Straight To You (1273 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: one-part_stories
Rating: 1.7 on 55 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Stagger Lee (View user info) at 2006-04-13 15:37:36 EDT
Hopefully, it'll be a couple of days before they notice I'm gone. If I don't get at least that much of a head start, I don't know what'll happen. It's possible that I can outrun them with a minimum of twenty hours of a lead. Beyond that, it's all up in the air. I wish I could predict their response time with more certainty. If I could just do that, it would make this all so much easier.
It's the absolute nadir of winter, yet the sky is a brittle, chilling blue above me. In what can only be described as desperation, I'm sticking to the back roads. Trees surround me, and the twists in the road make it impossible to tell what's around each corner. I'm in the backwoods and I have no compass.
I think of her. She's got nobody else. I have to make it. I have to. All else is secondary. Atonement beckons, and I can't help but cling to the hope that she'll greet me with open arms and not barbs and scorn from her tongue. Maybe that's too much to hope for, but it's all the hope I can afford and it's all the hope I have.
In my mind, she awaits me. But I'll be the first to admit, seeing as others will just as gladly admit it for me; my mind is not a trustworthy implement any longer. I've been too long without her, that's what it is. I pray that it's nothing more than homesickness and loneliness. If it's more serious than that, I don't know where the hell I'll turn even if I get through this.
You wanna know exactly what I'm feeling? I feel like I'm in a room with many doors, but only one door opens onto freedom. Only one door grants salvation, one door brings peace and hope and life. The others bring nothing but decay and attrition, a slow grinding fate beneath heels of iron and a will of inexorable progression.
The road twists, once again. I feel trepidation mounting as I round the bend. My feet become uneasy and they falter, meandering, straying from the path, losing their drive and focus. At every corner I feel more of my resolve sapped.
I leave footprints behind me in the dust, but I have no course ahead of me to steer by. Only an abiding, invulnerable memory of her, engraved upon my mind in lines of fire. The one thing that keeps my sore feet marching and my tired legs moving and my caving mind intact. The thought and hope that when I reach her she'll smile. Somehow everything will work out.
A bitterly cold wind strikes up, whistling through the thick woods and caressing my skin with a certain cold precision. The sun seems further away than it should be, a mere blinding speck punctuating the uncaring sky. I'm cold and weary, and I ache with every muscle and bone in my collapsing body.
I glance behind me at my footprints once more. I note, in a detached manner, that the steady course I have plotted behind me has become the wandering footfalls of a madman. Everything crumbles, and that's a stone cold bitch of a fact. You work and work, but you're building sandcastles at high tide, son, and that's more truth than I daresay you want to look at right now.
When they come for me, all will be swept aside. There won't be any talk, any chatter. Not so much as a warning shot. They'll come like the talons of a diving hawk, man, they'll rip me open like a wet paper bag and scatter my meat and chemicals into the dust like rain. I fancy that's how it'll sound as my blood pocks the surface of this forgotten road; like rain. I'll collapse and expire and she'll never have a clue how hard I fucking tried to make it.
Last time I had a meal...I don't know. I can't remember. I don't think it matters. It'd make no difference if I could remember, anyway. It won't change the fact that I haven't eaten in far too long, that my stomach is making urgent demands that I can't fulfil. It's a gnawing sensation and try as I might I cannot refocus my mind and forget it.
I promised her, you know. I vowed to come. I vowed to make it. Perhaps she doesn't want me to keep my promise anymore, but I'm trying anyway. Only she can forgive me; only in the pools of those eyes and warmth of those arms will my salvation be found.
On the stretch of road that my erratic feet now pound, I can see maybe a full hundred metres. Despite my expectations, I find that this doesn't help. In fact, the view of the straight merely strengthens the sense of distance and isolation that I feel. It reminds me in bold, stark terms of how far I have to go.
When they come, I will probably never know. That should comfort, but it does not.
The forest tends to defeat the feeling of travel. It's all so goddamn identical. This is why I have to constantly check my footprints, to ensure that I'm actually getting anywhere. Her smile is my goad and her eyes are my goal. If I can just reach her, tell her everything.
When they come, I'll never know it.
If I make it, I'll know it. Whatever her reception, I'll know I'm alive.
I'm coming whether the cold sky cares or not.
I'm coming with all the hope in my veins driving me.
Don't give up.
User Reviews
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-26 10:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nice dude.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-02-18 20:34:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-21 02:12:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't like you
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-16 23:36:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't play coy with me, Bubba.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-16 12:32:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Debate? Moi? Not a chance...
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-16 12:27:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, you could've come to my post and started a debate on something else, you know.
Doesn't have to be sport.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-16 12:23:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OK. Fine. Cool. Bite me. We'll call it handfootcrotchlegarmshoulderkickmeintheBALLS
game. :-/ Either way, they pay those asswipes too much money and it is a waste
of everyone's time. But so is this site. I really don't pay much attention to
sports, but if that's what you guys like, great.
Jes call me ramblin' Bubba, the dude wit no brain...
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-16 12:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-16 12:14:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-16 12:06:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
I resent the use of the word 'degrade.' Discussing football is not degrading.
______________________________________________________________________
Neither is buttslamming your mom or dad, but you don't want everyone to know...
And it AIN'T FUCKING FOOTBALL, DUDE!!! :-D
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1.) Football predates that American thing you play with the armour and the silly music.
2.) Correct me if I'm wrong, but football should be mainly played with your feet - not with your hands?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-16 12:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's more football than yours is merely on the sheer percentage of time spent using your feet to kick the ball. Foot - ball. Football. See?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-16 12:15:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who you callin' a degenerate?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-16 12:14:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-16 12:06:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
I resent the use of the word 'degrade.' Discussing football is not degrading.
______________________________________________________________________
Neither is buttslamming your mom or dad, but you don't want everyone to know...
And it AIN'T FUCKING FOOTBALL, DUDE!!! :-D
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-16 12:13:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I reckon "degenerate" would've been better.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-16 12:06:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I resent the use of the word 'degrade.' Discussing football is not degrading.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-16 12:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cheers Bubba.
It always just seems to happen. It's probably quantum.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-16 11:46:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm trying to figure how the reviews on a well-written post always degrade into
a discussion of sports...
When a fukawe indian crawls up into a tree, hangs his ass over a limb, and
shits into a pail of water, it goes "SPORT!"
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-16 11:17:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree entirely, red. No game this season has made me this angry at both my own team and the opposition. Not even when we crashed out of the Champions League. We were fucking shite and they had 9 men in the box at all times.
I have a suggestion for Sunderland next time they play us: just line all your players up in a wall across the goal line. We'll shoot at it for a while and every 10 minutes or so you can punt the ball down our end again. It'll be slightly more entertaining, I feel.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-16 09:18:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-16 09:09:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
What do you think is worse? That we drew with Sunderland, or that they did better against us than you did?
Hehehe.
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They never tried to play football. Just defended. And you lot were rubbish too. The mackems in the bars were entirely too smug about it.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-16 09:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What do you think is worse? That we drew with Sunderland, or that they did better against us than you did?
Hehehe.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-16 08:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-14 11:26:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, caes. No, I'm not retrospect. He likes to pretend he's me.
I can't really pinpoint a change in voice for the narrator, but that doesn't mean it's not there. I'll try and get a handle on that, cheers.
---
I confess. Stagger is my alter. 'Cept his team can't even stuff Sunderland. Disappointing man. Very disappointing.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-16 00:53:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i just get annoyed at some of the advice i get (just some of it)
your comment seemed very flippant and made me smile.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-15 14:22:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Then you are a wiser man than I.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-15 01:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cheers, GGG. What's EoTW?
Caes: sadly, I typed the same "they both came from my mind" comment when I was replying to you. I deleted it before I hit the Rank button.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-14 22:20:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-14 15:43:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
I think it's possible for the two paragraphs mentioned to come from the mind of the same person. In the first paragraph he feels more calcuated and measured, whereas when he thinks of how they're going to come for him he becomes more emotional and stressed.
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Fair enough.
I never thought it was impossible either. Heck, technically they both come from your mind anyway. Har har har, I'm funny.
No, I'm not. :(
Submitted by GGG (user info) at 2006-04-14 16:26:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You would've done really well when EoTW was still around.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-14 15:43:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-14 15:23:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhh shit, I forgot to rate that last comment.
Sorry man.
------------
That's ok.
I think it's possible for the two paragraphs mentioned to come from the mind of the same person. In the first paragraph he feels more calcuated and measured, whereas when he thinks of how they're going to come for him he becomes more emotional and stressed.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-14 15:41:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-14 15:35:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-14 15:23:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhh shit, I forgot to rate that last comment.
Sorry man.
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Don't worry about it, man. I don't care about the ratings you give me just as long as you read the piece and enjoyed it.
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Oh, come on, not you too. This is getting old.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-14 15:35:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-14 15:23:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhh shit, I forgot to rate that last comment.
Sorry man.
-----
Don't worry about it, man. I don't care about the ratings you give me just as long as you read the piece and enjoyed it.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-14 15:23:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhh shit, I forgot to rate that last comment.
Sorry man.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-14 15:23:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Read these two paragraphs to see what I mean about the narrator's change of voice:
-------------------------
Hopefully, it'll be a couple of days before they notice I'm gone. If I don't get at least that much of a head start, I don't know what'll happen. It's possible that I can outrun them with a minimum of twenty hours of a lead. Beyond that, it's all up in the air. I wish I could predict their response time with more certainty. If I could just do that, it would make this all so much easier.
When they come for me, all will be swept aside. There won't be any talk, any chatter. Not so much as a warning shot. They'll come like the talons of a diving hawk, man, they'll rip me open like a wet paper bag and scatter my meat and chemicals into the dust like rain. I fancy that's how it'll sound as my blood pocks the surface of this forgotten road; like rain. I'll collapse and expire and she'll never have a clue how hard I fucking tried to make it.
-------------------------
See what I mean? If not, no worries...could just be me. The first paragraph seems spoken by someone educated and almost scientific, while the second sounds very worldly and contains slang and such.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-14 11:26:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, caes. No, I'm not retrospect. He likes to pretend he's me.
I can't really pinpoint a change in voice for the narrator, but that doesn't mean it's not there. I'll try and get a handle on that, cheers.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-14 11:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What a confusing thread of reviews. You're retrospect, right? I am bewildered.
Anyway...I liked it, but considering the level of substance of the piece, it went on a bit too long. This story should have ran out of gas about three-quarters through, but you kept it chugging, and I think that was a bit to its detriment.
Also, it seemed like the voice of the narrator changed partway through...he seemed to talk one way, then there was one paragraph (the swooping hawk one) where I thought he was talking like Bickerstaff all of the sudden.
Anyway. It's good stuff.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-14 10:16:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-14 10:14:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, it wasn't really building up to anything. That was it. Thanks for reading.
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i was going to +1 this until i read that comment.
--------------------
Thanks. Why's that, though?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-14 10:14:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, it wasn't really building up to anything. That was it. Thanks for reading.
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i was going to +1 this until i read that comment.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-14 02:35:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks a whole lot, Saccy and eppliks.
Submitted by eppliks (user info) at 2006-04-14 00:25:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was so good, I'd be happy to +2 your next five posts without even reading them.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-13 23:22:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God damn, Stagger Lee.
"I glance behind me at my footprints once more. I note, in a detached manner, that the steady course I have plotted behind me has become the wandering footfalls of a madman. Everything crumbles, and that's a stone cold bitch of a fact. You work and work, but you're building sandcastles at high tide, son, and that's more truth than I daresay you want to look at right now."
Right on.
You're getting reaaaaally good at getting me right there in the moment with your characters.
Your language kicks my ass. Your writing has a real edge, yet the emotion shines through so well.
+2 all day long.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-13 23:07:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-04-13 22:06:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
--------------------
Thanks.
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Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-13 18:08:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
-----------------------
Thanks.
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Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-04-13 18:05:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
not bad for an alter
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Oh, not this again. Cheers though.
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Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-04-13 17:53:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Go jerk off, you'll feel much better.
-----------------------------------------
Ahahahaha.
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Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-13 17:11:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Now heaven has denied us its kingdom
And the saints, they're all drunk and howling at the moon
And the chariots of angels are colliding...
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All the towers of ivory are crumbling
And the swallows have sharpened their beaks
This is the time of our great undoing
This is the time that I'll come a-running...
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Submitted by ooQueso (user info) at 2006-04-13 17:09:51 (#)
Ranking: 1
It was really good, building up to something nifty, then it ended. It was like bakin a pie, and then throwing it away before you eat it.
+2 for bakin a really good pie.
-1 for ditchin it.
-------------------------
Sorry, it wasn't really building up to anything. That was it. Thanks for reading.
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Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:57:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:24:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
This read very cinematically, it felt like a clip from a movie and held my attention. I think I needed just a little bit more story to go with it though...
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Thanks. I may continue it but I have a lot on my plate right now.
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Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:56:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
haha. you dont actually get pissed at that, do you?
you said you were going to eat my soul
--------------------------------
Hehe, nah, not really pissed at all.
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Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:46:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic.
--------------------
Cheers.
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Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:24:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
This read very cinematically, it felt like a clip from a movie and held my attention. I think I needed just a little bit more story to go with it though...
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Unlike the rest of the people claiming to be, I'm gonna tell you that there is no more story there. Cheers.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-04-13 22:06:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-13 18:08:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-13 18:07:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-04-13 18:05:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
not bad for an alter
---
Cheers Loki
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-04-13 18:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
not bad for an alter
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-04-13 17:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go jerk off, you'll feel much better.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-13 17:52:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:24:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
This read very cinematically, it felt like a clip from a movie and held my attention. I think I needed just a little bit more story to go with it though...
---
Thanks. I may continue it but I have a lot on my plate right now.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-13 17:11:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now heaven has denied us its kingdom
And the saints, they're all drunk and howling at the moon
And the chariots of angels are colliding...
Submitted by ooQueso (user info) at 2006-04-13 17:09:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It was really good, building up to something nifty, then it ended. It was like bakin a pie, and then throwing it away before you eat it.
+2 for bakin a really good pie.
-1 for ditchin it.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-13 17:02:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:57:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:24:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
This read very cinematically, it felt like a clip from a movie and held my attention. I think I needed just a little bit more story to go with it though...
---
Thanks. I may continue it but I have a lot on my plate right now.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:57:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:24:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
This read very cinematically, it felt like a clip from a movie and held my attention. I think I needed just a little bit more story to go with it though...
---
Thanks. I may continue it but I have a lot on my plate right now.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:56:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha. you dont actually get pissed at that, do you?
you said you were going to eat my soul
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:52:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:24:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
This read very cinematically, it felt like a clip from a movie and held my attention. I think I needed just a little bit more story to go with it though...
---
Thanks. I may continue it but I have a lot on my plate right now.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:46:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:38:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:24:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
This read very cinematically, it felt like a clip from a movie and held my attention. I think I needed just a little bit more story to go with it though...
---
Thanks. I may continue it but I have a lot on my plate right now.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:24:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This read very cinematically, it felt like a clip from a movie and held my attention. I think I needed just a little bit more story to go with it though...
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-13 16:00:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-13 15:59:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
HOW MANY QUATLOOS AM I BID?
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Um, thanks? You did what now?
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Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-13 15:43:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
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Cheers.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-13 15:59:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HOW MANY QUATLOOS AM I BID?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-13 15:43:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.