The best party I ever went to or the story of how I got a nice tug job in the dumpster area of a Burger King (1029 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.36 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by myexstaintstain (View user info) at 2006-04-22 07:06:08 EDT
Back in the summer of 02, it was a summer of love. No one disliked our president yet, myspace what?, and it was the perfect time for underage guy's like me at the time to find time for older woman to gives us exceptional tug jobs in the dumpster area or the local burger. Ahh it was a summer of peace not war.
Anyways, being the excitable young lad that I was, I always found it a much more enjoyable experience hanging out with an older crowd. This made it much easier to meet more older, promiscuous woman. The following tale recounts the events of a hot July night, following a tale of my loss of innocence.
This guy Bruce, who shall remain nameless because of the illegality of what transpired, was the guy you wanted to be friends with. He knew the perfect crowd to invite to the party so that fun and merrymaking could be had by all. I mean, this guy was in his late twenties, but had young schoolgirl freshmen guys partaking in what would be the greatest debauchery they ever partook in their life. Not to mention, he had contacts with some of the freshest Asian hookers around. I have a tale centered around some Asian hookers at one time in my life. I think it inspired the movie 'Memoirs of a Geisha' or something. Anyways....
I pull up to Bruce's in my 94 Civic DX, I only cruise around in style. This was gonna be one of his biggest parties so far this summer. The bitches that I brought man, ugh made my civic seem like it was lowered to the ground one it wasn't. Apparently, I was responsible for bring the fat chicks, you know, the girls that no one wanted to fuck aside from the really drunk guys or serious losers. I arrived to the party an hour late because these broads made me stop at ever Wendy's, McDonald's, and Burger King on the way. Tyrone's baby's momma passed an Entire menu's worth of food at McDonald's through her system within 5 minutes and needless to say, the smell that were emanating from her asshole forced me to simply torch my car the very next day.
The scene I came when I first entered around the back of the house is one that forever will be burned in my memory. The greatest wood popping inspiring memory I think I ever may have...
Schlongy's mom was in mid air going off the diving board to do a dive, but wound up doing nothing more then a belly flop. She remained face down in the water, and we all noticed a few turds escaping the backside of her underwear. Apparently, she forgot her bathing suit and being the modest, wholesome woman that she is, she borrowed the only bathing suit available, which was from some fat chicks that had gotten to the party earlier.
I hear this familiar squish squish going back and forth and I turn to see the familiar site of Method's mom running back and worth attempting to play find/hide the winky with some of the frat guys their. I could barely wait for the circle jerk all over her deflated tits that was going to take place later.
Suddenly, I hear one of the few things I hoped to never hear so close to any amount of water larger then a puddle...The sound of garbled English yelling cannonball from Fat Tony's fat ass jiggling jobling jowls. Apparently, he was trying to show off to some of the finer ladies that were there by showing how he was once an Olympic swimmer before he got the clap for rubbing all those tortillas he loves so much over his genitals, which in turned caused him to become seriously depressed, put on all that weight, and become the fat fucking coffee drinking, illegal immigrant living in the US illegally, tongue to foreskin obsessed freak that he is. The tidal wave that ensued from Fat Tony's cannon ball maimed and killed people indiscriminately within a 20 foot radius from the pool. Fortunately for me and all those beautiful skinny myspacer's Fat Tony was trying to impress, MistreeFist was nearby and we all took solace in that gaping, easily defensible cave she named her vagina. Me and the ladies went exploring and found a castle with many riches and tv's with satellite programming where we lived forever and ever making babies and enjoying a frontier where no other person would dare to go.
One day, after me and the ladies felt a major earthquake, probably MistressFist flatulating all over Fat Tony's face, I got hungry so I headed to the local Burger King. I had stumbled one drunken night farther in the cave the ever before had I traveled to and came upon a Burger King staffed by all immigrant workers who decided this was also the best to hide from immigration. Anyways I went inside and got some whopper jr's without tomato's because tomato's are gross, and suddenly I got very horny from some of the gases pouring into the cave from a hole somewhere in the ceiling that I ran over to the dumpster area and was going to jerk off. Urbane was there fingering her pussy, saw me, and crawled over my way, beginning to give me the best tug job I had ever had.
The End
User Reviews
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-04-30 20:55:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The bitches that I brought man, ugh made my civic seem like it was lowered to the ground one it wasn't.
nice dipshit.
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-04-25 00:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll be blunt. I hate you. In an I love you way.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-24 18:52:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-24 08:59:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
NAH NOPE AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2006-04-23 00:00:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
94 Civic DX?....style?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
HAHAHAHAH
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*****gasps for air******
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
ok, I'm done now
Submitted by myexstaintstain (user info) at 2006-04-22 23:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I love how everyone is giving me the satisfaction of giving me nice scores and very witty feedback. Thank you all much. And by the way, I didn't work tonight. I was out partying now I have friends over and we are all drinking!!!
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-04-22 23:08:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Die?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-04-22 17:30:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
because others already made sure that this won't get worst ever, i'm glad i can put my -2 down.
people like you make me hate life.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-04-22 17:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Lamedropping.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-04-22 16:17:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-04-22 14:04:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
'tard
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-04-22 13:03:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Although this might deserve a perfect -2 rating because it's like someone put a chimpanzee infront of a computer and let it type for 57 hours non-stop and then edited it themselves into absolute incoherent shit and it's not like a monkey even knows what a fast food place is because although they have opposable thumbs that doesn't mean that they should type anything much less submit it online and who has a monkey anyway 'cause your house would get really dirty given their affinity for slinging poo all over the place and no one really wants their walls covered in shit kinda like this post, I mean a lot like this post and monkeys can pretty much suck themselves off if they wanted to so they don't really need a tug near a waste disposal bin where this poster belongs which brings me back to my orignal thought that I'd like to cut stainy mcstainersten into small pieces, eat his liver with a nice chianti and throw the rest in the trash right next to the cardboard box he calls home...
I refuse to give this alter the satisfaction.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-04-22 12:55:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
not worst ever
Submitted by Call911 (user info) at 2006-04-22 12:29:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Everyone is -2 you. Could 20 people really be that wrong?
Probably, but not in this case.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-04-22 12:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-22 11:04:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So you ARE working?
Thank God for that.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-04-22 10:50:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-04-22 10:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sitting here working on an assignment that is due monday because anzac day fucked everything up so I have to hand it in a day early instead of a day late, and even though there aren't enough hours between now and 8am monday morning to complete it, I keep stopping every 10 minutes to fresh ubersite's front page even though its dead because I'm so fucking bored and I hate having to do stuff
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-22 10:20:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Why the hell are we camping on this piece of shit at 20 past 12 on a Saturday night?
I hope you're at work, Fuckface.
If you're spending your Saturday nights, at home, on Uber, then you need to seriously consider killing yourself.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-22 10:15:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I think you'll find that it doesn't "sound" like anything.
Obsess much?
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-04-22 10:05:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That sounds like something jgreening or whatthehell would say
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-22 10:03:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't care. (3 words)
Does that constitute a good enough explanation?
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-04-22 09:54:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sphagnum you should summarize yourself in 25 words or less so I can remember which one you are. You, jgreening and whatthehell all seem to be the same person to me.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-22 09:48:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't hope your Dad gets raped. I just hope he stops raping you, one day.
Submitted by myexstaintstain (user info) at 2006-04-22 09:27:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 DIE ROX0RS! God it's fun to fuck with people. Post some bs stories and watch half the people here get their knickers roll up in a bunch with -2die's and I hope your dad gets raped and blah blah blah. Makes me smile.
Submitted by recall (user info) at 2006-04-22 09:12:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Maybe you haven't learned this by now, but
-2FUCKINGDIE
Submitted by eppliks (user info) at 2006-04-22 09:01:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by myexstaintstain (user info) at 2006-04-22 08:37:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Har har you still got that pic with me and you last year before our big date? Har har
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-04-22 08:32:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's cool guys, he's with me
http://www.derry-nh.org/images/GeneralPics/MikeandGeorge_Mullets.jpg
Submitted by TheReaper (user info) at 2006-04-22 08:27:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck is this bullshit....it sounds like a 13 year olds attempt at bragging about something that never happened
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-22 08:07:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I wouldn't admit to be being me if I wrote bullshit like this.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-22 07:45:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The real you? Oh, then you're just retarded. I apologize for everything that I previously said about you, assjockey.
Submitted by myexstaintstain (user info) at 2006-04-22 07:15:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's not an alter dammit. It's the real me.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-04-22 07:09:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You ruined this alter by putting too much effort into him.