Plan To End War (321 hits)
Category: NewsRating: -0.8 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by KindaNews (View user info) at 2006-04-23 20:17:58 EDT
William Bennett Announces Plan to End Iraq War
"Abortion could work wonders", Says Virtuous Former Secretary
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Former Education Secretary William J. Bennett, author of "The Book of Virtues", announced today that abortion was key to ending the war in Iraq. "We need to take a serious look at abortion as a method of nipping the insurgency in the bud. The more Iraqis we abort, the sooner we can bring good Christian values to that poor country." When a reporter reminded him that Iraq was not a Christian nation, Mr. Bennett took even more umbrage than usual. "They're sitting on huge supplies of oil over there. Who do you think created the dinosaurs which provide those fossil fuels," he snorted, "Mohammed?" The Muslim world was outraged by the remarks, suggesting that Mr. Bennett should stick to aborting African American babies in the United States in order to control crime. "We'll get to that. One low life minority at a time," he said. "I'm also looking at abortion as a way to control population growth and end world hunger. Abort the babies, then eat the fetus. It's a double benefit." Bennett was asked why he was pro abortion in other countries, but opposed it in his own. "There's no toilet in America's dining room, pal," he said. After the press conference, Mr. Bennett was unavailable for further comment, as he had left for a tour of hurricane ravaged casinos along the Mississippi River. He vowed to continue the dialogue, however, as well as to promote his plan to raze the National Institutes of Health as a way to end the scourge of cancer.
User Reviews
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-23 22:57:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-04-23 20:36:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Doodles, I'm sorry! I still love you, sweetheart.
I won't tell him, I promise!
Let's go back to the way we were.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-23 20:29:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-04-23 20:25:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
Doodles, you should do for Bart what you did for me last night, and I'm sure he'll accomodate.
That was nice.
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Did for you last night, did for you last night... <thinks> Oh that's right I bought you a pink silk thong and whored you out, my bad I had already forgotten.
Submitted by myexstaintstain (user info) at 2006-04-23 20:28:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-04-23 20:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Doodles, you should do for Bart what you did for me last night, and I'm sure he'll accomodate.
That was nice.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-04-23 20:22:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darkspoon
Is it really neccesary to post once ever minute?
Sorry, that's as fast as I can write.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-23 20:21:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Gah, where can I ask Bart to ban this bitch? my good post keeps getting pushed down.
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-04-23 20:20:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Damnit! I thought I got here first.
Submitted by darkspoon (user info) at 2006-04-23 20:19:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is it really neccesary to post once ever minute?