Tell-Tale Scars (774 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.07 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Psychosomatic Suicide (View user info) at 2006-04-07 16:06:55 EDT
Scars tell a lot about a person.
Hardasses have these crazy cool scars from barfights, their time in the military, and time spent behind bars.
I am sadly not one of these "hardasses".
Yeah, I have scars... I have plenty of scars.
But as I grow up, I feel it's appropriate to lie about the origin of my scars, thus avoiding the label of "pussy".
I used to tell people what happened, exactly, that left such a "cool scar".
They aren't cool, anymore, ok?
I wasn't in any barfights, I wasn't in the military, or jail.
My scars were acquired through random acts of violence, usually from females, and my own stupidity.
For instance: I was over a friends house. We were throwing back a few beers, telling stories of old.
He told me about a scrap he had with a friend of his that led to a nice scar on his neck.
So, I subsequently told him of a scar that I had acquired, by being pushed in the back by a girl.
Me- "So yeah, I was standing there, and this girl came up and pushed me in the back."
Derek- ".... a girl pushed you in the back? And it left a scar...?"
At this point I was feeling stupid and embarassed, so I embellished it a little..
Me- "Yeah, dude! I was standing there trying to watch, and the crazy bitch comes up and pushes me right into the knife fight!"
Derek- "I thought you said it happened in like 6th grade..?"
Me- "Yeah, well it did. (In my manliest voice possible) Preteen boys will fuck you up... you know... if you aren't careful... I blame it on Columbine."
*swigs beer and scratches ass*
You see how my story is lame and unbelieveable? It's also a complete lie, and I'm pretty horrible at ad-lib embellishments.
I also have another scar, all the way down my chest. It looks pretty badass. Like someone attacked me with a fucking rake or something.
I'd like to tell you I was fucking this crazy farmer's daughter in their barn, and he caught me and fucked me up with a rake. Of course, the farmer had one eye. Yeah, a one-eyed crazy farmer. He swung for my face, but he missed, cause you know, he had poor depth perception and all, cause of the one eye. So yeah he missed my face and got me in the chest. I stabbed him with my hunting knife.
But you won't believe that.
Instead, I'll tell you the truth, Uber. Because I love you.
I slid down a tree when I was like 3 years old.
There you have it. Not interesting. Not dramatic, or cool in any way.
I just slid down a fucking tree. With no shirt on. Cause I'm hardcore like that.
I also have this badass scar on my neck.
It was from my days in the Amazon Jungle, in my attempt to save the rainforest.
I was attacked from behind by a crazy alligator. I punched him the eye, so he released his grip on my neck, but not before he broke the skin. I was in the hospital for seriously like 3 hours.
Believeable?
Not even close...
In fact, I think I fell onto an air-conditioning unit when I was running through my house as a youth.
There you have it, Uber. I am a pussy, and my scars just show how fucking pathetic my life has been so far.
So, yeah maybe I'll try and come up with cool, believeable stories of barfights and bitches. Until then, I guess I am just a pussy.
User Reviews
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2006-08-22 20:46:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
allll my scars come from bar fights and paramilitary covert ops.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-04-08 22:08:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Is it bad that I don't even know where most of my scars have come from?
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-04-08 20:09:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Psychosomatic Suicide"? Apparently at least one of your scars was obtained during an emu attack.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-04-08 14:25:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Eveyone wishes they had a cool scar.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-04-08 03:14:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
wha>ads nop chucky fondus? You want yoe statty pats puyt?
you heard me.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-04-08 03:04:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Heh.
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-04-08 01:05:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
imbibed - good word dude. Good word.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-08 00:44:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm waaay lamer than you guys.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-07 19:00:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i have a scar on my side from where i fell off a skateboard in ninth grade. i bled all over the pavement and some strange man gave me and a friend a ride home.
sadly, that is the best scar story i have. otherwise it's all me running into desks and falling down stairs.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-04-07 18:11:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My brain looks like swiss cheese because of all the blow I've imbibed.
Submitted by EntityErased (user info) at 2006-04-07 17:33:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Nockane (user info) at 2006-04-07 17:30:15 (#)
Ranking: 1
All my scars are emotional... pussy.
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BAHAHAHAHA!
Submitted by Nockane (user info) at 2006-04-07 17:30:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
All my scars are emotional... pussy.
Submitted by EntityErased (user info) at 2006-04-07 17:05:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-04-07 17:01:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice, but your username reeks of stupid.
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Spencer, you're just a dick.
*changes username*
I like my username.
It's cool and trendy. It shows how I don't care about anyone, and how I cut myself.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-04-07 17:01:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice, but your username reeks of stupid.
Submitted by EntityErased (user info) at 2006-04-07 16:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know... especially into a knife fight...
what a bitch.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-04-07 16:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by EntityErased (user info) at 2006-04-07 16:31:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
JMG, what actually happened, was she pushed me in the back, and I fell.
Scar on my knee.
But it doesn't fit with my knife fight scenario.
So, I figured I'd leave that out and look like a moron.
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Ah. Ouch. What sort of bitch pushes a good man in the back?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-07 16:33:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.
Submitted by EntityErased (user info) at 2006-04-07 16:33:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-04-07 16:22:40 (#)
Ranking: 1
I gots me a scar on the side of my dick from falling asleep nekkid next to a campfire.
I payed the drunken stupidity tax in a big way that night.
----
ouch....
Submitted by EntityErased (user info) at 2006-04-07 16:31:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
JMG, what actually happened, was she pushed me in the back, and I fell.
Scar on my knee.
But it doesn't fit with my knife fight scenario.
So, I figured I'd leave that out and look like a moron.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-04-07 16:28:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wait... a girl pushed you in the back? And it left a scar?
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-04-07 16:22:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I gots me a scar on the side of my dick from falling asleep nekkid next to a campfire.
I payed the drunken stupidity tax in a big way that night.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-07 16:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Until then, I guess I am just a pussy.
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well, at you're being honest.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-07 16:19:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Man, once I got this wicked hangnail. That fucker left a mark for DAYS.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-07 16:17:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hahahahaha....
my worst scar is the biggest one on my forehead from riding a tricycle down some cement steps and acting like Fonzy with my thumbs up and no hands on the handle bars.
well actually my biggest scar is all the way down my leg from my drunk aunt cranking up the radiator one night when I was 2 and I fell on it and burned my whole leg.
but yeah i've got some bar/brawl scars too.
Submitted by EntityErased (user info) at 2006-04-07 16:17:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, that is hardcore...
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-07 16:12:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have these scars on my chest from...uh, I was in a drive by, yeah. Im just like fiddy!
Actually, theyre from tubes put in my chest to drain blood and slam in anti-cancer drugs which is still pretty hardcore.