They won't let me be a corporate whore no more (now with camwhorely goodness) (392 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lucylou (View user info) at 2006-04-18 20:05:26 EDT
Every year my firm does its annual recruitment drive, trying to lure in fresh young law graduates to replace all the solicitors that take off overseas each year (it's not really the "done thing" to carry on working as a lawyer in New Zealand after your three year sentence has been served).
I am always invited to the recruitment functions. This is for a number of reasons:
1. Firstly, I'm a talkative person. And who better to expound the virtues of a firm than someone who loves nothing better than the sound of their own voice?;
2. Secondly, I am a female (at least I was last time I checked). This goes directly against the big firm stereotype, that it is a "blokey" culture. And it is a blokey culture. It so is. It's the sort of place where if you can't join in a "boat race" at the Christmas party, you'll be crying in the toilets before year end, such is the scorn piled upon you. Anyway, the firm basically holds me up as proof that they hire women, so I have to be on my best girly behaviour (skirt-swishing, eyelash-batting and hair-flicking a must);
3. Finally, I got my law degree at a university other than Auckland. I am therefore a rare, almost unknown, creature. Again, I'm simply a prop the firm uses to try to break down their stereotypical hiring policies.
So that's how I came to find myself up in our firm's bar, downing far too many wines and choking down the pretentious shit they were passing off as food (seriously, for our normal drinks we get the solid spring roll and samosa combo, some hot chips, maybe some chicken...last night that had caviar. CAVIAR. I was so disgusted when I saw it that I threw up in my serviette and gave it to the waitress). In fact, this is where the problems started. Too many wines + too little food = one drunk, obnoxious, slightly offensive Lucylou.
Don't get me wrong, I started off the evening as charming as can be. "Let me tell you a little about my life as a corporate lawyer", I said to the possible recruits with a beguiling smile. I sung the praises of the firm's quality of work, the loveliness of the people I worked with, the subsidised gym, the lush social functions, the opportunities overseas. I smiled, I charmed, I enticed. I flagged down food-carriers, plied them with drinks and basically performed like a monkey with a freaking barrel organ.
That was until my third glass of wine.
After that, things get a little hazy. I like to think it wasn't too obvious that I was fiercely flirting with one of the better looking recruits. Or that he wasn't flirting back (in fact, he was leaning back away from me so far he almost knocked over a lamp).
I'm hoping that no one took me seriously when I announced that all the alcohol in the world didn't make this a great place to work, and that I was "outta here...hic" as soon as my three years were up. In fact, I'm sure they weren't even listening to what I was saying, seeing as my skirt was hitched up in my knickers for a good ten minutes of the conversation.
And I'm pretty sure they'll all have forgotten that, as the potential recruits went home to get a good night's sleep before their interviews today, I chased them out to the lifts, shrieking "RUN! RUN NOW! IF YOU RUN NOW YOU CAN AVOID THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH! FLEE! VAMOOSE! SCAT! YOU NEEDN'T LOOK BACK! NEEDN'T!!!". Actually, I'm sure for that last part my voice was so high that only dogs would have been able to hear me anyway.
Yes, I'm pretty sure that most of my drunken behaviour last night went unnoticed.
But I'm pretty sure I won't be invited to any more recruitment functions.
User Reviews
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-04-18 20:16:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
make that "risk"
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-04-18 20:16:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Repost it or rist -2 wrath.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-18 20:12:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Repost or ride it out.
I for one don't care. The story was told well enough.
Submitted by Lucylou (user info) at 2006-04-18 20:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
AAH! Fuck, it's gone all bmp on me!