Thanks, but I DON'T NEED A SPECIFIC DAY TO SMOKE A BOWL (818 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.2 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ripple (View user info) at 2006-04-20 15:39:13 EDT
Today as I walk into school, the very sort of people I try to avoid accost me. One of these kids is a stocky, Jewish Momma's boy who, at the ripe age of sixteen, wears a daily uniform of khakis, loafers, golf shirts and a cell phone belt clip thing. He used to erase his skin and asks pretty girls to dances months in advance so they can't possibly refuse. Today his hands are bandaged 'cause his hardcore golfing gives him blisters. And his psychologist told him that only having a girlfriend could validate his existence. No wonder he takes so much Zoloft. We'll call this fine specimen of humanity Prematurely-Old MotherFucker. POMF. I think that might be an acronym for something that's actually established, but now it's his name.
Anyway, as soon as I sit down in Commons he says to me, "Know what day it is today?" Our school is on a rotating schedule. We have A-F days. I assume this was his question. "It's an A-day." I pull out my notebook and pretend to study, hoping that he will leave me alone. Unfortunately, that isn't in the cards. "It's four-twenty," he says to me, his chapped lips curling under his curved nose and half-moustache. I stare at him blankly. "National pot-smoking day!" He exclaims, shocked that I'm not only: A, aware of this fact and, B, already baked.
I have to blink a few times before I can process this information. I once heard POMF say about one of my best friends- who, I must say, is much more intelligent than POMF will ever be- "That kid's going to smoke himself stupid." And he is very conservative and outspoken against any drug use. Why is he telling me this??
"Fucking great, POMF-y," I say. I try to tell him that people who actually smoke regularly don't need a fucking declared day to do it. But he just goes into how a senior golf-team coke-addict showed him a bag containing "a lot of pot." Nuuunh. That's the sound effect I like to make when imitating this kid. Because he is a 'tard. And no doubt that "lot of pot" was less than an eighthI'm sure that bag could've had cloves in it all he would say is, "I didn't know pot was so brown. Nuunh. Why then do they [those evil stoners] call it green?? NUUUUuuuUUUn. N." . POMF wouldn't know a dime bag if it was slammed up his over-tight rectum. He would probably only say, "THANK YOU SIR, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER," and wish someone was whipping him.
And so MY National Pot-Smoking Day, 2007, has been ruined. And, though it pains me to say this, I am going to wait until tomorrow to smoke my next bowl. Because, really, EVERYDAY should be National Pot-Smoking Day.
User Reviews
Submitted by malkavian (user info) at 2006-04-20 23:53:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't know about that 420 thing, must be an American thing...Cool thing is, I found half a joint in my pocket today and smoked it. I wasn't stoned or anything, I guess it was only my subconscience celebrating the 420.
"Cosmic."
-Homer Simpson
"My subconscience is brilliant!"
-Homer Simpson
Now that I think about it, it was more fate than subconscience.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-04-20 20:17:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And by the way, fuck all you uptight assholes who are anti-weed. A lot of us have self control to a reasonable point. That isn't what you read in your medical journals though, is it? Apparently, jewish doctors with small penises and savings accounts know a WHOLE LOT about marijuana in terms of how it emotionally and psychologically effects somebody, eh? Of course this argument will last forever, so what's the point. Let us smoke our ganja, and you can get back to your country club.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-04-20 20:14:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I swear to god this must have happened to everybody in highschool ANYWHERE today, haha. Although still, happy 420 man.
Submitted by eppliks (user info) at 2006-04-20 20:00:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2006-04-20 17:43:24 (#)
Ranking: -2
Let me tell you a true story about a boy we'll call Charlie. He was only fourteen and he was burned out on marijuana. One day, when his little sister wouldn't steal some money for him to go and buy some more drugs, he brutally beat her. The real truth is there's no such thing as soft drugs and hard drugs. All drugs are dumb; don't end up another Charlie.
___________________
No doubt, there are a lot of Charlies in the world. There are also tons of people like that dude in your story, and just as many others who aren't violent/agressive over drugs. I've met my share of both. More of the latter, though, personally.
Pot doesn't make anyone do anything. This Chuck-character must've had a few screws loose in the first place. Anyone who beats someone over something so fucking stupid obviously has issues. But it wasn't the pot. Hell, those types would probably beat on somebody for calling them a 'dumbhead' or something.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-04-20 18:40:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ah shut the fack up.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2006-04-20 18:23:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Oxymoron (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:18:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
ETS will write a post tomorrow about how the government made the term up to secretly celebrate Hitler's birthday.
__________________________________________
I can see that happening. It will make the Most Heated list by noon, too.
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2006-04-20 18:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-20 15:50:27 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-20 15:39:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
2007, huh? Keep smoking, poindexter, I see it's working wonders for you.
___
Har har
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2006-04-20 17:43:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Let me tell you a true story about a boy we'll call Charlie. He was only fourteen and he was burned out on marijuana. One day, when his little sister wouldn't steal some money for him to go and buy some more drugs, he brutally beat her. The real truth is there's no such thing as soft drugs and hard drugs. All drugs are dumb; don't end up another Charlie.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:56:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
420 is overrated.
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:55:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:14:46 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:03:52 (#)
Ranking: -2
(I think) 420 is the police code for smoking pot. You know, they get on their lil radios and call out to their partners "We got a 420 going down" or some shit like that. I'm pretty sure that's how it came about. Anyways this post sucks worse then accidently drinking bong water (I got a lil bubbler and if you tip it too far back...bad things happen).
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Um... no.
http://parentingteens.about.com/cs/marijuana/a/420meaning.htm
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Gee, sorry mom.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Today's National High...Five Day.
Slap me some skin, neeya!
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:36:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this is nowhere near as bad as everyone is making it seem
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:33:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
an oldie but a goodie and yea it's relevent: http://www.ubersite.com/m/10318
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:26:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
In an Austrian death camp on April 20th, 1942 (Hitler's birthday) they killed 300 Jews and Gypsies within a few hours to celebrate.
HOORAY!
Submitted by Oxymoron (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:18:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ETS will write a post tomorrow about how the government made the term up to secretly celebrate Hitler's birthday.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:14:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:03:52 (#)
Ranking: -2
(I think) 420 is the police code for smoking pot. You know, they get on their lil radios and call out to their partners "We got a 420 going down" or some shit like that. I'm pretty sure that's how it came about. Anyways this post sucks worse then accidently drinking bong water (I got a lil bubbler and if you tip it too far back...bad things happen).
---
Um... no.
http://parentingteens.about.com/cs/marijuana/a/420meaning.htm
Submitted by Oxymoron (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:13:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-04-20 15:48:15 (#)
Ranking: -2
I still have no idea about this 4:20 thing. I think someone on uber made it up.
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hahahahahahahahaha
It's one of Method's alters
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Pot smoker eh? wow that's cool
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:03:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
(I think) 420 is the police code for smoking pot. You know, they get on their lil radios and call out to their partners "We got a 420 going down" or some shit like that. I'm pretty sure that's how it came about. Anyways this post sucks worse then accidently drinking bong water (I got a lil bubbler and if you tip it too far back...bad things happen).
Submitted by Stuch (user info) at 2006-04-20 16:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Goddamn hippies.
Sgt. Barnes would have a thing or two to say to you.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-04-20 15:56:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
People like you make pot smokers look bad. Work on cogent sentences and grammar before...
hey wait, I bet this is an alter. haha shenanigans!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-04-20 15:51:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i should start smoking pot. that way i'll kill enough braincells to make this interesting.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-04-20 15:50:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, for real.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-20 15:50:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-20 15:39:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
2007, huh? Keep smoking, poindexter, I see it's working wonders for you.
___
Har har
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-04-20 15:48:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I still have no idea about this 4:20 thing. I think someone on uber made it up.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-04-20 15:45:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
NEWSFLASH: The only people who care about high school are the people that are still in it.
PS IM RAELLY GLAD U R SO COO AND SMOKE DE REEER!!! HAR HAR +2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-20 15:44:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2s are the new +2s
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-04-20 15:41:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I just don't give a fuck.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-20 15:39:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
2007, huh? Keep smoking, poindexter, I see it's working wonders for you.