mongolian trainee: The open steppe, fleet horse, falcon on your wrist, wind in your hair!
Mongol General: Wrong! Conan, what is best in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!
Mongol General: That is good."
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-04-02 23:18:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the last bit deserves a +2 by itself, but it was grand enough as a whole. Good work
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-02 21:42:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing particularly insightful from me here, I just liked it, is all.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:53:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, it's from the Tempest, except it's "full fathom five thy father lies",
but everything else the same. Vonnegut at his best isn't such poor company for Master Shaxper though.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:12:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this better than your previous fupa entries.
Quite good.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:00:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-04-02 19:43:52 (#)
Ranking: 1
This wasn't bad!
Who knew Vonnegut was a plagiarist though?
===
For true? I researched this online to make sure, too, and found nothing. Who was it? Probably Shakespeare. *weeps*
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-02 19:52:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So. You had to go and mix Time with death.
I did it first! Nanny nanny boo boo!!!
Good stuff...
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-04-02 19:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This wasn't bad!
Who knew Vonnegut was a plagiarist though?