Question: Curiousity or Snooping? (607 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: -0.4 on 41 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Vanilla (View user info) at 2006-04-19 08:21:31 EDT
With ever advancing communication technology readily available for us to use in any way we see fit, the whole aspect of trust and fidelity in relationships seems to get tangled. We have been dubbed the "silent generation" (amongst other things...) where communication can be achieved... well... silently. You get the picture.
So when your faced with the decision to *discreetly* check your partners mobile phone... or computer's browser and chat history (I think it's fair to say we all have been tempted)what do you do?
My question is, when does Curiousity become snooping? and is it REALLY that bad...? I mean, in a loving, trusting relationship you probably won't need to submit to such shennanigans, but hell, for those of us who do occasionally succumb to curiousity, when is invasion of privacy unforgivable? And what happens when you uncover some tantalizing tidbits that send you over the edge. How do you confront your loving, trusting partner with ill-gotten information? Obviously, it'll all get turned around on you! Or... it could really save you some heartache. I'm not sure. I'm putting it forward to the Uberboard, even thought I realise their thoughts are most likely as fuzzy as my own. What do you think?
User Reviews
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-19 20:39:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:00:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
It is a big deal.
I wouldn't dream of looking at my b.f.'s phone, texts, anything. That's his shit, not mine. I trust him, so I don't even feel the need to look. I don't have anything to hide, yet I'd still be miffed if he went snooping. I'd feel as though my word and character were being questioned by him.
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Although in all fairness the man you talked about as your 'b.f.' (which by the way is pretty fucking lazy not to type boyfriend, it's only five more letters) sounds like he is a submissive bitch. I'm just saying.
Submitted by Vanilla (user info) at 2006-04-19 20:25:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And it's funny how there's nothing wrong with what he'd done...At least not in Uber's eyes =)
Submitted by Vanilla (user info) at 2006-04-19 20:23:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
one cheap geek kinda says it all, doesnt it? Your uber name that is. How can you judge a whole relationship based on one instance of mistrust? If this is how you make all your decisions, i kinda picture your life as being void of anything significant.
And we were NOT on a break! that issue never came up. This isn's a bloody, friends episode.
And again, I state clearly my position on snooping, it IS wrong. Im only trying to justify it in that one instance where even though it WAS wrong, it needed to happen to at least get my head in order. And again, for those who have missed the point, I told him I did it, he WAS mad and then we COMMUNICATED and he understood. Then MORE communication happened and then things were ok. Which is the point i was raising in an earlier comment, it raised the bar for the whole communication thing.
*deep breath* done...
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Vanilla (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:21:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay.. I completly agree that the whole privacy thing is important, but when your in a relationship and you are feeling insecure about whatever and you choose to deal with it discreetly (and in no way am I condoning this to be the right way to deal with it)... it shouldn't be cause for crucifixtion... mostly because the other person should be able to understand why you did it (once you talk and explain etc. etc. ). And they do have every right to be angry, but if they really have nothing to hide it shouldn't be a massive issue...
Well, you could try COMMUNICATING....
Or just snoop through his shit. Anyone who has to snoop is major issues with insecurity and needs a fucking backbone. If you trust someone so little that you need to snoop, you need to get out of that relationship because it's basically doomed. Grow the fuck up and realize that a relationship that requires snooping of any kind is NOT a relationship that can withstand any trouble.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"If he's a dickhead then you know he's a dickhead. It's really that easy."
i think there's truth in that, but i also agree with Pentameter. if your suspicions are deep and pervasive enough, there's obviously a reason for it -unless you're one of those psycho girls, of course. basically, there's not much of a point in snooping at all; yeah, there's always a CHANCE you're being paranoid for no reason, but from what i've seen this is exceedingly rare in normal people.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:02:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy shit, it's... is that who i think it is?? *checks user info* it IS!
hey nice to see you again, +2 for now and now to actually read the post
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:01:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
screw that vanilla, i had an ex who was aliitle too close to her ex and i read her myspace page and all the comments he left her and in turn, she left him. it was awesome. i love technology!
then i caught her reading text messages in my phone and broke up with her.
Submitted by unknown9 (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:52:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This actually raises an even more interesting question:
Do you:
1. Go on suspecting that someone is doing something that will hurt you and NOT look
or
2. Do something that will either confirm/deny what you are suspecting
I find it hard to believe that someone, when faced with this situation, would NOT snoop. Seriously, would some of you walk around for the rest of your lives not knowing something based on a fucking principle? Because obviously, this bothered her enough that she went against her better judgement and did it anyway. You felt that something was wrong and you followed your gut. You can have all the trust in the world, but once you get that pang in the pit of your stomach...man, it's hard to stop yourself from doing some off-center shit. What other advice would you offer her? To ask him if he was fucking around behind her back?
Like he's going to tell the truth if he was doing that. "Yes, honey, I've been fucking my ex the whole time. Now, let's grab a cocktail!"
The only way to get an answer is to collect evidence, as far as I see it.
Really, what else could she have done? Definitely not the right thing to do, but I can't anything else you could have done.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:47:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What happened was, we were going through a rough patch...REALLY rough patch and had a really big argument. So I went on a cruise to get away from it and he stayed home.
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YOU...WERE...ON...A...BREAK!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 10:12:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
He finally got himself a RAZR? Thank God, that ridiculous moustache really did him no favours.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-04-19 10:05:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I happen to know that he's recently has some cosmetic refurbishments lately.
He has that thin RAZR thingimbob...
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 10:00:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:57:44 (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:48:07 (#)
Ranking: -2
"I bought a new 3G camera phone and now I am powerless to stop sleeping with my bus driver!"
Makes no sense...
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Yes it does.
I had my suspicions of you and Davros for ages....
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*sniff* All he's got is a 3 year old Nokia. I wouldn't touch him with yours.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:48:07 (#)
Ranking: -2
"I bought a new 3G camera phone and now I am powerless to stop sleeping with my bus driver!"
Makes no sense...
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Yes it does.
I had my suspicions of you and Davros for ages....
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:56:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I once jumped over a ladder
Submitted by Vanilla (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:54:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Corn nugget, I relate. And I'm sorry.
For the record, I've accepted that it's my issue, and I'd hate it if anybody else did it to me, EXCEPT him. I know it's weird logic and probably makes fuck all sense to most, and i'm so sick of trying to justify it. I realise that there's little you can say in defence of that act, and I understand that it's an invasion of privacy...
What happened was, we were going through a rough patch...REALLY rough patch and had a really big argument. So I went on a cruise to get away from it and he stayed home. I was gone for 10 days, and when i came back things were weird. He told me he went to see an ex, and I got paranoid. Now please, someone tell me, who here has acted rationally when they're feeling completly distraught and insane?! Especially knowing his history.
So I snooped through the phone, and sure enough I found messages of her calling him for a booty call. And some messages from him contradicting things he'd told me. I know he didn't do anything for reasons i'm not going to get into here, and I know it doesn't excuse what I did, but it's brought a lot of attention to how important and on what level communication needs to be raised.
blah
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:48:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
With ever advancing communication technology readily available for us to use in any way we see fit, the whole aspect of trust and fidelity in relationships seems to get tangled.
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What the fuck? Why? How?
"I bought a new 3G camera phone and now I am powerless to stop sleeping with my bus driver!"
Makes no sense...
Anyway, no. Checking through his message logs or his phone makes you a paranoid mentalist. If he's a dickhead then you know he's a dickhead. It's really that easy.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:41:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i've snooped. never on my husband though.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by A_D_Sweetmeat (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:11:15 (#)
Ranking: 1
Anyone who is calling you an asshole on this post is obviously an asshole themselves.
Let me break it down for you. You don't mind if a person looks through your things because you have nothing to hide. I'm the same way. Now, when someone SEEMS as though they are being secretive, it makes a person who is open, like us, very suspicious.
Personally, I don't think it's that big of a deal. You admitted what you did and maybe this will open the lines of communication up even more.
As long as he's cool with it, I wouldn't worry about it.
It's funny how people who snoop say that it's OK to snoop. IT IS NOT OK, that is another persons personal fucking stuff and you have no right, no right whatsoever under any circumstances to look in it.
Would you look in their diary?
If you answer yes to that by justifying how you think it'd be OK because you'd be cool if he looked in your diary then you are one stupid individual.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
!!!!!!!!!
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Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:35:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh man, I'm so torn on this topic. My mom is a chronic snoop (eg: http://www.ubersite.com/m/67664), so I hate when people snoop.
But then, a few years ago, back when I was married, I had this nagging fear that I was being stupid... had this overwhelming intuition that made me shiver.
Then one day my husband left for work, but forgot to log out of his hotmail account.
I sat in front of the computer and debated being respectful and not snooping, or snooping so I could eliviate my fears. I honestly thought I'd find nothing, and then I'd relax.
Nope.
I found old emails where he was writing to a guy, asking to marry his daughter.
What?
I checked the dates... it was a month before he and I met... yet... what?
My palms started sweating and my breath was shallow, and I continued snooping. I found letters to his best friend:
"I asked so-and-so about marrying his daughter. I really need to marry someone before my residency expires... any ideas?" etc...
Talk about gut a wrenching sense of worthlessness, betrayal, fear and loathing.
When I confronted him about it he assured me that he married me out of LOVE. Because I didn't want to face the fact that I was a COMPLETE AND UTTER FUCKING CLUELESS MORON, I accepted what he said.
A few months later I checked the mail and found a bill for a massage parlor... 400 bucks. "Chinese Relaxation" was expensive, huh? Yeah.
Needless to say, I left him. I'm still stuck with a tiny glitch of paranoia when it comes to peoples motives and my judgement.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:23:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You'll get found out. TV has taught me that much
Submitted by Vanilla (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:21:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay.. I completly agree that the whole privacy thing is important, but when your in a relationship and you are feeling insecure about whatever and you choose to deal with it discreetly (and in no way am I condoning this to be the right way to deal with it)... it shouldn't be cause for crucifixtion... mostly because the other person should be able to understand why you did it (once you talk and explain etc. etc. ). And they do have every right to be angry, but if they really have nothing to hide it shouldn't be a massive issue...
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
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Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:50:00 (#)
Ranking: -2
If I was your partner, I'd smack the piss out of you for good measure. Then, I'd stomp on your ovaries and punch your vulva. Obviously you are a whore, slut, cock holster, etc. or you wouldn't have to worry about him fucking around on you. Can I have your phone number?
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BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHaaaahaahhahahahaaa....
I love uber.
No. No checking. That's invasion of privicy. It's not fucking on.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:14:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If this is the level of trust in your relationship... Please never ever have children.
Submitted by Vanilla (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:13:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I definitly don't think ending a relationship over one mistake is a smart thing to do. If it's sorted and it's not an ongoing thing then you can move past it. Unless your you..
Submitted by A_D_Sweetmeat (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:11:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Anyone who is calling you an asshole on this post is obviously an asshole themselves.
Let me break it down for you. You don't mind if a person looks through your things because you have nothing to hide. I'm the same way. Now, when someone SEEMS as though they are being secretive, it makes a person who is open, like us, very suspicious.
Personally, I don't think it's that big of a deal. You admitted what you did and maybe this will open the lines of communication up even more.
As long as he's cool with it, I wouldn't worry about it.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:05:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:50:13 (#)
Ranking: 1
People are bashing this most likely cuz it sounds like a Dr. Phil episode. This is not the right forum for a question like this.
That being said, I tend to think that trust in a relationship is the most important thing. You can't break that. If you do, you need to tell the person: "I looked at your cell phone bill and I feel like a fuckhead because of it"
A guy I work with put a bug on his wife's phone and found out she was cheating on him. He told her about the bug and she called the police. They came to WORK and arrested him. Now he lives with his mom and lost everything, even though he had proof of infidelity.
In most states, it is illegal to record a phone call without a court order unless one party (or both parties in some states) to the conversation know it is being recorded. He broke the law. Most of the time, proof obtained through illegal means can't be used in any court proceeding.
Second, I would have ditched your ass if I caught you snooping through my phone or my email. If you can't be bothered to trust him, you sure as shit don't deserve to be with him.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-04-19 09:00:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It is a big deal.
I wouldn't dream of looking at my b.f.'s phone, texts, anything. That's his shit, not mine. I trust him, so I don't even feel the need to look. I don't have anything to hide, yet I'd still be miffed if he went snooping. I'd feel as though my word and character were being questioned by him.
Look, you can't stop your b.f./g.f. from fucking other people. If they're going to do it, they're going to do it - you're not going to stop their free will. The only thing you can do is trust that they won't. If you're going to be with someone, you should have faith in them or what's the point really?
Submitted by Vanilla (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:55:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and (obviously) I did tell him I snooped.
Submitted by Vanilla (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:54:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
On the one hand, it was reassuring. And on ther other hand, it kinda showed me that i needed to trust him more. So... to me it seemed like a win win...after he stopped being angry about it.
The thing with the guy at work is pretty stupid though. Only in america! And hell, if they had a some kind of nuptual agreement, he probably would have gotten off with the money!! even with illegal information.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
People are bashing this most likely cuz it sounds like a Dr. Phil episode. This is not the right forum for a question like this.
That being said, I tend to think that trust in a relationship is the most important thing. You can't break that. If you do, you need to tell the person: "I looked at your cell phone bill and I feel like a fuckhead because of it"
A guy I work with put a bug on his wife's phone and found out she was cheating on him. He told her about the bug and she called the police. They came to WORK and arrested him. Now he lives with his mom and lost everything, even though he had proof of infidelity.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:50:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If I was your partner, I'd smack the piss out of you for good measure. Then, I'd stomp on your ovaries and punch your vulva. Obviously you are a whore, slut, cock holster, etc. or you wouldn't have to worry about him fucking around on you. Can I have your phone number?
Submitted by Vanilla (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:41:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmmmm I've done it. It pissed him off, but he got over it. But hell, I've been with him for 2 years. I don't know if that excuses it.
And it's not about heat. Promise. I'm genuinly curious about how you'd react! But this is uber, and it's all about directing hostility towards someone. So that's ok :)
I don't have anything on my cell or on my computer to hide... so I wouldn't really care if he went through my phone. My opinion on it is if you've been with someone for a long time a) you shouldn't need to, and b) if you do, you shouldn't find anything which kinda goes back to a. But because curiousity tends to get the better of some, it happens. So I personally, don't think it's a huge deal. Others that I know think it is. Like my man hehe
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:37:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I wouldn't touch my partners mobile phone,...... for fucks sake I won't even go in her handbag without persmission.
You opinion would have been good?
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:35:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I take the moral stance of only ever spying on my exes.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:34:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This just screams to me:
"I WANT HEAT I WANT HEAT I WANT HEAT"
Sorry here's my contribution. Next time just down a pint of lead paint
Submitted by Leonfc (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:33:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Curiosity or snooping?
try stalking.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:31:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So when your faced with the decision to *discreetly* check your partners mobile phone... or computer's browser and chat history (I think it's fair to say we all have been tempted)what do you do?
~~~~
WHAT?
I tend to respect partners privacy.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:26:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:26:25 (#)
Ranking: -2
question: shit or crap?
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I'll be nice and say crap.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-19 08:26:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
question: shit or crap?