IGKTW Round One- Starvation Blues (919 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.55 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bubba2341 (View user info) at 2006-04-21 19:13:04 EDT
Man, sometimes life is just too hard for a white man on the blues circuit. I been
pickin' this here guitar for a lotta years, from New Orleans to Chicago and
everything in between. Even spent some time in Georgia and Virginia, but it's
always the same:
"White man, this here is a blues club. What make you think we let you on the same stage
as black men? Black men live the blues, cracker. Yoah fancy gee-tar doan mean
shit to us."
Doan mean shit, indeed. I'd had my ass kicked, my money taken,
been locked up in jail, and fined in court for nothing more than being white. The only
things that survived through it all were my guitar and my need to play the blues.
I slept mostly outside, regardless of the weather, because people in these parts had
little use for a guy of my pale persuasion. Musta gone through three or four pair of Salvation Army shoes,
'cause it was eat or ride the bus, never both. Roadside fruit and vegetable stands were
the main source of food, especially when I was low on money, which was most
of the time. Once I worked all day in a field for the meager pay of a bag full of
barbequed ribs and some chitlins. You ever eat chitlins? Don't.
Oh, before I forget: The best thirty dollars I ever spent was on a plastic, waterproof
guitar carrying bag. Southern rain and 'fancy' guitars don't mix.
....................................................................................................
Same shit, different town, different club. I told 'em the old story, the one where
I say I don't want my share of the tip jar, just a chance to play my songs.
"Hey, niggas, listen at dis! Now the man say he write the blues too. He sho
gots a big mouf, seeins he be the only white guy fo miles around."
I looked around the room, saying nothing. I hoped it would go as it usually did,
where someone took my challenge and gave me a try. My luck was still dead on,
as the lady behind the bar yelled out:
"Mr. fancy guitar-totin' white man, I wants ta hear you play "Crossroads." Not
that shit by Claphead Creamboy, but the REAL one, by Robert Johnson. And
you best be singin' it, too."
The request to play an old blues standard had gotten my foot in the door several
times, but holy shit, no one had ever asked for that song. Even great guitar men
shyed away from that one, because playing like Robert Johnson was tough.
I stood up with my guitar and was about to head up to the stage when the lady
shook her head and pointed back at my chair. Everyone in the place either
smiled or laughed at that, so I sat back down. This was gonna be rough. I
hoped it came off OK, or else I might wind up in the alley out back with my
axe in an anatomically unlikely place.
I strummed the open strings, made one tiny tuning adjustment, and launched the song.
Sometimes my ears deceive me, but this time I thought I nailed it so hard that even
old Robert hisself would have smiled. As I hit the final chord, before I could even look up,
the room exploded in applause. Next thing I knew, people were slapping me on the back,
buying me drinks, and asking how long I was in town. Hell, even the pretty black waitress
was making sexy eyes at me, but I just sang Robert's tunes, I didn't want to end up
poisoned over a woman like he was.
They all wanted more, and the requests were all for standards that I had done hundreds of times.
The hardest one was another Johnson song, "Hellhound on my trail." I told them I needed to find the
can, get some food, and rest my fingers. I figured the food would be good old soul food, but what they
gave me was steak, eggs, and flapjacks. I didn't even think about complaining.
People started coming in by twos and threes, some of them looking at the white dude in the center
of a crowd of blacks. I overheard one guy tell a newcomer to shut the fuck up, 'cause that there
white man could play some real blues. I just wanted to get on the stage and play some tunes
with some other folks, as nothing on Earth beats a good blues jam session.
A guy came in carrying an old stand-up bass, followed by three others bringing in a drum set,
microphones, and a small PA system. No big amps were to be seen, so maybe my acoustic
things would be OK. I had a pickup inside the guitar, but it changed the sound from what I
liked to hear, me being a purist and all.
The first two sets were a mixture of standards and some local compositions, and I had no
trouble following along, most of it being 12 bar blues. I even slipped in a solo on the guitar,
which received nods and smiles from the other players.
The third set started off with another classic, "Dust My Broom," another by the Master,
R. Johnson. Just as we ended the song, the lady behind the bar hollered out once again
in her booming voice, "Hey white man. We wants to hear sumpin YOU wrote. See if you
a real blues man."
"OK," I yelled back. "Here's a little thing I wrote a while back about life and being on the road.
Guys, it's a 12 bar in key of E with an F# on the turnaround. Kind of jazz it up like up in Chicago.
"I call it 'Starvation Blues'.
Well, I'm out in the jungle, Searchin' for some food
I'm eatin' canned gumbo, lots of possum stew (a little beaver when it's fresh)
I'm beatin' the bushes for somethin' to chew
I'm so hungry
Got the Starvation Blues
I can't see straight
I just ate my shoes
But I need meat so bad
I might even eat you (and here's why)
Well, the cows all died, the lake dried up
All the chickens got fried, the dog had pups
My wife she left me, the kids left too
I'm standin' here bangin' my gums at you.
"Play that sax, Joey."
I went to Memphis to try my luck
I met this girl, she wanted to fuck
I took her home, I knew just what to do
I ate that cutie and her sister too
Yeah, I'm so hungry,
Got the Starvation Blues
I can't see straight
I just ate my shoes
But I need meat so bad
I might even eat you!
....
I've been playing in the same club six nights a week for over two years now. . .
User Reviews
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-08-05 15:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-24 18:22:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/87616#2849612
GET THE PICTURE DIPSHIT?
:(
Submitted by Saeki (user info) at 2007-05-23 07:29:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2006-07-17 23:55:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
By agreement
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-05-05 11:30:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very nice
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-04-27 15:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-04-26 22:03:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Made me hungry.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-25 13:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Really, really, really good work Bubs.
Is there anything that whitey can't do? I mean seriously...
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-04-24 10:11:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
True blue.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-24 08:48:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*applauds*
You, sir, will be a tough act for me to follow.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-04-23 22:50:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This felt real.
Submitted by Stuch (user info) at 2006-04-23 11:31:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-04-23 01:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
drive by
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-22 20:02:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-04-22 19:45:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, this was good stuff, old man!
_______________________________________
Thanks, kid.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-04-22 19:45:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, this was good stuff, old man!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-22 11:18:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Very good.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-21 21:44:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh ticket agent, ticket agent, where'd my baby go?
Tell me what she looks like, I'll tell ya what road she's on
She's a long, tall mamma, mile n a half from the ground
She's a tailor-made mamma and she ain't no hand-me-down
=====================
Play that one next!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-21 21:20:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-21 19:43:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's another entry for which I like the twist- sometimes being the only white man makes you the odd man out.
I can tell you feel this deep down, Bubba. And you're thinking about playing your guitar, aren't you?
_____________________________________________________________________________
I went to Karaoke last night and did a couple of tunes, and when I got home I
took the guitar out for the first time in a long while. I sounded like
dogshit. I remember where to put my fingers, but said fingers were either
drunk or stupid.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-04-21 20:05:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Claphead Creamboy
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-21 19:53:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A great story. Superbly told.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-21 19:43:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's another entry for which I like the twist- sometimes being the only white man makes you the odd man out.
I can tell you feel this deep down, Bubba. And you're thinking about playing your guitar, aren't you?
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-21 19:33:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NEED to play the Blues.
Nice.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-21 19:25:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hard times? Nice enough stuff.