IGKTW – Round 1 - My Friend Hooker (906 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.86 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by GANK (View user info) at 2006-04-19 14:55:50 EDT
If it wasn't for my dog Hooker, I'd have killed myself a long time ago. A shotgun blast straight to the forehead. To call him my only friend would be an understatement. He's been the only thing that's made my life worth living.
We had just found him when my first wife died. We were living in an RV, doing our own little concert tour of America, when she came down with the coughs. It started in New Orleans. A cold shouldn't last 3 months, so we stopped off somewhere near Salt Lake City. The doctors called it pertussis - a very preventable illness if caught early enough. She battled that damn bacteria for a month before she stopped breathing. Why the hell didn't we listen to that rancher in Houston?
Part of his heart broke, I suspect, with mine, when she finally passed. He was loyal like that. Even as an agitated puppy, he sat calmly by her hospital bed for hours, because he knew it was important, licking her hand when it was unbearable. He whined to me for a half-hour after they put the final sheet over her head. He felt it like I did.
We finished the last stop on the tour, Hooker and I, in San Francisco. We thought we would honor her like that. The bouncer at the Boom Boom Room almost didn't let us in, because I couldn't show proof that he was my seeing eye dog. They said he looked too young. It was a con, but he pulled it off nicely. I ordered a gin and tonic, her favorite drink, and it sat there where she would've sat.
The night was bittersweet. Great music, great memories, but I got mugged coming out of the club. Two white guys saw an opportunity when they thought I was blind. My right hook caught the one chin by surprise, but I didn't see the knife in the other guy's hand. Hooker was too young to do any damage, and got kicked hard. He felt regret, I suspect, that he was unable to protect me. He looked away every time his eye caught that scar on my side. But I rubbed his ears a special way to let him know that I saw no fault in him.
My second wife hated him. I didn't know that she was a cat person until I married her. How the hell that happened, I have no idea. She didn't like his name either - thought I was lying to her about why I called him Hooker. I told her a fishing story that she didn't believe, where he dunked his head into the water and came up with a trout. She was disloyal like that. It came down to choosing between her and Hooker. Loyalty and disloyalty. Her ass was gone.
She was right not to believe the story I told her, though. I lied to protect her, and me. Why should she know about the John Lee Hooker concert, and afterwards? Why should she know about two lovers, my first wife and I, messing around under the moonlight at that cemetery near Bourbon Street? I was keeping that for myself. That's where we found Hooker. John Lee ended his last set with "Hobo Blues" earlier that night, and we likened ourselves to hobos, the three of us.
When my second wife took me for almost everything, I was more than likened to a hobo. Hooker and I took to jumping trains and going anywhere. She actually tried to get custody of Hooker, that bitch, but I couldn't allow it. I spent the rest of what I had left on a lawyer, and a new dog collar.
Man, the places we'd been, me and him. And the scars we have to prove that we lived a hard life. I'd say a good life.
It's choking me up, kneeling here with his head in my lap, his limp paws in the mud. He was an old boy. I'd say a good boy.
He's gone now, and I'm done.
It's time to go find that shotgun.
User Reviews
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-27 03:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nice.
I like them short and sweet.
Actually more difficult to tell a story that way, oftentimes.
Note to jack:
There's a difference in telling a writer how he could improve his story and telling him how you would write it.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-04-27 03:00:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was really good, but it didn't blow me away.
I liked the part about keeping that memory to yourself - it rang true.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-25 13:15:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a sucker for good dog stories.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2006-04-25 10:29:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good good good
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-04-24 07:39:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Short yet powerful.
Top work.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-04-23 22:29:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I enjoyed reading this, but I have to be honest and say that deep down inside it made me feel country & western, not blues. I know, I know, all the references pointed me to blues, but the old dog who's had his day is pure country. Or maybe I'm just not a dog person.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-04-23 18:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-21 10:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*BAM*
Submitted by Stuch (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:56:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
That was like "Shadow of the Collussus", except with a dog instead of a horse.
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-04-20 13:06:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jack,
Honestly, the bing-bang-boom was intentional, like a blues song. It's like, boom, my first wife died. Boom, I got stabbed. Etc. I thought that too much exposition would take away from the blues style. Brd_Nkd's review at the bottom made me think, at least, that he read it that way, which was cool. That's not to say that you shouldn't prefer more exposition, and rate accordingly. But I tried to leave some of the exposition up to the reader to fill in the blanks.
For instance, the "rancher in Houston" line: I wanted to 1) give the hint that at least one person told them to get that illness looked at, which would add to the narrator's regret, without going into detail, and 2) add to the travelling theme and show another stop along their tour, in between New Orleans and Salt Lake City (but closer to New Orleans, like they could've caught the illness early on). But again, that's a lot of exposition for a reader to fill in, so I see where you're coming from.
Did anyone think any of that based on the "rancher in Houston" line? Just curious.
I hesitated to even explain that line, because now I don't want to add exposition after the fact and take away from some of the style I intended.
Lastly, "Hobo Blues" came out in 1959, unless I'm mistaken, so I imagined this story taking place in the 60s/70s. RVs were around then, the Boom Boom Room was around, hitchhiking and jumping rails was a little more common then. I'm not sure if trying to get custody of a dog was something that would've been possible then, but I used it to serve a function or two in the story.
Thanks for the analysis. I respect your criticism.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-20 11:28:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Other than the "rancher in Houston" line, everything else made sense.
Jack's just being Jack...a 75- year-old crotchety old woman.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-04-20 11:18:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Okay, I guess I have to be the cunt here and break your streak Gank. NOTHING personal, I just have a few isues with the story, and if this is a writing comp where tales are closely scrutinized, I have to be honest. A few points.
1- There is a LOT of this guy's life in such a short piece. It's well-written, but I would have felt more of an emotional connection with the guy if the piece were longer and I got to know him better. I'm not saying this is a Hallmark card, but it's kind of bing-bang-boom.
2- "...that rancher in Houston?" What rancher? We should have a LITTLE more on this.
3- This SEEMS to be set in a more modern time, which I get from the emntion of crossing the country in the RV, but then you refer to the age-old practice of riding the rails... which is rarely done now because there are fewer trains on fewer lines and more shit in truck on the highways. Nitpicking, I know, but stuff like that pulls a person OUT of the story.
4- Finally, I love the image of the old dog's limp paws in the mud... but what mud? Where? And what is the old dog dying of? Old age? An injury? Again, more, please.
If this was filled out it would have been a plus two, but it's like getting a Wonderbread and pimento-loaf sandwich with only one slice of pimento-loaf and no French's mustard. It aws good, but it could have been better, more satisfying.
Once again, this is intended as constructive crit, and not a 'fuckya.'
If you disagree, or if I misinterpreted anything let me know. I find feedback on tales really useful, and often scratch my head and wonder why I missed the obvious once it is pointed out.
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-04-20 10:12:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-04-19 20:08:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fucking great!
Admit it, you wrote this and were just waiting....
-------------------
I started writing this once I saw the Round 1 post. I was flooded with ideas, though, while reading and reviewing the preliminary IGKTW sign-up post, from the day before.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-20 07:29:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Touching and nicely written.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2006-04-20 05:16:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhh, really touching story,
Yanking those strings.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-19 22:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was thinking 1.5 because of my emotion disconnect with animals
but I figured that was my issue and not yours.
Good tale, way to tug the strings
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-19 20:44:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't expect you to. But I won't change mine.
Sorry, Gank.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-19 20:41:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Love doesn't kill people or pets. Sorry if we disagree, but I won't
change my stance. . .
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-19 20:39:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bubba-
If you want to get into my opinions on euthanasia and the right to die, we can. But not here.
My dog was very ill and in pain. It wasn't my decision, and I fought it, but in the end I had to respect it.
And my mother died of cancer. She was a member of the "Right to Die" organization, and I supported her in that decision, too. I watched her sugffer for 5 fucking years. But as you read in my FUPA post, the decision was made for her, and I was in the room when it happened.
You have the right to your opinions. I don't appreciate your insensitive implication that these decisions are made with anything other than love.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-04-19 20:37:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking beautiful
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-19 20:26:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:18:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well of course he was named after John Lee Hooker, as it should have been.
Good story. Sad story. My dog was put down this year and I still want to cry about it.
Virgin IGKTW post, and you're up against the comp daddy. A deserved +2 for you.
_________________________________________________________________________
Good show, Gank. I wasn't ready to rate yet, but I couldn't resist.
I FUCKING HATE THE TERM "PUT DOWN!!! No, your dog was KILLED!!!
Would you have your child or grandchild 'put down'? Pets are like children,
and they don't deserve to be treated as property. Love them, hug them, treat
them as you would a human child, but DON"T SEND THEM OFF TO BE KILLED!!!If your
son has cancer, would you kill him to remove the pain?
JESUS HENRY CHRIST, PEOPLE, YOU ARE NOT GOD!!!!!!!!!!!
OK, I'm done. :->(
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-04-19 20:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fucking great!
Admit it, you wrote this and were just waiting....
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:17:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lovely work.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:31:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:58:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow - I'm impressed.
good writin'
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wha wha wah wah wah
hooker was a good dog
wha wha wah wah wah
my only damn friend
wha wha wah wah wah
now that he's gone and left me
wha wha wah wah wah
my time's about to end
bluesy wailing guitar solo.
talk about quick draw. Damn man.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well of course he was named after John Lee Hooker, as it should have been.
Good story. Sad story. My dog was put down this year and I still want to cry about it.
Virgin IGKTW post, and you're up against the comp daddy. A deserved +2 for you.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-19 15:15:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent. Great way to start the competition.
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-04-19 14:56:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Blues Writing Competition: http://www.ubersite.com/m/86802 . The theme options were "Travelling tales and hard times".