15 minute challenge - My Daughter is Dating a Bosh Man (1781 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Uber-related/Bandwagon
Rating: 1.8 on 60 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Axolotl (View user info) at 2006-04-19 17:52:41 EDT
I have made the discovery that my lovely daughter Alyssa is dating a Bosh man.
Well anyway, I was out at the bar, date raping some girls, and then I went out to the park to do some regular rape amongst the bushes. Then I went home and beat my wife for not cooking my dinner on time. Then she said that it WAS cooked on time, so I beat her again for correcting me in front of my dinner.
So then, my daughter comes into the room, and says, "Daddy! Quit beating mom, this is serious!"
"Bugger that, I'll beat off what I want!" says I. I shook my wife again and she squeaked, biting me with her massive front teeth.
"Stop beating off! I have a boyfriend!" she says.
Now I was surprised. "Alyssa, for gino's sake," says I. "I'm very proud of you."
I let go of her mother's hair, and she scurried off into her cage. I stood in front of my daughter, and says, "Who is he?"
"He's pretty Bosh."
"WHAT THE FUCK?" I screamed, tearing out my hair. "There's blacks down the street, Jews next door, gays across the road, a bloody German behind us, and you're telling me you're shacking up with a Bosh man?"
"Oh, fuck right off with you, you're not even my real father," she says.
"Well, I'm not even your real father!" I retorted. "So there."
Anyway, my daughter brings the Bosh man home for dinner. I'm sitting brooding in my favorite armchair, thinking about how cool it would be to stretch out my anus, and feeding my wife some of her nutrient water. She was scurrying around the cage when my daughter came in with the Bosh man.
"Hi, my name is Dudethat'sbosh!" he said, coming in and shaking my hand. I was dressed in my best undershirt and boxers to impress him.
"Golly!" Boshman said, firmly grasping my hand. "You look nice!"
"Thanks, you look like a fucking faggot!" I replied in a friendly tone. "Do you want to come in for dinner? I'm serving guinea pig shit."
"Dude, guinea pig shit?" Boshman said, lighting up four cigarettes at once. "Fuckin' A. When do we eat?"
I walked over to my wife's cage and scooped up some of her doo-doo feces. I shook the cage a few times for good measure, and she squealed a bit. I poked her in the special place, and she rolled over on her back and squeaked in pleasure.
"Bosh!" the Boshman said.
"Weet!" I agreed. "It's Sweet, with the s dropped off."
"Dude, this house is weet as hell," Boshman said. "I second the motion of weetness, and further proclaim this house BOSH."
"Bon appetit, motherfucker." I said, serving my daughter and Boshman a plate of gourmet guinea pig shite, served with olive oil and mashed poptatoes.
And poptarts. You can't forget the poptarts. Cinnamon, brown-sugar flavored poptarts.
"Fuckin-A!" Boshman said. "This is so bosh!"
"Bosh, and weet." I agreed. "This dinner is so weet."
"One time," Boshman said. "I had cow pie. That's good stuff. It was so bosh, I threw my chair out the window."
"Cunt!" I exclaimed.
"Penis mammoth whore!"
"Ass-blood penis-pants!"
"Jizzbomb explosion in my ballsack!"
"One time I pissed in the cat's ear," I said. "It was weet."
"One time, Scruggs and I stole the Queen Mother's Range Rover to go camping," Boshman said. "She was whining about it, so I lit up twelve cigarettes at once and blew smoke into her face."
"Weet." I said.
So me and Boshman actually were getting along pretty well. We shared a love of rape, rabbits, rabid rodents, Renefast, roping, running, razzing rozzers, reaping roses and roping rapists.
It was all so Bosh.
It was also weet. But that's not the point.
It was all so Bosh, but it had to come to an end.
"Boshman," I said. "Can you rap? Freestyle?"
"You racist!" Boshman replied. "Just because I'm bosh, you think I'm good at raping?"
"Raping, maybe," I replied. "And rapping. But mostly raping. Can I touch your nipple?"
"I'll bet you think we all steal things, and jack cars, and have large behinds, and live in the Sahara desert!" he said.
"Yeah!" I said enthusiastically. "You're also pretty good with money, right? And have big noses?"
"No, those are Jews."
"Oh."
"You're still a racist."
"Still?" I asked. "That's not very bosh. Or weet, for that matter."
"Absolutely, fuckin' F." Boshman said, shaking his head. "Alyssa, you are so fucking bosh, you're the boshest girl I ever met. You make Earl Scruggs look like body oil, and you make Tenacious D sound like live webcam body waxing, but I can't be with you. Your dad's a racist."
"I'm STILL a racist?" I said, confused. The Boshman said goodbye to my daughter and walked out, keying my wallpaper as he went by. I always loved my wallpaper, the ones with little duckies on them. I loved my wallpaper. I also loved eating lead paint chips.
"Goodbye, cunt." Boshman said. "And by the way, I blew your cat."
"Shit, I don't even have a cat. You didn't blow the throw rug, did you?"
"Oops," Boshman replied. "Well, I shat in your purse."
"Not my purse!" I shouted. "You bastard!"
"I never liked amphibians," Boshman said. "Sorry Alyssa, gotta go."
And with that, Boshman left my life.
I'm just wondering if I'm still a racist.
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-11-12 17:48:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
heh
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-11-12 17:26:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
again
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-10-03 16:14:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahah
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-10-03 16:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-05-01 09:23:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-29 15:42:27 (#)
Ranking: -2
FUCK OFF
---
Joining ETS in -2ing my posts?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-29 15:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
FUCK OFF
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-04-23 17:45:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't really understand this but I expect it is funny.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-04-23 17:44:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
he did?
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-04-23 17:36:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just figured out Bosh wrote this...
Im retarded.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-22 14:41:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Everything you ever wanted to know about Axolotl
User id: 19539
Registered on or around: 2005-06-08 17:12:08
# Messages posted: 146
# Reviews written: 3194
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 3971
# Hits: 122228
Average rating of all messages: 1.50
----
Four +2s in a row.
WOOOOOO
That is weet.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-04-21 23:17:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-21 20:52:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
I had her when I was one month old.
Giggity-giggity-gih-guh-TEE!
_____________________
Wicked bosh, man. Mad weet.
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-04-21 23:03:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd fuck you.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-21 22:48:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-21 20:52:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-04-21 17:54:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
You're old enough to have a daughter?!
------
I had her when I was one month old.
Giggity-giggity-gih-guh-TEE!
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-04-21 18:02:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First fucking job as fucking producer. By some fucking awesome fucking sunglasses. Get a fucking folding fucking chair with my fucking name on the fucking thing. Send you that fucking thing I said I was going to fucking send last week but fucking totally fucking forgot to fucking send because I don't know where the fucking hell it fucking ended up.
Shut the FUCK UP!
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-04-21 17:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're old enough to have a daughter?!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-21 17:49:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just emailed you now, Average Dan.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-04-21 17:45:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Every man, woman, and rabbit in the city of Philadelphia! On Videotape, captured by Producer Awesome-Face!"
That's right! Fucken A Doggy!
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-04-21 17:12:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey AXO,
I have a very important question for you. Email me: average.dan.at.gmail.com
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-21 16:40:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-19 13:40:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-21 16:40:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OMG WTF LOLOLOZORS?!!111
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-04-21 16:35:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad.
...but you're 7 months late.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/76226
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-21 16:27:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was in Philadelphia yesterday. Rodin Museum, to be exact.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-21 16:26:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-04-21 16:21:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-20 17:12:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:42:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright im better from all the booze last night. I actually read this now. Good gobshit. Start a series.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Boshman and Weetman double-team Philadelphia!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
You mean all of Phili...can i video tape it?
-------
Every man, woman, and rabbit in the city of Philadelphia! On Videotape, captured by Producer Awesome-Face!
AND THEN WEETMAN CREATES A MASSIVE JIZZ EXPLOSION ALL OVER THAT AWESOME FACE OF HIS
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-04-21 16:21:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-20 17:12:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:42:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright im better from all the booze last night. I actually read this now. Good gobshit. Start a series.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Boshman and Weetman double-team Philadelphia!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
You mean all of Phili...can i video tape it?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-21 14:25:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dammit...
I forgot GO BEARS
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-21 14:25:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-04-21 14:24:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed at this post more than any other post....good work.
-------
WOOO
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-04-21 14:24:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-04-21 14:24:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed at this post more than any other post....good work.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-21 14:08:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-21 07:00:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-20 09:34:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, Caes. Look at my now-banned alter, http://www.ubersite.com/u/amorphous , I have it in me, but it doesn't often come out.
**********************
YOU were Amorphous? Wow. You adapted other people's styles pretty well, as I recall.
Most impressive.
------
I revealed it in my 2006 Uberhistory, I think. I'm a funny guy in real life, but a lot of my fiction is very dry, no humor.
On that note, when I went through your ATP series, I found a great line, something with Khalid saying he can't "respect someone who masturbates to the notion of turning into a bat."
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-21 14:05:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Call911 (user info) at 2006-04-21 10:07:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing shocks me on this site anymore. If I saw anywhere, but here I might shocked.
-----
Haha, you should see the NEXT post I'm working on...
It involves animal penises.
Submitted by Call911 (user info) at 2006-04-21 10:07:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing shocks me on this site anymore. If I saw anywhere, but here I might shocked.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-21 07:00:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-20 09:34:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, Caes. Look at my now-banned alter, http://www.ubersite.com/u/amorphous , I have it in me, but it doesn't often come out.
**********************
YOU were Amorphous? Wow. You adapted other people's styles pretty well, as I recall.
Most impressive.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-20 20:54:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You can make a chapter. I'll make a few of these...
Weetman and Boshman double-team the Queen Mother
Weetman and Boshman sell crack
Weetman and Boshman in Boshback Mountain
That last one is good.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-20 20:53:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-04-20 19:19:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
hahah that was so fuckin weet i funneled spider shit into my neighbor's mouth
--------
Nice!
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-04-20 19:21:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i had to pee really bad and reading this didnt help the situation
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-04-20 19:20:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
can i make a chapter
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-04-20 19:19:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahah that was so fuckin weet i funneled spider shit into my neighbor's mouth
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-20 19:08:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What? This isn't on best today...
Weet.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-04-20 17:45:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i hope nobody knocks you off the prestigious and uberimportant "best today" list.
Submitted by MrsCleanButtFucks (user info) at 2006-04-20 17:26:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Thanks, you look like a fucking faggot!" I replied in a friendly tone. "Do you want to come in for dinner? I'm serving guinea pig shit."
So poetic... move aside Beethoven
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-20 17:12:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:42:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright im better from all the booze last night. I actually read this now. Good gobshit. Start a series.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Boshman and Weetman double-team Philadelphia!
-----------
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:42:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright im better from all the booze last night. I actually read this now. Good gobshit. Start a series.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:30:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-04-20 10:07:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Goodbye, cunt." Boshman said. "And by the way, I blew your cat."
--------------
This made me laugh so hard I think I pulled a tit muscle.
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I ought to start a series of this. BOSHman and WEETman.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-04-20 10:07:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Goodbye, cunt." Boshman said. "And by the way, I blew your cat."
--------------
This made me laugh so hard I think I pulled a tit muscle.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-04-20 10:05:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-20 07:21:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was hilariously random. It made no sense, but in a good way. I didn't know you had it in you.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-20 09:34:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-20 07:21:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was hilariously random. It made no sense, but in a good way. I didn't know you had it in you.
-------
Thanks, Caes. Look at my now-banned alter, http://www.ubersite.com/u/amorphous , I have it in me, but it doesn't often come out.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-20 07:21:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was hilariously random. It made no sense, but in a good way. I didn't know you had it in you.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-04-19 22:11:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Theres two reasons why im not going to read this.
1. Tired.
2. Drunkd
Theres two reasons why im going to plus 2 this.
1. Bosh
2. Axoltl or however the fuck you spell your shit
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-19 22:08:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-19 20:59:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's too bad you had to die in Ubermen, you were my 200th favorite person in the series, right behind: O-man, Ghola, Shlongy, MF, TL, Beeb, Cyst, Bosh, Method, method, method, method, method, method, rad, method method, method... etc and then you, Axolotl.
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-04-19 20:46:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bosh
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-04-19 20:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bosh
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-04-19 20:16:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-04-19 20:16:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
though i doubt you pulled this title randomly, it's still too bosh to give less than 3 +2's.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-19 19:12:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:19:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
this was pretty weet
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:49:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BEST EVAR!!1
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:19:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was pretty weet
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-19 18:00:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow...my Photobucket account won't let me upload either. And I tried about five times to submit this.
My connection is dying right now.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-19 17:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wanted to attach a picture of bird rape, but my computer would allow it.