The Sea is not our Friend (2068 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.86 on 96 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The_Taste_of_Monkeys (View user info) at 2006-04-23 14:31:16 EDT
User Reviews
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-03-24 17:23:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-03-24 16:55:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Geeky type flirting below ;)
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-03-24 16:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
jellyfish.
*shudders*
When I have nightmares it's usually one of two things: Jellyfish or Zombies.
Except i like the Zombie dreams, I always seem to be the leader of the rag-tag group of survivors, which is a pretty sweet gig when you get past all of the brain-goo and rotting flesh.
...back to work.
Submitted by KungFu (user info) at 2006-05-24 13:30:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 just for the tremors reference, but the rest was funny as hell too.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-05-24 13:08:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yup, I still hate the sea. Godamn satanic fish beasts!
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-05-24 12:44:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Christ, this post gets funnier every time I read it.
It gets me to wondering, now...A while back, I did a post about irrational fears, and TTOM left a comment about the sea: http://www.ubersite.com/m/85096#1875561 I totally should have seen this post coming.
Submitted by PrevertEnabler (user info) at 2006-04-25 10:59:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ever hear of the candirú fish? It's the little vampire fish you hear stories about, the one that'll swim up into your urethra, erect its spine, and feed on the blood. They're supposedly attracted to urine and blood. DON'T PEE IN THE AMAZON RIVER!!!
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-24 22:17:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Puns are only SLIGHTLY more tolerable than miming and magic.
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-04-24 22:00:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-24 10:08:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2006-04-24 09:59:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Something's about this post is fishy
---
Any more jokes like that and I'll 'eel over.
===============
WATER you talking about? Those jokes are FINtastic.
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-24 21:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys
I'll TRY and stifle my rampant interest
Please do. And stop following me around the site, monkey boy.
It's not nice.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-24 21:09:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll TRY and stifle my rampant interest
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-24 20:41:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-24 20:34:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
At a guess Id say youre probably Sphagnum but Im not sure and nor do I care over much
Better feel again, chickless.
I am Legion, and you care. I'll make you care, you worthless tea bagger.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-24 20:34:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
At a guess Id say youre probably Sphagnum but Im not sure and nor do I care over much
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-24 20:33:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Just make sure you share a taste with yodaddy
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-24 20:31:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys
Oh great, thanks! Now I cant look up anymore either!
Sure you can.
Look up at me with those feral slitted eyes and whisper "ooh, these feel heavy" and pray to your monkey god I shake off a few drops to slake your parched jungle puss.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-04-24 20:26:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i like to pee and fuck in the ocean
but not at the same time
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-24 20:19:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh great, thanks! Now I cant look up anymore either!
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-04-24 20:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-24 19:42:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
Theres too much DOWN in the sea for my liking
---------
Well, is there too much UP in the sky for your liking too?
You can beat cancer but you can't go in the ocean? Cancer's way worse and kills more people than the ocean! You should try surfing TTOM. It'll help you overcome your fears. Unless you fall off your board and land on some rocks and die. That would suck.
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-04-24 19:58:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
vampire squids givwe you AIDS!!!!! OH NOES!!!
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-24 19:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Theres too much DOWN in the sea for my liking
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-04-24 19:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What about Bull sharks? They're really aggressive AND they can adapt to fresh water. I think they even attack more people than Great Whites per year but I may be wrong.
Anyway, I still love the ocean but I do get a little nervous swimming in deep waters. Not sure why though.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-24 17:34:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
TREMORS ARE GREAT!
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-04-24 14:50:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Those puns are just fishdisgusting.
What's that? That's not actually a pun? fuck...
Disfishable.
Dis-squidsting.
Fishterrible.
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-04-24 14:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-04-23 18:12:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Technically English is a germanic language.
===========
no shit. I was kidding.
Deine mutter stinkt.
Submitted by captaincrunch00 (user info) at 2006-04-24 13:19:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-24 10:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2006-04-24 09:59:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Something's about this post is fishy
---
Any more jokes like that and I'll 'eel over.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2006-04-24 09:59:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Something's about this post is fishy
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-04-24 09:55:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-04-24 09:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU SUCK
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-24 09:19:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That to-be-named squid has the spindliest tentacles I've ever seen. Is it an Ethiopian squid?
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-04-24 08:43:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh heh heh
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-24 07:43:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Most heated.
It would appear I win again, Mr Bond
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-04-24 06:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-24 05:28:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-24 05:15:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
We don't belong down there. It's an unnatural environment for a 'oooman bean' and it's as natural for people to be scared of the sea as it is for a fish to be afraid of driving.
---
Fish are scared of spiders
=======
And negroes.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-24 05:28:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-24 05:15:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
We don't belong down there. It's an unnatural environment for a 'oooman bean' and it's as natural for people to be scared of the sea as it is for a fish to be afraid of driving.
---
Fish are scared of spiders
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-24 05:15:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We don't belong down there. It's an unnatural environment for a 'oooman bean' and it's as natural for people to be scared of the sea as it is for a fish to be afraid of driving.
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-24 04:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sucks ass
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2006-04-24 02:42:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fancy
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2006-04-24 02:15:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The funniest post i've read in a while, but i might have mentioned salt-water crocodiles.
i fuckin' hate crocodiles.
Submitted by Lucylou (user info) at 2006-04-24 01:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You forgot jellyfish.
Those fuckers.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-23 23:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I demand flesh!
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-04-23 22:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome...+2 more because i just wrote a paper on the vampire squid from hell last week.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-04-23 22:41:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-04-23 22:27:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-23 20:32:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-04-23 20:21:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-04-23 15:40:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the sea, i am sad for you
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I second that.
I'm particularly fond of our good friend Carcharodon carcharias. I read somewhere that they haven't evolved in several thousand years. When you think about it, the only reason a species would stop evolving is it is either A) extinct or B) pretty fuckin perfect. I like that idea; 99.9999% of the world is fucked outside its asshole but there's still a tiny little slice of perfection swimming below us
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I want to evolve a second peener so I can fuck an ass and a pussy at the same time. That would be the ultimate evolution right there.
=============================
Nurse sharks beat you to it. I'd rather evolve a prehensile dong, like dolphins.
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-04-23 22:23:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Beeboid looks a bit like the Ohmu bugs from Nausiccaa.
Submitted by cascade (user info) at 2006-04-23 22:15:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've also heard on good authority that dolphins want to have sex with our women.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-23 22:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-04-23 21:35:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
THE SEA IS NOTHING TOO FEAR!!!
When compared to the threat of being crushed between my massive breasts anyway
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-04-23 21:35:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THE SEA IS NOTHING TOO FEAR!!!
When compared to the threat of zombies anyway.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-04-23 21:23:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Flesh
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2006-04-23 20:43:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kept me interested....just like the Uber Musical last week.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-23 20:32:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-04-23 20:21:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-04-23 15:40:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the sea, i am sad for you
---
I second that.
I'm particularly fond of our good friend Carcharodon carcharias. I read somewhere that they haven't evolved in several thousand years. When you think about it, the only reason a species would stop evolving is it is either A) extinct or B) pretty fuckin perfect. I like that idea; 99.9999% of the world is fucked outside its asshole but there's still a tiny little slice of perfection swimming below us
---
I want to evolve a second peener so I can fuck an ass and a pussy at the same time. That would be the ultimate evolution right there.
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-04-23 20:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-04-23 15:40:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the sea, i am sad for you
---
I second that.
I'm particularly fond of our good friend Carcharodon carcharias. I read somewhere that they haven't evolved in several thousand years. When you think about it, the only reason a species would stop evolving is it is either A) extinct or B) pretty fuckin perfect. I like that idea; 99.9999% of the world is fucked outside its asshole but there's still a tiny little slice of perfection swimming below us.
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-04-23 20:13:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Nemo image almost turned me off, but in my opinion this has been your best production yet.
As well as a Tremors reference, auto+2.
Submitted by turkishblend (user info) at 2006-04-23 19:43:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-04-23 19:08:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 pave over the sea.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-04-23 18:34:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck now I hate the sea too. Asstooth.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-23 18:29:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GoldPlatedOrange (user info) at 2006-04-23 18:16:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehe nice one mate so many +2's that I can't be assed mentioning them, good job
---
Of course, he's TTOM, he had cancer. You have to give people who survive cancer +2s or you cancer of the peener or clit, it's the rules.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-23 18:22:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't like Wolf Spiders
Submitted by GoldPlatedOrange (user info) at 2006-04-23 18:16:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehe nice one mate so many +2's that I can't be assed mentioning them, good job
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-23 18:14:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-04-23 17:27:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
SWEET! I now have an AWESOME insane demand - so that people can prove how much they love me, of course!
I DEMAND the milk of a shark!
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How about some deep fried tiger shark instead? That's some good eatin right there it is.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-04-23 18:12:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Technically English is a germanic language.
Vampire squid, thats almost as bad a name as wolf spider.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-23 17:30:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thats an even more insane demand than you realise, since the baby shark is still inside the womb whist being fed the milk and actually becomes physically attached to the milk-tendril that feeds it.
Good luck!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-04-23 17:27:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SWEET! I now have an AWESOME insane demand - so that people can prove how much they love me, of course!
I DEMAND the milk of a shark!
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-23 17:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why does this occur?
Computers scare me sometimes, not as much as the sea like.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-23 17:13:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-23 17:11:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=23501 HighVoltage900
---
I know I typed it bad the first time, I just didn't know it would take me to a diffrent front page...
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-23 17:11:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Christ if you type www.ubersite.com/u/makeuprandomnamethatnoonehas it leads to a front page that doesnt delete posts from people who've posted more then once a day...
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-23 17:11:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=23501 HighVoltage900
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2006-04-23 17:11:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This ruled. I shall feast on your young! Pahahahahah!
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-23 17:09:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think that link broke Uber... It's a fucked up front page.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-23 17:07:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/u/highvoltage click on that, what the fuck?
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-23 16:59:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ill touch you AND me!
Learning is fun.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-23 16:58:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-23 16:46:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey..you're trying to teach us things. That's cheating!
"Come touch me, ape!"
---
I'll touch you...
What?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-23 16:46:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey..you're trying to teach us things. That's cheating!
"Come touch me, ape!"
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-04-23 16:43:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Does anybody know if maybe English has some root in German or something like that?
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-04-23 16:42:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Then good sir, I with thee no quarrel have.
Shakespeare is easy, it's just like German. You put the verb at the end, and thine = dein and shit like that.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-23 16:33:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Im afraid of NO beer! I shall drink and digest it with my system of mighty organs!
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-23 16:32:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I call myself King Cancer, master of tumours!
I'll fight you with my army of tumerous children as cannon fodder and remember, Ive been exposed to radiation, I HAVE POWERS NOW, BEWARE!
Unless Stan Lee lied to me...
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-04-23 16:30:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-23 15:44:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
For all this posts jokiness I really am TERRIFIED of going in the sea and Im not too fond of any water at all.
I will not go in the sea, can't do it.
=============
But what if the ocean was made of... get this... BEER. Then would you go in? Wouldn't that be awesome? If you say you're scared of beer I will fight you. No joke. I will fly my ass over to wherever it is you limeys live and FIGHT YOU à la hidden vs. toxicnarcotic. That's right, I will FIGHT A CANCER AFFECTED DUDE. Come on, you beat cancer LETS SEE YOU BEAT ME! RAAAAA
Do you call yourself a cancerite? Cancerinian? Cancish? Canch? Cancanese?
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-04-23 16:09:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Really though, some of the fish at the bottom of the ocean are FUCKED up.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-23 16:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I cannae stand haggis or any of the shitty foods Scots are meant to eat.
Neeps? Yuck!
Skirly? Gads!
Fried mars bars? Urban Myth, I've heard it happens but never found anywhere that does them, its all bollocks.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-23 15:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-23 15:44:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
For all this posts jokiness I really am TERRIFIED of going in the sea and Im not too fond of any water at all.
I will not go in the sea, can't do it.
---
But TTOM sharks taste like chicken! You must og cath you one or be doomed to eat haggis(sp?) or whatever nasty ass food you eat forever!
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-23 15:44:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For all this posts jokiness I really am TERRIFIED of going in the sea and Im not too fond of any water at all.
I will not go in the sea, can't do it.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-04-23 15:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the sea, i am sad for you
Submitted by eppliks (user info) at 2006-04-23 15:27:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Old-wive's tales. The sea has nothing dangerous down there at all.
Everyone jump in today!
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-23 15:24:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Personally I love Tiger Sharks, have you ever eaten one? I went fishing on the Gulf of Mexico I few years back caught four of them, you put a bit of lemon sauce on it and deep fry them, they taste just like motherfucking chicken.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-04-23 15:18:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vampire_squid
Vampire squid.... god damn you
Submitted by PrevertEnabler (user info) at 2006-04-23 15:11:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had to do a report on those scary ass deep sea fish in high school. Anglerfish are fucking ugly as hell. I'm scared of the ocean, too. It's just a bit unsettling to be in water that I can't see what the hell is swimming around my feet. I don't like lakes, either. Ever seen a garr fish? Those are some ugly, pointy sombitches.
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-04-23 15:06:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If Jesus had only lived long enough for them to discover the Atlantic Ocean, he could have turned it into beer. Then you'd be happy right? Eh? Wouldn't you like that? Go swimming in ale? Lager beaches? Waves of Pilsener? Alcoholic fish?
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-23 15:00:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
beaute.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-04-23 15:00:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Vampire Squid? Holy Fucking Shit... see, now I'm kinda scared of the sea, too
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-23 14:47:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think we should depth charge the sea.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2006-04-23 14:44:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent post. A bit shorter more polished, and it could have been B@W in my humble opinion.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-04-23 14:44:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well done
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-04-23 14:42:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahaha. Tremors, wtf?
Submitted by street-pirate (user info) at 2006-04-23 14:38:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-04-23 14:35:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You appear to have a bit of time on your hands!
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-04-23 14:34:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good lord... how long do these take you?
*gets out cement mixer*