Stoners should not use the library. (824 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.56 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by crsunlimited (View user info) at 2006-04-18 17:32:32 EDT
I was in my local public library the other day and was using one of the public access computers. I find it funny to sometimes pay attention to what other people are doing while I am there. The guy that works part time at the library who is really good with computers (Tech) was on duty, and this girl who looked like a modern day hippie got on a computer about 10 feet away from me. Here is what transpired while the Hippie (we will call her Red as she had bright red hair) was in the library.
Keep in mind that (Red) brought her boyfriend in with her, and her brother is around with them as well, just not at the computers, and (Red) and her crew have all the speech indicators of someone who is on an acid trip.
(Red): Where is the Internet?
(BF): I'm not sure.
They both spend about 15 minutes staring at the monitor.
(Red): "Go ask that guy at the desk"
So (BF) gets up and goes to the desk
(BF): She needs your help
Over walks (Tech)
(Tech): "What can I help you with today?"
(Red): "I'm trying to get on the Internet, and I can't find it."
(Tech): Points to the blue Internet Explorer Icon "Double click the blue E"
(Red): "Oh... It looks so different on your computers. Thank you for your help."
(Tech): "Your welcome"
(Tech) then goes back to the desk. I have known (Tech) for a few years, and I am aware of some strange patrons he has to put up with. Judging by what is going on today I think the hardest thing he has to do is look people in eye and keep a straight face, and that says a lot as to how hard it is because he is responsible for all the computers in the Library.
(Red) then spends a few minutes on the net. I don't think she actually surfed anything. Her and her boyfriend stared at the MSN page for about 15 more minutes.
(Red): "Go tell the guy at the desk I need his help again."
(BF): Walks over to desk, "She needs your help again."
(Tech): "What are you looking for?"
(Red): "I'm looking for something that sounds like a soft drink. Fanta or Shasta or something. It's for college"
(Tech): "Do you mean FAFSA, the Free Application for Federal Student Aid?"
(RED): "Uh, Yeah that's it"
(Tech): Reaches down on her keyboard and types the address for FAFSA. "There you go. If you need any more help you know where to find me." (Tech): then goes back to the desk.
(Red) then proceeds to get something out of her purse that looks like a pamphlet for FAFSA, and stares at the monitor for 15 more minutes.
(RED): "Go tell that guy I need help again"
(BF): Walks to the desk "She needs help again"
(Tech): "Need some help?"
(Red): "I can't find where to sign in at."
(Tech): "Click where it says register"
(Red): Moves mouse and clicks. "Oh... I graduated in 2003."
(Tech): "Hmm, really?"
(RED): "Yeah...I know I'm old"
As I said I know (Tech) and he is 30 although he might not look it. Now I am all tuned into what is going on, and trying not to break out laughing in the middle of the library. (Red) would be roughly 10 years younger then (Tech) yet she is giving him the excuse that she is old for her slowness at navigating a website.
(Tech): "You are going to have to fill in all the fields of this form in order for them to process your application."
(Red): "Oh.... ok.... Where it says name do they want my name?"
(Tech): "Yes they need the name of the person that needs the funding and is going to be registered at the college. Just fill in your information, and if you get stuck I'll be at the desk."
The reason (Tech) doesn't stay and baby-sit her through the entire process is that this is a small public library, and he is the only one on duty at the moment. So he still has to watch the desk and help people on the computers.
Well it looks like (Red) is going along at a brisk pace, and she has all the fields entered, but the form won't let her advance. What makes this even more comical is that they repeat the whole process of her asking her (BF) to go to the desk to ask him for help, and he just says the same thing. So I will omit the rest of those from the post to keep my fingers from cramping.
(Tech): "What's going on?"
(Red): "Umm.... I entered all the stuff in, but its not letting me advance to the next thing. It keeps telling me that I need a date of birth and I entered one."
(Tech): "Ok lets see what's going on." (Tech) then looks at what she has in the D.O.B. field. "I don't think that's going to work."
(Red): "Ohh"
(Tech): "Do you see how they have mm/dd/yyyy above the field? They need you to put 2 digits for month, 2 digits for Day, and 4 digits for year."
(Red): "Ohhh........ok."
There was a bit of trouble when she still couldn't get to the next page, and (Tech) had to explain that she needed to use 01 as the month because the month slot needed 2 digits.
(Red): "Ok so I filled out everything and this screen says I need a pin. Where is my pin?"
(Tech): "Did you fill in your e-mail address?"
(Red): "Ohhh.... No I don't have an E-mail address."
(Tech): Pointing to the FAFSA brochure she has lying by the computer. "It says right here that unless you give them an e-mail they will mail it to your address and it will take about 10 days."
(Red): "Oh... So can I get an E-mail address?"
(Tech): "Sure just go to yahoo and get a free e-mail account."
(Tech) then walks her through how to get her own e-mail account having to repeat certain bits as she slowly grasps the concept. She had no trouble signing up for a new e-mail account until yahoo told her that the user name she wanted was taken.
(Red): "But how can someone have that name. That's my name?"
(Tech): "Well there are 4 billion people on the planet, and someone is bound to have your first and last name. But I don't recommend you using your real name anyway for security reasons. Why don't you use this handy Yahoo tool to come up with something unique? Just type in 3 words and it will generate a user name from what you put in there."
(Red): looking excited "Any 3 words?"
(Tech): "Yep, any 3 words you want to use. Just make sure you remember what your user name and password is. Otherwise you will be locked out of your account."
(Red): "Ohh.....ok"
(Tech) leaves and (Red) is left there typing in words. (Red) then asks (BF) to get her brother. I didn't hear all of the conversation, but one line does stick with me out of her conversation to her brother.
(Red): "How do you spell Psychopathic?"
(Red)'s brother apparently told her, and then started walking around. She had to get her brother over to spell Psychopathic several times as she didn't like the results of her unique name, and kept typing in 2 different words and Psychopathic.
Well I had my fill of stoner for the day and left the library. I spoke with (Tech) a few days later, and he filled me in on the missing pieces of what was said above. He also informed me that (Red) did indeed come back the very next day. (Red) was locked out of her e-mail account because she couldn't remember her Password. So she had to get a whole new username. Her new user name now has psychedelic psychopathic, and some kind of insect. Not necessarily in that order. Her new password is Mary Jane, and she has made sure all who work at the library remember it so she isn't locked out of her account. And (Tech) is ok with that. What really bothers him is her user name. Her brother apparently doesn't know how to spell psychopathic, nor psychedelic correctly so he knows she will never get that exact spelling again.
User Reviews
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:22:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
...
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:19:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I read this earlier and want credit for having done so. I found this mildly amusing but not lol funny.
(+1 because I made me laugh by using lol.)
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you shoula have changed her password to 'stupid fuckin hippie'
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:26:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Idiots.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:16:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Well there are 4 billion people on the planet..."
Redskies, thank you for being the only person with some knowledge.
Submitted by nerdyjock (user info) at 2006-04-19 11:54:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Not as funny as I'd hoped
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2006-04-19 11:22:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it, it could have been a little better.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You made a potentially very funny story very boring.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-04-19 07:53:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 06:10:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 05:48:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Also the tech's head should have blown up like that guy from Big Trouble in Little China.
------
Oh yeah! That would be awesome!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 05:48:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Also the tech's head should have blown up like that guy from Big Trouble in Little China.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 05:37:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Have you ever heard the saying "it's easy when you know how"? What seems obvious to you or I is not obvious to others. Plus when you don't know something and you've got to struggle along in a public environment it's very stressful. That just makes it all harder.
So basically this story needed more humour, more usage of the phrase "I dun seen it with ma' own two eyes!", vivid description of female orgasm, conquistadors, Leonardo da vinci traveling through time to interfere with that cancer boy what accused the king of pop and rape seed oil.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 04:33:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
6 billion + people now. I do have some empathy however.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-19 04:09:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by secret_of_nimh (user info) at 2006-04-18 22:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Chronic need to learn tooooo
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-04-18 21:56:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I read until I got to the word "public"...
that's a funny word...heheheh
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-04-18 21:50:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Don't point at the stoners!
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2006-04-18 21:09:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't think the title fits, but I enjoyed it
Submitted by RaineLark (user info) at 2006-04-18 20:44:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That's nothing. There's a patron at the library I work at who will build a fort out of books (bound journals, to be specific) so he can sit and look at porn all day.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-04-18 20:41:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Even *I* don't use "psychopathic" in my screen names.
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-04-18 18:59:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-04-18 18:40:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-04-18 18:29:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
worthy of about 0.5 and im in a good mood so im rounding it up
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-04-18 18:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Probably had to be there. Good story though
Submitted by MonkeyingAround (user info) at 2006-04-18 18:04:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
not bad...
Submitted by r1nce (user info) at 2006-04-18 17:47:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
your / you're
Submitted by BrownEyedGirrl (user info) at 2006-04-18 17:39:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny....