Today Is The Kind of Day That Makes Me Want to Stab Myself In The Face (With Bonus Conundrum!) (2116 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.63 on 97 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Pentameter (View user info) at 2006-04-11 11:39:03 EDT
The past few weeks at work have been...interesting. The other woman who works in my department fell and broke her wrist, leaving me as the only person in the office. Now, I always enjoy being alone, but this happened at a very inconvenient time. Since my work isn't time sensitive and hers is, I have been doing her job for the past month.
Hooray.
I'm nearly all caught up. The problem is, I'm waiting for five numbers from one of our project directors so that I can submit her report to the state.
I have called and emailed her at least twenty times since the beginning of last week. She knows about the deadline and has promised me the figures since the very first time I called her.
Yesterday, she was supposed to stop by my office to drop off her paperwork in the morning. When I saw that the end of the day was drawing near, I called her to ask exactly what she was waiting for.
She didn't answer her phone.
Turns out that she went home sick.
Needless to say, this is a problem. It just so happens that the other person who knows what's going on is pretty stupid.
This woman makes three times what I make and can't make a decision without consulting at least ten people. She copies everyone on her emails and makes her secretaries do all of her administrative work. She's also known for disappearing when a major decision needs to be made.
So this morning, I call the project director. She's not in. I call this other woman who tells me to call the project director.
When I explain to her that she's out sick and I have a noon deadline tomorrow and numbers to crunch before I submit the report, she says, "Don't you have anyone else you can call besides me?"
"No, I don't have anyone else. You and the project director have access to the financials, and you are the only two people on this campus who can give me the information I need. Technically, you should be submitting this report because you are her direct supervisor," I said.
"Oh," she answered.
I could hear the sweat from her brow hitting the receiver on the phone, but before she hung up, she asked me a question about the best way to construct a gazebo (no joke). Minutes later, the phone rang. It was her secretary asking me to re-explain the situation to her since her $100k+ boss can't even form a complete sentence.
The results of this should be interesting. I'm just hoping that I can amend the report, since I'm pretty sure that it's going to be 100% incorrect.
But, right now that isn't even my main problem.
My main problem is the girl that I wrote about here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/85994
It turns out there was more to this situation that met the eye.
Yesterday, as I was walking back to my office from a meeting, I noticed her and her boyfriend sitting at a table that's out of direct sight. When I glanced over, I saw him punch her in the arm...hard.
She winced and rubbed her arm and then put her hands back on her lap. He punched her again, and this time, she looked as though she was in a lot of pain. He was also talking very sternly to her.
This explains a lot of her behavior. If he's enough of a fucking bastard to punch her and yell at her, I'm pretty sure he's enough of a bastard to tell her what to do, to insist that she answer her phone when he calls or to get up from her desk for 30 to 45 minutes when he stops by to see her. I'm getting the feeling that this is sort of a, "If you don't do what I say, I'll bust your fucking head," type of situation.
I went back to my office and thought about it. Maybe I should have stepped in and said something. Maybe I should have called campus security. I definitely should not have left her alone with him.
Or should I have?
I don't know what to do in this situation. On one hand, I want to grab the little fucker and beat the snot out of him, but on the other hand, it's none of my business. I feel really bad for being pissy with her. If I had known it was this kind of situation, I never would have reacted toward her the way that I did. I wish that I was able to read into what was going on better than I did.
I talked to someone here and they suggested that I take her in my office and tell her that I saw him hit her, and if she wants me to help her with this situation at all, that I'll be willing to go to bat for her. My only problem is that I'm pretty sure she's going to deny it and if she doesn't deny it, she's probably going to get pissed at me.
In all seriousness, I feel as though I need to protect this girl. She is here by herself and has no family who live close by, and I would feel terrible if anything happened to her.
This is one of the only times in my life where I can't tell if I should open my mouth or not. The only thing I do know is that I need to make the right decision, and I need to do it fast.
User Reviews
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 21:01:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by devadasi (user info) at 2006-04-15 04:07:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I read what you did for her and I think that's the best you can do.
Good job
The rest of you people need to stop being so racist. Indians are not abusive people. Women have rights there. It's getting better all the time. (meanwhile, america is getting worse....)
Submitted by devadasi (user info) at 2006-04-15 04:00:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, I haven't looked at all the other reviews.
By the way, India isn't that backwards. People know it's not right to hit women. It's NEVER right to hit women. Indians know that. Don't think that, that country is all backwards or anything.
Also, the Indians that have made it to America are generally pretty well off and educated. Meaning, they know what's right and wrong.
Submitted by devadasi (user info) at 2006-04-15 03:57:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should talk to her.
If you feel the need to protect her, then, yeah, you are there to protect her.
Besides, a guy that follows a girl around to her work is a warning sign also. I noticed that on the other post that you made about her. That's another sign of an abusive spouse or boyfriend.
If she is indeed Punjabi, then her native language is Punjabi, she probably speaks Hindi pretty well also.
I really hope you talk to her.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-13 10:48:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay I just scanned the rest of the reviews and can see that my advice comes too late. Oh well. For what it's worth, I think you responded in the best way possible.
Yay Pentameter.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-13 10:44:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay I only made it through half of the reviews, so sorry if I repeat previous sentiments:
All you can do is offer to help her. Make it as friendly and non-judgmental as possible, while still underlying the seriousness of the situation. You can't march in and change her life because it's not your business...but you CAN offer yourself as a 'way out' of her situation, if that's what she wants. Only she can actually take these steps to better her situation. All you can do is open the door and hope she decides to walk through.
As for your work problem, document your attempts to do your job properly. Save all those emails requesting those figures, so that if the report comes through all fucked up, you have ample proof that you did your best to obtain accurate figures, and the blame lies (quite rightly) upon those who couldn't be bothered to help.
Good luck Pentameter.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-04-12 17:07:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
blah blah blah i'm important blah blah blah not really blah.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-04-12 13:02:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-12 08:16:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
Beano - When I said people take this site too seriously, I meant that lots of people seem to get pissed off about ratings, hits and other such nonsense that I feel is not the point of this website. The result of what I wrote is a pretty spirited and interesting discussion, which is what I was hoping for. Honestly, a lot of people gave me good ideas about how to approach the situation and what I could say, do, etc.
Besides, where else could I get a bunch of input in a short amount of time?
--------------------------
Sure, I see your point and you are right that it seems to have created plenty of interesting discussions. I guess I thought it was too serious a subject and that you'd get lots of 'fuck the guy over', or 'beat her stupid arse for letting herself get beaten'... and no real solutions to your problem. I think being well regarded helps the sort of replies you receive!! If, like me you post too much crap people don't repsond so well. Quite rightly too.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-12 12:27:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I take this site extremely seriously.
Wait, what's the name of this site?
Oh, never mind. I don't give a fuck about UberSite.
I take www.fucksakes very seriously.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-12 12:19:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-04-11 22:31:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:49:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Isn't she Indian?
That might explain the treatment she's getting. I suggest you mind your own business.
I tried to convince an Indian girl I worked with that the way her parents treated her was unacceptable once. I ended up regretting it.
Sure, everybody has different values and beliefs, but you shouldn't avoid sticking up for what you believe is right simply because it may not be PC. What kind of piece of shit would you be if you didn't stand for anything? If you try to talk to her about it, the worst result would be an awkward relationship between you two, which you probably already have. You don't have to force her to accept your help--she's an adult, and she'll ultimately make the choice regarding what's right for her. A little pride on your part can be sacrificed for a value you hold dear.
So, either do what your gut tells you, or run away...like a Frenchman.
===
The medicated crew is fucking dense.
It has nothing to do about being PC. I wasted my time with that girl I referred to because I didn't take into account that she had a completly different perception than most of us do. It's not about avoiding the situation. It's just an advice from personal experience (an advice, not an order) to have a more careful approach or else you'll just be wasting your time. If you or ETS had any ressemblance of rationality you would've understood that by now.
And I don't think someone who ingest little pills to flee reality has room to criticize anyone on "running away".
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-12 08:16:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Beano - When I said people take this site too seriously, I meant that lots of people seem to get pissed off about ratings, hits and other such nonsense that I feel is not the point of this website. The result of what I wrote is a pretty spirited and interesting discussion, which is what I was hoping for. Honestly, a lot of people gave me good ideas about how to approach the situation and what I could say, do, etc.
Besides, where else could I get a bunch of input in a short amount of time?
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2006-04-12 07:35:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd say talk to her about it. She needs to ask for help, but you need to talk to her before she will.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2006-04-11 23:36:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you'll need three things, a phone book, a 4 D cell aluminum flashlight, and a large male friend...I think you can figure out the rest...
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-04-11 22:31:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:49:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Isn't she Indian?
That might explain the treatment she's getting. I suggest you mind your own business.
I tried to convince an Indian girl I worked with that the way her parents treated her was unacceptable once. I ended up regretting it.
Sure, everybody has different values and beliefs, but you shouldn't avoid sticking up for what you believe is right simply because it may not be PC. What kind of piece of shit would you be if you didn't stand for anything? If you try to talk to her about it, the worst result would be an awkward relationship between you two, which you probably already have. You don't have to force her to accept your help--she's an adult, and she'll ultimately make the choice regarding what's right for her. A little pride on your part can be sacrificed for a value you hold dear.
So, either do what your gut tells you, or run away...like a Frenchman.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-04-11 21:10:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should kick ass and then take names.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-04-11 20:27:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Look at Timmy bein' all smart and shit.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-04-11 19:50:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-04-11 15:50:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
first half - that's the textbook definition of the Peter Principle - people rise to their level of incompetance. it's a good book...it goes into much great depth than i remember. check it out of the library.
second half - try to help the girl. one hand you have the right thing, help her, and risk insulting her? other hand you have not insulting her, and risking her getting seriously hurt. no doubt in my mind, extend a hand.
------
What he says
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2006-04-11 19:47:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:32:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:16:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:54:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul - this is something I was thinking about. They are both Indians (from India) and I wonder if this is "normal" behavior in their culture. I mean, if I say something to her about it, am I insulting her?
---------------------
ABSOLUTELY NOT!
Last time I checked, this isn't fucking India, this is America and the woman has rights.... and physical abuse (whether it's a woman, man, or child) is NOT culture.
===
NEWSFLASH CAPTAIN SIMPLETON: IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE!
If you lived anywhere else than Shithole, Indiana and had any interactions with these different cultures you'd find that you can't force feed (you wouldn't be able to do that) your Western perspectives to people who've been raised differently. They'll just blankly stare at you with a puzzle look on their face. Especially first generation indians or muslims.
I never said physical abuse is right. All I'm saying, is that when you're with a different culture, it's important to be delicate because your definition of right and wrong on certain issues might differ from theirs.
Of course, being a close-minded piece of shit, you are uncapable to understand that someone might not see the world through your all-knowing eyes. *sigh*
__________________________________________________________________
I think Caul said it best when he alluded to being mindful of any cultural differences in commenting on her relationship with her boyfriend.
Pent, sounds like you did the best you could. At least the girl knows that hitting isn't acceptable and she knows that you are available. You have done all you can, a lot more than most.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-04-11 18:29:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I got here late and all my advice was already taken. Good for you for talking to her.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-11 17:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wonderful title
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-04-11 17:00:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good for you.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-04-11 16:54:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You only saw it happen once, its unlikely but wholy possible that he was just hitting her in a friendly sort of way.
From what I see of 'Indian relatioinships' if you lot insist on generalising (and I see a lot being a chisit) its much more likely for the guy to be completely pussywhipped as long as the motherinlaw is still alive, and then adopt a resigned 'yes dear...no dear...of course dear' strategem.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-04-11 16:49:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hit her too...
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-04-11 16:48:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:46:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll stab you in the face with my penis...that way, you'll survive the attack.
Think about it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shlongy, for someone whos entire repetoire consists of comments like this you're not very good at them. At least you could have called it your Pork Sword.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-04-11 16:29:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good for you talking to her about it
that had to be tough
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-11 16:15:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2006-04-11 16:03:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't know why I just thought of this, but take her out....
Tell her to shower and wash the curry scent off, then take her out to a bar and get her laid. I'm sure you will find some obliging fraternity boys at a local watering hole.
Once she sees that other guys can do everything her man can do, without the beatings, she will seek escape herself without your help and without fear of abandonement.
When you get right down to it, most of the girls in this situation are afraid of one of two things
1) getting killed for leaving
2) being alone in a world that seems overwhelming
Get her laid, show her the world isn't overwhelming and without 'Ike Turner' she won't be alone.
-----------------
I'm sure she'll be grateful. All her problems can be solved by Biff and Todd piledriving her into the bed. Ace.
Didn't Bill Hicks do a sketch about that once? I can almost hear him saying "Biff and Todd piledriving..."
It wasn't Dennis O'Leary was it?
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-04-11 16:04:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ms Pentameter, I love you and I love what you write. Some of the stuff you wrote about dating etc is why I stopped here for a longer look... but....
Wasn't it you who wrote a day or two back (as a review) that everyone on here it taking this site all too seriously and that was why you hadn't been about for a while? Then you post about a very serious subject and ask for advice as to how to handle it. Isn't that taking it too serious? There is no easy way to ask that question without sounding like I'm having a pop.... just asking like?
The whole culture thing can be borne in mind, if she is Indian and more importantly comes from a traditional Indian family then violence towards women is allowable under law in their counrty depending on what they are deemed to have done. This doesn't justify actions taken in the US but it might explain here unwillingness to upset or bring shame on her family by slaping this motherfucker.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2006-04-11 16:03:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't know why I just thought of this, but take her out....
Tell her to shower and wash the curry scent off, then take her out to a bar and get her laid. I'm sure you will find some obliging fraternity boys at a local watering hole.
Once she sees that other guys can do everything her man can do, without the beatings, she will seek escape herself without your help and without fear of abandonement.
When you get right down to it, most of the girls in this situation are afraid of one of two things
1) getting killed for leaving
2) being alone in a world that seems overwhelming
Get her laid, show her the world isn't overwhelming and without 'Ike Turner' she won't be alone.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-04-11 15:50:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
first half - that's the textbook definition of the Peter Principle - people rise to their level of incompetance. it's a good book...it goes into much great depth than i remember. check it out of the library.
second half - try to help the girl. one hand you have the right thing, help her, and risk insulting her? other hand you have not insulting her, and risking her getting seriously hurt. no doubt in my mind, extend a hand.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-04-11 15:50:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
get the po-po
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-11 15:35:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You handled it right.
But if you see it happen again you should report it. You don't even have to let her know, just do it.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-04-11 15:29:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-04-11 15:12:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that sucks. i would just give her domestic abuse info and let her know you support her. she is an adult and there is only so much you can do.
but watch yourself in case she went and told her boyfriend about your conversation. you don't want to be a victim in this.
does she have any friends that are indian? maybe you can tell them and they can help. sometimes things are cultural...even if they are 100% unacceptable to us.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 15:10:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry Pentameter. Apparently I can't comment on a post anymore without being swarmed. This is exactly why I don't comment much anymore.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-11 15:10:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go into full knight-in-shining-armour mode and run the motherfucker through with a broadsword
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 14:41:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-04-11 14:38:10 (#)
Ranking: 1
And ETS attaches himself, very much like a remora, to Pentameter's ass....
===
Because ETS he's not scared to do the right thing...that's why he's gonna hide in the wild...LOL!
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-04-11 14:38:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
And ETS attaches himself, very much like a remora, to Pentameter's ass....
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 14:34:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like you did the right thing. That's commendable.
Too many people are chickenshit about doing the right thing these days. It's nice to know some people aren't.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-04-11 14:32:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if you witness an assault,which that qualifies as, you can report it to the real police and press charges. the victim doesn't have to press charges if someone else sees it happen.
or... stun gun.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 14:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:52:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
Now who's self-absorbed?
---
That's funny, cause when I said that, it doesn't appear as if I was fucking talking to you at all. Imagine that!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86502#1927175
===
That's your final argument? Wow.
You answered Pent's comment which answered mine. It seemed only logic to respond to yours. But you're no champion of rationality so we're gonna leave this at that.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-11 14:03:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok...I just got back.
I took her to the place across the street for ice cream. We sat down outside and she asked me if we were going to be back here by 1:30, which we weren't because we didn't leave here until 1:15.
I asked her why, and she said, "My boyfriend will be looking for me."
I thought, "That motherfucker," but I said, "So what, you're with me."
She just looked at me and started eating her ice cream.
I said, "If I'm overstepping my bounds, just say the word and I'll stop. But, yesterday I saw what your boyfriend did to you."
Her eyes got wide and she said, "What do you mean?"
I said, "I saw him hit you, and I understand that it might not be any of my business, but I can't sit here believing that he hurts you without finding out if it's true."
Of course, she answered with, "No, you didn't see anything. It wasn't me."
I know it was her. I said, "I know what I saw and I know it was you. And I know he hit you. I saw him do it twice. You can tell me, and if you want help with this, I can definitely give you a hand and help you make this better."
She was quiet. She didn't say anything for a while, but she did say that, "I should mind my own business."
I said, "All I can say is that anyone who loves you wouldn't hit you or hurt you." I told her again that if she changed her mind that I will always be willing to do whatever I can for her.
So, as of right now she isn't going to do anything.
That motherfucker better stay out of my sight though. I'll fry that bitch with my fucking eyes I'm so enraged.
Thanks for your help everyone. I appreciate it.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:52:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now who's self-absorbed?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:51:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:13:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:04:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:00:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus, you're fucking dense.
I never said that physical abuse is culture. Where the fuck did you get that? All I said is basically that some of these women might have a different perspective than we do and that you might want to approach the situation with white gloves and a lot of patience.
------------------------------
Show me RIGHT NOW where I said ANY DIFFERENT!
Do it now, so everyone can see. Go on, Caul. Prove to everyone that I'm an idiot. Show them.
===
Pipe down ETS, you're letting your fat ego get in the way again.
I didn't say you said any different, mr. irrational.
But you did have another one of your famous conniption: "Last time I checked, this isn't fucking India, this is America blah blah" because you misinterpreted my reply on culture difference.
---------------------------------------
That's funny, cause when I said that, it doesn't appear as if I was fucking talking to you at all. Imagine that!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86502#1927175
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:36:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:13:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:04:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:00:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus, you're fucking dense.
I never said that physical abuse is culture. Where the fuck did you get that? All I said is basically that some of these women might have a different perspective than we do and that you might want to approach the situation with white gloves and a lot of patience.
------------------------------
Show me RIGHT NOW where I said ANY DIFFERENT!
Do it now, so everyone can see. Go on, Caul. Prove to everyone that I'm an idiot. Show them.
----------------------
I don't think any proof is required, it's a fait accompli.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:05:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
This is among the many reason I'm dropping off the fucking grid. The corporate world isn't about survival of the fittest, it's about survival of the dumbest.
---------
Survival of the dumbest? It's things like this that make people not listen to anything you say.
Earning promotions in the corporate world are directly related to three factors:
1. Merit.
2. Connections.
3. Political savvy.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:21:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pent, whoop his dotted ass.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:17:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:08:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
By the way, I agree about approaching the situation delicately, but that has absolutely JACK SHIT to do with culture or country of origin. You'd be that way toward ANYONE in that situation.
Caul's argument and a lot of the reviews are making too big a deal about the Indian thing. This should be approached as if that doesn't even exist, the same way you would if the woman was white.
===
Jesus ETS, we just pointed it out as a factor to take into account in case Pentameter didn't and you're having another histrionic reaction. "FUCK THAT ARGUMENT! YEAH! BECAUSE MY ARGUMENT IS ABOVE YOUR ARGUMENT! ME > YOU YEAH! IT'S ALL ABOUT ME BABY! I WIN! W00T!"
Let's keep these for your posts, Mr.Linzy.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:15:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
She's here...I'm going to ask her if she wants to go for ice cream and I'll "confront" her there.
I'll let you all know what happens...and thanks again for your help.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:14:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
mmm, abuse...
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:04:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:00:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus, you're fucking dense.
I never said that physical abuse is culture. Where the fuck did you get that? All I said is basically that some of these women might have a different perspective than we do and that you might want to approach the situation with white gloves and a lot of patience.
------------------------------
Show me RIGHT NOW where I said ANY DIFFERENT!
Do it now, so everyone can see. Go on, Caul. Prove to everyone that I'm an idiot. Show them.
===
Pipe down ETS, you're letting your fat ego get in the way again.
I didn't say you said any different, mr. irrational.
But you did have another one of your famous conniption: "Last time I checked, this isn't fucking India, this is America blah blah" because you misinterpreted my reply on culture difference.
Then I explained myself and you thought this had something to do with your initial reply because you're self-absorbed.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
By the way, I agree about approaching the situation delicately, but that has absolutely JACK SHIT to do with culture or country of origin. You'd be that way toward ANYONE in that situation.
Caul's argument and a lot of the reviews are making too big a deal about the Indian thing. This should be approached as if that doesn't even exist, the same way you would if the woman was white.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:06:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Next time, tell the guy that kind of behavior leads to reincarnation as the guy behind the counter at 7-11 saying "you like orange slurppy, yes?"
Or that Vishnu will eat his liver.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:05:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:03:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
As usual, ETS favored solution is the most counter-productive imaginable. But hey, he WILL solve the worlds problem so do make sure you panic and start shooting in all directions!
-------------------
It's called a JOKE, Caul.
My real advice was in the first two replies. But you knew that already.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:04:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:00:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus, you're fucking dense.
I never said that physical abuse is culture. Where the fuck did you get that? All I said is basically that some of these women might have a different perspective than we do and that you might want to approach the situation with white gloves and a lot of patience.
------------------------------
Show me RIGHT NOW where I said ANY DIFFERENT!
Do it now, so everyone can see. Go on, Caul. Prove to everyone that I'm an idiot. Show them.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:03:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:51:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:45:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Grab the little fucker and beat the snot out of him. It will make you feel so much better. Even if it doesn't solve anything.
---------------------------
Well, whaddaya know! Apparently I'm not alone in my vigilaniizm after all!
Congrats, Tiger. You have now entered my realm. How does it feel? Good, right?
===
As usual, ETS favored solution is the most counter-productive imaginable. But hey, he WILL solve the worlds problem so do make sure you panic and start shooting in all directions!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 13:00:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:48:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
So what if she stares blankly with a puzzled look on her face! Who gives a flying fuck about a puzzled look!? Again, PHYSICAL ABUSE IS NOT CULTURE!
It really is that simple.
Let me ask you this, Caul, since you are so fucking cultured, how would YOU approach the situation then. Why don't you be constructive and offer up YOUR suggestion of what should be done? I'm sure we're all RIVETED to hear it. I know I can hardly contain the anticipation.
===
Jesus, you're fucking dense.
I never said that physical abuse is culture. Where the fuck did you get that? All I said is basically that some of these women might have a different perspective than we do and that you might want to approach the situation with white gloves and a lot of patience.
I don't why you're asking me what I would do...I already said:
"You can try to tip-toe around the subject to detect if she feels bad about it but I wouldn't venture as far as telling her that her husband his abusive."
You just can't barge into someone life that comes from a different culture: "QUICK! TO THE POLICE STATION! LET'S GET A RESTRAINING ORDER!! RAAAA!"
All I'm saying is...baby-steps. I know it's hard for a hysteric like you to understand that but you could still try.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:57:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know, Caul, in your case, the Shiites might just be onto something.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:52:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:37:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:13:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Unless she is from a ghetto family in india, this probably isn't common.
===
I'm not sure if it's not common.
Most Indians I knew were from all different backgrounds and the women while not necessarily physically abused, are quite submissive.
That's what I meant.
-------------------------
I worked with a female engineer for a while and she would tell me that among the poorer segments of India the women had a lot fewer rights, not in the eyes of the law, but unofficially nobody would stick up for them.
Maybe she was feeding me shit, but most the indian girls I have met wouldn't put up with that.
===
Actually, the ones I knew were part of the poorer classes of India. They tried to explain me their social structure but it was more complex than ETS psychiatric file.
I remember a gorgeous, intelligent and very succesfful girl whose parent wanted her to find a man in a certain class, certain "tribe", certain religion, certain salary range. Until then, she had to pay for her parents and siblings. Of course, her parents systematically refuse any man she digs up since the situation accomodates them rather well.
I tried to wake her up a bit but convincing an Indian to ignore her parents approval was the equivalent of convincing me to slash my head with a machette like Shiites do. It just didn't work :-|
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:51:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:45:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Grab the little fucker and beat the snot out of him. It will make you feel so much better. Even if it doesn't solve anything.
---------------------------
Well, whaddaya know! Apparently I'm not alone in my vigilaniizm after all!
Congrats, Tiger. You have now entered my realm. How does it feel? Good, right?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:32:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:16:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:54:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul - this is something I was thinking about. They are both Indians (from India) and I wonder if this is "normal" behavior in their culture. I mean, if I say something to her about it, am I insulting her?
---------------------
ABSOLUTELY NOT!
Last time I checked, this isn't fucking India, this is America and the woman has rights.... and physical abuse (whether it's a woman, man, or child) is NOT culture.
===
NEWSFLASH CAPTAIN SIMPLETON: IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE!
If you lived anywhere else than Shithole, Indiana and had any interactions with these different cultures you'd find that you can't force feed (you wouldn't be able to do that) your Western perspectives to people who've been raised differently. They'll just blankly stare at you with a puzzle look on their face. Especially first generation indians or muslims.
I never said physical abuse is right. All I'm saying, is that when you're with a different culture, it's important to be delicate because your definition of right and wrong on certain issues might differ from theirs.
Of course, being a close-minded piece of shit, you are uncapable to understand that someone might not see the world through your all-knowing eyes. *sigh*
---------------------------
So what if she stares blankly with a puzzled look on her face! Who gives a flying fuck about a puzzled look!? Again, PHYSICAL ABUSE IS NOT CULTURE!
It really is that simple.
Let me ask you this, Caul, since you are so fucking cultured, how would YOU approach the situation then. Why don't you be constructive and offer up YOUR suggestion of what should be done? I'm sure we're all RIVETED to hear it. I know I can hardly contain the anticipation.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:45:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Grab the little fucker and beat the snot out of him. It will make you feel so much better. Even if it doesn't solve anything.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:37:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:13:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Unless she is from a ghetto family in india, this probably isn't common.
===
I'm not sure if it's not common.
Most Indians I knew were from all different backgrounds and the women while not necessarily physically abused, are quite submissive.
That's what I meant.
-------------------------
I worked with a female engineer for a while and she would tell me that among the poorer segments of India the women had a lot fewer rights, not in the eyes of the law, but unofficially nobody would stick up for them.
Maybe she was feeding me shit, but most the indian girls I have met wouldn't put up with that.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kick his ass next time you see him. Then piss on him.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:34:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ask her about it. It's affecting her work.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:16:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:54:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul - this is something I was thinking about. They are both Indians (from India) and I wonder if this is "normal" behavior in their culture. I mean, if I say something to her about it, am I insulting her?
---------------------
ABSOLUTELY NOT!
Last time I checked, this isn't fucking India, this is America and the woman has rights.... and physical abuse (whether it's a woman, man, or child) is NOT culture.
===
NEWSFLASH CAPTAIN SIMPLETON: IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE!
If you lived anywhere else than Shithole, Indiana and had any interactions with these different cultures you'd find that you can't force feed (you wouldn't be able to do that) your Western perspectives to people who've been raised differently. They'll just blankly stare at you with a puzzle look on their face. Especially first generation indians or muslims.
I never said physical abuse is right. All I'm saying, is that when you're with a different culture, it's important to be delicate because your definition of right and wrong on certain issues might differ from theirs.
Of course, being a close-minded piece of shit, you are uncapable to understand that someone might not see the world through your all-knowing eyes. *sigh*
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:26:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ship her off to ETS's treehouse in Kentucky.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:20:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:16:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:05:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
You should slap that bitch and tell her to stand up for herself.
Fucking weak people.
-------------------
I was thinking the same friggin thing.
You can offer to help, but really that would just be making yourself feel better when you go to her funeral.
That didn't come out right....... but I would help her by breaking his wrists so he can't hit her anymore.
---
Or by breaking his fingers.
Either way.
You should say something at least. Sure in a way it's none of your business, but putting your head in the sand isn't going to help her situation any. Would you want someone to say something to you if they witnessed a scene like that?
----------------------
Heh...I did have to hold myself back from grabbing him by the back of his head an smashing it off the table repeatedly...but I wouldn't want to answer violence with violence.
And yes, I would want someone to step up for me, which I'm very willing to do for her. She is basically in this country by herself (he closest relative in is NJ and we're in PA) and I'm sure she views this guy as her ONLY family. I just hope that she'll listen to me.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:24:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:18:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:13:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
as salary goes up, brainpower goes down. sometimes it seems like all you need to do to get a promotion is to be REALLY REALLY stupid.
===
I think that's silly. There are incompetent people in all levels of hiearchy.
It just seems that way because we feel disconnected with people way up in the ladder but from personal experience most of them work their ass off and handle stress most here couldn't withstand.
Now stfu badassmofo :-P
----------
i know it's silly, it was a bad joke type thing. i absolutely agree with you and would never want the stress of being a CEO or some corporate bigwig, I'd rather forego the posh benefits and salary of that type of a position for more time with friends, family, and hobbies with less stress. But that's just me.
You do have to admit though, sometimes people in higher levels of companies can do things that make you wonder how the heck they got there.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sounds to me like she needs high amounts of support and direction - regardless of her ethnic background. ETS made some excellent suggestions.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:20:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:16:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:05:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
You should slap that bitch and tell her to stand up for herself.
Fucking weak people.
-------------------
I was thinking the same friggin thing.
You can offer to help, but really that would just be making yourself feel better when you go to her funeral.
That didn't come out right....... but I would help her by breaking his wrists so he can't hit her anymore.
---
Or by breaking his fingers.
Either way.
You should say something at least. Sure in a way it's none of your business, but putting your head in the sand isn't going to help her situation any. Would you want someone to say something to you if they witnessed a scene like that?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:19:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:15:03 (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm nearly all caught up. The problem is, I'm waiting for five numbers from one of our project directors so that I can submit her report to the state.
----------------------------
God, I hope you have some interesting hobbies or you're going to be on the news shortly after your pent-up unreleased life explodes.
-------------------------------
Believe me, the last thing I'm going to do is come in here with an uzi. I just don't want to be responsible (because the finger will be pointed at ME) for getting a $350,000 grant revoked because some moron can't complete the simple task of emailing me five figures.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:18:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:13:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
as salary goes up, brainpower goes down. sometimes it seems like all you need to do to get a promotion is to be REALLY REALLY stupid.
===
I think that's silly. There are incompetent people in all levels of hiearchy.
It just seems that way because we feel disconnected with people way up in the ladder but from personal experience most of them work their ass off and handle stress most here couldn't withstand.
Now stfu badassmofo :-P
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:16:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:05:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
You should slap that bitch and tell her to stand up for herself.
Fucking weak people.
-------------------
I was thinking the same friggin thing.
You can offer to help, but really that would just be making yourself feel better when you go to her funeral.
That didn't come out right....... but I would help her by breaking his wrists so he can't hit her anymore.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:16:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:54:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul - this is something I was thinking about. They are both Indians (from India) and I wonder if this is "normal" behavior in their culture. I mean, if I say something to her about it, am I insulting her?
---------------------
ABSOLUTELY NOT!
Last time I checked, this isn't fucking India, this is America and the woman has rights.... and physical abuse (whether it's a woman, man, or child) is NOT culture.
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:15:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm nearly all caught up. The problem is, I'm waiting for five numbers from one of our project directors so that I can submit her report to the state.
----------------------------
God, I hope you have some interesting hobbies or you're going to be on the news shortly after your pent-up unreleased life explodes.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:14:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:54:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
I mean, what if she says something to him that I said something to her, and he gets pissed off and beats the shit out of her?
--------
Not your fault. She should know better.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:13:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:05:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
You have to help the girl. You know that. If something were to happen to her as a result of your lack of action, you are the type of person, I think, that wouldn't ever forgive yourself. That is to say, you seem like a decent enough person.
You should take her to lunch and discuss it away from work, if possible. Make it feel like less of an official situation. Offer to drive her to the police station to get a restraining order, maybe.
----------------------------
Taking her to lunch is a great idea. Thanks Brad. And yes, if something terrible were to happen, I would definitely feel guilty for a very long time.
Really, all of your suggestions are helpful. You're giving me a lot of ideas as to the things I can say, and for that I'm grateful.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:13:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:09:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:01:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:54:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul - this is something I was thinking about. They are both Indians (from India) and I wonder if this is "normal" behavior in their culture. I mean, if I say something to her about it, am I insulting her?
===
However hard you'll try to explain that to her, they have a completly different perspective. Just like no muslim is ever gonna convince me of the positive aspects of the veil.
Chances are that you'll only be wasting your time or like you said, insult her.
You can try to tip-toe around the subject to detect if she feels bad about it but I wouldn't venture as far as telling her that her husband his abusive.
But then again, I'm not in the situation so my opinion doesn't mean much.
-------------------------
Unless she is from a ghetto family in india, this probably isn't common.
===
I'm not sure if it's not common.
Most Indians I knew were from all different backgrounds and the women while not necessarily physically abused, are quite submissive.
That's what I meant.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:13:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
as salary goes up, brainpower goes down. sometimes it seems like all you need to do to get a promotion is to be REALLY REALLY stupid.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:11:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:05:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
This is among the many reason I'm dropping off the fucking grid. The corporate world isn't about survival of the fittest, it's about survival of the dumbest.
===
It's a surprise you're not CEO already...wildboy.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:10:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tell her to stand up for herself and not to put up with nonsense from him, explain the options about refuges/ police involvement/ being assertive etc.
Unfortunaltely she will probably not take your advice as abused women rarely do. You can only do your best, you aren't responsible for her but you do have a moral obligation (in my opinion) to say something.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're Italian. Why don't you call in the mafia?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:09:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:01:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:54:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul - this is something I was thinking about. They are both Indians (from India) and I wonder if this is "normal" behavior in their culture. I mean, if I say something to her about it, am I insulting her?
===
However hard you'll try to explain that to her, they have a completly different perspective. Just like no muslim is ever gonna convince me of the positive aspects of the veil.
Chances are that you'll only be wasting your time or like you said, insult her.
You can try to tip-toe around the subject to detect if she feels bad about it but I wouldn't venture as far as telling her that her husband his abusive.
But then again, I'm not in the situation so my opinion doesn't mean much.
-------------------------
Unless she is from a ghetto family in india, this probably isn't common. But if she doesn't know anyone she is probably more willing to put up with this abuse.
Let her know it is wrong in the US, where she can find help, that you can help her, and to stop letting it interfere with her work. Then have her cook some chicken masala if your office is going to smell like indian youmight as well get a meal out of it.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:05:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is among the many reason I'm dropping off the fucking grid. The corporate world isn't about survival of the fittest, it's about survival of the dumbest.
You have to help the girl. You know that. If something were to happen to her as a result of your lack of action, you are the type of person, I think, that wouldn't ever forgive yourself. That is to say, you seem like a decent enough person.
You should take her to lunch and discuss it away from work, if possible. Make it feel like less of an official situation. Offer to drive her to the police station to get a restraining order, maybe.
The absolute best thing you could do for her is to apologise for the way you've treated her and help her empower herself to act. Relationships like the one she's in are a function of POWER. He has it all, she has none. She needs to understand the extent of her own power. She probably won't do that alone if she's the type to just sit and take that kind of shit even when other people are around. A woman with more power would have leaned over and told him, "you fucking so much as TOUCH me again, I will scream at the top of my fucking lungs. Now get the fuck away from me. I want your shit out of my house when I get there."
She won't do what needs to be done unless she has support from someone like you, and she'll continue in virtual servitude to this fucker for the rest of her natural life until someone helps her.
Sad but true.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:05:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should slap that bitch and tell her to stand up for herself.
Fucking weak people.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:04:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What Circe said. Although, I disagree that she knows there are plenty of places she can go for help. If she's "fresh off the boat" she may have incredibly skewed views of what is abuse and what is normal. But any woman who is going to allow herself to be beaten or controlled is weak, and while I generally align myself with the Darwinian principles of survival of the fittest, I also feel that it's our responsibility as the strong ones to extend some of that strength to the weak. If they can take it for what it is, then they deserve the help they request. If they're too weak for even that.... thinning the herd.
Oh, and Loki... you're? :-P
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:01:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:54:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul - this is something I was thinking about. They are both Indians (from India) and I wonder if this is "normal" behavior in their culture. I mean, if I say something to her about it, am I insulting her?
===
However hard you'll try to explain that to her, they have a completly different perspective. Just like no muslim is ever gonna convince me of the positive aspects of the veil.
Chances are that you'll only be wasting your time or like you said, insult her.
You can try to tip-toe around the subject to detect if she feels bad about it but I wouldn't venture as far as telling her that her husband his abusive.
But then again, I'm not in the situation so my opinion doesn't mean much.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-04-11 12:00:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tell her you are there for her, that is all you can do.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:58:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe is wise. I'm going to write that down and memorise it if it ever comes up for me.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:56:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If it was me, I'd punch the guy in neck for punching her, then I'd backhand her for alowing herself to be beat. Then I'd say something about her having loose moral values and thats the reason why she can't keep a man. That and the curry smell.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:54:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was feeling better about my own week until I got to the bottom.
daham
I was in a sort of similar situation in college. There were two kids living with their mom and some guy who they called by first name so we're thinking he was not the dad who we were positive were being abused. Absolutely positive, as in cigarette burns on the arms abused.
We called social services and they asked us if we could take the kids in. What the fuck?!?! These kids were I think around 10 and 12, my roommate and I were both 19 and college sophomores. Fuck no we can't take in these kids. It's not that we didn't care but fuckbeans on a burrito, we were barely taking care of ourselves.
We started just calling the police to report a disturbance every time we heard a commotion from down there. Eventually, social services clued in and took them out of the home.
You're government dollars at work.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:54:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul - this is something I was thinking about. They are both Indians (from India) and I wonder if this is "normal" behavior in their culture. I mean, if I say something to her about it, am I insulting her?
Circe - This is probably what I'll end up doing. I just can't sit here and do nothing knowing that it is probably going to get worse for her.
I mean, what if she says something to him that I said something to her, and he gets pissed off and beats the shit out of her?
I have never been so confused about anything in my life.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:49:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You shouldn't stab yourself in the face. You have a pretty face and your eyes are large enough to not warrent the creation of an exciting feature.
Might I reccomend the belly? The scar tissue that grows there is remarkably soft, hence why lying on post pregnancy women's stretch marks is so delightful.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Isn't she Indian?
That might explain the treatment she's getting. I suggest you mind your own business.
I tried to convince an Indian girl I worked with that the way her parents treated her was unacceptable once. I ended up regretting it.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:48:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay, no.
There's enough information available about domestic violence, crisis support, support groups, women's rights, and counselling for anyone, no matter how young, to KNOW exactly what her options are.
If he's hitting her - especially in public - it's because she's allowing it to happen. She's not married to him, she doesn't live with him, and she's surrounded by people.
Tell her what you saw, and that if she wants your help she has it, but if she DOESN'T, and this relationship continues to interfere with her work without her doing anything to improve it, there'll be repercussions.
Submitted by angel_2k01 (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:47:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She is here by herself and has no family who live close by
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he has probably removed her from all her family and friends so he can beat her without anyone finding out. do something about it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-11 11:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll stab you in the face with my penis...that way, you'll survive the attack.
Think about it.