good intentions PART 2 (662 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Good Intentions the series
Rating: 0.02 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by georgemichael (View user info) at 2006-04-10 20:09:26 EDT
FOLLOWED ON FROM YESTERDAY
Henry stared at the prison cell wall, he knew he had just 3 days to prove he was innocence but the question was 'how'?
He had a meeting with the pastor at 10am the next day. For tonight he would just try to sleep in the cold fatal cell with no blankets or heat.
Jim Flanagan slept like a log though, he always did - people who care about nothing have nothing to worry about so they sleep just fine.
In the morning the pastor arrived, he had known Henry all his life and knew he wouldn't kill anyone especially not Daisy, but there he was a convicted man in leg irons - he certainly looked a criminal know.
'Father I did not do this terrible thing you must believe me do you believe me'
Henry was weeping now, something he swore he would not do ever since his father died and he took over as the man of the house.
'Henry my son, I have known you all your life and I know you wouldn't kill anyone especially Daisy but why don't you tell me the truth'
'alright I will, woooooo'
Henry sucked in a deep breathe
'I followed Daisy down to that riverbed, and that's where I saw jim flanagan'
'jim Flanagan?'
'Jim Flanagan.... Anyway he did all those awful things and all I could do was hold her beautiful body until she passed away, then the whole farm appeared and I was left looking red handed'
'well son, did you know Jim Flanagn is in here in a cell just down from you?'
'Darn it, I could kill him with my bare hands father bless the lord I could'
'you might just get your chance Henry but first we need him to confess - I am smart so I'll think of the plan okay goodbye'
Henry slept that night like a log, why you might ask? Because he didn't have to care about being hanged anymore - the pastor would think of a plan and he would be out.
NEXT DAY
'Well Jimmy Flanagan I am never surprised to see you in jail'
said the pastor
'Get outta here pastor I don't needs me know lord, I prays to tha devil'
Jim said in an angry tone
'Well heck Jim, I just wanted you to know what Henry over there was saying - that crazy boy says you killed miss daisy and now he is gonna be hanged for it he is crazy ain't he - not too many spots left at the hanging ceremony though, you liked that miss daisy. Would you like to see that no good son of a ___ get hanged?'
said the pastor
'Sure is pastor, sure is. Y'know what ? I wanna come to his hangin... can you arrange that there for me pastor?'
'I will do that for you Jim'
The pastor hurried off the wardens office, his plan had worked! Now to lure Jim into the trap...
The pastor pleaded with the warden - his plan was so simple an idiot could think of it.
'So you want me to do a fake hanging today, and then after Henry is dead you think Jim Flanagn will own up to the murder?'
'Yes Warden. I know of his innocence and if I am wrong you just hang him tomorrow like you were going to anyway. Please warden, remember how I have helped you over the years do this in the name of the church'
'okay Pastor I will start the fake hanging right now'
PART 3 COMING LATER THIS WEEK
User Reviews
Submitted by wijormiclat (user info) at 2006-05-18 02:49:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-05-09 10:10:11 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-05-09 00:56:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
stop rating your own shitty gay alters echofag
---------------------------------
Echo and I are completely separate entities you fucking unintelligible faggot.
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-26 19:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HA Gprime is my alter it so obvious now
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-04-25 11:06:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-14 21:51:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
yes you are right, these definietly have the potential to be turned into movies
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-04-14 00:37:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-12 03:16:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
You have a lot of potential, you're just rushing too much. Slow down and let it come to you. My best advice for dealing with transition is to imagine everything you're writing as a movie. Write it the way you would like it to be seen
________________________________________
i actually think these have the potential to be movies, not big movies like fast and furious or fast and the furious 2 - faster and fruioser, but telemovies maybe
===========================================
It's possible, but that wasn't really my point. What I'm saying is that your ideas should play as movies through your head, then you write down what you experience. Good writing is actually far more in depth than a movie, especially if it plays on the reader's senses.
For example, the first time I read IT by Stephen King, I could smell roasted peanuts, just as George Denborough could, before his arm was yanked off and dragged down the sewer grate. What I'm saying is don't just rely on visuals, go all out. Try to place your reader in the story.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-20 18:53:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-14 21:51:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes you are right, these definietly have the potential to be turned into movies
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-04-14 00:37:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-12 03:16:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
You have a lot of potential, you're just rushing too much. Slow down and let it come to you. My best advice for dealing with transition is to imagine everything you're writing as a movie. Write it the way you would like it to be seen
________________________________________
i actually think these have the potential to be movies, not big movies like fast and furious or fast and the furious 2 - faster and fruioser, but telemovies maybe
===========================================
It's possible, but that wasn't really my point. What I'm saying is that your ideas should play as movies through your head, then you write down what you experience. Good writing is actually far more in depth than a movie, especially if it plays on the reader's senses.
For example, the first time I read IT by Stephen King, I could smell roasted peanuts, just as George Denborough could, before his arm was yanked off and dragged down the sewer grate. What I'm saying is don't just rely on visuals, go all out. Try to place your reader in the story.
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-12 16:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
DEAR RED SKIES
you said thrilling but accidentally wrote a -2, i;m just letting you kniso you can change it to a plus 2.
thanks,
GM
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-12 03:52:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Thrilling.
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-12 03:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You have a lot of potential, you're just rushing too much. Slow down and let it come to you. My best advice for dealing with transition is to imagine everything you're writing as a movie. Write it the way you would like it to be seen
________________________________________
i actually think these have the potential to be movies, not big movies like fast and furious or fast and the furious 2 - faster and fruioser, but telemovies maybe
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-04-12 02:23:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You picked a harsh forum for your story. I can't, in good conscience, give this installment a positive rating, nor can I give it a negative.
One of the main things that seems to need work here is your transition. You jump a bit too far ahead. A lot of people do just the same, but the events leading up to something, even irrelevant moments in between can be helpful additions to the enjoyment of the story. Just look at Stephen King's writing. He'll go for about 100 pages describing a character, only to have him serve as a quick scare to someone who barely knows him later on.(If you don't believe me, read IT, and take notice of the section about Patrick Hockstetter.)
You have a lot of potential, you're just rushing too much. Slow down and let it come to you. My best advice for dealing with transition is to imagine everything you're writing as a movie. Write it the way you would like it to be seen.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-11 19:31:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Somehow I missed this.
STFU SHITTY ALTER!
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-11 19:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
part 3 coming up in justa few minutes
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-04-11 15:19:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2006-04-10 21:34:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-04-10 21:00:28 (#)
Ranking: -2
Why would you ever post "Part Two" Could you not tell we didn't want to see it here. Yes, I didn't have to click it, but I just had to come and let you know that if by some unbelievable fuck up of nature you are a real person and not an alter, "I hate you."
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Do not be deterred, George. "Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you."
--------------------------
HA. I laughed at that lame ass quote. So, you can have a zero.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:17:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
y'know, you don't have to mess up the punctuation and grammar to be a shitty alter.
We already know you know you how to use periods, and commas, so just do it, please.
Focus on your crappy story, instead of trying to fuck it up with bad punctuation and grammar in order to get that n00btastic flavour and hits - it's just insulting to us, okay?
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2006-04-11 10:25:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another
Lovely
Tale!
Electro has nothing on you.
Resume this series immediately!
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-11 08:21:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i could put a picture of you up but i dont even like you
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-11 07:57:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
A picture of you severing your own scrotum would secure a -1 from me.
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-11 07:43:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have it written already, just deciding what kind of picutre goes along with it
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-11 07:13:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you won't say that when part 3 hits the ubersite board
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-11 06:47:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You should see a dentist about you impending -2oothache.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-11 06:30:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shut up
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-11 06:29:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i would rather a case of beer
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-04-11 03:44:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, now I remember. I've read a few of your "stories."
Nice alter work.
Or a nice case of syphillis.
Whatever, really.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-04-11 03:37:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Looking forwards to more
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-11 02:54:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/85860
of course it is my first language this post above is my life story
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-04-11 02:06:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Only -1 because I don't want to be terribly mean if English isn't even your first language.
It isn't, right?
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-04-11 00:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Once again... I started laughing as I just clicked on the post.
Thank You.
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-11 00:23:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
in part one a girl called daisy is killed, you later find out because she refused to marry jim flanagan, once you read al three together it makes more sense
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-04-11 00:13:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by wijormiclat (user info) at 2006-04-10 23:06:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
BUT WHOM KILLED HIM AND WHY!?!??!
------------------
I asked the same question.
Submitted by wijormiclat (user info) at 2006-04-10 23:06:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BUT WHOM KILLED HIM AND WHY!?!??!
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2006-04-10 22:27:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Please george, that's faRtman, not fatman. I'm actually "a svelte 849 pounds". Thank you Method.
Submitted by EntityErased (user info) at 2006-04-10 22:06:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
UBERNOOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I don't care if he's an alter or not.
georgemichael....
You are my favorite!
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-10 22:01:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dont worry fatman, I don't take most of these comments to heart for every 1 bad comment there are 2 people who like it but just haven't got the time to rate it so i concentrate on them
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-04-10 21:59:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
filename
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-04-10 21:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"...he knew he had just 3 days to prove he was innocence but the question was 'how'? "
Reminiscent of "but whom killed him and why." Beautiful.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2006-04-10 21:34:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-04-10 21:00:28 (#)
Ranking: -2
Why would you ever post "Part Two" Could you not tell we didn't want to see it here. Yes, I didn't have to click it, but I just had to come and let you know that if by some unbelievable fuck up of nature you are a real person and not an alter, "I hate you."
--------------------------
Do not be deterred, George. "Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you."
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-10 21:05:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh you guys are way too harsh, this is GLOOOORIOUS
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-04-10 21:00:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Okay bitch, listen.
1)
Your lack of capitalization is not clever. Even if it did have some artistic point, it's long fucking lost since you do it all the fucking time. That or maybe you're just too retarded to hold down shift.
2)
said the warden...
Also crap, the way you broke up the paragraphs of his speech could be handeled this way for pacing, but you do it the whole time so it reads like a studdering, choppy, down-syn baby with my finger up it's ass.
3)
Why would you ever post "Part Two" Could you not tell we didn't want to see it here. Yes, I didn't have to click it, but I just had to come and let you know that if by some unbelievable fuck up of nature you are a real person and not an alter, "I hate you."
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-10 20:42:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I just couldn't WAIT for Part 2.
Wait. I lied. I wish Part 1 was never "written", if that's what you called it.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2006-04-10 20:23:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is this an alter? or are you the guy that got caught flashing his peener at men in public toilets?
BTW i hate your music.
Submitted by GGG (user info) at 2006-04-10 20:13:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
'alright I will, woooooo'
Henry sucked in a deep breathe
-----------------------
Haha. Oh man. That and the 'I'm a smart man - I'll think of something' - those were funny. -1 because you may be serious.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-10 20:12:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'alright I will, woooooo'
<dies>
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-04-10 20:11:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The pastor pleaded with the warden - his plan was so simple an idiot could think of it.
Well, I guess it's possible an idiot could think of it...you thought of this story.