Second Date (5361 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.77 on 356 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Grimm <grimmjuice.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-04-19 07:10:04 EDT
This will sound a little disjointed I realize, but my head is still spinning.
"Julie" (or "Goddess", whatever) came over last night for some middle-of-the-week dinner. The girl is fucking gorgeous, I wanted to impress her, so I made all the following from scratch:
Asiago and Spinach Puffs
Miniature Quiches with Embrullier and Watercress
Individual Beef Wellingtons, rare.
Grimm's Famous Crab Cakes w/ fresh Remoulade.
I served dinner in courses and she was suitably impressed.
I also made sure she saw me chopping something, so she could witness my mad knife skills. After dinner, I served espresso and tiramisu.
We were stuffed.
We sat on my couch, high from the espresso, and talked for an hour. The food settled.
We talked more. Then, at around 8:15pm, she looked at me. I looked back. I leaned in for the first kiss.
Score.
It led to a second kiss.
Score.
She felt so lovely and soft in my arms. She looked like the fantasy of every childhood boy who first learns about sex. I was so utterly captivated by every move she made, the slightest intake of breath.
The kisses kept going. They grew into more.
I have never in my life felt so insecure and nervous with a girl in my arms. A girl like this could be with anyone she wanted to at that moment. Rock stars, millionaires - all hers for the taking. And she's sitting on my crappy couch, her hand resting gently in my lap and moving north.
And then...she stops and looks at me again, both of us out of breath.
"Probably too soon for the bedroom." She says.
"Armflarbippydoo." Was about all I could manage.
"I should maybe go, or it won't matter if it's too soon."
I nod my head, and stupidly help her with her jacket. I normally don't walk guests out to their car, but I do this time. I even open the door for her.
We have one last mind blowing kiss and she drives away.
I go inside and stare at the couch.
The phone rings.
"Look outside." She says.
She's in my driveway.
"Don't come out here." She says.
"Um...o.k."
"Are you an asshole?" she asks.
"What do you mean?"
"If I sleep with you on our second date, what will that mean?"
"Um...that you're insane and should be sitting in George Clooney's driveway right now?"
She laughs. At this point I'm staring out my window and we're making eye contact as she talks on her cell.
"Will you think I'm a slut?"
"No."
"Will anybody else?"
"Who cares what they think?"
"Do you just wanna sleep with me or do you want a relationship?"
"I want to sleep with you because of the way you look. I want to be with you because of the person you are."
"Do you believe in monogamy?"
"Yes."
"Have you always?"
"Not when I was 17, but I do now."
"I've slept with exactly three guys in my life," she says. "Two ended up cheating on me."
"What about the third?"
"He hit me."
"It's easy to say, but I will never do either."
"What's your darkest secret?"
"Um...I don't really have one. I'll tell you anything."
"What's something that you don't want me to know?"
This seems important to her for some reason.
"I've written about you on an online website."
"What?"
I explain what Uber is, and about (Dude).
"What did you say about me?"
"Nothing bad, believe me."
"Would you be embarrassed if I read it?"
"Slightly, but just because I wrote a little about the premature ejaculation that you're eventually going to cause me."
"If I sleep with you, are you going to write about it?"
"Um, not if you tell me not to, and never in detail. This little situation here would make a good post though."
"Kissing you felt amazing."
"Um...you should see it from my perspective." I say.
"How many women have you slept with?"
"Um..more than three?" I say, not making eye contact.
"How many?" she asks.
"You want me to add it up right now?"
"Roughly."
"Shit."
"Tell me."
"Probably between 15 and 20"
She says nothing.
"But most of those were years ago, I've told you I've been in consistent long term relationships for many years."
She still says nothing.
"And I'm older than you are. You're too young for me, haha."
"Do you still talk to any of your old girlfriends?"
"Don't you wanna come inside and talk about this?"
"No. Do you?"
"Two of them."
"What's their story?"
"One is an old friend from High School. She's married now but we email pretty frequently. The other is a girl I dated for a month or something, we never slept together."
"I want to come inside, but I think I should wait."
"There is no rush. You do what you feel comfortable with. I can wait - a long time if I have to."
"Did you use my name on that website?"
"No, I call you "Julie" - I don't even use my real name."
"I want you."
"I want you too."
"But I think we should wait."
"That is absolutely fine with me."
"I think I'm falling for you." She says.
"I think I wanna carve your face in my arm."
She laughs. She puts the phone down. She blows me a kiss and drives away.
She called me at 11 o'clock and we talk until 2am.
She's coming over again tonight. She told me she wants simple food.
I emailed her this story and she loved it.
I think I'm in trouble.
User Reviews
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-01-23 05:12:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...and you wanted dood out of the apartment.
if it wasnt fer him, no julie.
fate is a bitch, yeah?
Submitted by DrBenway0 (user info) at 2006-04-24 23:51:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude's going to be the best man at your wedding.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-04-24 03:03:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds perfect. Have fun.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-04-23 18:39:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hit that shit, brutha
Submitted by GoldPlatedOrange (user info) at 2006-04-23 18:28:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I cried...
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-04-23 16:47:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well written
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-04-23 16:24:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
An innocent, honest relationship story on this site?
And it's #1 on Most Heated?
YES!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-23 16:23:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should post again Bickerstaff.
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2006-04-23 16:18:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Every time I see that painting, kid, the one of Saint George fighting the Dragon,
every time I see it I'm relieved;
Relieved that the worm is still alive.
And I walk away with gladness, hoping it will stay that way; George's lance
heroically poised, the snarling Dragon suitably contrary, forever. But we all know it
won't, man, that hammer's gotta fall, the shoe's gotta drop, and it will.
It always does.
But it's worth it, right, cause of that moment, that snapshot, that held breath
surfeit with elation and, you know, foreboding.
Don't risk another glance, kid. That painting may have moved, the swirling
brush strokes of history revealed and neurosis attained can never again
caress your senses like the quiet before the applause.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2006-04-23 12:30:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't be the only woman who read this and thought:
"run run run run run run run run run :pant pant: run run run run run run"
Submitted by Snalty (user info) at 2006-04-22 00:05:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss nice guys.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-21 14:29:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86768#1938112
_________________________
Holy shit. I got almost 10 thousand hits in 3 days. I am teh hotness.
Bow down to me biznatches.
Or just toss an egg or something.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-04-20 23:01:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She started with the The second date is way to early to start with the
'do you love me how many people have you slept with i get hurt easy' talk.
Good luck anyhow.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:12:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I once told a girl about Uber back when I used to post more frequently. After that point she thought it would be a great idea to post EVERY FUCKING CONVERSATION WE EVER HAD on Ubersite. She was upset, to say the least, that I'd decline.
"Are you embarassed of us?"
"Baby, are you insane?"
"I just thought that email you wrote me would have gotten good ratings!"
"That's not why I wrote it..."
"I know but it was real good."
"Babe, Ubersite isnt a nice place...theyre not going to like it."
"Please?"
"God dammit."
*Oly posts "Letter to My Girlfriend"*
Watch out for that shit.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-20 13:09:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MonkeyingAround (user info) at 2006-04-20 11:37:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
He's way past 200 hits, Ghola.
___________________
And no one is more surprised than I...
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-20 12:36:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-04-20 11:48:10 (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey hand fuck--an intelligent woman would know instantly if you just want to plug her holes or put a ring on her finger. The fact that she had to ask proves she is indeed a fuckbag and has probably taken more cocks in the ass than a gay man.
Fuck you.
_____________
Wow. I never considered that. Thank you for the thought provoking input, which was also well written and deep with emotion. I'm a better person for receiving your criticism. Of course, it might mean more if you had actually had sex with anything other than yourself, a goat, and your mom, this way your experience would lend more weight to your discourse and ideas. But maybe not...I'm not sure. Not like anything said on this site matters too much anyway...except for the pie thing. Gotta love pie.
Regardless, I shall go fuck myself immediately. That always brightens my day.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-04-20 11:48:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey hand fuck--an intelligent woman would know instantly if you just want to plug her holes or put a ring on her finger. The fact that she had to ask proves she is indeed a fuckbag and has probably taken more cocks in the ass than a gay man.
Fuck you.
Submitted by MonkeyingAround (user info) at 2006-04-20 11:37:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He's way past 200 hits, Ghola.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-20 11:13:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that is a BOLD faced lie.
Go directly to hell. Do not pass go, do not collect your 200 hits...
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-20 11:02:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not for nothing....
But fuck pie. Cake is better than pie anyway you cut it.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2006-04-20 09:26:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hello Grimm,
Fair play on the current situation, like the carving her name in your arm bussiness.
I've been dating my current girlfriend for six months, she is also to me and other's "teh Hotness".
I like to share a few things:
"I've slept with exactly three guys in my life," she says. "Two ended up cheating on me."
"What about the third?"
"He hit me."
Why you would ask would anybody treat a hot woman this way? Probably because they were the 1% of guys who get all the action, the playas and they didn't give a fuck.
Or mediocre in the attractiveness scale and tempted by all the offers you get when you are with a hot womenz.
This is great for us, as long as you are not a doormat. Every relationship is a trade off with someone valuing the other more, make sure that she is still competing for you, but don't cheat.
"She seems like she's been hurt before and is worried about being hurt again. If you let her guide the relationship, however fast or slow, then you'll only reap the rewards. "
This is great advice, take it nice and easy, my gf and I didn't really kiss till the third date.
Listen to "when your in love with a beautiful woman" by Dr Hook and watch your friends. If you have never gone out with a hottie before, get ready for the onslaught of people trying to get her off you. The attitude to take is "if you did dissappear with some guy, you wern't worth having anyway".
And Grimm, most relationships end, that's the way of it and everybody will be watching you. Enjoy whilst it last, maintain your old lady contacts, make her happy, show her hapiness (with you) off everywhere, treat her right and if/when it ends exit gracefully.
A good line I've actually used at the start of a relationship:"Baby I know the other guys, when you broke up with them, they bothered you afterwards and made you lose respect for them. I'm not like that, I was perfectly happy before I met you and would be happy after you are gone, (pause) but I'm happier with you.
If other hot womanz see your mature handling of the situation, there will be a stampede for you.
Ultra hot women are often single because the men they go out with freak out, from the competition, the offers and go nuts when they break up, stalking them.
If you are a safe prospect, you have hotties for the rest of your life.
Enjoy!
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-20 09:20:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Um - if you're talking to me I didn't save the email with the link, and I didn't mean you should post your pic for spt. just that thing about the rubber band.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-20 08:30:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-20 06:29:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:57:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
You want me to make my Uber-Debut on SPT with that?
______________
Yes I do.
---
You're gonna have to email me the main pic from my MySpace profile. Damned work filter won't let me go there.
THen I'll do it.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-04-20 06:34:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SOUPS ON BITCHES
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-20 06:31:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:53:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a fucking faggot.
And by the way, beef wellington is disgusting.
_____________________
I don't know why this review hurt me so much, considering it's from someone called "shitfuck"
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-20 06:30:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2006-04-19 21:24:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
"I've written about you on an online website."
ONLINE IS FUCKING REDUNDANT!
_________________
Hmmm....you are correct and I apologize
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-20 06:29:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:32:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
seriously, shhh
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:31:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
no heat
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:31:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
heat
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:31:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
no
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:31:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
shutup
___________________
HAHAHAHA! WE'RE COMIN FOR YA GHOLA, AND NO AMOUNT OF PIE IS GONNA STOP US!!!!!!
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-20 06:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:57:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
You want me to make my Uber-Debut on SPT with that?
______________
Yes I do.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-04-20 00:20:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've encountered aggressive bottles of syrup less sickly sweet than this, but eh, I couldn't help but smile.
The best ending ever would be if she's a quadrapalegic midget or something.
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2006-04-19 21:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I've written about you on an online website."
ONLINE IS FUCKING REDUNDANT!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-19 21:03:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fucking awesome.
Awesomer than awesome.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2006-04-19 19:58:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
After reading what you cooked those questions about your sexual history were her double checking if you were gay or not.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-04-19 19:51:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why is a beautiful intelligent girl single?
--------------------------------------
Because she hasn't found the right man.
I just read every single review.
Yes, I am that bored.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-04-19 19:09:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:53:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a fucking faggot.
And by the way, beef wellington is disgusting.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:53:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:49:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Some of the reviews on this thing had me dying with laughter.
I've also decided on one major thing - Berty is a bad man. BAD!
Oh, and good luck on this whole torrid affair you gots goin' on, Grimm...
-----------
I thought I caprtured the feeling of the handicapped quite well. Seriously though, come on. I kept reffering to disabled people as crips.
Honestly though, I'm not a man. I'm all woman. Berty's just my nickname because of my surname.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:39:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really, really hate you, you lucky bastard.
Fucks SAKE I need human contact! NOW!
11 Months by yourself makes you go crazy in the thought-meats!
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:37:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
From this conversation I deduce that she is completely and utterly bat shit insane. Tough break. and by "tough break" I mean I'm sure it will be.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:25:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This woman sounds irritating.
Submitted by MonkeyingAround (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:48:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't tell me you guys are done chatting on here!
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:57:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i fucking adore this post
"Probably too soon for the bedroom." She says.
"Armflarbippydoo." Was about all I could manage."
hahahaha
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some of the reviews on this thing had me dying with laughter.
I've also decided on one major thing - Berty is a bad man. BAD!
Oh, and good luck on this whole torrid affair you gots goin' on, Grimm...
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not really in a wheelchair. I just like to pretend.
Method, I'll send you a picture.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:38:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
not sure which post I'm rating but +2 was already selected so congratualations.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:18:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Asiago and Spinach Puffs
Miniature Quiches with Embrullier and Watercress
Individual Beef Wellingtons, rare.
Grimm's Famous Crab Cakes w/ fresh Remoulade.
----
MMM, I'D GO GHEY FOR THAT
Submitted by recall (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:38:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe you should all get an irc channel...wtf 300 posts?
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:32:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where'd everyone go?
Wasn't this Grimm's idea anyway?
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:32:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gettin closer to MH.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
seriously, shhh
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:31:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no heat
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:31:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heat
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:31:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shutup
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:17:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't have access to my "good" pics at work. Maybe I will make a SPT/camwhore debut.
I had a post all ready to go for APW last week, and the email address thing in my account was messed up. I had to fix it, then wait a day for my comfirmation code thingie.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:15:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I believe the proper spelling of that word is "pimp"
And get to camwhoring, before I show the world your nekkid cooter pictures
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:11:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and I got punched in the stomach today for calling a girl at work a "broad"
---
Good. Serves you right you chauvanistic bastard.
(Did I spell that right?)
Just kiddin'.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:11:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So I guess I'll have to do my own camwhore.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and I got punched in the stomach today for calling a girl at work a "broad"
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:10:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously, if I don't get at least a few hot broads in this thing, it's not going to happen.
<blarf>
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:07:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:32:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Many times.
If Method ever does this beauty contest thing, you'll see a picture of me.
---------
Well, it IS a beauty contest, and so far I don't have nearly enough submissions to even remotely qualify it as that. What the fuck happened to all the hot chicks?
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:57:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You want me to make my Uber-Debut on SPT with that?
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:54:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:52:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
I laid my head down on my hands on my desk for like 5 minutes. I picked my head up and realized I have rubberbands wrapped around my wrists and now have rubberband imprints in my forehead.
_______________
Um...I think that should be your shit post thursday. just those two lines. they really made me laugh.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:52:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laid my head down on my hands on my desk for like 5 minutes. I picked my head up and realized I have rubberbands wrapped around my wrists and now have rubberband imprints in my forehead.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:50:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:45:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh come on. After all the comments that you've made that I've just turned a cum soaked eye to, I deserve one really good one.
You know I love you Grimm and am super happy you found your Buttercup.
Are we bff's again?
_________________________
Of course, no worries. It was jealousy related - i understand how chicks go crazy when they can't have my cock rocket again. I've been through it before.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:45:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:41:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:38:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Likely story. She having a train run on her right now, that's why she really can't talk to you :)-
____________________
Wow. That is nasty. At least she's not somewhere giving $3 BJ's to old men, like your boyfriend. Did I mention that he pisses himself? I have proof.
---------
Oh come on. After all the comments that you've made that I've just turned a cum soaked eye to, I deserve one really good one.
You know I love you Grimm and am super happy you found your Buttercup.
Are we bff's again?
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whatever works for you Grimm. ;)
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:39:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
That's not very nice, Hilarity. :(
____________
She is a fucking bitch, isn't she? Gives great head though - that makes up for a lot.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:41:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:38:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Likely story. She having a train run on her right now, that's why she really can't talk to you :)-
____________________
Wow. That is nasty. At least she's not somewhere giving $3 BJ's to old men, like your boyfriend. Did I mention that he pisses himself? I have proof.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:39:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's not very nice, Hilarity. :(
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:38:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:36:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:31:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Tell her I said hi next time you talk to her.
____________________
She's at the beach now. Her cell isn't working :-(
----------
Likely story. She having a train run on her right now, that's why she really can't talk to you :)-
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Someone else who says 'beach' instead of 'shore'.
Eh, whenever you talk to her, make sure you say, "Michelle says hi."
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:36:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:31:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Tell her I said hi next time you talk to her.
____________________
She's at the beach now. Her cell isn't working :-(
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:31:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tell her I said hi next time you talk to her.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:31:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do it, pussy.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:30:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by dove666 (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:24:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Too much rich food. She was probably blown up like a dirigible.
She was crowning in the driveway. It's good she left when she did.
Tonight, something binding.
________________________________
hahaha. She suggested something simple on the grill. I said fine, but there's no way I'm watching you eat a hot dog
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:27:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There's not much to it. It's easier to do doggy-style if you aren't used to being the fuck-er as opposed to the fuck-ed.
Put it on, lube it up and go to town.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:26:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:25:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha!
I'm not selling it.
-------------------------
What about teaching someone to use it ;)-
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:25:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha!
I'm not selling it.
Submitted by dove666 (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Too much rich food. She was probably blown up like a dirigible.
She was crowning in the driveway. It's good she left when she did.
Tonight, something binding.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:23:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:21:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a strap-on :)
Only been used once.
________________________
This sounds like an ad on craigslist.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a strap-on :)
Only been used once.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:20:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:18:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
that would be a cool 3some - but you need some cock for variety
*Steps forward*
------------------
NO! I'm not sharing them with you. A strap-on would do the trick if we needed that.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:20:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That one's all yours.
I'll take me, Charlize, and James Hetfield.
Oooh. That's getting me excited.
Is it time to go home yet?
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:18:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that would be a cool 3some - but you need some cock for variety
*Steps forward*
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:17:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:11:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not too much into Angelina.
Charlize Theron is more my type.
---------
I would so have a 3-some with these 2 girls
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:15:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
eh, not as good as angelina in gone in 60 seconds. I like my women kind of dirty.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:13:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Charlize Theron is HAWT in The Italian Job.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:13:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, she's cute, but that whole serial killer thing she played turned me off her forever.
Where's Hilarity?
*looks under desk*
Oh there she is!
Again?
You just finished ten minutes ago!
Fine.
Go Ahead.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:11:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not too much into Angelina.
Charlize Theron is more my type.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:10:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:06:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Kinda like the first drag off a cigarette after you've gone a week without, and you've had a really bad day? Only better...?
__________________
Something like that, only people are also throwing bags of cash at you and angelina jolie is giving you a backrub
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:10:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ghola
g-h-o-l-a
ghola
gho-gho-gho-gho-ghola
sorry.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:06:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
__________________
hahaha - Ghola doesnt wanna get knocked off most heated!!! Sorry ghola, you're very cute but we can't do that. maybe some naked pics would change our mind. maybe, not definitely.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:06:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kinda like the first drag off a cigarette after you've gone a week without, and you've had a really bad day? Only better...?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:06:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:04:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:00:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
The pie post was actually funny. Not saying this one isn't... more that the reviews are.
I'd like to have a dick just for a day to see what a blow job feels like.
Cigarettes are too damn expensive in NJ.
Never been stage diving.
______________________
You know that feeling you get when you have that first sip of the first drink after a rough day? It feels like that, only better
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The pie post was actually funny. Not saying this one isn't... more that the reviews are.
I'd like to have a dick just for a day to see what a blow job feels like.
Cigarettes are too damn expensive in NJ.
Never been stage diving.
Submitted by MonkeyingAround (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:59:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I keep forgeting to rate my posts...
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:59:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We gotta keep it going!! I want #1MH!!! Fuck pie!!!! (although that was a great post)
C'mon - we need a new convo. topic.
How about
Blowjobs
Cigarettes
Stage Diving
I think i'll take all 3
Submitted by MonkeyingAround (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:56:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
exactly.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:53:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, at least you're getting a good rating. And heat. And hits.
Good thing some of us have nothing to do at work, huh?
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:40:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Grimm, did you think your story about "Julie" would get this many hits?
_______________
Of course not. This is insane. Of course, it's just the fault of like 4 of us.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:51:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:45:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
MD?
----------
Maryland
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:45:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MD?
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:44:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:28:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Bi-Curious. Bah. I've never met a drop dead gorgeous lesbian or open bisexual. You get plenty of munters though.
------------------
I have a hot bisexual girl persuing me and I'm in MD.
Her boyfriend's pissed.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:40:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MonkeyingAround (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:38:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:36:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, my husband's ex-fiancee is now a lesbian. She's pretty hot, and she lives in California.
----------------------------------
case and point.
---
But I haven't seen her either. I really must insist on rating with my own two shallow eyes.
Only once I've approved can people ruin the experience for me.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83577
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:40:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Grimm, did you think your story about "Julie" would get this many hits?
Submitted by MonkeyingAround (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:38:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:36:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, my husband's ex-fiancee is now a lesbian. She's pretty hot, and she lives in California.
----------------------------------
case and point.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:36:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, my husband's ex-fiancee is now a lesbian. She's pretty hot, and she lives in California.
Submitted by MonkeyingAround (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:35:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:28:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Bi-Curious. Bah. I've never met a drop dead gorgeous lesbian or open bisexual. You get plenty of munters though.
---------------------------------
Come to california... they are everywhere.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:34:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:30:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:28:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes but I have to worry about getting an erection, maintaining an erection, worrying that she might have only slept with guys that have 3foot long dicks and therefore needs a microscope to see mine, worry that I won't make her climax, etc. Sex is scary for guys. Yet they always want it. We're like that.
-------------------
You're practically thirty years old Grimm. I would have thought you were more confident about this sort of thing.
Hey, do reckon that once she notices your time weary body in all it's naked spleandour she'll be turned off?
---
And then the sound of relentless wheeling will attract her attention, and she will see the wonder that is Berty - circling your block. Gazing hungrily at your stairs. The only thing that can thwart him. Like a Dalek.
-----------
Jesus fucking Christ Red......hahahahahaha
I think I pissed my pants a little.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:32:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Many times.
If Method ever does this beauty contest thing, you'll see a picture of me.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:31:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:30:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
<openly bisexual>
Hi Red.
</openly bisexual>
---
I've not seen a picture I'm afraid, so I must withhold comment. Perhaps you are the exception that proves the rule. May I ask though, have you been with both man and woman? And not while stinkingly drunk?
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:31:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:20:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
See, I would've said yes. I'm wrong again it seems. It'd be hard for a person with disabilities to touch a kid though, wouldn't it? I mean, the kid could out run them.
*still laughing* I love you Berty, you're teh awesome.
-----------
Do you have any idea how much kids fall down? All you need to do is fit tyres that grip in the wet and you can have a great day out at the swimming pool.
------------------
You once again have showed me my lack of thinking the situation through fully.
But that would only work really if your chair was motorized. If it was hand powered, you'd have no hands left to "play".
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:30:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:28:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, do reckon that once she notices your time weary body in all it's naked spleandour she'll be turned off?
_______________________
I don't know. I already showed her my worst feature, my stretch marks. I was once insanely fat and have 2 marks on either side of my stomach that I hate.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:30:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<openly bisexual>
Hi Red.
</openly bisexual>
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:30:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:28:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes but I have to worry about getting an erection, maintaining an erection, worrying that she might have only slept with guys that have 3foot long dicks and therefore needs a microscope to see mine, worry that I won't make her climax, etc. Sex is scary for guys. Yet they always want it. We're like that.
-------------------
You're practically thirty years old Grimm. I would have thought you were more confident about this sort of thing.
Hey, do reckon that once she notices your time weary body in all it's naked spleandour she'll be turned off?
---
And then the sound of relentless wheeling will attract her attention, and she will see the wonder that is Berty - circling your block. Gazing hungrily at your stairs. The only thing that can thwart him. Like a Dalek.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:29:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:27:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:20:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
See, I would've said yes. I'm wrong again it seems. It'd be hard for a person with disabilities to touch a kid though, wouldn't it? I mean, the kid could out run them.
*still laughing* I love you Berty, you're teh awesome.
-----------
Do you have any idea how much kids fall down? All you need to do is fit tyres that grip in the wet and you can have a great day out at the swimming pool.
---
Berty trips them up with his withered legs too. And then They're Under His Wheels. After that, it's all over bar the squeaking and the pumping.
--------------------
I only steal their juices to keep me young. You make me sound like some kind of monster.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:28:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bi-Curious. Bah. I've never met a drop dead gorgeous lesbian or open bisexual. You get plenty of munters though.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:28:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes but I have to worry about getting an erection, maintaining an erection, worrying that she might have only slept with guys that have 3foot long dicks and therefore needs a microscope to see mine, worry that I won't make her climax, etc. Sex is scary for guys. Yet they always want it. We're like that.
-------------------
You're practically thirty years old Grimm. I would have thought you were more confident about this sort of thing.
Hey, do reckon that once she notices your time weary body in all it's naked spleandour she'll be turned off?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:20:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
See, I would've said yes. I'm wrong again it seems. It'd be hard for a person with disabilities to touch a kid though, wouldn't it? I mean, the kid could out run them.
*still laughing* I love you Berty, you're teh awesome.
-----------
Do you have any idea how much kids fall down? All you need to do is fit tyres that grip in the wet and you can have a great day out at the swimming pool.
---
Berty trips them up with his withered legs too. And then They're Under His Wheels. After that, it's all over bar the squeaking and the pumping.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:26:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MonkeyingAround (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:23:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll have to have my eyes tightly closed like a catholic wife.
--------------------------------------------------------------
I laughed so hard at this! Oh and Grimm, the guys do it as a hello, it's quite short and not long. The girls are all dating the guys and the guys could careless as could the girls. It's an odd group and it doesn't help that most of the girls are at least bi-curious and they enjoy the attention. It's quite entertaining to watch actually.
_______________________
Well then....I can't wait to meet you :-)
Submitted by MonkeyingAround (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:23:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll have to have my eyes tightly closed like a catholic wife.
--------------------------------------------------------------
I laughed so hard at this! Oh and Grimm, the guys do it as a hello, it's quite short and not long. The girls are all dating the guys and the guys could careless as could the girls. It's an odd group and it doesn't help that most of the girls are at least bi-curious and they enjoy the attention. It's quite entertaining to watch actually.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:22:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha... Catholic wife.
I'm telling you, get the 1st load out of the way before she gets there. You'll be more relaxed, and the 2nd one won't come as quick (har har).
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:20:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See, I would've said yes. I'm wrong again it seems. It'd be hard for a person with disabilities to touch a kid though, wouldn't it? I mean, the kid could out run them.
*still laughing* I love you Berty, you're teh awesome.
-----------
Do you have any idea how much kids fall down? All you need to do is fit tyres that grip in the wet and you can have a great day out at the swimming pool.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:19:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:13:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno Grimm. She has to shower, shave, pluck, etc and make sure she's all pretty. Then she has to figure out what she's going to wear. Then she has to figure out what underwear to wear, in the even that you see them.
All you have to do is make sure you last for more than 5 minutes.
______________________
Yes but I have to worry about getting an erection, maintaining an erection, worrying that she might have only slept with guys that have 3foot long dicks and therefore needs a microscope to see mine, worry that I won't make her climax, etc. Sex is scary for guys. Yet they always want it. We're like that.
5 minutes! What on earth are we gonna do for the other 4 minutes? It only takes 30 seconds to wipe it off and go get a beer....seriously though - I gotta shoot for 15 minutes at least. But she's too good looking, so i can't look at her. I'll have to have my eyes tightly closed like a catholic wife.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:17:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Grimm, I order you to stop being so uptight. You're obsessing over this so much you'll probably more likely find yourself in a situation where you can't ejaculate and you'll have to fake it.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:16:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:11:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:08:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Is a child fiddler in a wheel chair still a paedophile?
--------------
No Red. People with disabilities are heros. My tears cure cancer and my bowel movements solve crimes.
------------------
See, I would've said yes. I'm wrong again it seems. It'd be hard for a person with disabilities to touch a kid though, wouldn't it? I mean, the kid could out run them.
*still laughing* I love you Berty, you're teh awesome.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:14:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:13:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno Grimm. She has to shower, shave, pluck, etc and make sure she's all pretty. Then she has to figure out what she's going to wear. Then she has to figure out what underwear to wear, in the even that you see them.
All you have to do is make sure you last for more than 5 minutes.
---
Also she must apply KY Jelly because transexuals can't self lubricate.
sorry.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:13:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:11:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:08:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Is a child fiddler in a wheel chair still a paedophile?
--------------
No Red. People with disabilities are heros. My tears cure cancer and my bowel movements solve crimes.
---
I wish Quincy had been a walking talking turd.
Incidentally, if Ironside had been able to have his own poos (and not have to be lain down and then be decompacted by a pretty nurse) - would they have been the greatest crime fighter of all time?
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:13:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno Grimm. She has to shower, shave, pluck, etc and make sure she's all pretty. Then she has to figure out what she's going to wear. Then she has to figure out what underwear to wear, in the even that you see them.
All you have to do is make sure you last for more than 5 minutes.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:12:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:10:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
never get anything tattooed on you unless it's always going to be a part of your life. ie children and dead friends only. even then.
but the carve your face into my arm thing is really touching.
-------------
Am I the only one that thought that comment was both horrible and inappropriate?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:11:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:08:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Is a child fiddler in a wheel chair still a paedophile?
--------------
No Red. People with disabilities are heros. My tears cure cancer and my bowel movements solve crimes.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:11:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:09:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
So have you talked to Julie since the last phone update?
__________________
Of course. Seems she's just as nervous as me. But I have a lot more shit to worry about than her.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:10:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
never get anything tattooed on you unless it's always going to be a part of your life. ie children and dead friends only. even then.
but the carve your face into my arm thing is really touching.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:09:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:07:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
It really gave me a lot of hope and faith in the human spirit.
_____________
This made me hard. Or Nauseous. I don't know which and it's hard to tell.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:09:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So have you talked to Julie since the last phone update?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:09:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:08:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
The comment thread here is totally overshadowing the post. Just thought I'd state the obvious.
---
You need more metal. If you can't afford a wheelchair at least get some big ass braces.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:08:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is a child fiddler in a wheel chair still a paedophile?
Let us look at Brian Peppers for answers http://thebrianpeppersong.ytmnd.com/
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:08:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The comment thread here is totally overshadowing the post. Just thought I'd state the obvious.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:07:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:52:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:44:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:42:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/82498#1788333
---------------
Berty, and how do you explain this fine piece of detective work by our very own Retro?
-------------------------
I don't like pity. When I was younger I used to use it in a way some women use their feminity to get what they want. I still do sometimes, bad habits die hard, but in all honesty relying on pity made me far less of a man than this chair ever did. I don't want to go into details but suffice is to say that I exploited the people who cared about me and it hurt them.
At the time I wrote that I guess I was feeling a bit tired and bad about myself. At the time I was being pretty unneccesarily horrible to people on Uber because of it all and I wanted them to be horrible back to me, I wanted to be punished. I didn't want the fact I'm in a wheelchair to cause people to hold back.
------
See, I would never pity someone in a wheelchair or a person with a disability. If you were a dick to me, I'd tell ya you were a dick, wheelchair or not.
That pity shit went out the window in college when I had to do my Special Ed. portion of my teaching degree. Some of the funniest and most able people I've met while in college had disabilities. It really gave me a lot of hope and faith in the human spirit.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:02:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:01:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:56:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
i love berty
------------------
Red's only saying that so I can get him into the wheelchair access section at concerts.
I've told you before Red that with great power comes great responsibility.
---
Rumbled by the roving one!
And you said that when you were looking at porn at work while I was cowering from the terrors of IT services.
Will your precious IT dept let you look at this? http://www.jikl.com/movies/bigzit.wmv ? NSFW (at least not at mine)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:02:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:01:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:56:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
i love berty
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Red's only saying that so I can get him into the wheelchair access section at concerts.
I've told you before Red that with great power comes great responsibility.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:01:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:56:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
i love berty
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:01:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:00:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:59:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wouldn't go so far as to say I like the smell of gas. But I'm always running around the house looking for something that sqeaks. Unfortunately nothing does :(
I wonder of my neighbor has a squeaky medicine cabinet.
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Shame you don't have one of Berty's gerbils really. They squeak. Briefly
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*licks lips*
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:00:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:59:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wouldn't go so far as to say I like the smell of gas. But I'm always running around the house looking for something that sqeaks. Unfortunately nothing does :(
I wonder of my neighbor has a squeaky medicine cabinet.
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Shame you don't have one of Berty's gerbils really. They squeak. Briefly
Submitted by msambiguous (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:00:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Big trouble, lol
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:59:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wouldn't go so far as to say I like the smell of gas. But I'm always running around the house looking for something that sqeaks. Unfortunately nothing does :(
I wonder of my neighbor has a squeaky medicine cabinet.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:57:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MonkeyingAround (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:54:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know you do I? You sound like the guys I hang out with. They decided to create a new secret handshake...*shakes head* They now instead of just saying "Hi" and giving us girls a hug, they grab our boobs and shake them around a bit. *shamed... hangs head*
____________________
Well, I think that's over the line a little bit, especially if they do this several times a day.
But, take Hilarity for example just cuz she has nice tits - If we ever met up, I think that at some point she should let me cop a feel for no longer than 10 seconds, just to get the lay of the land.
Too bad shes in love with a gas station attendant. The guy must smell horrible. I hear he pisses himself too
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:56:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's why Berty sprays his armpits at teh same time as he lubes his wheels. WD40 is such a good lubricant he can fuck a mouse.
Should he want to. He doesn't of course.
He's a gerbil man.
----------------------
Don't judge me! They're nothing but fuzzy little whores anyway. Have you seen what they do with their cheecks? They're gagging for it.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:56:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i love berty
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:56:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:50:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:48:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wouldn't dare.
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But but... you said you wouldn't dare? *cries*
Red - I wear Neutrogena skin lotion not Evian. Get it right.
---
The smell of WD40 probably put Berty off a tad. He's only human you know. Well, mostly human. The Wheeled One has his little fancies.
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Fancies? Do tell....
MichelleNJ - Weird, I like that smell too. I like the smell of gasoline too. This explains a lot about me.
Submitted by MonkeyingAround (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:54:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:50:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
jealousy. it's an ugly thing, sweetheart. Can i get the same boob action you'd give to berty?
I fully beleive that women should occasionally allow friends to grab their boobs for a few seconds. Women don't realize how happy that makes us.
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I don't know you do I? You sound like the guys I hang out with. They decided to create a new secret handshake...*shakes head* They now instead of just saying "Hi" and giving us girls a hug, they grab our boobs and shake them around a bit. *shamed... hangs head*
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:53:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:51:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
This is weird, but I love the smell of WD-40.
---
That's why Berty sprays his armpits at teh same time as he lubes his wheels. WD40 is such a good lubricant he can fuck a mouse.
Should he want to. He doesn't of course.
He's a gerbil man.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:53:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So that's why you moved? hehehe
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:52:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:44:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:42:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/82498#1788333
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Berty, and how do you explain this fine piece of detective work by our very own Retro?
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I don't like pity. When I was younger I used to use it in a way some women use their feminity to get what they want. I still do sometimes, bad habits die hard, but in all honesty relying on pity made me far less of a man than this chair ever did. I don't want to go into details but suffice is to say that I exploited the people who cared about me and it hurt them.
At the time I wrote that I guess I was feeling a bit tired and bad about myself. At the time I was being pretty unneccesarily horrible to people on Uber because of it all and I wanted them to be horrible back to me, I wanted to be punished. I didn't want the fact I'm in a wheelchair to cause people to hold back.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:51:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is weird, but I love the smell of WD-40.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:51:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:49:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks Grimm. I assume your pics weren't taken in the new place. And there's totally not enough counterspace in that kitchen.
____________________
Yeah, that was the old place. Hilarity saw that pic and drove straight to my house. I was like, OMFG!!!11!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:50:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:48:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wouldn't dare.
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But but... you said you wouldn't dare? *cries*
Red - I wear Neutrogena skin lotion not Evian. Get it right.
---
The smell of WD40 probably put Berty off a tad. He's only human you know. Well, mostly human. The Wheeled One has his little fancies.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:50:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:37:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:34:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Where the hell did Grimm go? He better not be masturbating to my pics!
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He's probably talking to Julie on the phone..... Again.
_______________
jealousy. it's an ugly thing, sweetheart. Can i get the same boob action you'd give to berty?
I fully beleive that women should occasionally allow friends to grab their boobs for a few seconds. Women don't realize how happy that makes us.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:49:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks Grimm. I assume your pics weren't taken in the new place. And there's totally not enough counterspace in that kitchen.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:48:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wouldn't dare.
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But but... you said you wouldn't dare? *cries*
Red - I wear Neutrogena skin lotion not Evian. Get it right.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:46:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:45:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
You don't have to thank me for throwing my semen at you, although wherever you live must be an exciting if sticky place.
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Tis only polite to thank you for your gracious gift of goo.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:45:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:43:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
He can smell your Evian skin cream and that sometimes you wear L'Air du Temps, but not today
---
Now it's all Hannibal Lector in here.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:45:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You don't have to thank me for throwing my semen at you, although wherever you live must be an exciting if sticky place.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:45:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:34:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Where the hell did Grimm go? He better not be masturbating to my pics!
___________________
Ha - I'm at work for christsakes and actually had to work! The nerve...
The pics were nice though - thanks. The Spank Bank can never fill up too much.
So when's the cookoff, etc.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:44:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:42:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/82498#1788333
---------------
Berty, and how do you explain this fine piece of detective work by our very own Retro?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:43:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He can smell your Evian skin cream and that sometimes you wear L'Air du Temps, but not today.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:40:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:37:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty would throw his man batter at you Special Agent. You'd be wise to grow wary at the sound of his motors.
-p-----------------------
I wouldn't dare. I'm sure she knows how to do things to a body that'd make a man swallow his own tounge.
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Why thank you Berty. *sticks tounge out at Red*
Don't mind him, he's just jealous is all.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/82498#1788333
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:40:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:37:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty would throw his man batter at you Special Agent. You'd be wise to grow wary at the sound of his motors.
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...his motors...hahahahahahaha
Stop, seriously.
You're making me laugh so hard, it hurts.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:40:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:37:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty would throw his man batter at you Special Agent. You'd be wise to grow wary at the sound of his motors.
-p-----------------------
I wouldn't dare. I'm sure she knows how to do things to a body that'd make a man swallow his own tounge.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.mmguide.musicmatch.com/album/album.cgi?ALBUMID=1534583
Berty's favourite song
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:37:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty would throw his man batter at you Special Agent. You'd be wise to grow wary at the sound of his motors.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:37:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:34:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Where the hell did Grimm go? He better not be masturbating to my pics!
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He's probably talking to Julie on the phone..... Again.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:36:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:31:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
berty isn't even in a wheelchair. he confessed it was all BS in a little read post that he reviewed. it was funny but i think everybody missed it.
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It's true. I'm not even a young english boy. I'm really Cameron Diaz. I can prove it too, my middle name is Esther.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:36:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 12:34:19 (#)
Ranking: