Why you have a shit life compared to me... (764 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.4 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by waterbottle (View user info) at 2006-04-17 14:30:44 EDT
Ok guys, this is the first of, hopefully, many posts. I only started reading the site recently, but I thought if I could waste somebody's time in the same way that one of you has wasted mine, then I would be doing a good thing. So here it is, please enjoy.
I should start by explaining the inspiration for this piece. It was two tiered inspiration. The initial thought occurred after an article in The Sun by Jeremy Clarkson. The gist being that the worst job in the world was that of a dentist. The reasoning being that anybody who had to dig around in someone else goo-filled mouth had drawn the short straw when it came to life long occupations.
The second part of the inspiration arrived in my mind with plenty of shouting and tyre screeching. The great thought was that, although dentists have a rough ride of it, compared to me, a student, they have a caviar fuelled existence.
First off we must address the image of the student. Sleeping till early afternoon, drinking more vodka than Ireland's average rainfall, smoking more than bonfire, you know the stereotype. Lazy, broke, useless...
Well it's true. Every last word of it.
I'm flat skint, I haven't got a penny to my name. I can barely afford to buy alcohol or filters, never mind food. I have no source of income. I am running up debts the size of the mortgage on your semi-detached. And when I do manage to snaffle some form of employment, I am treated worse than an African in Kentucky.
I am always hungover, and sunrise is my cue for sleep. I can't afford to drink or smoke, yet I can't afford not to. This may seem strange at first, but look at it this way. I am studying a subject to a level you could not possible comprehend. Deadlines arrive faster than the future in fast forward. Coursework piles up, exams loom large. Plagiarism is a constant threat. (If you didn't realise you get kicked out of university for two cases of plagiarism, and plagiarism is easier to do than raping a deaf, dumb, blind, paralysed corpse. It is considered plagiarism, if you write the same idea, not word, idea as someone else, even if you put their name after it. In fact it is plagiarism unless you put it in quote marks. Imagine that you can get kicked out of university, a whole career in ruins because I forgot a set of "" them.) Yeah, now you are starting to realise why students drink and smoke. It's not because we have nothing better to do in the morning, we invariably do, it's just the fact that I can't sleep until I am so drunk or high that I have forgotten about Marx, and postmodernism.
And then I wake up hungover, and I have to go to lectures where I am shouted at by balding old men who failed at everything else they tried (remember, those who can: do. those who can't: teach).
But if you were just starting to feel sorry for me. I f you were just starting to think, "Maybe my life isn't that crap after all", then remember just one thing.
I live in a building with approx 400 18-20 yr old females....yeah, your life is shit my friend.
User Reviews
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-04-18 22:15:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If our lives were in prison together, mine would totally rape yours.
Submitted by syndl (user info) at 2006-04-17 23:04:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Guess I better re-think this whole Juris Doctorate and MBA thing. Your Marxism blows me right outta the water.
Douche Bag!
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-04-17 23:00:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-17 22:36:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:37:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
Welcome to Uber. This is better than most first posts
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Snark you are out of your fucking mind, go look at shlongy's first post or HE's first post, those were classics. They made you laugh, they made you cry, they sucked ass but were still better then this.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-04-17 18:58:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I can't afford to drink or smoke
_____________________
No, you're just too young to.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-04-17 18:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU'RE RIGHT.
DEAD GOD
MY LIFE _IS_ SHIT.
HOW COULD I NOT SEE IT BEFORE
WHY
WHY
MOTHER FUCKER
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-04-17 18:46:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Most of us have served our time, kid. Sit down and shut up.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-04-17 16:27:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow...
I live in 'The Real World', where ther are probably 800 million 18-20 uears olds.
Who is the loser?
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I live in a building with approx 400 18-20 yr old females....yeah, your life is shit my friend."
Those of us out in the workforce actually have access to quite a few million women that exist outside your halls of residence, plus we can actually afford to woo them with more than a pot noodle and a snakebite.
Never again in life will you find yourself in a situation where you can sit up late and talk about the world with such a diverse mix of intelligent people who aren't completely saddled by their own life experiences. Appreciate that and make the most of it, because that will teach you a hell of a lot more than looking up some 18 year olds skirt, and it might just make the £20,000 debt you leave with worthwhile.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:34:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
yeah, probably.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:30:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:44:16 (#)
Ranking: -2
your life isn't shit, but your writing is.
---
I heart katy. She's raw.
Try harder next time n00b. On the plus side, this was still better than anything Sphagnum has to offer.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:21:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
My god you are an idiot.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:18:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
All 400 of the bitches get on their annoying little blogs and write about the ugly, stinky, disease stricken, homosexual retard that they have in their 'building'.
So I guess it's only fair that you wrote about them too.
Submitted by IWalkOnPavement (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:14:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm a student, same as you.
I work hard.
I don't drink or smoke at all
Stop whining.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:11:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
COOL USER NAME THOUGH
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:04:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
But when not one of those 400 females know that you exist, what GOOD is THAT?
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-04-17 15:03:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Mental retardation (also called mental handicap and, as defined by the UK Mental Health Act 1983, mental impairment and severe mental impairment) is a term for a pattern of persistently slow learning of basic motor and language skills ("milestones") during childhood, and a significantly below-normal global intellectual capacity as an adult. One common criterion for diagnosis of mental retardation is a tested intelligence quotient (IQ) of 70 or below.
You, sir, are a retard.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:52:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
And...?
You live in a building with 400 18-20 y/olds...and what? Do they take turns having sex with each other? They come to give you a handjob on the hour every hour?
I was hoping for more of a Shlongy-themed post. This was teh meh.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No one gives a shit.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:47:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, ain't you just the living embodiment of the arrogant student stereotype!
Are we to think of you as the first person to see out their college days in a drunken haze? Are we supposed to congratulate you on your proximity to large numbers of young women?
Fuck off.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:45:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I spent a longer time than I should have trying to figure out 'snaffle' in context... it wasn't bad, but you shouldn't broadcast your noobness too much. Keep trying though... and maybe see if you can tone back the vernacular a bit.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:44:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
your life isn't shit, but your writing is.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:43:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
too bad you don't do anything about it 'cause you're either sleeping, in class or busy being an alcoholic
don't worry about that though, most uberians are
they sure is nice to look at though, huh
Submitted by MisterBadger (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"I live in a building with approx 400 18-20 yr old females....yeah, your life is shit my friend."
-----------
I live in a building with my wife and 2 kids.
I guarentee me life is better than yours.
But if I was surrounded by 400 18 - 20 year old girls, I would probably die of a heart attack, so you avoid a -2.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:41:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
'Ok guys, this is the first of, hopefully, many posts.'
I stopped after that--
If you post again, I'll remove you from the gene pool.
Submitted by subtastic (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:40:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i don't get the part about dentists.
and, being a university grad with a degree in a subject studied to a level that you not possibly comprehend (i call it a BA now), i have a good job with lots of money to buy alcohol and smoke.
my life is better than yours.
and i have a car.
i'd read something else you wrote though.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:38:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh.
Not Good, not awful.
I guess "Worth Reading" covers it best, but only just.
-Dave
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:37:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Welcome to Uber. This is better than most first posts.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:37:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:33:56 (#)
Ranking: -2
And not one of them will fuck your pathetic ass.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't feel sorry for _you_, I feel sorry for the educational system that has put up with yet another newly-minted Giro-seeker...I guess you'll just get a job at Marx's Postmodernist Theories & Latte Shoppe, eh?
Submitted by phels97 (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:37:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I dont feel bad at all, when i was in school..i was at the number 1 party school in the nation, well, according to playboy. Been through it all my friend, i dont think you life is better than mine in any fuckin way.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:34:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hopefully this'll be the last.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:33:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
And not one of them will fuck your pathetic ass.
Welcome to Uber, twat-waffle.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-04-17 14:33:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't know it was actually possible to read the sun, I thouhgt it just had pictures.
I've never noticed anything other than the pictures.