FUPA Round 3: Ticking (835 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryLabels: fupa
Rating: 1.41 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-04-03 18:05:36 EDT
Comes now the ticking, the ceaseless ticking, the ticking on, on, on and on, a ticking
Enumerated by vain, foolish attempts to harness the clock of the world, the beating
Heart of Nature that ticks not at all but hums, hums through all things, through
Juniper and evergreen, through mountain and steppe, through the air in our
Lungs and the love in our hearts; comes the ticking as if on a wave
Of burning water, smoke and blood, roll and weight, fire and flow,
Consuming as it spreads, ticking new upon the old, every inch
A new stretch and span, every inch born from that before it
And every passing inch connected to that which took its
Place, ticking on the face of the water, as the gods
Moved before, the seconds burning off behind as
The ticking courses on, turning the past to
Ash and history to billowing smoke, a sea
Of perpetually moving time ticking out
The same low drum, the same vicious
(You are living as you read this)
Toll that cost Adam his life and
Will steal the breath from all
Of your grandchildren, tick,
Tick, ticking in my ears,
Ticking in the palm of
My hand, ticking in
The marrow, in the
Teeth a ticking,
For all life
Will tick
And will
Die
with me
And live
Again, for
Every moment
Spent dying is
A moment spent in
Life, the tickings of
The tomb are the tickings
Of the day, and those alive
At midnight by the moonlight
(You are dying as you read this)
Walk and play; the language of man
Only brings fear for in the calling
Of a ticking there is violence, a line
In the running water that to one side sets
A name and to the other negation, fractured
Ticking spelling itself in language and lies,
Naming itself in man's killing language, a death
Perceived in the difference, a death held in hands
And clockface, the fear unknown to sun and iron and wood
Held only in the eyes of the slow human ticking, the ticking on,
The tool of prophet, tomb of legend, coin of myth and need of hope,
The ticking of our days, days and years to mark the course of ages, while
Moving, none perceive the ticking as a useless trick of time, the future, past
And present in the ticking all unwind, stretch, for each is but a tick to come or
Tick to roll behind, yet each is dead and living in the ticking's ticking rhyme and
Roll. Comes the ticking, goes the ticking, comes the ticking, goes the ticking. One.
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:08:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-05 16:55:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sorry, man, I did think this was excellent work.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-05 16:54:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My review on your opponents post.
===
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-05 16:53:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
I've weighed this one back and forth, back and forth in my mind. Over and over. I've read both posts a few times. Rechecking, closing my eyes and speaking some of the lines to myself
I really enjoyed both of the posts in this matchup. A lot
The feelings evoked in this were perfect for the theme, the closing lines sealed the deal.
In his, his language was good, again. Reading it you were pulled along nicely, from one line to the next. His flow, his sense of timing balanced against word usage, is what makes what he puts out there so good.
Both of these were a solid +2 to me. In the end I guess I have to go with the simple emotion elicited by the piece, how it moved me. Maybe that's a poor way to choose, but it was either that or a coin flip.
You win.
+2 for you, and a +1.5 for O.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-04-05 10:26:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this with a level of impatience. I.e, gotta read, get there, okay, next line, tick tick, I don't have time to read slow, etc.
Maybe because it was written that way, or maybe I just imposed that onto it. No matter, it worked for me.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-04-04 11:15:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For asterisks recognition.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-04 11:07:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I meant them to be waves, inion.
Lish thought this should have been an hourglass, too.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-04-04 10:58:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i love you. funny, all day yesterday i was trying to remember what the name is for poetry that's written in the shape of its subject. i'm psychic. i'm assuming this would be an hour glass if uber post format would allow it.
either way, i love you.
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-04-04 10:21:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You make really good word choices.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-04 09:46:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-04 01:44:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-04-04 01:17:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you rock at the poetry thing.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-04 00:14:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I haven't rated any of this round's posts yet, gofer. Soon.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-04-04 00:02:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Even though you didn't bother to rate mine
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-03 23:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was excellent.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-03 22:05:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
posh.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-04-03 21:42:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Real men don't read poetry.
They -2 it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-03 21:34:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hell, I admitted that I haven't read any of these escept mine, nitty's, and wardy's.
You know, the GOOD ones.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-03 20:29:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you select the proper rating (+2), it doesn't do that...
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-04-03 20:15:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fucking website, stripping out spaces, why the fuck does it do that?
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-04-03 20:14:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-03 19:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now all I can hear is ticking. Thanks a lot.
"He not busy being born is busy dying."
-Bob Dylan-
I think you were semi-internet threatened by the Shlong.
I'd get up out of my wheelchair, hobble over on my crutch
and cane, and thrash his tiny young ass very soundly.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 19:52:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This wonderful.
I'm contemplating adjusting my rating on sac's piece, because though it was superb, yours was better.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:56:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm your competitor. You'll already whipping me.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:55:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just bend over and present yourself for the switch and whip and all will be better.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's frowned upon? Well then just consider me a neutralizer, then. Not like I have any illusions about who wrote the better piece.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:51:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy - Yes I'd glady say that in front of you, even if I wasn't saying it in jest (which I was).
And I can take constructive criticism just fine from someone that actually reads something of mine. Let's not kid ourselves and say that you read this.
Sphagnum - Oh no, you +2d my competitor and -2d me. I am done for. How did I not see this coming????
Lish - I thought about working with an hourglass, but then I got lazy and decided against having to format all of the text into an image. That, and the idea of having it all presented as waves was my original idea.
Tsk tsk for rating your competition. Bad girl.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:49:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:16:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey O...would you tell me to "go fuck myself" if I was standing 3 feet from you?
Just wondering...if you have any balls.
Way to take "constructive critcism" like an adult, Corky.
---------
The day Shlongy starts offering 'constructive criticism' is the day ETS gets inaugurated President of the United States Of America.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:46:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:07:23 (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow! A bunch of random words ending up in a random shape.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:39:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Im easily impressed, +2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:38:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Have fun exiting your crap competition, homo.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:24:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My rating stands.
"the beating Heart of Nature that ticks not at all but hums, hums through all things"
"a death Perceived in the difference, a death held in hands And clockface, the fear unknown to sun and iron and wood Held only in the eyes of the slow human ticking, the ticking on, The tool of prophet, tomb of legend, coin of myth and need of hope, The ticking of our days, days and years to mark the course of ages, while Moving.."
These were my favorite lines.
It would have been really cool if you could have done an hourglass. Or maybe that's been done before. Or maybe it would have slowly driven you insane to form it. In any case, I think it's brilliant, as always.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:16:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey O...would you tell me to "go fuck myself" if I was standing 3 feet from you?
Just wondering...if you have any balls.
Way to take "constructive critcism" like an adult, Corky.
Ask ETS if you can borrow a tissue.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:13:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:12:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice idea, but I struggled just a tad to get into this. +1.5
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:12:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll read this now.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:09:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hi Shlongy!
Good to see you again!
Boy, I sure didn't expect that from you!
Go fuck yourself!
*kisses*
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh son of a...
I should have previewed this first. Everything looked much better when I'd pasted it before posting - the lines that each of the halves formed were much more straight.
Try to picture this as a sideways V, without the bumps in some of the lines. Stupid font change.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-03 18:07:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow! A bunch of random words ending up in a random shape.