Diamond Blood (688 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.27 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ainkara (View user info) at 2006-04-12 07:07:57 EDT
They say that every jewel has a soul. Some beautiful thing perhaps, rewarded for a life well lived by being surrounded by beauty for the rest of time. Or perhaps a dark being, trapped in a sparkling prison until eventually when eternity is at an end, it crumbles into dust. The latter sounds more real to me, for what good thing would want to be trapped inside? I don't know if this is true for all jewels, or even true at all, but I do know that there is one jewel I at least will never wear again.
It began as a diamond. A brilliant white diamond, the kind you could easily lose yourself in for hours, watching the way light reflected, and trying to see to the centre. It was a gift to me from my beloved, my betrothed. I took it to a man of metal soon after it was presented to me. It was set into a band of gold at my request, one I wore on my finger from the moment I had it back. It was spectacular, and to me it symbolised everything dear. Love, warmth, beauty.
To be sure, that all changed, although at first I could not see it. There were days when it pinched so on my finger that I almost tore it off, but I could never bring myself to do so. I wish now that I had. I began to have headaches, getting worse with time. There were days I could barely see, and not balance on my own two legs.
You know the strangest thing? I didn't even recognise the anger when it came, so unlike me as it was, but I didn't suspect it either. There was a reason for it I knew, although there were days when that reason seemed not so clear. It became the expected from me, instead of the exception. In my quieter moments, I can remember feeling scared and alone. After those moments, the anger and the hate seemed to flow through me stronger than before, and suddenly I forgot those thoughts that were mine alone, and fell head long into the thoughts that were mine shared and warped by another.
The day came when I accused my love. The accusation itself is no longer clear to me, as most of what happened through that time is not clear. I remember screaming and crying and hateful hurtful words. I remember striking him with the back of my hand, letting that diamond bite into him.
When I saw his life blood trickle from his face, knowing I had done it, my heart fell into silence. I ran out of that house we had shared, when never before had I reason to run from anything. I don't know why exactly, but I ran to the river, and sat crying there for some time. As I raised a hand to wipe the wetness from my eyes, I saw that diamond, covered in blood. I was horrified... I dipped my hand into the cool water, and washed it. While my hand was in that water, I felt better than I had in months. It relaxed me so, I barely noticed that the diamond on my hand, the one that had sparkled such a blinding white, was not washing off the red blood it had claimed. My eyes drifted across it many times, seeming not to see.
Then I saw it. Red as a ruby, and not washing away. My brows furrowed, as I used my other hand to scrub at it. The pain came then, the headaches I knew so well. My vision blurred, and suddenly I was under the water. I could have easily fallen in then, disoriented as I was, yet I swear I did not. I felt a tug on my arm as I fell deeper down, one I had to fight against with everything still left inside me.
I finally breached the surface, gasping for air and pulling towards the bank. Climbing up, I tryed to twist that damned ring off my finger, yet it would not come.
I screamed then. A scream from beneath me somewhere, seeming to draw power from the earth itself. I felt a hand on my shoulder. My vision went black.
I wish I could have seen him before he died. Wish he could have known that it wasn't me that was doing this, that I loved him... still love him, more than life itself. I can't imagine the look in his eyes as he lay there dying, killed by my pretty red-diamond bearing hand. At times I wish I had seen him then. The punishment it would have been for me should have been mine to bear. Instead I regained awareness with him already dead, my diamond seeming to glow with some dark light. My hand covered in his heartbeat's last expression.
I washed that diamond again and again. The blood never disappeared, from the diamond or my hand.
Will I see him again? A part of me hopes desperately that I will, another part of me screams that I never will. After all, how could I ever face him again, knowing that I killed everything that jewel had once meant to me. Love. Warmth. Beauty. Gone forever.
I don't know if jewels have souls. I don't know if jewels are a beautiful thing set free, or a dark thing trapped. Or even, perhaps, just a jewel and nothing more. But as I walk my way to the gallows, to my deserving fate, I know I at least will never wear that jewel again.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-12 16:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that looks like a giant diamond ring in the sky...
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-12 13:23:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just about scrapes in a +2.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-04-12 13:06:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-12 11:18:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-04-12 10:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It was bright and well written. It was also campy and a tad melo with all the talk of 'my love' and the lack of concrete imagery or significant detail... but I think it was meant to be that way. If Full Moon ever does a B-movie made-for-video adaptation of Lord of the Rings, I think this would go over well.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-04-12 09:25:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-12 09:01:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Go sleep. You are low on seretonin.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-12 08:49:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey it's why I'm here. Night.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2006-04-12 08:44:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have no idea what's going on most of the time. Some of that could be true, I don't know. I just wish he'd talk to me more to tell me what he's thinking. Like I can tell he's holding back sometimes, and it just upsets me. Last night he said that he doesn't feel like he can say some things to me cause he knows I'll get upset from them.... But I get upset when he doesn't say anything and I can tell there's a problem.
You know what? I think I should just go to bed. And talk to him before bed. Thanks for the talk hun :)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-12 08:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well the first thought that comes to mind is that he's trying to sabotage the relationship because he's riddled with anxiety regarding his own worthlessness (which may be real or imagined).
Alternativly he lives in fear that you're going to get bored of him and leave, possibly because of bad experiences with previous women. Ergo he is constantly trying to engage you in things you find interesting, however his bowel loosening terror of being left alone is possibly causing him difficulties in communication.
Let's not rule out the possibility that he is projecting wholly unrelated fears onto your relationship either.
Which do you reckon is more likely? If any?
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2006-04-12 08:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It doesn't lead me to worry about him, it leads me to worry about us. I happen to think that we balance each other out, but I'm scared that he doesn't see it that way sometimes...
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-12 08:13:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah I think so. Lets do a quick check to be sure.
You're both really miserable when you're apart but you're really elated when you're together. He reckons the misery is a negative aspect of the relationship whilst you think of it as a positive, this leads you to worry about him. Right?
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2006-04-12 08:08:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I want him to realise that we love each other and that means everything. And that we don't need constant chatter to be happy.
We're both sad when we're apart from each other right... And one of his big things is asking me why we're so miserable when we love each other so much. My view is we're not miserable when we're together (which we're not), so therefore being miserable when we're apart is because we miss each other. So we're not making each other miserable, we're just sad to be apart... does that make sense? I don't know if I'm making much sense at all today
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-12 08:01:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bah! He has no idea how to treat a woman. He probably only wants to talk down to you and make himself feel superiour. What an arsehole. You should get on that flight and become my happy wifey!
Or just discuss ethics. Ethics is easy and fun. The news throws up a myriad of interesting scenarios as does real life.
None of that is important. What do you want?
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2006-04-12 07:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Doesn't work really, since he thinks that's all we ever talk about. The thing is, we talk about heaps of stuff, I can just never come up with examples of what we talk about when he asks me to. Like, he thinks we don't have deep philosophical conversations. I know we do, I just can't think of them.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-12 07:55:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-12 07:53:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Loads. I used to be in a long distance relationship so talking was important to maintain the illusion of togetherness. Rambling helps as really the sole point of the phone call is to hear the other persons' voice. It doesn't really matter what you talk about.
Tell him how sexy and desirable he is, then he can tell you how happy he is since you've been together. Repeat until well adjusted.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2006-04-12 07:49:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My boyfriend lives 40 mins away, I don't smoke, and the only energy drink thing I have is V. And I don't really want to have that since I'll be going to bed in an hour or two.
Plus, the problem is kinda with the bf... I just want to see him. At least I'll get to spend the whole easter long weekend with him. He thinks we don't talk anough sometimes... Do you have any suggestions on conversations I could start up?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-12 07:45:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hang on, don't you have a boyfriend? Isn't it his job to make sure you're liberally hugged? And to bring the towels for that matter.
You'll feel better if you smoke a ciggarette and/or drink some Lucozade.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2006-04-12 07:44:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yup, on the plane now. It's just amazing how quick these flights can go now a days....
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-12 07:40:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2006-04-12 07:35:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
A hug would be much appreciated.
---------------------------------------
Excellent.
*Looks at watch*
So I'll pick you up from Birmingham International at 10? I'll bring towels.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-04-12 07:37:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2006-04-12 07:35:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A hug would be much appreciated.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-12 07:30:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're sad? Everybody really is depressed today. Everybody in the world. If aliens attack this evening humanity is going to be extinct by sunday.
Fancy a hardcore hug to cheer yourself up?
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2006-04-12 07:22:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty, I'm pleased you think that well of me, but I'm way too tired and sad to be symbolic. The diamond's a diamond.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2006-04-12 07:19:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rockin.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-12 07:18:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's symbolic right? The diamond represents vanity right?
Or did I get confusicated?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-12 07:15:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...Um...Yeah. This wasn't very clear and I didn't really like it very much. I had to make three attempts to read it because I just ran out of energy. Just like that; bomf, thud.
I feel it wouod have benefited from being either a totally introspective piece or being poetry.