The FuPa -- If I wasn't dead inside, I'd have already killed myself (redone with more gayness) (843 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 1.36 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Wardy (View user info) at 2006-04-04 14:21:27 EDT
The dark colt races against the wind;
In the recess of the recurring requiem
Is the dagger of hope and the dream;
A nagging reality constantly hammering
As the blinders are lifted from the gift mouth
The stone that lies in the center of the river bed
The cutting current crashes against it
The trees above it and the sand below it,
Are dotted with the swallow and the salmon
In their settled order and nature
They are oblivious to the battered stone
As it fights, unwielding in its devotion and
Glaring presence.
The dark horse fades on the horizon
The hour approaches without hope
And the battle is won or lost on
A moment's notice, with little regard;
The destiny of the destined is worth
Little more than the penny for your
Thoughts.
User Reviews
Submitted by Zanatos (user info) at 2006-06-11 20:31:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
meh. -2 because you write like you think you're an authority on creative writing...
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:48:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I AINT NO ALTER
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-06 00:44:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
well, it's been real fun gang, thanks for playing! WELP, SEE YA LATER!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-06 00:00:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll admit, I've read this a few times and I still don't know what to think about it.
I can sort of see a line through it, but not a strong one. Don't know if that's something you were going for or not.
It reads like you needed a little more time with it. "Har har needed more time when the theme is time..."
The choices you made regarding language and line flow made for a fairly dense piece.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-05 22:43:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm a pirate!
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-05 16:41:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, but it's a sweet picture...
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-05 16:34:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Solid.
The visual doesn't quite match up with the poem though...
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-05 08:03:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-04 09:41:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great even without the animated gif.
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Miss the animated suicide gif, but I'll still hold to my original rating...
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-05 00:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Quite decent.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-04 23:11:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I understood that it was a separate idea of sorts, but I think that fact coupled with the shorter length of the piece made it so that it didn't get the opportunity to really grab me before it was over. Not that short is a bad thing, I just would have liked to see you develop it a little more, that's all. Still good.
Submitted by toucan_sam (user info) at 2006-04-04 23:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
told you that you're a retard...
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-04 22:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it's supposed to be like that...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-04 22:21:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You had good ideas here, Wardy, and I think if you had followed through and developed it a little more this could have been really good. It seems a little disjointed to me the way it is; the second part seems to stand a little separately from the other two. Maybe you were rushed? Still, there is something about it I liked.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-04 21:24:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Penises = Good food
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-04 14:40:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i know...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-04 14:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Shoulda left out the poem.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-04 14:30:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
suddenly i'm aroused...
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-04 14:29:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet, now I've got some wanking material for when I get home.
Submitted by toucan_sam (user info) at 2006-04-04 14:29:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you are a retard
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-04 14:21:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
sorry circe, i realized that i did want to fix a few words...