'Celebrity' Poker (523 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.42 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <jimmyd274.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-04-21 08:17:17 EDT
Truth be told, some celebrities are good at poker. Ben Affleck won the California State Poker Championship. Jennifer Tilly won the ladies Texas Hold-em' at the World Series of Poker by beating 600 other people. However, the next time I see a retired soap-opera actor bet 25,000 on a straight flush, I swear I will go stab myself in the face with...uh...something sharp.
Poker is great. It's great to play, and it's rather fun to watch. The part I don't like; is watching celebrities play, rather than actual professionals. Actually, let me correct myself - watching people the TV announcers say are celebrities play. The producers of "Celebrity Poker Tour" need to change the title of the program to "Random People On TV That We May, Or May Not Recognize Poker Tour." IMDB should not be needed to find out who the 'celebrities' are.
Actual celebrities have an insanely unjust advantage when they play against anyone else. Ben Affleck had to spend $10,000 for a buy-in to the tournament he won - Which mean's nothing to him. I'd be amazing at poker too if money didn't mean anything. On top of that, Ben Affleck bluffs for a living. Not so much as an actor, but as a regular person. When someone can convince the world that "Gigli," "Reindeer Games," and "Daredevil" are decent movies, throwing down $7,000 on a pair of fives is easy.
Interpoker.com starting showing commercials to help get some assistance to get poker a place in the Olympics. These commercials are most likely simply a way around some kind of rule that a gambling website can't purchase advertising slots for itself. But it does indeed beg a remarkable question. What would it be like if poker was played between several countries? Here's how I think the results would turn out:
The French could start the betting with €10,000 (that's Euros for the Americans reading this, you know, the currency in most of Europe?). After the whole table stopped laughing at him for using purple money, the next bet would come around to Ethiopia, who would see the 10,000 Euros and raise one baby.
Not to be left out, America would see both bets.
"Count me in for €10,000, " which would be around $12,000 US currency , mainly because your currency is a worthless piece of crap (ha ha). "And that baby....I suppose that would be about the price of one cup of coffee each day, right?"
Now, of course, America wouldn't raise any. America would simply watch what all the other countries do, judge them afterwards, and of course, wait until the Saudis have something to say.
Saudi-Arabia would be next to bet - although, they would be the one playing with more of the money than anyone on the table. Saudi-Arabia would then effortlessly see the €10,000, the baby, and then go ahead and raise everything in his pocket. Which, by a twist of fate, would be America's politicians.
Everybody would be in for the bets...well...not everybody. The French would fold immediately. Everyone else would be in though. Firstly, Ethiopia would get disqualified soon after betting for eating the king of spades. And Saudi Arabia would get thrown into prison for being the actual King of Spades. The only country even qualified to win would be America, who would have a full house. In all actuality, it would be a pair of fours, but America would swear up and down that it was a full house.
"We were 100% sure we had a full house on that hand. There was proven sources of documentation of this full house. British intelligence even informed us there was a full house! And goddamit we are not going to quit playing until we find one."
User Reviews
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2006-05-26 00:25:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
P.S:
The Great Uber Poker Game:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/88405
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2006-05-25 22:42:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a great post. I liked it.
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-04-21 10:56:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ooh, I liked where you were going with the countries playing poker. I wanted more of that though, and less of the 'celebrity' rant.
If you would've expounded upon that idea, "International Politics Poker Tour" or something, you would've been one of a short list of noobs who made it to B@W.
"It was a crazy game of poker, Iran lost it all..."
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-04-21 10:46:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good story.
...but isn't the trendiness of hating on America to the point where all you trendy fucks start liking it if only to prove *you're* an individual.
Very, very tired theme.
AMERICA IS SO EVIL LOOK AT ME DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID THEY ARE A BUNCH OF JERKS WAIT OH WHAT EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS THIS AND IM JUST REGURGITATING OLD OPINIONS AND THERES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING MORE I CAN ADD TO THIS CONVERSATION OKAY
AMERICA IS AWESOME
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-04-21 10:28:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-21 08:23:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate celebrity anything.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-04-21 10:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This would have been better if it was longer, which is something I don't often feel about Ubersite posts.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-04-21 09:56:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Written like a pro. Good job. I hate the fact that I always know who the horribly obscure "celebrities" on that show are, but my boyfriend doesn't, so we end up wasting half an hour as I try to explain them to him.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2006-04-21 09:49:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done. I'm trying to remember the actor who went all-in on the very first hand at the WSOP, and lost. What a dope.
Submitted by GoldPlatedOrange (user info) at 2006-04-21 09:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wooohoo :D I wasn't sure if people would like it, my friend read it an didn't even smile once... asshole... Well good to know you good folks enjoyed it, theres more to come :)
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-21 09:28:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Which, by a twist of fate, would be America's politicians.
Submitted by Aeneas (user info) at 2006-04-21 09:24:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny stuff. A good first post is very rare on ubersite.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-04-21 08:55:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
TOO funny.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-04-21 08:54:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And Saudi Arabia would get thrown into prison for being the actual King of Spades
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There..... for that line there you are getting one fit fat +2.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-04-21 08:26:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The only country even qualified to win would be America, who would have a full house. In all actuality, it would be a pair of fours, but America would swear up and down that it was a full house.
"We were 100% sure we had a full house on that hand. There was proven sources of documentation of this full house. British intelligence even informed us there was a full house! And goddamit we are not going to quit playing until we find one."
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Loved it.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-21 08:23:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate celebrity anything.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-04-21 08:23:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
poker sucks. fuck poker.