fiction (903 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesLabels: blog
Rating: 1.85 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2006-04-21 20:36:22 EDT
My pregnancy was confirmed today with the second test. I knew I was pregnant before I saw the intersecting lines. I had wanted to hold off on taking the test so that I might have a few more cigarettes or one extra beer, guilt free.
I had waited to take the test as if I were giving my past life a wake before the official burial. I let myself know what was happening and why it was happening, giving myself a few days to accept the fact that life was going to be forever changed.
Most women have children. Most women are mothers. The experience of pregnancy, birth and child-rearing is one of the most shared experiences on this planet. I'm now joining the ranks, becoming like everyone else, yet all I feel is that I'm further away from the real me.
I wasn't even myself when I told my mom I was pregnant. It couldn't be the wild-haired, emotionally intense, sharply logical daughter announcing this. That daughter had long ago proclaimed things such as, "I'm never having kids... there are already enough women doing that." That daughter spoke of her fear of pregnancy. That fear of the unknown, the hidden angst, the horrible discoveries.
What was it, two weeks ago, that I stopped taking my anti-depressants? Then today, when the little blue plus sign changed the remainder of my life, I stopped smoking.
I wanted a hug when I got home. I wanted my boyfriend to put his arms around me and let me rest my head on his chest. I wanted to spend the evening talking about everything.
Instead I arrived home to my boyfriend and his brother, asking if I picked up beer on the way home.
"No, sorry". I like his brother, but I was still disappointed that he was there. My thoughts were boiling over, I needed to talk, but circumstances weren't going to allow it.
His brother handed me a twenty. "Can you get some Busch?"
"Dude, I'm not drinking Busch!" interrupted my boyfriend.
"Shut the fuck up man, I'm buying it!"
"Corinne, get Labbatts."
"No, I'm not drinking Labbatts!"
I stood there while they jokingly sparred back and forth over the beer selection. Normally I would have thought it was funny, and I would have began teasing them. Not today. All I could think was, "holy fuck, I just found out I'm pregnant, and instead of having an amazing and significant discussion with my boyfriend about it, I get to go on a beer run".
"Okay, Budwiser".
I looked over, "Bud? Alright. 12 pack?"
"No, better get a case, 12 wont be enough for the three of us."
"I'm not drinking" I said. This isn't something that oft comes out of my mouth, so I wasn't surprised when boy guys raised their eyebrows in question. "What?" I asked, the word coated with defiance. I turned and walked back to my car, still sour with the disappointment in having an ordinary Friday night.
When I got home Erik said, "So, babe, are you gonna help me clean the house tomorrow?" He and his brother were both sitting on the couch, watching Return of the Living Dead, and sipping on their Budwisers.
"Yeah" I spat the word out as if it were acid. How dare he ask me to clean the house. I've done nothing BUT clean the house since I lost my job, more often feeling as if I were in a race against time. Each time I cleared the counter of his random papers, shirts, gadgets and tissues, it filled back up. I wondered if he thought, "Wow, that was nice of Corinne to move all of yesterdays stuff so I have somewhere to unload todays stuff!!".
Erik, sensing my anger (how could he not?), looked at me and frowned.
I tried to put out the fire of emotions that were gurgling down in the pit of my stomach. I took deep, cleansing breaths, I tried to think logically.
"Fuck, all I've done is CLEAN since we moved here." I continued on this particular triad for about 4 minutes, my voice slowly raising in both pitch and volume. My last sentence was: "You know what, fuck you and you're dirty fucking house. You're the one having 'band practice' (I treated that phrase as if it were a pair of stained underpants), so if you're so worried about your god damn friends seeing a messy house, perhaps you should pick up your shit once in a god damn while".
"EXCUSE ME?" Erik had to shout over me, I wouldn't stop ranting and raving. He told me to shut my mouth, which was fully unacceptable, and sent me onto a tangent about respect. He kept interrupting me to tell me not to argue in front of our guest.
"Our GUEST? Since when is Aaron a fucking GUEST?"
His brother shifted slightly on the end of the couch. I could tell he was trying to look comfortable and understanding.
I stormed up the stairs, then suddenly decided that "storming" wasn't helping me look rational, so I made the rest of the way to the bedroom in mouse-like silence.
He followed me upstairs. Before he could talk I pointed to the floor. "This is all YOUR SHIT! You want me to clean your shit, huh??" then I spotted my watch, sparkling in the lamplight, laying right in the middle of the floor. With fake sincerity, I bent to pick it up. "Oh, so sooo sorry. I had my watch on the floor. I hope it didn't make it too hard for you to navigate the room. I wouldn't want you tripping on it on your way to bed, or stubbing your GOD DAMN TOE on it when you walked to the window. I know, I've got the WHOLE GOD DAMN HOUSE CLUTTERED UP!!!!!! IM SO SORRY!!"
At this point I realized I was going over the top, and I kinda wanted to laugh at my behavior, but that didn't fit in properly, so I continued to march around the room, picking up his stuff, and making false claims of apologies for not being a better housewife.
"Babe, what is the problem? God damn!" he rubbed his hands over his bald head.
"It could be that I haven't smoked all day, am STILL going through withdraws from the antidepressant AND I'm pregnant."
"You always have an excuse to justify your behavior."
Oh for fucks sake. I'm gonna have to get a grip on myself.
User Reviews
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-08-03 09:20:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FACT!!!
i also now wish I had enjoyed my last beer more! I didn't realize it would be the last one for a while. :)
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-05-04 11:05:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good post
bad title.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-24 18:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shiloh (6173 hits)
Category: None
Rating: 0.38 on 251 reviews (Rate this item) (V) (Label this item) X
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Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2005-05-12 23:43:58
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This isn't exactly where I'd like to air my dirty laundry... but I dont know what else to do. I've tried emailing and calling, as you fuckig know, and I'm not sure you're getting my emails or calls, and I'm at the point where I can't fucking stand to call or email again.
And I woldnt- past this point... but Im fucking pregnant and I havent had sex with anyone but you in 5 months, so guess what.
corinne
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-04-23 09:26:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I quit smoking a month ago. I am not pregnant.
This post is about me!! Minus the boyfriend. Insert sister.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-04-23 05:07:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Huh..... so THIS is how you'd come out with the news on Uber, eh, preggo?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-23 05:06:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2006-04-23 04:37:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jolly good show
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-04-22 16:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-04-21 20:43:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
god damn word spellcheck... let me gloss over two stupid typos:
boy=both
triad=tirade
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I fucking hate when that happens!!! GAH!
And this was an awesome post!
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2006-04-22 14:01:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for dialogue that sounds like real people.
hope your house ghost likes young'uns.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-04-22 13:36:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jamie, yes that's what I meant, as you can see in my own review early on. My problem is that I used Word to type this out, which "automatically" corrects misspelling. I see that I let my grammar/spelling guard WAY down, because I made a few odd mistakes.
Specifically, the "They're". How did that HAPPEN!?!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-04-22 10:40:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
did you mean tirade?
a triad is a chinese gangster, amusing really in the context.
of course this is fiction, only shandy is allowed to fuck you and I have it on good authority his boys can't swim ever since he was EMASCULATED AND GELDED AND STARTING WEARING 'SMART CASUAL' CLOTHES.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-04-22 08:53:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hi
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-04-22 04:11:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't say this is shit, that's for sure.
Not my sort of subject matter, but you wrote it in a way that kept me interested.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-04-22 03:52:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congratulations, possibly.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-04-22 01:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rare that a topic like this stays interesting in the text
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-04-22 01:19:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The first post I've read from beginning to end in about a month or so. I'm glad I chose this one C.
Thanks
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-04-22 00:04:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a girl?!?
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2006-04-21 23:36:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2006-04-21 23:21:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Perhaps the title may have given you a clue, kimmy930237598-whatever
-------------------------
wow, i guess it's true when they say not to uber while drinking.
NURRRRRRRRR
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-21 23:25:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't you hate it when your ovaries are more ambitious than the sperm donor?
If by "fiction", you mean "nonfiction", I wish you the best.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2006-04-21 23:21:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Perhaps the title may have given you a clue, kimmy930237598-whatever
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2006-04-21 23:03:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have you found a job or found out if you've qualified for unemployment?
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2006-04-21 23:02:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fiction? I cant believe it's friday night and my biggest concern is if this is a true story.
Submitted by SilentJane (user info) at 2006-04-21 22:03:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow, that was actually kind of funny. I enjoyed reading that. Sounds like something my mother would have done to my father just to piss him off or something...Or maybe the other way around...anyways, you were some what in the right...and then again you were somewhat in the wrong for getting so extremely upset, but it's in the past now and can't be taken back.
Submitted by secret_of_nimh (user info) at 2006-04-21 21:02:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's like I looked into the future, and saw my girlfriend doing the exact same thing... except there's no way in shit she'd specifically go out to buy me beer; I don't have a brother; and I'm not bald.
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-04-21 20:49:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
reminded me of this:
http://www.pulsehead.com/message/2172/No+Moon.html
yeah, it's on pulse , i know, get over it folks
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-04-21 20:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
DAMN IT
"Fuck you and you're fucking house" GOD DAMN WORD. I didn't have these stupid moronic typos when I didn't use spellcheck!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-04-21 20:43:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
god damn word spellcheck... let me gloss over two stupid typos:
boy=both
triad=tirade
johnny cash is on... that deliah song.