15 Minute Challenge: Art's Testicles and You (3035 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 0.75 on 141 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ShlongyThe PoetLaureate (View user info) at 2006-04-19 17:35:45 EDT
I've been sitting here for 14 minutes and 28 seconds and all I can come with in the remaining 32-seconds is this:
Once upon a time, in a land far away - I think it was Cleveland - there was an old guy named Art who, in addition to fathering a child named ETS who grew up to be a total nutcase, and a smelly one at that, was also fond of fondling his fuzzy marbles on pretty much a 24/7 basis.
Art was considered a "dirty old man", which made him popular with not only some of the droopy-titted, toothless broads down at Lazy Al's Saloon and Laundrymat, but also with the local yokel Fargal, Ohio police department, which consisted of one deputy named "Red" who curiously enough, had a full head of dark black, extremely greasy hair. Red used to keep his one good eye on Art, while the droopy one just sort of rolled around in his eye socket, staring at the floor or the tip of his own nose.
You see, in addition to drinking and rubbing his fuzzy warbles, Art liked to hang around the local Martin Luther Washington Elementary school, especially during recess time...and even MORE especially on "sloppy Joe" lunch day, which, if memory serves me correctly, was on Thursdays.
Nothing good could come of this. especially on those days when Art would forget to put on pants before he left the house.
Well, to make a long story short, and his erection even shorter, Art had his balls cut off in an attempt to stop having "bad thoughts" about young boys and girls, like Method and ghola.
It didn't help because Art's a perv.
Balls, nuts, nutsac, marbles and gonads are all pretty funny words. I feel like yanking it myself right about now.
This contest blows.
The end.
Is there a prize for THIS contest?
User Reviews
Submitted by kristy (user info) at 2008-06-05 03:26:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-14 12:14:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Go mow your forehead, lardass.
And tell your daughter to stop emailing me...I will NOT allow her to become a street walker...at least not part of my stable.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2006-08-12 21:51:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-27 07:51:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
Didn't even see the file name...I just know a fucking retard when I see one.
---------------------
and i thought your ugly ass wife broke all the mirrors in your house....
Maybe you should try making a move on her, instead of all the kids that live in your welfare housing complex...
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-08-08 18:41:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for spitting pure acid into my face
thats fucking cool
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-08-08 18:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for spitting pure acid into my face
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-08-07 22:49:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-07 22:41:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
Not really.
I prefer to put it up against my two bookies.
----------------
You fucking run your mouth too much. Not once since I've been here have you ever backed it up.
....here's your chance cockstain.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-08-04 17:20:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I actually love that song, quite addicting.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-08-03 22:38:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:06:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
(Pssssst- I did this in about 3 minutes. I could have made the story longer but when you type with one finger, at my advanced age and attention span, it gets exhausting. So you just type in "The End" and you go outside and have cigarette number 16 of ths day)."
dunno why but i really liked that review
Submitted by RotogenRay (user info) at 2006-08-03 14:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You've done more in 32 seconds than most people do all day...
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-07-27 00:43:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/90973
Fantasy Football, wooo!!!!!
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2006-07-27 00:33:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/90923
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-26 15:10:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wasnt the one who gave him the name of the song...
It was Gank
http://www.ubersite.com/m/90958#2075878
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-26 14:46:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Has to be done.
HAHAHAHAHAHA
FEEL THE WRATH OF MY RETALIATORY -2 SHLONGMAN...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-24 16:08:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I wish you were fondling them, even for just a minute or so.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2006-07-24 12:41:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongtastic.
You're nuts!
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-07-21 16:32:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 in hopes that we can make peace with each other. Friends?
Submitted by Life101 (user info) at 2006-07-19 22:59:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2006-06-29 02:58:30 (#)
Ranking: -2
ask around?? haha you fucking dipshit. you actually pride yourself on your internet insulting abilities? you still haven't explained how you make any money you strawberry picking faggot.
------------------
I laughed
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2006-07-18 02:32:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hm. Now that was sort of uncalled for. This is your most recent post, and since you ae so candid in your reviews of my posts, I had to see what kind of masterpieces you were responsible for.
I do look forward to your reviews though. Here's a retaliatory +2, because I'm like Jesus.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2006-07-17 08:33:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This, as all your other posts, was horrible, horrible crap.
But LSD telling the tale of Shlongy was very funny. That is all.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-07-16 23:11:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
unforgiventoo_666.at.hotmail.com
there ya go.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-16 19:15:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tuesday's are good...leave me an email address to make contact with you...We'll decide which Tuesday...and all that stuff.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-07-16 15:58:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what about this tuesday night or next tuesday night?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-11 10:06:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
cactus
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-05 14:53:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A plus 2 that deserves a plus 2:
"Mo wonder I've reached "Expert" status in the Masturbation World Rankings."
HA
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-29 09:52:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sacrilerious- That's a deal.
Why this piece of garbage keeps making comebacks is beyond my comprehension.
I guess it's because the fans just really want a new Shlongy post...to -2.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-06-29 09:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Made me giggle. You are a complete shit face and I'm sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that you take special care in tenderizing your veal but I just think your lonely or something and have to hate everybody to vent it. You gotta mellow out bro, take a siesta from your worries and just be man, just be....
j.k. dip your dick in a vat of boiling oil if it makes you feel nice I could care less...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-29 03:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-26 18:11:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm getting close to posting...I had an idea for a post last week...but then I got hammered Wednesday on a boat during the work day and lost my train of thought.
Actually, I'm just waiting for a "photoshop" lesson...now that I know how to operate a digital camera, I'm ready to drop my head shot on all kinds of pictures.
======
I'll teach you photoshop if it means I don't ever have to see this POS on MRR again. Deal?
Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2006-06-29 02:58:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ask around?? haha you fucking dipshit. you actually pride yourself on your internet insulting abilities? you still haven't explained how you make any money you strawberry picking faggot.
Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2006-06-29 02:55:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
don't flatter yourself, bitch. racial slurs don't exactly count as "material." now go ask your fat barren whore of a wife to clean my kitchen. she missed that area behind the fridge. you day laboring fucking loser nobody.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-28 19:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wait a second...are you attempting to exchange witty insults with Shlongy...using the SAME MATERIAL that I directed at you, first?
What the fuck kind of Medical School let a retard like you in?
Try again, Mahatma...You're getting slaughtered here. Ask around.
Now check my oil, asshole.
Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2006-06-28 18:27:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
why don't you contact your fat ass wife. tell her to make herself useful and pick up some of the slack. it must be tiring mopping up at a 7-eleven all day you fucking poor ass loser.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-28 18:22:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
tony - Go get me a "Big Gulp", Ahmed. And the bathroom toilet overflowed again...get your mop and get on it, dothead.
Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2006-06-28 18:18:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
does your fat fucking whore of a wife still put up with you despite the fact that your old ass cannot achieve, let alone maintain, an erection? i'm just curious.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-27 20:43:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wiggles: A nose is about the only thing you'll ever have the opportunity to fuck...Start on your dog...or your mom, first, and when you get the hang of it, then we'll talk.
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2006-06-27 20:12:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
C'mon, Shlong. You're due for a new post. Show us what you're made of...
On second thought, we've all seen that. Show us something new.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-06-27 10:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i would love to strap you down and fuck you in that big hook nose of yours
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2006-06-27 00:30:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-05-11 09:06:15 (#)
Ranking: -2
Please refer to the fact that if we ever met, Mr. Hai Karate, that you'd end up an invalid.
------------------------------
Ooh tough guy. Whazzamatta, state pedophile registry laws gotcha down, boozebreath?
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-06-27 00:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can help you shlongy, I'm practically an expert at superimposing laben into many different locations
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-26 18:11:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm getting close to posting...I had an idea for a post last week...but then I got hammered Wednesday on a boat during the work day and lost my train of thought.
Actually, I'm just waiting for a "photoshop" lesson...now that I know how to operate a digital camera, I'm ready to drop my head shot on all kinds of pictures.
Maybe I'll come up with a quiz in the interim.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-06-26 17:58:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dude will you fucking go post something.
crap how long you been MIA
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-19 11:08:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wildman- Love your posts.
You're prolific.
A prolific dick sucker.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-06-19 10:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
My bad, I didn't see the 4/...This is a just a dried up 2 month old turd with gray fuzz on it.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-06-19 10:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I thought it was a picture of your family tree.
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2006-06-19 10:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What is this, Shit post monday?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-15 16:36:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Of course you are, Wiggles. You're a fat, friendless, troll with nothing better to do..ever.
But life has a way of getting back at total asshole losers, like yourself. So you have that to look forward to, shithead.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-06-14 21:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey jeff
i was just thinking about you
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-06-08 12:09:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-08 07:36:41 (#)
Ranking: 1
They both go good with tartar sauce?
How the hell do I know...?
----------------------------
I just got this, and it made me pee a little.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-05 13:16:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I did NOT see that, redskies...I can't believe how long that ball hung up on the fringe before it 'spun' back toward the sup.
Fucking amazing.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-04 07:51:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGYNBIMcUGA
Pretty sure you've seen this Shlongy, but I know you're a golfer
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-05-31 08:18:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
zzzzzz
You're pretty pathetic, old man.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-05-23 11:58:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The post - and what a piece of shit it is - that would never die.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-05-23 11:41:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-05-19 17:33:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I emailed those assholes once and told them to drop the name...they're ruining it.
They emailed back something equally as idiotic and as usual, Shlongy was in the midst of a flame war.
The originals would/could kick their asses.
Submitted by JumpingJax (user info) at 2006-05-19 16:27:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.myspace.com/thecliches
Have you heard of these guys? They rock the fuckin' house.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-05-18 10:59:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What the fuck kind of name is "knee"?
Dickhead.
Submitted by knee (user info) at 2006-05-17 23:37:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
haha
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-05-17 22:21:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Make sure you circle the date when you blew me. Ahhh the memories....
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2006-05-17 21:03:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
august 8 95 I was in aspen...can't recall 96...I may have to dig
up old calendar...you bastard!!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-05-17 19:26:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't know the date - hell, I didn't know the year - but I looked in my shoebox of ticket stubs and it took me about an hour to find BOTH stubs from that night.
I figured if I approximated the date that someone would, as usual, call Shlongy a liar.
And I HATE that.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-05-17 13:26:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-05-08 21:34:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Method- Shlongy used to come to Coney Island High all the time in the late 90's...
Friends of mine from a band called D Generation used to run the joint - but you probably already knew that.
Sometimes, we'd just go upstairs and listen to the DJ spin tunes...Other nights...well, my favorite night at Coney Island High was August 8, 1996, where we saw the Sex Pistols on their first reunion tour at the Roseland, and then hopped a cab over to CIH to see a top secret Social Distortion show before about 450 people (in a room that fit 250 only semi-comfortably).
Where were YOU on August 8, 1996?
Probably drinking formula from a bottle.
------
1996 was about the time I was hanging out there, asshoooooole. S'funny, we probably crossed paths on a few occasions. Small world, huh?
I don't remember where I was on exact fucking dates like August 8th, but I WAS a youngun, around 16-17, and it was my favorite spot. My friend and I used to stand at the door downstairs and when we saw a large group of idiots coming, we'd act like we worked there and would charge them 10 bucks a head to get in. By the time they walked up those long stairs and realized they were just duped, we'd be long gone.
I was, however, involved in a brawl consisting of about 20 guys in spiked collars, giant mohawks and doc martins that had seen their fare share of ass kicking. I miss that place.
Submitted by Crayon (user info) at 2006-05-13 14:28:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck you
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:25:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pul---hease
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-05-05 22:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This piece of shit is creeping up on 1000 hits. You people sure are stupid.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2006-05-03 03:44:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh dear. And I didn't want it to be this way.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-05-02 23:42:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wouldn't be the teenage zit-boy homo in question, would I?
Because I'm honored.
A spider bit me in the face today. Gay.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-05-02 20:41:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll get right on it, Frank Perdue.
Submitted by Brendon (user info) at 2006-05-02 19:20:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey jeffrey give me a shoutout in your new post!
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-05-02 17:22:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You found my balls!!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-05-02 16:15:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
To whomever it was that spent one American dollar on the Uberboard - and I realize that for some of you, this represents a huge percentage of your weekly bring home pay - I am currently working on a new post and expect to have to finished, complete with new camwhore to use on all of your photoshop projects, sometime between Thursday and September 4th.
Please, Shlongy asks for your patience. Thank you.
Submitted by myexstaintstain (user info) at 2006-05-01 17:22:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-21 11:01:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You can't retal a -2 after you already +2ed this! You're breaking the rules.
Your punishment? Sucking Shlongy's dick for 20 minutes.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-21 10:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2006-04-20 20:54:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
the comments are a AIM chat...
the story was okay...but who am I?
----------
retal
:(
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-21 10:42:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by eppliks (user info) at 2006-04-20 20:15:04 (#)
Ranking: 1
fuzzy warbles was a term in Clockwork Orange for vinyl. D'ya know that?
No shit, Sherlock. You think Shlongy came up with a saying as cool as that on his own? Alex kicks ass...well, until they take away HIS balls.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-21 10:41:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're the broad who wants to do me...that's who you are.
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2006-04-20 20:54:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the comments are a AIM chat...
the story was okay...but who am I?
Submitted by eppliks (user info) at 2006-04-20 20:15:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
fuzzy warbles was a term in Clockwork Orange for vinyl. D'ya know that?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-04-20 15:16:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
makes me think of kentucky porn... keepin it in the family since 1851.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-20 13:34:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nope. I'm the dude from "Home Alone With Your Daughter and Sister".
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-04-20 13:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
are you the dude from home alone?
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2006-04-20 13:31:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-20 07:46:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
No..I said I WROTE this in 32 seconds.
It took me 4 hours to type it.
--------------
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You fukin tickle me, man.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-04-20 12:57:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dear Shlongy,
EAT SHIT and DIE.
love,
D0S
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-20 12:49:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That's pretty funny, Berty.
Where you people hunt down ALL this random internet shit - and WHY - is beyond me.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-20 12:44:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw this and thought of you: http://www.partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1072
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-04-20 12:16:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You should prolly start a coffin plan.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-04-20 11:51:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-04-20 11:23:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha, youa funny guy.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-04-20 11:16:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Nope, this was shit, just as I expected.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-20 11:14:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What can Shlongy do to help lead your entry to victory? Should I call in some Uber favors?
(Don't say "stay the fuck away from it")
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-04-20 11:11:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
not too worried about it. I don't really worry about ratings so whatever and as far as the comp goes, well looks like i may make a hasty exit unless I start seeing some love.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-20 11:06:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll stay away from your "competition" post, broken_nkd...At least until I get on the computer after a few cocktails.
At that point, I cannot guarantee anything.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-20 11:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-04-20 11:00:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
That was wonderful. Like Maya Angelou, but with testicles.
Buaahauahauahahahaha...I just spit oyster crackers in a 7 foot radius.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-04-20 11:00:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was wonderful. Like Maya Angelou, but with testicles.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-04-20 10:55:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes I have recogonized the irony in that and I have noticed that you really are just trying to garner attention. I'll tell you something you can relate to. I like booze particularly scotch and brandy, nice cigars, women, fast cars, beer, and women.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-20 10:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You fail to understand the complex person behind the Shlongy persona.
I don't care about ratings.
I just want my rare posts to turn into major shit-flinging stink-fests.
Hence, there's a method to my madness.
The irony is, that I want people to stop on by...but yet, I want to piss them off with a -2, along with my invite.
Can't you see the genius in that?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-04-20 10:43:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:04:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
This entry leads me to believe that you do all your posts in 15 minutes.
As far as being a perpetually erect dork trying to score is concerned, well,
I am able to get an erection while shlongy has to contend with erectile disfunction.
I am at work and what better way to "do my time" than to banter foolishly with others who also live in corporate america doing time of thier own?
I am not/have not tried to score with any chick on this site. until I meet someone in person they are just imaginary friends from a website killing time much like myself.
Linkwhore and ask for heat and rate me so low? I thought you knew how the scratch scratch exchange worked though since that's a competition post I'd rather you didn't mess with it anymore.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-20 10:36:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You'd enjoy that...105lbs, size 2 and large C cups as the "icing on the cake"
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-04-20 10:34:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-20 10:27:47 (#)
Ranking: -2
Compliments from broads are what makes the daily abuse I receive on Uber all worthwhile
--------------------
Well if that's the case then can I molest your wifey????
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-04-20 10:33:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Those balls are smooth as eggs.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-20 10:32:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rarrrrrr
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-20 10:27:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Compliments from broads are what makes the daily abuse I receive on Uber all worthwhile.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-04-20 10:04:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You remind me of someone... kinda like 50% Shitfuck and 50% Apollo.
But not quite as handsome, and without the large mellon.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-20 09:44:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wrote it naked.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-04-20 09:13:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this naked
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2006-04-20 08:39:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-20 07:46:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No..I said I WROTE this in 32 seconds.
It took me 4 hours to type it.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-20 07:14:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You typed that in 32 seconds? You should be a secretary.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-20 02:09:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-20 00:05:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sue me, I chuckled.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-19 23:26:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:52:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll give you a +2 if you give me one!
----------------------------------------
Haha...okay, sure...I'm a sucker for retaliatory +2s. Regardless, you would've gotten one anyways...this post made me laugh so, being late at night, and the filename was the icing on the cake.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-19 22:33:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Needs more "No Comments".
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-04-19 22:14:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-19 22:01:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This picture would have been better http://www.ubersite.com/m/77993
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-04-19 21:08:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-19 21:06:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NEVER jump on one of these stupid fucking things ever again.
*hit*
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-19 20:44:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
These fucking bandwagons are a "hits per post average" KILLER.
Remind me NEVER to jump on one of these stupid fucking things ever again.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-19 20:11:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Overuse and age, I imagine.
Wait...Aren't EVERYONE'S balls that color?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-19 19:32:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Shlong, why did your nuts turn black? Heh.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-19 19:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I KNEW there were some brains and the proverbial sense of humor in that gigantic noggin of yours, mate.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-04-19 19:28:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-04-19 19:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ON SECOND THOUGHTS I THINK THIS IS MARVELLOUS.
Submitted by Brendon (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:41:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Talking about testicles makes you want to yank it? Doesn't that tell you something?
Something like "it's getting REALLY uncomfortable in this closet!", something like that.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:27:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It'll probably just be cigarettes,a dog walk, Famous Amos cookies and beddie-by, but either way, it'll have to be a good night.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:23:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:03:56 (#)
Ranking: -2
The "best one yet" is only worth a ZERO???
Hey, even if it's painful to do, you gotta hit +2.
===
Honest scroll mistake.
There keeping the Shlongy tradition alive.
I'm hitting the road in a minute.
Have fun with golf, porn, and Scotch tonight, Shlong.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:06:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(Pssssst- I did this in about 3 minutes. I could have made the story longer but when you type with one finger, at my advanced age and attention span, it gets exhausting. So you just type in "The End" and you go outside and have cigarette number 16 of ths day).
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:05:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I just came up with a bumper sticker idea that is sure to make me millions.
OK, hundreds.
Probably nothing, but IT'S STILL A GOOD SAYING!!!
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:04:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This entry leads me to believe that you do all your posts in 15 minutes.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:03:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The "best one yet" is only worth a ZERO???
Hey, even if it's painful to do, you gotta hit +2.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:02:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whatever turns you on, babe.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:02:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:54:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:48:20 (#)
Ranking: -2
I think what this post REALLY needs is Sac - who I'd probably do, BTW - and her gang of merry perpetually-erect Uber dorks with "no chance in hell of scoring with her", to hang around and turn this post into an AIM chat, like the rest of "those" mindless posts.
But that dream will probably go unfulfilled.
=====================
I'll do it if you want me to. You know I can.
---
No you can't.
This was the best 15 minute thing yet, Harrelson. Good work.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:02:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:59:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Please do.
Then, when I drop in and -2 the post because of you and your coven of chatterboxes antics, it won't be hurting my own ratings!
It's a "win-win", if you count that I would win hits and a good rating, both things that, based on my history on Uber, are EXTREMELY important to Shlongy.
So, in essence, it's a win-win for me. You guys don't really get anything out of it.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:54:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:48:20 (#)
Ranking: -2
I think what this post REALLY needs is Sac - who I'd probably do, BTW - and her gang of merry perpetually-erect Uber dorks with "no chance in hell of scoring with her", to hang around and turn this post into an AIM chat, like the rest of "those" mindless posts.
But that dream will probably go unfulfilled.
=====================
I'll do it if you want me to. You know I can.
Submitted by BrownEyedGirrl (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nothing good could come of this. especially on those days when Art would forget to put on pants before he left the house.
======================
yup... made me smile....
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is it wrong that I consistantly laugh at my own posts?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:49:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Boomshakalaka.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:48:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I think what this post REALLY needs is Sac - who I'd probably do, BTW - and her gang of merry perpetually-erect Uber dorks with "no chance in hell of scoring with her", to hang around and turn this post into an AIM chat, like the rest of "those" mindless posts.
But that dream will probably go unfulfilled.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:44:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dig.
Submitted by HawthorneHeights (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:39:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dipset
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
what on earth are you drivvling on about?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:36:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I felt like playing today...allow me to throw out the first -2.