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Afterlife In Limbo (Part Six) -- Holy War (816 hits)

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Labels: afterlife

Rating: 1.12 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)

Submitted by Jason (View user info) at 2006-04-13 22:15:37 EDT

http://www.ubersite.com/m/85540 -- Part One
http://www.ubersite.com/m/85827 -- Part Two
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86062 -- Part Three
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86324 -- Part Four
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86510 -- Part Five

--

After a nice and busy day of doing nothing, there is very little I enjoy more than late night TV. We get all sorts of channels from Earth, so we can keep up on what's going on down there. All the top channels from Earth like Food Network and G4, and for some reason, all their really bad ones as well. Eric's favorite seems to be the Japanese channel that shows nothing but tentacle hentai. More than once I've walked past his room and lost any appetite I thought I had. The guy has serious issues, it's disturbing. But the movies... Oh man, the movies. Every flick ever made anywhere, on demand. It's great. Also, the afterlife has channels of its own. Afterlifetime, ASPN, MSABC, you get the drift. Johnny Carson is a freaking RIOT when he interviews folks like Napoleon, Genghis Khan and John Paul II.

So anyway, as you can guess, I've watched a lot of TV here. And tonight was going to be no different. After dinner and a rousing game of Asshole in the Rec. room that saw twelve people forced to crab walk naked into Moses' room, I decided to settle in for a night of watching some Sinamax (the channels for Hell are pretty good after 11 at night, which is pretty cruel to the people living there, since their power always goes out at about 10:30).

Unfortunately, Mary was already sleeping on the pullout in the main room, putting the kibosh on my plans. So I tried to sneak past her into my room without waking her up. I was hoping that I at least had a few puzzles left in my book, since that would put me to sleep pretty quickly.

Now, while I was doing a good job at keeping her asleep, for some reason, the higher-ups weren't too keen on the idea. Every light in the suite blazed on as I walked through the door to my room, and every TV tuned itself to the emergency news channel, with glorious stereo simulcast on all the radios. I jumped at this, since it happened without any warning, and of course I was in the middle of the doorway. It hurt just a small bit. If small means a lot. And if not, then it hurt a lot.

Mary was half scared to life and yet still half asleep. The initial shock of being woken up by a siren put her into an immediate bad mood, which is never good for those around her. She propped herself up on her elbows, facing me with a glower that would melt lead, and then the TV.

"What the deuce is going on, Mike?" she asked as she rubbed an eye. "A test pattern at 11 at night?"

"I don't think so," I said pensively, sitting on the edge of her mattress. "Normally a test pattern doesn't include Walter."

Walter Cronkite was sitting at his news desk, glasses in hand, waiting for an unseen cue. His face was ashen and his movements made it seem like he really didn't want to do what he was about to do.

A knock came through the wall, from Paula's room. "Mike, you seeing this?" he hollered across.

"Yeah, Paula, I see it. Talk to you when it's done, okay?"

"Sure, Mike."

Mary sat the rest of the way up, and I grabbed the remote to turn down the volume a bit. The look on Cronkite's face was casting a pretty gloomy mood across the screen, and we waited for him to start.

It didn't take long.

---

"Ladies and Gentlemen, good evening. We regret the disturbance at this late hour, but an emergency bulletin straight from Holy Headquarters has been sent to this station for immediate broadcast."

"There has been an attack on L.I.M.B.O. #4 tonight. Multiple explosions were reported to have ripped the Base Office apart roughly forty minutes ago. A camera crew that was dispatched was only able to film a few moments of the carnage before being beset by a veritable horde of citizens from Hell."

"We must warn you now, the footage that we will show in a moment is disturbing and quite shocking. If you wish to not view the footage, you will be allowed to turn off your sets; we will come back to you once the footage is over."

---

I clicked off the TV as fast as possible, and sat at the foot of the bed. I put my head in my hands, stared at my socks, and started down the road of feeling extremely queasy.

"Are you alright, Mike?" asked Mary.

"Uh... Well, really, no. I came up through there... Base Office Four, I mean. I spent a few days in the waiting room, got to know some of the caseworkers and everything. They took good care of me, and everyone was just a real good egg. I... I just wonder how many of them were there."

She got up out of bed, and sat next to me. "I'm sure they're OK, Mike."

I shook my head. "I hope so, but I just don't believe it. They're always there, they never leave."

Another knock came across the wall from Paula. "You guys watching this? This stuff is just appalling! The building is rubble, man! Mike, weren't you there?"

"I'll talk to you later, Paula! We're not watching the footage! Mary... Uh, Mary has a weak stomach!"

She punched me lightly in the shoulder. "Liar."

"Don't make me kick you out for abusing me," I quipped back sharply.

"Well then, I'll call the movers."

Before we could go any further, the set came back on. Walter himself seemed to have lost the rest of the color from his face.

---

"As those of you who watched the footage now know, this could not have been a random attack. The damage is too extensive; the audacity of the strike is too shocking. And tonight, for purposes of safety, HHQ asks everyone to stay in their homes. Authorities will appear inside your residence at some point tonight to help answer any questions and allay any fears you may have, so please, do NOT attack them as the materialize."

Walter touched his earpiece, trying to hear whatever he was being told by his producer.

"And we go now to Holy Headquarters correspondent, Peter Jennings, who is part of the media pool. Peter, I understand that there will be a statement from God soon?"

"Yes, Walter. As a matter of fact, Jesus is walking to the podium now with that statement and will begin in just a moment."

---

"Oh freaking great," I mumbled. "A statement. We're gonna miss Carson."

"Don't be such a dick, Mike," Mary said as she stood up. "This is major stuff."

"I know, I know. Just trying to lighten the mood for a minute," was my reply. I pointed to the screen, "I can't believe Jesus cut his hair and beard..."

"I think he looks better with the short hair," remarked Mary. "Less like a hippie, more dignified."

"Yeah, well, it's hard to take anyone serious with a soul patch."

"You're one to talk."

"It's a goatee, thank you so much."

"Shhhh. He's going to start."

---

Jesus stood at the podium, making a note on the statement in front of him. When the media had settled down enough, he motioned that he would begin shortly, and the sound of tape recorders and cameras clicking to life started.

"Citizens of the Afterlife, in both Heaven and Hell, I bid you good evening. I stand here tonight, in the North Room of Holy Headquarters, with a deep and disturbing ache in the pit of my stomach. My father has been in high level meetings with his staff about the horrific attack on L.I.M.B.O. #4 just over one hour ago. Both he and I agree that this show of aggression may very well be a ramped up version of the protests, concerning the recent legislation enacted to curtail the surge of emigration to the Earthly plane, which began early last week. After much deliberation with the archangels, we have authorized a strategic attack that began roughly fifteen minutes ago on the slums of Hell in retribution for the destruction of L.I.M.B.O. #4. This action will be swift, it will be surgical, and it will be aimed only at the compounds of the leaders we believe are responsible. There very well may be civilian casualties, but we believe that they will be kept at a minimum due to the time of the strikes."

"And tonight, although I do hope that I am wrong, we may very well be standing on the brink of a Second Holy War."

An audible wave of shock rolled across the collected press, and could be heard over the television. Well, it would have been heard if it weren't for the fact that everyone watching the broadcast had the exact same reaction.

"Because of this threat, at this time we are recalling all guardian angels from Earth. Also, all citizens of Heaven will be required to register with their respective archangels. At that time, you will be notified of any further plans and needs, as well as given a draft number. If any citizen refuses to co-operate, we will be forced to judge you unworthy, and cast you into Hell."

"All citizens of Limbo, you are hereby confined to your current place of residence until such time as your regional archangel speaks with you It may be tonight, it may be a few days from now. If you wish to fight for Heaven, you will be granted temporary status as a citizen, and upon your judgment, we will look favorably on your service."

"As for the citizens of Hell, we have but one message for you, and it is one of love and peace, not anger and war. We do not harbor feelings of hate towards you, although we do pity you for the choices that you made. And though we do not distrust you, we do condemn your past. You were cast down because you led horrible lives on Earth, and did not believe that judgment awaited you as you returned to the afterlife. And you now stand on the brink of war because many of you believe that the new emigration laws were created by the Holy to protect their lot in life. I tell you openly and honestly; this is not so. How could it be? All people are given infinite chances to gain the throne of Heaven. We simply have to be wary of how our actions affect the finite plane of Earth. I urge you to condemn the warlords of Hell for this attack, because the actions and the feelings of the few should never tarnish and sully the masses."

"We do not wish harm upon a single soul, Holy or Unholy. But if you force us to fight, we will. And just like the First Holy War, we will not fight a losing battle. Peace be with you, to all of my brothers and sisters, and may the Lord have mercy on your souls."

---

As the speech was finished, I turned off the TV and wordlessly walked into the hallway. I don't know why, but at that moment, I felt such a deep pain in my gut that I needed someone to talk to. It seemed that most everyone else had the same idea since, as I stepped out of my room, I walked into the path of both Petey and Paula.

We stood staring at each other, exchanging glances of disbelief and mutterings about what we would have to do now.

There was a general feeling of confusion that wafted across the air, but it was pierced as Moses walked through the hallway, towards the cafeteria. Everyone instinctively followed, although a few laid back, waiting until most of the throng had passed them.

Wait, I was the only one stuck waiting. Figures.

"Mary, c'mon. We need to go." I looked into the room, then down the hall and then back into the room. "I think it's pretty obvious Moses has some reason to get us all together in the cafeteria, and it's going to look bad if we're the last ones in."

She popped her head out from the closet. "I need to find a decent pair of shoes, Mike. Just a minute."

Not wishing to wait any longer, I walked into the room, took her up under my arm, and carried her down the hall, ignoring her protests about a lack of socks, and how her toenails didn't match her shirt.

As we entered the cafeteria, we noticed that a lot more people lived at the Motel than we had been aware of. Usually the massive room was sparsely occupied, but now every seat was filled, as were some of the tables themselves. Mary and I squeezed through a small gap to the right of the door, and found a space in front of the vending machines that offered a pretty good look at the front of the room.

Moses stood there quietly, next to what I would assume was an archangel. I hadn't seen one in real life yet, but the wings and the armor and the flaming sword kind of gave things away.

As the doors closed, a hush fell over the people, and the archangel began to speak. "Good evening, citizens of Limbo. My name is Saint Michael. I will answer any questions you may have about your role here in the Afterlife over the near future, in case war is brought upon us. Please be patient, any and all questions will be answered and no time shall pass as the doors are closed, so you will not miss anything in the outside world."

Hundreds of hands shot up from the crowd, and Michael pointed to one in the front. "Yes, ma'am?"

An old lady stood, and looked pensively around the room. She coughed a few small times, and then stood firmly in place. "I am an old woman, Saint Michael. My body on Earth is the ripe age of Ninety-four. Until my body dies and I am allowed to take my younger form, I am in no shape to fight. And to be honest, since I haven't been judged yet, I don't feel quite compelled to do so. If I do refuse to fight at this time, what becomes of me?" She sat back down, and waited for a reply.

As did we all.

User Reviews

Submitted by foster (user info) at 2006-11-11 12:02:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/95651

Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-04-24 23:45:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-22 23:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Insulting you is still enojoyable, shitty alter.

Submitted by unknown9 (user info) at 2006-04-21 23:57:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

hmmm that is true. however you still can't -2 me :D

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-21 16:48:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

And see, I thought it was because you were an alter made for giving shitty ratings without payback.

Wait, same thing.

Submitted by unknown9 (user info) at 2006-04-21 15:30:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Ugh, the only reason why I don't plan on posting anything is because of all the hateful remarks it will get.

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:39:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Actually, no.

I'll just see it, throw out the S.A.A. and be on my way.

Like with all the other shitty alters.

Submitted by unknown9 (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:48:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1

look dude, I was here before under another name and I know the game. If I post anything, it will just get flooded with "-2 Die" insults. Besides, you are making a big deal about me not posting anything. You probably want to go to a post of mine and put -2 Die, but can't. That must eat you up inside ^_~

Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:55:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

You need to work Sam Kinison in here as an avenging angel of some kind...

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I have Alter-dar that's simply astounding.

Plus, you seem pretty well versed here without any lead time or posting yourself.

Way too obvious, shitty alter.

Submitted by unknown9 (user info) at 2006-04-19 01:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

and how would you know that?

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-18 12:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

You're another shitty alter.

Submitted by unknown9 (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:50:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

I rule :D

Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2006-04-16 19:46:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

After much deliberation with the archangels, we have authorized a strategic attack that began roughly fifteen minutes ago on the slums of Hell in retribution for the destruction of L.I.M.B.O. #4. This action will be swift, it will be surgical, and it will be aimed only at the compounds of the leaders we believe are responsible. There very well may be civilian casualties, but we believe that they will be kept at a minimum due to the time of the strikes."
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
hey! it's the israelis....

sorry just wanted to +2 this again.

ETS do you actually read this, or are you just -2ing cuz you can? Dude, seriously, it's not that bad...

Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-16 16:45:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

No Comment

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-15 23:55:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Um, AJ, what's your fucking point?

Besides being a fucking dick, which I've just come to accept lately.

Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-04-15 17:37:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-14 00:56:21 (#)
Ranking: 0

???

Yeah, uh

???

Good, bad, wrong, different, eh?

--------

Told you before... I suck at constructive criticism. I'm the guy who, when his class does peer reviews of term papers, writes a gigantic A+ on the front page, then writes 'but needs more rape' under it in really tiny letters.

Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-04-15 14:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/86383#1924458

Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2006-04-15 08:45:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-14 09:12:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-14 08:08:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

i didn't think length was an issue with this one.

it pans out just fine

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-14 06:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

+2 Moses
-2 no jam
+2 carrying people against their will like handluggage

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-14 04:28:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Nope. No Iraq war.

I can say that much.

No current war, no soon to be war.

More along the lines of Civil War 2k6 or something...

Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-14 03:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-14 00:38:45 (#)
Ranking: 0

I didn't even word count this one until just now... 2400 words.

That as long as 2 of my UM3 entries.

Honest opinion, if they stay this length, are they still readable, longterm?

----------------------------

Make them as long as they need to be. That is the length everything should be, always.

This isn't gonna turn into some parable about the Iraq war, is it?

Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-04-14 03:49:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Back on track with this one.

As for the length issue, as long as they flow well and don't get too bogged down with long detailed descriptions, they are fine.

If you have to do a connecting, detailed episode I would suggest shorter, but as this stands it is fine. Sometimes you have to take it to a natural break point.

-Dave

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-14 00:56:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

???

Yeah, uh

???

Good, bad, wrong, different, eh?

Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-04-14 00:48:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

yeah, uhhh.....

+2 as usual

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-14 00:38:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I didn't even word count this one until just now... 2400 words.

That as long as 2 of my UM3 entries.

Honest opinion, if they stay this length, are they still readable, longterm?

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-13 23:41:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

i really like this series

Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2006-04-13 22:45:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I waited twenty minutes with a shitty dial up connection just to get to uber, and it was worth every minute.
I seriously enjoy this story and cannot wait for the next installment.
Keep it up, boss.
-RockDocc