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15 Minute Challenge- Bottles and Cans (669 hits)

Category: None
Labels: fiction

Rating: 1.3 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)

Submitted by scourgeoftheseas (View user info) at 2006-04-19 16:43:46 EDT

http://www.ubersite.com/m/85016#1877553

3:30 CST

The thing that woke me up was the rattling, horrifying clang as the goddamn garbage man threw down the garbage can.

Every Wednesday morning, like an alarm, only more devastating to my poor sleep deprived psyche.

I could hear the fucking thing rattling down the alley in my sleep. It was usually something different every time, in the dreams. Sometimes an animal tearing up a small child, sometimes a machine wreaking havoc on a whole city, a tank maybe, shelling some backwards ass villagers.

It had been an oil tanker smashing against some far and pristine shore, a spaceship obliterated into its random components. Dust and a flash and then it was gone...

Problem was, I was always on the receiving end of the destruction...

I was the ravaged child, the oil slicked shore, the naked huddled villagers.

Every Wednesday...BANG...CLACK rattle and away he went.

It always ended in a little shimmying sound as the metal quit vibrating, irritating itself, the metal that made it up ringing.

Irritating the shit out of me me.

The sound always reverberated, stuck around in my ears for a while. The long brick wall leading up from the dirty alley to my window. Why the hell couldn't I remember to shut the damn thing Tuesday night?

Stumbling across the room to scream, at the son of a bitch out the window as he retreated down the asphalt path that marked his Wednesday morning life.

I hate him.

I know he throws the fucking thing down on purpose.

Every Wednesday morning I trip across the small table that sits in fron t of the battered sofa, rescued from the same alley that bastard just escaped down.

And every Wednesday the bottles, neatly lined up in four rows of eight, go flying across the room. Scattered everywhere. Shattered everywhere.

I scream at the window hoping the son of a bitch hears.

I blame him for the mess.

I hate him.

As I fill the bag with the broken bottles later I hope he just remembers that argument that made him start fucking with me.

I have to put the bottles in the can.

They're garbage, right? Is it my fault it splits open the bag of filthy cat litter and he finds himself covered in shit every Wednesday?

After I throw this shit away I guess I'll go do the litter boxes.

I hate that fucking cat, too.

3:44 CST

User Reviews

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

No Comment

Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-31 22:32:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1

I've had it up to here with your shennanigans, I'm going through and +1ing ALL of your posts!

Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I LOVE MYSELF!!

SIGNED,

SCOURGEY

Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:47:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:39:58 (#)
Ranking: -2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/95020#2202073

banning attempt

Submitted by lickityspeed (user info) at 2006-04-23 01:58:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

nice. i too hate trashmen. just because they work during the day and make more money than me and have more comprehensive benefits they think they're better than me. fuck them. cats are ok.

Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-21 08:27:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I hate that cat, too!

Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-04-20 09:54:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Bravo!

Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-20 01:23:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

15 minutes you wrote this? Holy shit balls.

Well in.

Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-19 23:20:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Oooohhhh yeeeeeaaaahhhh...you're scourge. You can write good. I forgot all about that.

JUST CLAP YOUR HANDS!!

Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-19 22:09:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-19 20:34:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

(Earlier this evening)
(by earlier, I mean a minute ago)
Observe:

http://www.ubersite.com/m/86817#1941305

or:

Are you responsible for this, dear husband?

From: "Hulk Hogan"

To: sacrilicious, redskieslookfake, scourge

Subject: Hey number one fan...
Date: Wednesday, April 19, 2006 7:50:21 PM

I see how these two yahoos have been giving you grief on that chatroom
dealy.

Well, lemme tell you something, brothas..

This here is my number one fan, and I'll kick your asses if you don't leave
her out of your little games. She was my main supporter during Rocky II,
Thunder in Paradise, No Holds Barred, and Mr Nanny, so back off brothers

Whachoo gonna do when I run wild on you boys???!!!

Val, just remember to say your prayers and take your vitamins.

Here, I'll leave you with an inspiring video I made just for you.

http://planetvids.com/html/Hulk-Hogan-the-Real-American.html

Pretty Kick ass, huh?

I AM A REAL AMERICAN!!

HH
~

HMMM??

Oh, wait. You know I don't pray, and you would never call me Val..you know better..
I know who did this...
*shifts eyes*
*tents fingers*
*walks down uber street to culprits post*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And here I am.
Don't be coy with me.
If I get spammed or stalked by the Hulkster, you're getting body slammed, ubersqueeze.

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-19 20:21:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Did I mention how much I liked this, by the way?

It was so well-timed. I was so full of hate.

And my menz even offered to assist with my kicky whims.

Youse are the best.

I couldn't kick either of you.

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:40:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Haha... you dirty old bastard.

Thanks Coleslaw and Monarch. I was going to do a little expansion on the cat and left it out dut to my horribly slow typing.

Mostly I was just thinking about the fact I have to change the litter box when I go home tonight.

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:36:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

I cannot resist. Sorry...Immaturity sometimes gets the best of me.

Ooooowwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee all the way home.

Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:29:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Best 15 minute post so far.

Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:18:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Good use of the time. I liked where it went, minus that last sentence.

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:10:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I don't take kindly to being kicked myself, but I CAN think up a few people who I would be more than willing to hold down while you gave 'em a little bit of a boot party.

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:08:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

You can kick me. I'll play the selfless martyr.
Just try to avoid the throat, nuts or face please.

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:07:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I slid the can into her can
Popped the top - KASHOCK
The Pepsi blew out her behind
And poured into her box

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

What I really need is someone to kick.

Repeatedly.

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:00:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

That's cool Lishy.

I hate everything MOST days. Need someone to talk to?

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:58:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I fucking hate everything today.

Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:51:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Bottles and cans and just clap your hands and just clap your haaaands.

Where it's at....I GOT TWO TURNTABLES AND A MICROPHONE!
Where it's at....I GOT TWO TURNTABLES AND A MICROPHONE!
Where it's at....I GOT TWO TURNTABLES AND A MICROPHONE!