good intentions (1029 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Good Intentions the series
Rating: -0.11 on 61 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by georgemichael (View user info) at 2006-04-09 18:53:10 EDT
Hi guys, this is a new story that I suppose I thought up over 10 yers ago but only now am I writing about it, In my mind it is set maybe 70 years ago in the south on a working farm.
NEW STORY
BANG! the prison door banged shut and poor Henry was sitting alone in his cell. The cell was cold and Henry was lonely. IT was just him in the little cell, with its cold floors and lonely walls.
'how ever did I find myself in this here cell?'
Henry had said that to no one in particular for weeks now, and his time for hanging was coming up in a few days.
(back to the start where you see what happened to henry)
IT wqs a fine sunny day when Henry stepped out to meet his ride to the farm where he worked, he waited on the step for his workmate Tom.
'hi TOm'
'Hi Henry'
and on their way they went, past rows of corn, vegetables and other crops. Today was like any other day, but today was different. by the end of the day henry would be in jail for a crime he didn't commit and get a death sentence for something he didn't do.
They met the farm owner,
'you two go bring in the chickens and then tend to the crops darn it darn it'
the farm owner was always angry, mostly becuase he had a real pretty daughter that all the men wanted to have relations with. Henry liked her as well, but knew that he could never be with a girl like that - she was prettier than a perfect row of corn at harvest time, or a perfectly layed egg. But henry had a trick up his sleeve, he knew a place on the farm that was so pretty she might just fall in love with him if he took her there.
After Tom and Henry did the chores they decided to have lunch, Henry saw the farmers daughter Daisy skippng down in the fields, her father didn't know she was missing.
'What is that girly up to ?' (thought Henry)
Suddenly, all of a sudden Henry saw one of the Flanagan boys in the field as well, NOw in these parts there ain't nobody worse then the Flanagan boys thought Henry. He knew he had to save Daisy and loked around for Tom, but Tom wasn't there then and nobody else was either. Henry took his trusty farmknife and ran down to the field where he could see the bad Flanagn boy was following Daisy to the riverbank.
By the time HEnry got there he was too late. Daisy lay on the bank of the beautiful river covered in blood, and Henry saw the Flanagn boy running away.
'Daisy Daisy what is the matter'
She pointed to her heart wich was cut out and then died.
Henry's knife dropped onto the gravel like a bird that had been shot, he clutched Daisy and he hugged her.
'I always loved you' He whispered softly.
'WHAT IN TARNATION?'
'Look Henry killed Daisy hey all the farm workers Henry went and killed Daisy'
TO everyone else it looked like he killed her - he was covered in blood and his knife was right there. before henry could open his mouth he got punched in the jaw so he couldn't tell anyone what really happened plus he couldn't write so he got the blame.
BACK TO THE JAIL CELL
HEnry always cried soflty when he remembered the terrible day when all that happened, he thought of Daisy and how she looked happy to see him, if only he had been a few minutes earlier then maybe it would be his wedding day - not his death day coming up. He would never get out of this mess now.
BUT
Just a few cells up lay one of the Flanagan boys, Jim Flanagan that is, the same boy who had killed Daisy after she refused to marry him.
'i'll never marry you - I refuse to' (Daisy)
'Well if I can't have you no-one can especially not Henry who I know you love' (Thats Jim)
Then he cut out her heart and left her to die on the riverbed, he laughed about it now, he was really mean.
NEXT PART COMING UP SOON PROBABLY LATER THIS WEEK
User Reviews
Submitted by wijormiclat (user info) at 2006-05-18 03:13:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
rything you ever wanted to know about georgemichael
User id: 26074
Registered on or around: 2006-03-24 05:29:58
# Messages posted: 24
# Reviews written: 561
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 960
# Hits: 13155
Average rating of all messages: -0.28
-----------------------------------
Everything you ever wanted to know about wijormiclat
User id: 4006
Registered on or around: 2003-12-02 16:55:37
# Messages posted: 10
# Reviews written: 717
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 237
# Hits: 8323
Average rating of all messages: 0.84
------------------------------
Even with you -2ing everything I've ever written, I am still better than you, because you are a retarded, unintelligible, inbred hick that cannot express himself in the written form without warranting massive ridicule due to poor grammar and simple thoughts. PS I am 15+ beers deep into the night and the fact that I can recognize this is just a testament to the depth of your stupidity...
Submitted by wijormiclat (user info) at 2006-05-18 02:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-05-09 10:10:11 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-05-09 00:56:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
stop rating your own shitty gay alters echofag
---------------------------------
Echo and I are completely separate entities you fucking unintelligible faggot.
Submitted by tarnation (user info) at 2006-05-02 08:38:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-10 16:41:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-04-10 04:39:42 (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-04-09 23:08:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoever is doing this is fucking genius! It takes a lot of thought to pretend to be this retarded.
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-28 09:09:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no comments make me feel special inside
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-04-25 10:57:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-20 18:52:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-12 12:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thwn you are bound to like he next one http://www.ubersite.com/m/86564
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-04-12 10:11:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NEW REVIEW
it wqs funny 3 posts ago,when you did that story 3 posts aqo,thats when it wos i lauged then.
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-12 03:18:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah but basically i am good right?
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-04-12 02:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Last time, I quit reading after a bit of dialogue that stopped me in my tracks. My constructive criticism sensor is telling me that this reminds me of another story I've read, something that was released in six very short books, then re-released in one large book, and then made into a movie starring that big black guy that looks like he wants to hug everyone on the planet.
In no way am I saying this is plagiarism, there's no crime in drawing inspiration from other stories. But therein lies the line. You have to be careful not to be too similar to the story that inspired you. I haven't read parts 2 or 3 yet, but I plan to do so.
And as for your other stories, what you may want to do is read stories from several different authors, and take bits and pieces of their writing style to create your own. Just remember that deep down, nothing is truly original, thanks to Aristotle's theory of forms. (Or was that Plato?)
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-11 19:21:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
part 3 will be up soon, this
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-11 00:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this is actually so you will be mad at flanagan and hate him as much as henry does
Submitted by EntityErased (user info) at 2006-04-10 22:01:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Then he cut out her heart and left her to die on the riverbed, he laughed about it now, he was really mean"
heh...
heh heh heh heh...
hahah...
ahhhhhahahahahahahaha....
BAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-04-10 20:33:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mom me?, pease make e stop.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-10 20:12:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-10 16:41:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-04-10 04:39:42 (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-04-09 23:08:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoever is doing this is fucking genius! It takes a lot of thought to pretend to be this retarded.
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-10 20:12:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
part 2 is now on the first page
Submitted by darkspoon (user info) at 2006-04-10 16:44:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 best alter ever
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-10 16:41:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-04-10 04:39:42 (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-04-09 23:08:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoever is doing this is fucking genius! It takes a lot of thought to pretend to be this retarded.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-10 16:21:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BEST
POST
EEEEEEEEEVAAAAAAAAAAAAR
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-10 16:19:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OH DEAR LORD THIS IS TOOOOOOOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE
"Today was like any other day, but today was different."
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-04-10 12:30:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
well this sucks more balls than my fuckups any day.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2006-04-10 12:12:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome story! I really
Liked the wonderfully descriptive
Tone and style of your writing. It just seems to
Ease from one scene to the next, effortlessly.
Really, really good!
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-04-10 10:12:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fucking beautiful.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-04-10 09:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-09 20:15:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
it is no bother becasue I am writing part 2 now on paper and i'll type it later this week, all the mistakes people point will not be in part 2, i am not sure how long to do the series for because I think Henry deserves to get out and marry someone and be in love.
one part I am having trouble with is how to make the flanagn boy confess in jail and henry will be free
***************************
Don't bother writing more, you just gave us the ending.
Stop posting, Have a wonderful day.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-04-10 08:04:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well, I'm pretty sure English is NOT your first language...
I'm sorry, you would say - Fist me language is English no it is not it is not English language.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-10 08:04:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BACK TO THE JAIL CELL
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-04-10 05:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Today was like any other day, but today was different.
(priceless)
Suddenly, all of a sudden
(LOLtard!!)
'Daisy Daisy what is the matter'
She pointed to her heart wich was cut out and then died.
(You cannot pay for entertainment like this)
before henry could open his mouth he got punched in the jaw so he couldn't tell anyone what really happened plus he couldn't write so he got the blame.
(The internet is the best thing in the world EVAR!)
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-04-10 05:36:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:44:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
I suppose the fact there was no blood on his knife didn't come up in the (apparently less than a day long) trial?
-----------------------------------------------
Zakalwe.....Surely this abomination below explains in full why that didn't come up??
before henry could open his mouth he got punched in the jaw so he couldn't tell anyone what really happened plus he couldn't write so he got the blame.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-04-10 04:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The gramatical mistakes, and all the other silly details, really distracted me from the main story. Sorry mate.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-04-10 04:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-04-09 23:08:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoever is doing this is fucking genius! It takes a lot of thought to pretend to be this retarded.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-04-10 03:40:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oxygen Thief
Submitted by LadyJay (user info) at 2006-04-10 02:52:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
dreadful, absolutely dreadful..
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-04-10 01:55:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
***She pointed to her heart wich was cut out and then died.***
You know, it's getting to the point when I just see a George post on the page I start laughing before I even read it.
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-10 01:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-04-10 00:53:27 (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for this fucked up sentence right here:
'Look Henry killed Daisy hey all the farm workers Henry went and killed Daisy'
What the fuck were you thinking?
_______________________
This is from the point of view of the father, who stumbles across the killing site. he needs to tell everyone what has happened and establish to you what he thinks has happened. using this sentence cuts out a whole paragraph and this makes the story a bit shorter
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-04-10 00:53:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for this fucked up sentence right here:
'Look Henry killed Daisy hey all the farm workers Henry went and killed Daisy'
What the fuck were you thinking?
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-04-09 23:08:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and I wont even bother to answer the homosexual part which I am not by the way
""
AAHAHAHHAHAHHAH!!
This is one of the best things I have EVAR read!!
Whoever is doing this is fucking genius! It takes a lot of thought to pretend to be this retarded.
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-09 22:14:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am certainly noe greek, Idaho raised through and through and I wont even bother to answer the homosexual part which I am not by the way
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-09 21:42:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hee hee hee
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-09 21:22:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Then he cut out her heart and left her to die on the riverbed, he laughed about it now, he was really mean.
----------
Alright, I'm convinced.
This is an alter on the level of Chris Evans.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-04-09 21:16:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
darn it darn it...
I laughed so hard at this abomination that there are actually tears on my face, oh I hurt!
Also I think you killed a few hundred of my braincells, thanks
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-09 20:55:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YES!
Except for the "Greek" part.
Submitted by Brendon (user info) at 2006-04-09 20:41:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
are you a greek homosexual ANSWER ME
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-09 20:24:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Made for good toilet paper.
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-09 20:15:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-04-09 20:09:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
yes but you still knew what I was saying so i dont think picking out little mistakes matters to much. anyway i am trying to capture the readers imagination, as long as you understand that when you shoot a bird it just goes blam! straight down and that is basically what I think the knife would do
----------------------------
Oh, and if the knife had no blood on it, then you shouldn't compare it to a shot bird beacuse most birds bleed when shot and that created confusion for me.
That and I'm just bored and bothering you.
__________________
it is no bother becasue I am writing part 2 now on paper and i'll type it later this week, all the mistakes people point will not be in part 2, i am not sure how long to do the series for because I think Henry deserves to get out and marry someone and be in love.
one part I am having trouble with is how to make the flanagn boy confess in jail and henry will be free
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-04-09 20:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When you shoot a bird it does not "go blam! straight into the ground" it goes back a little bit, you know, energy, you know, Newton? and the path TO the ground, not INTO the ground, would be curved. I think it's called parabole in English? I'm not sure, I never studied physics in english.
Damn I'm talking to the alters again...
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-04-09 20:10:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:59:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:44:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
I suppose the fact there was no blood on his knife didn't come up in the (apparently less than a day long) trial?
_____________________________________________________________
I didn't really want to do a trial because i am not sure what would happen , that is why i set it in the south 70 yers ago where it would be easy to lock people away if this ever becomes a movie then it would be a trial where a city lawyer would trick henry into confessing
=====
Do it, man. Make this into a movie. It would make a shitload of money, and it even seems potentially Oscar worthy, BLAM! STRAIGHT DOW?N INTO THE GROUNDF HELLO toM HELLO henRY!
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-04-09 20:09:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes but you still knew what I was saying so i dont think picking out little mistakes matters to much. anyway i am trying to capture the readers imagination, as long as you understand that when you shoot a bird it just goes blam! straight down and that is basically what I think the knife would do
----------------------------
Oh, and if the knife had no blood on it, then you shouldn't compare it to a shot bird beacuse most birds bleed when shot and that created confusion for me.
That and I'm just bored and bothering you.
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-09 20:05:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:54:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
oh yeah, the similie
"henry dropped the knife in the gravel like a bird that had been shot"
it's technically wrong.
what you said means that henry dropping the knife in the gravel is similiar to the way a shot bird drops a knife in gravel.
should have been:
"Henry dropped the knife. It fell into the gravel like a bird that had been shot."
_________________________________________
yes but you still knew what I was saying so i dont think picking out little mistakes matters to much. anyway i am trying to capture the readers imagination, as long as you understand that when you shoot a bird it just goes blam! straight down and that is basically what I think the knife would do
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-09 20:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:46:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Given the numerous errors in this story, I'm inclined to doubt whether it really happened.
_______________________________________
This is not a true story
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:59:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:44:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
I suppose the fact there was no blood on his knife didn't come up in the (apparently less than a day long) trial?
_____________________________________________________________
I didn't really want to do a trial because i am not sure what would happen , that is why i set it in the south 70 yers ago where it would be easy to lock people away if this ever becomes a movie then it would be a trial where a city lawyer would trick henry into confessing
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh yeah, the similie
"henry dropped the knife in the gravel like a bird that had been shot"
it's technically wrong.
what you said means that henry dropping the knife in the gravel is similiar to the way a shot bird drops a knife in gravel.
should have been:
"Henry dropped the knife. It fell into the gravel like a bird that had been shot."
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:54:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
BANG! the prison door banged shut
This message brought to you by the folks of the United States Redundency Agency of America.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:46:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Given the numerous errors in this story, I'm inclined to doubt whether it really happened.
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Henry's knife dropped onto the gravel like a bird that had been shot."
that has to be one of the stupidest similies I've ever heard.
I tried to picture this, and, just, no.
So, I'll comment with another stupid comparisson.
.
..
This post was bad like a three year old kid who didn't clean his room when his drunk mother said to before he went out to play.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:44:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I suppose the fact there was no blood on his knife didn't come up in the (apparently less than a day long) trial?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:43:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brendon (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:18:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
bubba you simp those are inverted commas not "single quotes"
nurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
________________________________________
Either way, THEY ARE THE WRONG ONES TO USE, you moron.
Actually, they are apostrophes. Dumb ass.
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:41:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'hi TOm'
'Hi Henry'
Today was like any other day, but today was different.
They met the farm owner,
'darn it darn it'
the farm owner was always angry, mostly becuase he had a real pretty daughter that all the men wanted to have relations with
'What is that girly up to ?' (thought Henry)
'Daisy Daisy what is the matter'
She pointed to her heart wich was cut out and then died.
Henry's knife dropped onto the gravel like a bird that had been shot,
'WHAT IN TARNATION?'
'hey all the farm workers Henry went and killed Daisy'
'i'll never marry you - I refuse to' (Daisy)
'Well if I can't have you no-one can especially not Henry who I know you love' (Thats Jim)
THE END
That is a list of why this is the best thing I have EVER read on Uber, damn it. EVER.
Submitted by Brendon (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:18:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
bubba you simp those are inverted commas not "single quotes"
nurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:18:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
George Michael is really Greek.
Submitted by GGG (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"She pointed to her heart wich was cut out and then died."
Haha.
I've read two of your stories and both of them remind me of Three's Company the way there's always a convenient misunderstanding. I have to say that the (he said this) thing is getting tiresome after seeing it only a few times. It was entertaining, though.
Tastes in humor change so often that the lamest, unfunny things turn out to be the most appealing. Full circle.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:06:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
George, you alter MORON, you are trying to fuck with Uber.
Jaypeg told you about using single quotes when you need double, and he
also told you about parenthetical explanations that are unneeded.
You insist on telling us you are not an alter. Do you actuallt think we are
that stupid? You are the stupid one, you METHODical fool...