Things I Hate... (985 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Andy Ryan <im_such_a_jackass.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-04-11 20:02:20 EDT
Ok, since I do read around this site from time to time, i'm well aware that since this is my first post I can expect a barrage of -2s and abuse. I'll do my best to cope with it, a bit of constructive criticism never hurt anyone did it.....
This is a small series I have been writing about things that I hate. I'll one of them here at random.
Dog Lovers.
This is something I hate, and I believe we can all agree on this.
Fucking dog lovers.
Don't get me wrong. I love our little poochy friends. But there is a bigass line between someone who loves dogs and a 'Dog Lover'.
Let me give you an example.
I was in town today, and I saw an oldish man walking his dog. I'm going to assume that the mans name was Gerald. It was a nice dog, I will admit. I happened to be stopping next to the man to post a letter, so I bent down to give the dog a stroke.
The dog was wearing a fucking baseball cap.
I kid you not.
A baseball cap.
It had even been modified to include a strap, probably so it didn't fall off.
I don't think I have ever come as close to choke slamming a person in the street before, and i doubt I will ever come as close again. This guy had spent time modifying a fucking baseball cap for a dog.
What the hell was this man thinking? How did he come up with that gem of an idea?
Gerald: Darling, can you stick the kettle on?
Mrs Gerald: Of course dear, it'll be with you in a minute. Can you set the timer on the video, I want to record Location Location Location..
Gerald: Our dog needs a baseball cap, right now!
Dog: Woof. (Translation: Don't be a twat. Why do I need a baseball cap, I'm a dog?)
This man is the most deserving person of the 'Twat of the Day' award. He is so deserving of it that I just made it up especially for him. Twat.
And Dog Lovers in general are people who evolution should of taken care of years ago. What other group of people talk about an animal which chases its own fucking tail as if it was Stephen fucking Hawkings?
"He's so smart, I swear sometimes he almost understands what i'm saying!"
No he doesn't, you cock. Its a dog. If you didn't feed it mashed up cow genitals from a tin every day it would fucking starve.
God, so many people are cocks, it does make me wonder.
User Reviews
Submitted by IWalkOnPavement (user info) at 2006-04-17 21:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
See, thats odd, because everyone else has seemed to dislike that tone. Its why i've sorta dumbed down the angry swearing thing a bit with my newer posts.
Now I just don't know what to do.
Thanks for the +2 by the way, it now means that none of my posts fall into minus ratings on average.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-04-17 20:07:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me giggle like a retard. You've got a good "what the fuck is this shit?!" tone going on. Keep posting.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-12 12:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Um.
Not very good.
But what the hell, welcome to Uber. Do better next time.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-04-12 06:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good enough.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-12 05:46:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The other day I saw a man talking on an obsolete model of Nokia phone so I bricked him.
Submitted by IWalkOnPavement (user info) at 2006-04-12 05:25:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn, you're right. Stan is better than Gerald.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-04-12 05:23:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like to think of old men as being named Maury or Stan. It just seems right. And old women are always Helen or Esther.
Submitted by IWalkOnPavement (user info) at 2006-04-12 04:55:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, I appreciate the advice, I probably shouldn't of said I was new, schoolboy error I suppose. I didn't put any more of them in there because frankly, I didn't want to push my luck. Even if the -2s keep flowing, i'll keep posting them.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-12 03:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shite
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-12 03:44:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
dont worry i was a newbie as well once but now i have a lot of respect around here
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-04-12 02:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
STFU n00b!! -2 DIE
Actually it wasn't that bad for a first post.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-11 23:54:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by EntityErased (user info) at 2006-04-11 21:50:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I know what it's like to be a n00b in recent (and present) history.
That sentence was almost as bad as georgemichael's blabberings.
Anyway, it was a decent post.
I agree with your sentiment.
Don't announce your n00bness via post.
That will solidify the -2 that you were probably going to get anyway.
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-04-11 21:20:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
RATE THE POST NOT THE POSTER!!11!!1!
That said, I can go on...
You shouldn't have mentioned that you're new. That's the biggest mistake made by all n00bs. The best thing you can do is write something that you enjoy, and brace yourself for anything. I give you a +2 because in all honesty, I enjoyed this post. Could have been longer and what not, with your slightly misleading title. But hell, I have my own misleading bullshit, so I'm not one to talk.
And also, since you, in fact, are a n00b, I will suggest this linkwhore, if for no other reason than to get word out to something I've done, and hope that you enjoy it. http://www.ubersite.com/m/86479
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-04-11 21:13:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope you die a watery death, sleeping with the fishies while people wonder whom killed [you] and why?
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-04-11 20:58:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go find something to love and shut the fuck up.
Submitted by IWalkOnPavement (user info) at 2006-04-11 20:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And it probably smacks of noobness because, in all fairness, I am a noob.
Submitted by IWalkOnPavement (user info) at 2006-04-11 20:52:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I did know this was going to happen, I mean, from reading the site I had already established that you were all kinda elitist. I figured that I would post something and see what came of it, but was very aware that it probably wouldn't be good. I was also sure that along the line I would be accused of being an alter. You can think that if you want, doesn't effect me at all really.
Submitted by IWalkOnPavement (user info) at 2006-04-11 20:44:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
May as well join the bandwagon and -2 myself.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-11 20:20:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Why don't you go fuck yourself.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-04-11 20:18:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i hope the second thing on your "things i hate" list is you.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-04-11 20:18:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm afraid it does smack of noobness my friend (opening lines didnt help).
Won't -2 this as it reminds me of my first post
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2006-04-11 20:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-04-11 20:08:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-11 20:04:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ok, since I do read around this site from time to time, i'm well aware that since this is my first post I can expect a barrage of -2s and abuse.
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Unamusing Alter = -2