My Life Threatening Rash (2480 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.81 on 114 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ghola (View user info) at 2006-04-02 20:06:36 EDT
I have this rash. I don't mean it's a little rash on my right ankle that I got from walking through poison ivy while on a fun filled adventure through the woods. No. This rash is bright red, hot, and in a variety of bumps and sizes that covers my entire body, except my face. I'm waiting on it to spread to my face though. It'll happen. I'm sure of that.
My boyfriend politely informs me that it's his fault, because a week ago he had a rash. He didn't bother telling me about this rash that was dangerously close to his groin area.
"Mine wasn't nearly as bad," he exclaims through a tearful face and big doleful eyes. Did you know a guy can have doleful eyes? I didn't know that. I thought it was just girls. This is a lie though, because he definitely has doleful eyes.
"Mine's pretty freaking bad," I answer dryly, holding up a swollen arm that looks as though it may soon rot off. In fact, I think a clump of dead skin falls off while I'm holding my arm up. The cat saunters by and eats the dead skin off the carpet, mews at me, and stands on its hind legs, begging for more.
He hands me a bottle of anti itch cream and smiles at me, as though I'm some sort of hypochondriac child that doesn't know when something is wrong with her.
"You'll be okay," he says. "Just don't scratch it."
His voice is smug and endearing. I think he's trying to sound like he cares about me, but he just sounds like he's talking to a seven year old child.
Five minutes later I'm sprawled in the bathroom floor, scrubbing my skin with one of those metal hairbrushes with the really rough bristles. I can't stop, literally. If I stop, I fear I will die from the pain.
"The itch cream," I scream out, "Where's the fucking itch cream?"
He brings it to me and kneels down beside me, looking very concerned and oh so worried. He's doing the doleful eye thing again, but I don't give a shit. I'm tempted to hit him in the face with the hairbrush, but I restrain myself and start to rub the magical crème into my legs and arms and err... every where that itches.
"Do you need anything else?" he asks me.
What a stupid fucking question. Yes, I need lots of things. First, could you please fill an entire bathtub up with ice for me soak in? While I'm soaking I'd like you to make dinner too, because I'm starving and I've been too itchy to make myself anything.
I settle into my rather painful bath and wait for dinner. I didn't specify what I wanted, which is probably a mistake, because he brings me a sloppily made sandwich with meat hanging around the edges and a slimy piece of cheese sliding out from under week old bread.
I don't say anything to him, of course. I'm far too nice. I just let my head sink underneath the icy water and wait for my impending death. I always thought drowning would be an interesting way to die. I can feel the icy water creeping up my nose and slinking its way down my ear canal. That's about the only thing I can feel, because I've been in this icy bath for more than fifteen minutes.
He freaks out after 30 seconds and begins to call my name, over and over in a high pitched voice. I think it's the same voice he uses for the cats. No wonder the cats all despise us.
"I'm fine," I sputter at him, spitting water out of my mouth and blowing snot down my chin. "Just fine." I stare at him, urging him with demonic eyes to leave the bathroom, to finally leave me in peace, and to rot in hell.
After he leaves I towel dry my rash covered body off with a bristly rough towel. Nothing feels better than rubbing that cheap rough towel against my bumpy inflamed flesh. Why have I been having sex all these years? Towels are where it's at.
Eventually I quit, because my arm gets tired, and I get dressed.
He's already in bed, sleeping peacefully, snug underneath 3 layers of covers. He's cuddled up to my stuffed Mickey Mouse, the one that I've slept with every night since I was three years old. His hands are tucked neatly underneath his head and I can hear a faint snoring.
I smile and bite my lip. He looks so precious, so unconcerned. A trail of drool hangs down from his lip and dribbles onto my sheets. Poor guy. He must be tired. He must have had a long day.
He doesn't have my rash though. Fucking bastard.
I leap onto the bed and begin to rub my rash covered arms and legs across his face, his chest, his abdomen, and his legs.
"Hahahahaha," I laugh wickedly at him. My eyes are glazed over and my lips are parted. I may be foaming at the mouth a bit, but it's excusable, because I've had a long freaking day.
He sleepily shields his face and cowers in a fetal position. He knows better than to fight back. Where will that get him?
"Bwahahaha," I laugh at him. "Bwwwwwwwwwwwahhahaha." I think I may have punched him in the neck a little bit, but it's difficult to be sure. He looks like he's still breathing.
I tire myself out eventually and roll over to go to sleep. He just sort of whimpers from his side of the bed.
The next morning, I wake up and he's gone. There's a note left on the counter that reads, "I think we need some time apart." He's probably right. I'm sure he'll be back though, when the rash gets bad enough and he needs someone to scratch his back. There's nothing worse than the neighbors catching you outside rubbing your bare back against a pine tree. They never understand.
They didn't understand when I asked their eight year old daughter, Mackenzie, to scratch my back for me this morning. You'd think they'd be more understanding. It probably looked bad though. They came outside to find me laying facedown in their driveway, with Mac straddling my back while I was moaning "Oh yes, right there."
I tried to explain, but when I asked if she could come back outside and finish me, they went inside and locked the doors. Tough luck, I guess.
User Reviews
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-04-05 22:50:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Take a good, long hot shower.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-04-05 22:49:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
with me
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-05 19:15:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://totsafety.ytmnd.com/
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-04-05 16:58:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-04-04 23:38:52 (#)
Ranking: -2
OMG your name is like SOOOO artsy emo! i love it! you're like, really deep and stuff.
you use big words. yeah.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
DOA is just sad because his daddy hasn't played with little naughty bits recently.
See, now is when he will come back with some witty remark about how much of a badass he is, why I suck balls for standing up for you, comment on Uber, and use the word Emo again.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-05 10:14:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-04-04 23:38:52 (#)
Ranking: -2
OMG your name is like SOOOO artsy emo! i love it! you're like, really deep and stuff.
you use big words. yeah.
twat.
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hey dumbass, my name is from dune.
isn't your name sort of artsy emo shit though? yea. yea, i'm pretty sure it is.
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2006-04-05 03:59:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's nothing. I have ringworm on my cock from wrestling.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-04-05 03:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-04 12:16:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-04-04 09:22:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Is this an insult?
If it is I need to go and rate all ghola's posts -2
I am a sensitive guy that way.
If it isn't, then ignore me.
-Dave
-------
O, teh pain of the retalitory ratings.
You don't really seem the type.
Because if you are, I would definitely -2 every single one of your posts.
With Glee.
Except the good ones. I'd feel guilty about -2'ing the good ones.
There are lots of good ones.
------------
Glad to hear it.
And I am NOT the type.
-Dave
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-04-04 23:38:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OMG your name is like SOOOO artsy emo! i love it! you're like, really deep and stuff.
you use big words. yeah.
twat.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2006-04-04 12:18:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay for rashes! Yays and Huzzahs all around! Yay!
Submitted by Call911 (user info) at 2006-04-04 08:36:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 21:04:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn..heated? This isn't going to help your rash any, wifey.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:47:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe it's necrotizing fasciitis. Except it doesn't usually spread over your entire body and you'd probably be dead/dying by now. Are you still alive? If you are, I'm going with AIDS. Poor Ghola.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-04-03 17:52:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
can I have your flesh-eating cat when you die of teh ghey aids?
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only if you promise to love him unconditionally
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-04-03 17:52:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
can I have your flesh-eating cat when you die of teh ghey aids?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 17:32:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
teh ghey aids?
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-04-03 16:46:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cool man.
have you ever heard that song in Team America...it goes a little bit like...
"everybody has AIDS! AIDS-AIDS-AIDS AIDS! my brother...AIDS. My sister...AIDS...aidsaids aids AIDS!
yeah. you have aids.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 15:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-04-03 15:18:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this an alternate reality ghola?
-Dave
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heh.
it's my reality.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-04-03 15:18:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this an alternate reality ghola?
-Dave
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2006-04-03 14:37:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Revolting.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-04-03 14:19:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:41:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
I will, without any doubt or hesitation, apply lotion of any kind to any part of your body, completely free of fear.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-04-03 14:18:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:51:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:49:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think little ninjas are allowed to have sex. Against their code of honor or some such horse shit.
------
You're sort of a terrific human being.
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However, I'm almost positive that it is feudal law that they must have "Sexy Naked Shower Time" with anyone named Brian...
... hey wait... MY NAME IS BRIAN! Hooray for me!!!
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-04-03 14:11:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ouch. I had a really nasty rash last year that turned out to be an allergic reaction. sympathy +2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:51:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:49:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think little ninjas are allowed to have sex. Against their code of honor or some such horse shit.
------
You're sort of a terrific human being.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:49:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think little ninjas are allowed to have sex. Against their code of honor or some such horse shit.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:38:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Probably the latter. Mores the pity.
*sound of Link being sucked into the Dark World by the wizard Ahriman's powers*
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:36:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:31:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:30:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:01:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't make me use the paddle.
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oh, please.
---
Now was that a "Oh! Please do!" *girlish giggle, shifting of weight from one hip to the other to emphasise the female form*
OR
a "oh please" *dismissive snort* *sound of the mastersword zapping Triforce beams*
-------
which is more likely?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:31:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:30:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:01:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't make me use the paddle.
-------
oh, please.
---
Now was that a "Oh! Please do!" *girlish giggle, shifting of weight from one hip to the other to emphasise the female form*
OR
a "oh please" *dismissive snort* *sound of the mastersword zapping Triforce beams*
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:30:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd import it specially for you Berty. I will smuggle in a consignment in the back of my car. It will be amazing. You'll be able to fill your bath with the orange and dive in.
did you know orange rhymes with minge?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:30:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:01:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't make me use the paddle.
-------
oh, please.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:27:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They don't sell Irn-Bru in Birmingham anymore.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:25:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How about a Ginsters' pastie and bottle of Irn Bru?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:24:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want a Bertos Medal for services to the King of the Indoor Folk.
------------------------------------
Until I gets me a royal concubine no-one is getting nothing.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:22:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:17:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Look! I'm not all lube and diddlery!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86167
-----------------
My dear, sweet girl. Nobody said anything of the sort.
Although I'm sure many members of the Ubersite community do wonder whether you can lick the back of your thighs. ;)
---
*Crosses fingers hopefully*
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:22:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:17:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Look! I'm not all lube and diddlery!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86167
-----------------
My dear, sweet girl. Nobody said anything of the sort.
Although I'm sure many members of the Ubersite community do wonder whether you can lick the back of your thighs. ;)
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:15:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't worry about me Red, I'm just the voice of your own consiounce. I think what you do is nothing short of a national service. Then again, I am a rather depraved individual.
Remember: it's not rape if they are 16 or over and some girls just happen to not develop until then.
As for Missus Licious, I am a firm believer in sexual assertivness amongst women. Indeed, I believe women are much better at it than men. So, you go girl! Shake dat booty!
---
I want a Bertos Medal for services to the King of the Indoor Folk.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:17:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Look! I'm not all lube and diddlery!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86167
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:16:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna get tickets for the Leeds festival tonight. It will be ace.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:15:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't worry about me Red, I'm just the voice of your own consiounce. I think what you do is nothing short of a national service. Then again, I am a rather depraved individual.
Remember: it's not rape if they are 16 or over and some girls just happen to not develop until then.
As for Missus Licious, I am a firm believer in sexual assertivness amongst women. Indeed, I believe women are much better at it than men. So, you go girl! Shake dat booty!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:12:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty, I'm gonna tie you and your wheelchair to the back of my car and then go cruisin' the streets of Durham. The cobbles will soon teach you to associate me with tabloid newspapers.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:10:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:08:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:03:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, so I know I leave a lot of salacious comments on uber. It's the internet, I thought it was a requirement.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is, but don't worry. Whilst my buddy JC might think you're unclean and unholy, the authorities beg to differ. Red is the only one who'll go to prison and/or be named and shamed on the front page of The Sun.
---
OH NOES!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:08:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:03:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, so I know I leave a lot of salacious comments on uber. It's the internet, I thought it was a requirement.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is, but don't worry. Whilst my buddy JC might think you're unclean and unholy, the authorities beg to differ. Red is the only one who'll go to prison and/or be named and shamed on the front page of The Sun.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:06:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
From the day we arrive on the planet
And blinking, step into the sun
There's more to be seen than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done
Some say eat or be eaten
Some say live and let live
But all are agreed as they join the stampede
You should never take more than you give
In the circle of life
It's the wheel of fortune
It's the leap of faith
It's the band of hope
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the circle, the circle of life
Some of us fall by the wayside
And some of us soar to the stars
And some of us sail through our troubles
And some have to live with the scars
There's far too much to take in here
More to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:05:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:03:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:57:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
She waxes her lady bits so shes smooth like a dolphin or child. She probably wears halter tops and suckles on lolipops (which she no doubt pronounces "wowwypop").
Red, who works at an educational facility with pubescant girls, has blown his 'mind' all over his keyboard at this image.
The reality is that they are both depraved individuals who belong in prison.
---
Berty, you are the second person to say that to me today.
They're not all pubescent. Some have grown into lovely young ladies, with their own sense of style and individuality. It's a very exciting time for a lot of them.
------------------------------
That's because they're teenagers going through puberty. They should be discovering boys, not lecherous predators like you.
---
I am not a predator! More like a carrion feeder perhaps, picking off the weak and ill advised. It's part of the circle of life Berty. You should be thanking me.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:03:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, so I know I leave a lot of salacious comments on uber. It's the internet, I thought it was a requirement.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:03:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:57:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
She waxes her lady bits so shes smooth like a dolphin or child. She probably wears halter tops and suckles on lolipops (which she no doubt pronounces "wowwypop").
Red, who works at an educational facility with pubescant girls, has blown his 'mind' all over his keyboard at this image.
The reality is that they are both depraved individuals who belong in prison.
---
Berty, you are the second person to say that to me today.
They're not all pubescent. Some have grown into lovely young ladies, with their own sense of style and individuality. It's a very exciting time for a lot of them.
------------------------------
That's because they're teenagers going through puberty. They should be discovering boys, not lecherous predators like you.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:01:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't make me use the paddle.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:59:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:49:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:33:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:30:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:27:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
I had a disscussion about you last night.
I really did. I won't say anything more though.
---
You talkin' about my wife behind my back?
Spill it, tiny.
----
repeating it would be inappropriate.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:57:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She waxes her lady bits so shes smooth like a dolphin or child. She probably wears halter tops and suckles on lolipops (which she no doubt pronounces "wowwypop").
Red, who works at an educational facility with pubescant girls, has blown his 'mind' all over his keyboard at this image.
The reality is that they are both depraved individuals who belong in prison.
---
Berty, you are the second person to say that to me today.
They're not all pubescent. Some have grown into lovely young ladies, with their own sense of style and individuality. It's a very exciting time for a lot of them.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:49:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:33:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:30:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:27:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
I had a disscussion about you last night.
I really did. I won't say anything more though.
---
You talkin' about my wife behind my back?
Spill it, tiny.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:49:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:44:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty, stop analyzing me. You're freaking me out. Aside from enjoying the occasional lollipop, you're wrong.
-------------------
We're always watching.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:44:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty, stop analyzing me. You're freaking me out. Aside from enjoying the occasional lollipop, you're wrong.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:43:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for clearing that up Berty.
It's as I suspected, but I wanted to be sure.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:38:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:22:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:40:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:38:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:31:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
---
Whose back then?
========
According to your prior comment, you seem to think I wax the back of your young alter.
Did I just BLOW YOUR MIND?
---
Yes marm.
*humble look*
--------
Can I ask what the hell you guys are talking about?
Yeah, cause I'm lost.
----------------------------
She waxes her lady bits so shes smooth like a dolphin or child. She probably wears halter tops and suckles on lolipops (which she no doubt pronounces "wowwypop").
Red, who works at an educational facility with pubescant girls, has blown his 'mind' all over his keyboard at this image.
The reality is that they are both depraved individuals who belong in prison.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:33:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:30:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:27:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
I had a disscussion about you last night.
I really did. I won't say anything more though.
========
Yeah, 'cause THAT'S fair.
-------
I feel fairly secure in saying "Teehee," at you.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:30:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:27:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
I had a disscussion about you last night.
I really did. I won't say anything more though.
========
Yeah, 'cause THAT'S fair.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:27:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:25:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's not important, ghola. Silly Monday morning antics. If you could see me right now, you'd know I'm slightly ashamed and quite sorry.
----
I had a disscussion about you last night.
I really did. I won't say anything more though.
Submitted by kissmyarse (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny, nothing like scratching a much needed itch. I used to wake up with bloody legs, I think I had some super super dry skin--lotion helped me, but whatever you do DONT BUY THE $1 COCOA BUTTER LOTION AS IT WILL EAT YOUR SKIN...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's not important, ghola. Silly Monday morning antics. If you could see me right now, you'd know I'm slightly ashamed and quite sorry.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:22:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:40:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:38:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:31:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
---
Whose back then?
========
According to your prior comment, you seem to think I wax the back of your young alter.
Did I just BLOW YOUR MIND?
---
Yes marm.
*humble look*
--------
Can I ask what the hell you guys are talking about?
Yeah, cause I'm lost.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:14:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I may have punched him in the neck a little bit, but it's difficult to be sure. He looks like he's still breathing.
heh heh heh
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:09:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eeewwwwwwwwwww
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:10:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i worry about you people sometimes.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:40:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:38:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:31:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
---
Whose back then?
========
According to your prior comment, you seem to think I wax the back of your young alter.
Did I just BLOW YOUR MIND?
---
Yes marm.
*humble look*
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:38:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:31:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
---
Whose back then?
========
According to your prior comment, you seem to think I wax the back of your young alter.
Did I just BLOW YOUR MIND?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:31:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:26:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:22:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet she waxes my young alter. Licious has standards to maintain.
==========
Not my back.
---
Whose back then?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:26:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:22:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet she waxes my young alter. Licious has standards to maintain.
==========
Not my back.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:22:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:14:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-03 00:00:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahah, no need to get your back hair up. "Chump" is a very friendly word amongst my friends and I. Besides, I really just meant me. I've asked ghola several times which parts of stories were true.
==========
Back hair? BACK HAIR? Why I oughtta...!!
Even after I visited more of your posts this weekend? Sigh.
---
I bet she waxes my young alter. Licious has standards to maintain.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:14:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-03 00:00:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahah, no need to get your back hair up. "Chump" is a very friendly word amongst my friends and I. Besides, I really just meant me. I've asked ghola several times which parts of stories were true.
==========
Back hair? BACK HAIR? Why I oughtta...!!
Even after I visited more of your posts this weekend? Sigh.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:11:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This kind of disgusted me.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:06:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And don't you love "Almost Famous"? Wish I'd toured with Zeppelin.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 09:05:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, this may be comedy. In which case, my dear Ghola, I shall doff my hat at thee and celebrate your growth as a writer.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-04-03 08:58:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yikes.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-04-03 06:28:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your cat sounds nearly as cool as the dead one in my zombie series. Except yours sound like it turned. What an awesome cat.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-04-03 06:16:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHA
There were some killer lines in this.
You poor crazy bitch.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-04-03 06:08:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
blimey!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-03 06:00:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-04-03 02:10:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
I got a rash after doing it with hidden101.
------------
*whispers*
Lisa's a virgin. Pass it on.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-03 05:38:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 04:47:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
I am amazed Berty hasn't reviewed this yet
-----------------
I do have a life you know, I'm not some omnipresent Uberer. Not on the weekends anyway.
Curiously enough, I have actually had a similar experience. Mercifully though it only affected my shoulders and stayed well away from my groin. I definatly got it off of my ex though from when she'd sling her legs over me.
This leads me to believe that sex with Ghola would be extreemly interesting as she embraces the Indian tantric art of full body contact/motion.
Splendid use of language by the way.
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-04-03 05:26:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think I may have punched him in the neck a little bit
//
In general, there's too much neck punching/stabbing/shooting on this site. It's like an old family joke now b/t us all, like when you have to smile at a corny uncle's joke even though you've heard it a thousand times.
Otherwise- hang on, my neck itches -this was good. Put a half gallon of Epsom salt (or sea salt, most grocery stores have it, if you can afford it) in your bath, and soak for 30 min a day while taking 5000 milligrams of vitamin C and 50 milligrams of zinc per day after meals. In a week the rash will be no more. Have your bf do the same, preferably in diff tubs.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 04:47:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am amazed Berty hasn't reviewed this yet
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 04:29:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for making Caul tell that story. It was amusing.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-03 04:02:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for making me learn the word "doleful!" btw
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-03 03:49:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I keep seeing your name here and there. I think it's the first time I read you. I liked it.
I had a rash on my penis once. My then girlfriend had a yeast infection and transmitted it to me. Then I slept with some random trash girl and the condom broke. For the next 2-3 months I spent huge amount of time reading about STD's on the web. I thought I had herpes, hepatitis, syphillis, HIV... and had my dick inspected so often that the doctor told me to fuck off. A debiliating moment of my life, yes.
I also like how you put the è on the itch crème in order to reference the stereotype that std's are french-related. INDIRECT FRANCOPHOBIA! I HAVE SEEN THROUGH YOUR DECEIT. :-P
But seriously, I'm all alone at work and I'm on speed to go through the night SO PLEASE IGNORE MY LONG-ASS REPLY. AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-04-03 03:21:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha ha ha ha
plus fucking two..
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 02:26:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"The cat saunters by and eats the dead skin off the carpet, mews at me, and stands on its hind legs, begging for more. "
I hate cats more and more.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-04-03 02:10:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I got a rash after doing it with hidden101.
Submitted by ooQueso (user info) at 2006-04-03 02:02:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Har Har VD
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-04-03 01:22:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-04-03 00:45:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahah you punched that queer in the neck
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-03 00:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W.
does this mean your single?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-03 00:00:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-02 22:01:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-02 21:55:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
You should do the TS Garp thing...everytime some chump (such as myself) asks if this is a true story, just ask them which parts they believed.
====
This is likely the first time I've asked, Stag. And I'm no chump, I'm her yankee wife.
---------------
Ahah, no need to get your back hair up. "Chump" is a very friendly word amongst my friends and I. Besides, I really just meant me. I've asked ghola several times which parts of stories were true.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-02 23:28:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-04-02 22:18:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Was the T Virus injected directly into your body, or did you just inhale it?
+
I have the T-Virus on a leash. when i walk it, people look at me funny.
+
ghola: you should shove apples down the bastards mouth until he explodes.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-04-02 23:23:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yikes..
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-04-02 23:22:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-02 22:22:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2006-04-02 22:20:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
So the rash that was on his groin got onto your entire body except your face? Interesting....
-------
close to groin. think more like "thigh."
---
So you're boyfriend rubs his thigh over your whole body? Kinky.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-02 22:22:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2006-04-02 22:20:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
So the rash that was on his groin got onto your entire body except your face? Interesting....
-------
close to groin. think more like "thigh."
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2006-04-02 22:20:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So the rash that was on his groin got onto your entire body except your face? Interesting....
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-04-02 22:18:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Was the T Virus injected directly into your body, or did you just inhale it?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-02 22:09:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
......
NOw I have the itches...
Damnit.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-02 22:01:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-02 21:55:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
You should do the TS Garp thing...everytime some chump (such as myself) asks if this is a true story, just ask them which parts they believed.
====
This is likely the first time I've asked, Stag. And I'm no chump, I'm her yankee wife.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-02 21:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:31:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:29:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, so cleary it's at least a little embellished..but is it BASED on a true story?
---------
I'll never tell.
-------------
You should do the TS Garp thing...everytime some chump (such as myself) asks if this is a true story, just ask them which parts they believed.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-02 21:51:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ashfish (user info) at 2006-04-02 21:40:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Eheheh that was great. And if it was based off a true story that bastard deserved whatever punishment he got for taking your Mickey Mouse.
-------
damn straight.
Submitted by Ashfish (user info) at 2006-04-02 21:40:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eheheh that was great. And if it was based off a true story that bastard deserved whatever punishment he got for taking your Mickey Mouse.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:53:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:50:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
(yeah - no gore!)
great story
------------
haha thanks.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:50:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(yeah - no gore!)
great story
Submitted by cascade (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:45:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck. i just reread this and now *I* feel itchy.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:41:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I will, without any doubt or hesitation, apply lotion of any kind to any part of your body, completely free of fear.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:32:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A rash like that requires you to drink a full fifth of
Johnny Walker Black. No help for the rash, but you won't
give a shit...
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:31:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:29:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, so cleary it's at least a little embellished..but is it BASED on a true story?
---------
I'll never tell.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:29:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, so cleary it's at least a little embellished..but is it BASED on a true story?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:27:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this a true story?
I laughed OUT LOUD at some of this.
You are crazy and adorable.
Submitted by cascade (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:26:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed getting grossed out.
"I think it's the same voice he uses for the cats. No wonder the cats all despise us." haha!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:20:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:18:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You could have AIDS.
I'm just sayin', is all.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:10:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm disgusted and amused.
Bravo.