FUPA Final - Full Circle (1319 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: uber-related
Rating: 1.81 on 45 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-04-17 12:42:21 EDT
The truck
in the sand
that you took
from my hand.
You gave it away
to some screaming
brat. And it was there
that we started. As easy
as that, we were friends in
the new springtime of our lives.
You showed me the dairy, warm
concrete and the smell of milk, and
I for my part showed you how to braid
your own hair, and we went to the beach
in the summer of our adolescence, and your
Nana drove like a bat out of hell - and still does.
And later I taught you to drink and you showed me
how to hold my thumb over the hole in the back of the
bong. We smoked our first illicit cigarettes together in the
basement at your Nana's house and you drove us everywhere
when you got your licence, and then there were boys and then men
and we would compete for the tallest. We were shallow that way, do you
remember? And I took you to Girls' Night at the gay bar and that scary dyke
with the crewcut said I could do better and I smacked her between the eyes with
an ashtray. And oh jesus, the drugs and the music, and the guys, and the beach, and
those long nights when we didn't know how to get home or what town we'd ended up in and
the times we hitch-hiked all over creation just to stop ourselves getting bored and how it all went
wrong eventually with that guy and you left and I stayed and we didn't speak for three years because
there was too much history and too much bad and too much good and too much damage and you can't
compete in the self destruction of youth if your opponent isn't there so it was better that way, right? Sure
it was. And slowly, the rollercoaster came to a stop, and everything got quieter, a little more adult, and
I saw you one Saturday in the supermarket, and that line of your jaw threw me back fifteen years to
this girl in a sandpit that took away my favorite toy. And I hadn't realised how much of me was
wrapped up in you until you hugged me and I remembered how good home can feel when
you've been away a long time. We chattered like parrots at sunset about my life and
yours and your mum and my dad, and my son - your godson, though you'd never
known - and that one guy was sighing real loud so we'd move out of his way.
And we didn't mention drugs or car chases or sex or that time we had to
run through a park to escape two madmen in a ute or walking home
at three in the morning along the train tracks. And now we drink
coffee, like civilized adult women, and compare wedding
bands and stories of children and what we've bought
from Avon this week, and we smile as the redgold
autumn light floods my back verandah and we
watch the leaves change and our children
play in the sand, and so we're finished
with the wildfun stuff now, but the
best of it's just starting, right?
And it's still you. And me.
And sometimes when
you smile, I can
remember.
User Reviews
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2008-06-16 01:50:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
beautiful
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 22:09:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-08-22 21:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-08-22 21:23:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to agree with the pillow biter below.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-08-22 20:56:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
incredible.
Submitted by AccidentalPerfidy (user info) at 2007-08-22 20:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. That was really quite good.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-20 13:57:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
..And now I can rate this.
I wish I knew how you people have the patience for forming these shapey things. It looks hard.
There was such a range of emotion here that I connected with in so many ways. I loved the word structure at the beginning, and would have liked to have read more of it throughout, because it read more like prose to me. But I enjoyed it immensely.
"and how it all went wrong eventually with that guy and you left and I stayed and we didn't speak for three years because there was too much history and too much bad and too much good and too much damage and you can't compete in the self destruction of youth if your opponent isn't there so it was better that way, right?"
You have way of delivering lines like this that really make me feel like I'm reading it the way you intended it. I felt the same way about your "time" piece.
You're really good at this. Congratulations, lady.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-20 12:02:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This read like some strange blending of both types of writing. Poeprose of sorts.
I don't think that the shaping helped it any...the story and feelings were strong enough on their own.
Submitted by Kopesh (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:23:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-18 15:47:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-18 11:32:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Awwww, you shouldn't have.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-18 11:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-18 11:22:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this, but I liked Sacrilicious's better.
I guess my biggest complaint is that I found it a little tough to read in the way it was presented. Personal thing only.
1.5
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-04-18 11:16:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I suspect it would've been much more difficult to continue that.
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Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-04-18 11:16:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"The truck
in the sand
that you took
from my hand.
You gave it away
to some screaming
brat. And it was there
that we started. As easy
as that, we were friends in
the new springtime of our lives."
---------
It sure as hell started out as poetry. Though it ended in prose, it was still beautifully written.
I may end up going with a 1.8. Not sure.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-04-18 10:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-17 20:55:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-17 20:36:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well the girl in my bosom, she live in Tennessee
But the one in my heart, she don't give a damn for me
---
Woo Tennessee shout-out fro an Aussie who probably doesn't even know what Tennessee is.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-17 20:36:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well the girl in my bosom, she live in Tennessee
But the one in my heart, she don't give a damn for me
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-17 20:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
As someone said earlier, it was a great story, but it doesn't really strike me as
poetry.
The shape made me think of a boobie. . .
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:25:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
As a post, this made me think of my best friend; Well done for putting me back there. As a poem though...well, it didn't strike me as a poetic piece, per se. More of a story from your childhood, which while beautiful, isn't neccessarily a poem.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:24:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:12:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent.
your fupa posts have been my favorites
---
Ghola I want a pie camwhore today. If I don't get one, I'll slit my wrists. I swear to god I'll go emo and do it.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:22:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no comment...
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:12:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent.
your fupa posts have been my favorites
Submitted by clairitea123 (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:06:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
but it seems like everyone else loves it
Submitted by clairitea123 (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
the shape is hard to reeaad...
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:03:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Obsessed with cock
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Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:59:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The only thing that could have made tis post better, is if twere shaped like a peener, instead.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:58:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus how the hell did you make it like that? Christ Circe that must have taken a hell of a long time, oh and heres a little poem for you:
Don't be amazed at the stories I tell ya
I met a woman in the heart of Australia
Had a big butt and big titties too
So I hopped in her ass like Kangaroo
Jesus Afroman = only rap worth listening too.
Submitted by MisterBadger (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:44:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by MisterBadger (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:44:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1.5
Sorry to ruin the perfect rating, but I have followed this contest and have only been able to log in recently.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:48:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I
am
not a
huge fan
of poetry but
you struck a perfect
note with this, and I found
the format cool too.
Not exactly a
Gaussian
but c
los
e
Submitted by Rocktsrgn (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:47:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goodness, sealed and delivered.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:40:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for this: "... you can't compete in the self destruction of youth if your opponent isn't there so it was better that way, right?"
And for the fact that the WORDS lent credibility to the shape.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll admit to not really caring too much for the shape, but I did like the poem enough to give it a +2 anyway. Good work.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:22:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great
Submitted by FWFIV (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:12:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FallenZer0 (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:04:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hello my life
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:00:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to call my best friend from high school now that I haven't spoken to in 3 years even though she lives half an hour away from me.
Thank you.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-04-17 12:58:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Davros - Odalisque Extraordinaire, huh? Welcome in any harem.
MonkeyingAround - Well, the theme was innocence/experience, and I naturally thought of the one person who's been there, sharing half the blame and most of the glory, through every stage of that - so yeah, it's based on experience.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-04-17 12:58:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MonkeyingAround (user info) at 2006-04-17 12:54:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful. I enjoyed this, but is it totally made up or something that you based off your past?
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-04-17 12:50:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really struggled to read this, but I kind of get the point of doing it that way.
It was really good, but didn't read "poeticly" to me.
But I really liked it.
How do I rate.
Fuck it, I will just give you and Licious a +2 and hope I get into one of the Harems.
-Dave
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-04-17 12:50:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
f-ing awesome.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-04-17 12:48:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-17 12:47:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Clever.