Hey, my jobs up for grabs, guys!! Yeah! (1155 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: work
Rating: 1.22 on 45 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2006-04-17 13:41:55 EDT
I haven't laughed so much in years. The infectious laughter that makes everyone around smile, and ask, "what's so funny?". I shrug my shoulders as my body convulses, and the sound of pure joy twinkles across my tongue and spills out into the room.
"You're crazy", they smile, laughing, because it's hard not to laugh when someone has the giggles. Although I'm still giggling, I feel sad inside... I am manic. I know mania, and as much fun as it is while it's going on, I also know what will follow.
The terror, of course. The disjointed thinking. That stupid crying for no reason. The hours that I'll sit and feel sorry for myself. The weight of every sad thing in my pitifully normal life weighing heavy on me, all at the same time.
***
Once I woke up, the terror seemed wholly irrational. The nightmare began with me driving down a country road, the grass on either side of the road was glowing green, really beautiful against the textured sky.
The beauty of the dream-scenery was lost on me, because all I could appreciate was the panic, the fear, the pure sense of doom that seemed to hang in the air. I inhaled the misery with each breath.
Then the horror heightened when I found myself standing in a little store that was painted purple and smelled like incense. The fear was shaking my entire body. I peeked around the corner, looking, but not really wanting to see. They were there... oh the horror of it... they were there-the bones.
The animal bones.
OH NO, THE ANIMAL BONESSSSSSSSSSS! THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!
That's when I shook myself awake. My face was wet with tears and my body cold with sweat.
How HORRIBLE!
Wait, what the fuck? That wasn't really a scary dream. It was disappointingly normal, besides the vivid colors and the unexplained animal bones.
Now, two days later, that terror is still lurking deep inside of me, somewhere between my heart and my stomach, pressing up against my ribcage.
***
I went to work the other day. It was a normal day in which I arrived an hour early and sat at my desk, planning out the day. I was sipping on a red-bull and flipping through sales reports and profit and loss statements.
Everything was just like every other day, I felt just like I always feel.
It was normal. Since I had arrived so early, I had some time to putz around on my computer. I was looking for some part-time help, and I decided to check out monster.com. I wondered who else was hiring, what kind of competition I might have for employees.
Then I found this:
http://jobsearch.monster.com/getjob.asp?JobID=41577753&AVSDM=2006%2D04%2D04+07%3A38%3A51&Logo=1&fn=10&lid=468&cy=us
The problem with finding that is quite simple. It was a listing for MY job. My job which I had only had for two months. My job that I took a pay cut for, simply because it was less stress and better hours than my previous job. The first job that I was actively recruited for. The shitty ass job selling shitty ass phones to shitty ass customers while working with shitty ass college kids. The job that I felt extremely secure in, simply because I always thought it was beneath me.
My fucking job.
Three days later I finally got the balls to approach my boss about this monster.com ad. As I drove to work, I wondered how exactly I'd approach the issue. As soon as I got to work, I got a call- the vice president wanted to talk, so he asked me to come in his office.
Cool. I'd casually bring it up with him. It was probably just an ad for one of the little franchise stores they were going to open. They wouldn't fire me for no reason... I was doing good. I finished top in the company last month.
As soon as I walked in, I knew there was going to be a big problem.
"Hi Corinne, you know Kathy... the CFO?", he asked.
Oh fuck, I'm getting fired? What'd I do? Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. I just signed my lease last week. $800 dollars a month, plus utilities... fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
I'm not sure if my face was blank, free of emotion, stoic... or it could have been open, expressive, telling.
I sat down without a word, still trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. Every time I've ever messed up at work, I've known it. I've been fired before, and I knew it was coming. I couldn't think of anything I'd done at this job to incur punishment, disappointment and I'd certainly not done anything that could get me fired.
"So, it's just not working out." he said.
I just stared at him. I didn't feel anything. Being on anti-depressants forever had made sure that my emotions were non-existent. I was just trying to think through it logically. I was detached, which was how I often felt.
I saw me- me, being this girl wearing a brown suit with a blue button up top. I saw my hair newly styled and neat. I saw my nails freshly manicured. There I was, sitting across from the vice president, who was firing me, and the CFO who, as far as I can guess, was simply there to scare me.
The vice president couldn't be much older than I was. It's possible he's younger. He's a preppy, pretty blonde boy. Behind him I could see the pictures of his preppy, pretty blonde wife, and his cutesy pretty blonde daughter. I looked at the picture of him throwing a frisbee to his lab.
I knew he'd only been with the company for four months. I knew he was friends with the gay owner. The owner that I had never met, but had heard this much about him:
"He's pretty fruity ha ha ha"
"You'll know him when you see him ha ha ha"
"He's a big tall gay guy ha ha ha"
Anyway, this pretty blonde childfaced irish vice president was waiting for me to talk.
"What? You're firing me, huh?"
This is when I got that canned speech that anyone who's been fired has had, "It's not you, and it's not us... it's just not a good match. It's just not working out, so we thought it'd be best to let you go now, so you could go find something that would be more suitable, and-"
I cut him off, "I don't really need to hear that... I've given that speech to people... remember, that's exactly what you told me to say to Jenny when you wanted me to can her. Just tell me, what did I do?"
"It's just not working. You didn't do anything wrong, and I feel responsible since I am the one who hired you-"
"Well, if you feel so responsible, then perhaps you'd like to pay my rent while I look for a new job? Because you do realize that you fucking (okay, I didn't say "fucking", I didn't swear at all, but right now, thinking about it, I'm getting angry, so it fits) RECRUITED ME!?!! Do you realize I left my JOB to come work for you? Do you realize that I didn't even put in my two weeks notice because you were so fucking (*) eager for me to come here? Do you realize that you just fucked (*) me over, financially?" I was speaking as if I were really angry, I was letting the words explode out of my mouth. Truth is, I didn't feel anything. It just didn't make sense.
"Corinne, it's best if you just left now... do you have your phone? Your keys?"
"Just tell me what I did wrong, because right now I feel as if I must be incredibly stupid. I have no idea what's not working, and I can't even think of one rule I broke, one policy I infringed on, and I've ran good numbers, so this doesn't make any sense to me". It was pretty confusing. I didn't like feeling like a social misfit who fucked up her job, and was too stupid to realize how she did it.
"Corinne, it's best if you just left now... you didn't do anything wrong."
"But-!!"
"Corinne, it's best if you just left now... you didn't do anything wrong."
Man, I wanted to scream and yell and punch the door. Just for effect.
I left my company phone on the company desk next to my company keys. I thought about all the money I had just spent on new suits and shoes and haircuts and manicures.
***
So I filed for unemployment, a claim that the company disputed. How the fuck can they dispute the claim? They SPECIFICALLY said, "You did nothing wrong". That, coupled with the fact that I had never been reprimanded. Argh.
***
And I had been wanting to stop taking the anti-depressants for a long time, but I was afraid to, because I was afraid it'd fuck me up at work. But now I don't have a job, and I might as well get this shit out of my system while I have the chance.
Now my head is buzzing and I cried today when my boyfriends son shit in the toilet and I'm trying to ignore the fact that I don't have a job and can't pay rent next month.
User Reviews
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-05-04 20:50:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I got a job in under a month, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew I rock I rule etc etc etc..!!
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-04-18 21:14:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
small world
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2006-04-18 15:38:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuckers.
congratulations about the potty training though. Jake was a total bastard last night. I had to send him to bed with no bedtime stories. I still feel guilty.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-04-18 09:00:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't find out if I'm eligible for unemployment until the 24th, so we'll see.
Cookie- I have a sort of hormonal dysfunction that causes extreme severe pms. Ever since puberty I've been trying things to help control mood swings. I've had doctors say I was bi-polar, depressed and imagining things.
So I've tried quite a few medications and treatments for it. I was doing quite well until my dad died last year, at which point I fell into a depression... that, coupled with hormones being out of whack, made me start anti-depressants again.
I've recently found an endocrineologist (sp?) who actually UNDERSTANDS hormones and such, so she suggested coming off the anti-depressants (because I'm not really 'depressed'), and trying hormone therapy, or perhaps a strong regiment of...
of...
OH NO... healthy living!
I actually feel a ton better now that I'm not taking anything. I can FEEL again, which I totally took for granted- you know, feelings.
Caesar- thanks kid. I knew SOMEBODY missed me!
Knucklehead, I meet someone that works with you... some black guy named... oh fuck, I forget. He said you're funny.
AVAST!
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-04-17 22:17:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry about your misfortune. You can always move in with me...................
in a van down by the river.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-04-17 21:46:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you could always go out and sell Universal Life
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-17 20:10:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, boo-urns, my +1 can suck it. Stupid mouse wheel.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-17 20:10:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"OH MY GOD I MISSED YOU SO MUCH AND I AM SO GLAD TO KNOW YOU'RE STILL ALIVE, CORN NUGGET!!"
It's true, I do miss you and glad to know that you are alive. Sorry about your job...being fired and not being told the reason is VERY frustrating.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-04-17 19:49:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's shite, dude.
If I weren't so sure my company's going to go under in the next year or two I'd give you my job.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-04-17 19:37:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well..... I guess now you have time for Ubercons then?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-04-17 19:32:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't let them deny you unemployment.
Tomorrow will be another day.
((( hugs )))
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2006-04-17 17:03:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel for ya. If I was hiring I'd hit you up
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-04-17 16:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
IF I had money to pay you, I'd hire you. If you find away to make me money I'll hire you to do so. Ready? GO!
Submitted by BrownEyedGirrl (user info) at 2006-04-17 16:31:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sh*tty about the Job.....
"everything happens for a reason" (or so I've been told)
now just go out and figure out your "reason"....
Take a chance - go off the meds....
at least when you "feel"....
you'll know it's what YOU are feeling and not just side effects....
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-04-17 16:12:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know how much it will cost them, but companies that don't have people file against them get a reduced rate. My guess is this is why they tried to fight you on it. Did you end up being able to collect?
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-04-17 16:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah, there's no better cure for being unemployed and sad than going off your meds... ever think that you're on them for a reason? I'm not picking on you, and I havent read the reviews, so this may have been said already. The +1 is because I can identify 100%
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:19:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Loki, I know. I might as well finish school. Why the hell did I major in SOCIAL SCIENCE!? Holy crap, what a silly degree to have. I might as well have just gone with a history degree.
I can't sue them, our state has laws allowing the employeer to terminate the "employment relationship" for no reason... but unemployment I should be able to get.
Any idea on exactly how much it would affect them, financially?
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:14:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry to hear it lady. I've been fired and it blows.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:45:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There's a blow "job" available for you here...it's got your name on it.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:34:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I got laid off, I had just come from the dentists. It helps to stay expressionless when the whole left side of your face is numb.
Dave, whether she has a wrongful dismissal case depends on the laws of her particular state. NC is an employment at will state which means that you can be fired for no reason at all. It's one of the things that keeps me from being able to follow all the goings on in France with the youth labor law thing.
Unemployment though, now that's a different story. You can nail them for six months and unless they find some lame excuse to change their EIN, screw their unemployment rate.
and go back to school, Jeez one semester?!?!!?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:33:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
just tell me who you want killed
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why would I care if the employeers found my post?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:26:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's not a voicemail for ME... It's not my phone now. Although I could call and check voicemail, I suppose.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:26:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You do realize....
If any applies from that link you pasted, your emplyers will be linked back to this post?
http://my.monster.com/applyStart.asp?jobid=41577753&redirect=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Eubersite%2Ecom%2Fm%2F86731
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:25:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A degree is better than no degree, 9 times out of 10.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:17:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I left you a voicemail.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:08:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sell grilled cheeses that look like Jesus and the Virgin Mary on ebay
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:06:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm actually thinking of just finishing school. I only have a bit over a semester left until I get my degree.
So today I applied for another stafford loan. I might just work some stupid part time job this summer and go back to school in fall.
Not that a social science degree will get me very far... but it'll probably lift me above this sales/retail managment hell I've been wading around in.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:04:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe the craigslist in your area is bullshit, but in NY it's pretty decent - you can find tons of jobs. I got a great job from there, and I just interviewed for an even better one through there last week.
It really is a legit way to find a job - just wade through the garbage.
And show us your tits
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:04:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha... They also have my work phone, which still is "connected". Feel free to leave voicemails:
734-320-1774
Futhermore (wow, I have overused that word today), the assistant manager had the following:
1 complaint for racism
1 complaint for sexual harassment
1 missing deposit in the amount of 400 bucks
Guess who still works there?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:02:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Oddly, I didn't get a "feeling sorry for yourself" vibe from this, really, and I liked the way you wrote it. Good on you for standing up for yourself, too.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:02:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, if I got fired from an 80k per year job, I would be able to think, "maybe it was too much for me... I wasn't cut out for it"... it's kinda like getting dumped by a boyfriend that you didn't really want in the first place.
I just looked at craigslist, and it seems like a bunch of crap "Make money from home" stuff. I've been using monster, which seems a bit better? Not so sure though.
Apollo- man, I see it all too clearly. I'd be golden if I could just call my old boss up and say, "hey, so that other job didn't work out, can I come back?". But no, I can't.
Furthermore, I can't stand to be Shandys assistant. He'd fire me for spanking him too softly or some such thing, and it would just further my self loathing spank lackink-ness.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:59:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh dear, that's a GRAND idea!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:59:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
LETS ALL APPLY FOR THAT JOB AND SEE WHO GETS THE FUNNIEST RESPONSE.
Be weird as fuck but try and keep it clean(ish).
My money is on either me or method.....
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:58:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OOOH OOOOH OOOOOH!
I have an idea!
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:58:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Never be upset when someone takes a lousy 24k/year job away from you. That's what a fucking mcdonalds fry clerk makes - not someone in sales and management.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:57:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I got my current job from Craigslist.
And I'm not one for "OMG SO GLAD YOURE ALIVE WTF"
You know better than that, you filthy slut.
Now get naked for uber.
Kisses
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:57:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what method said but nicer.
sellers market at the moment porn, remember that.
also that is a lesson, never burn your bridges when you quit a job. you never know when you may need those people.
the temptation to quit early, walk out etc is strong but stupid.
I've heard that shandy is in the market for a 'personal assistant'.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:56:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Look on the bright side, there's always suicide.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:55:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dunno how things work state side, but surely you have some sort of recompense from them. If you have done nothing wrong, met and exceeded targets, how can they fire you?
I would be speaking to a lawyer and bringing up a wrongful dismissal suit even if I hated the job.
Maybe I am just an ignorant Britisher though.
-Dave
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:55:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I just felt like writing it all out.
I realize it didn't pay much, but it paid enough for me to afford to live, have weekends off, and have a pretty easy job. Before, when I was working at my last job, I was making more than double... but I was working a ton, miserable, and lifeless.
Money doesn't matter to me, as long as it's "enough".
But anyway, I have applied for a shitton of jobs already this week, as well as doing a bit of networking.
PLUS, METHOD... where is the "OH MY GOD I MISSED YOU SO MUCH AND I AM SO GLAD TO KNOW YOU'RE STILL ALIVE, CORN NUGGET!!" line?
Motherfucker!
I also do want to get unemployment for a bit, simply because I know that it'll make the unemployement insurance go up a bit for them... and it's my one jab at revenge.
FUTHERMORE! ha... where's my accolades for my humility and humblenessssssssss?
And wait, I thought craigslist was where people went to find swf's and bbw? No?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://annarbor.craigslist.org/
Get crackin
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That sucks.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:49:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn. That sucks. It could be worse, though. They might have spied on you and concocted lies about you, like they did at my last 9-5er.
I'm going to apply for your job.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-17 13:47:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's just a job, Pornnugget. Go on Craigslist and find another one instead of posting about it on Uber. What the hell is wrong with you?
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and see this as an opportunity for something new and exciting and MAKING MORE THAN 24,000 A YEAR.
Get moving. If you don't, I'm going to come there and smack the fuck out of you.