Apparently, some of us DO like the sea, (648 hits)
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Submitted by erosion_rules (View user info) at 2006-04-24 00:00:58 EDT
After I left a comment on TTOM's post about the sea, I sought out to research my speculation about dolphins. Here is my comment. http://www.ubersite.com/m/87019#1947311
What I wanted to find out was if it is actually true that dolphins have prehensile peeners. A simple question, brought forth originally by a trip I made to The Living Seas at EPCOT a couple months ago. I had seen several dolphins swimming about, and suddenly I witnessed XXXLIVEHARDCORE DOLPHIN PORNXXX!!1! It was quite disturbing. I was horrified to see the male's junk waving hither and thither, and it seemed to do more than just slide into the rubbery grey slit. It went at an agle that should have been impossible, but then I saw it push in anyway.
So, with this horrifying yet hilarious image in my head, I set forth on Google, hoping to find something that said "Yes, dolphins can grab shit with their cocks. That is all, go home, you sick son of a bitch." Instead, I clicked "I feel lucky." Where I ended up was not what I had expected: http://www.zoophile.net/dolphin_anatomy.php Upon first glance, it seemed professional enough, maybe even a true educational page. But then I read on.
Some stuff seemed a little dodgy, like the random bits of odd terminology, but then I came to this part:
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Q1: How do you tell a male dolphin from a female?
A1: If you look at the ventral, or belly, side of a dolphin you will see a series of slits near the base of the peduncle, or tail (not to be confused with the "tail fluke"). A male dolphin has one long slit followed by a short slit, or afterslit. The long slit contains the penile opening. The penis is connected to the "extensor muscle". The afterslit is the anus. Females have one long slit with two smaller slits on either side. The long slit contains the clitoris, vaginal opening, and anus. The anus is in the lower end of the slit. The two smaller slits are the mammary slits, these contain the teats. When a calf nurses, the mother will squirt the milk from one of the two slits right into the calves mouth.
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Okay, we're still in the clear. But then you scroll down the FAQ.
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Q4: Can a dolphin use its tongue for oral sex?
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Wait, what?
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Q3: Do dolphins know where our sex organs are right away or do they need to learn?
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WHAT?!
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Q12: How can I let a dolphin know that I'm amorous?
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WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!?!?!
This was written by a real, live DOLPHIN FUCKER! This dude...or chick, I'm not sure, FUCKS SEA LIFE. Oh, and horses. The writer isn't monogamous, obviously.
But apparently, they know a thing or two about getting a dolphin to slip it's bit inside you...or getting it to let you slip it into them.
I was still a bit skeptical, so I read on.
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a) Floating - That's what I call it when they float at the surface totally relaxed. So relaxed in fact that they'd let you tow them around their pool all day and be as happy as a clam about it. They may have their eyes open or closed, depending on how aroused they are. Usually their mouths are slightly open. Their bodies may occasionally convulse as if they were dozing off then waking up again. Females will most often assume this posture, but males will too if they're in the mood to be on the receiving end. They will allow you to insert your fingers, penis, tongue, or what ever when they are in this frame of mind.
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Um...Wow...just...wow.
Even the physics of it are a bit mind boggling, you know? Like... How would one mount a waterborne creature, especially as it floats? You'd think a person would just fall off, or end up rolling the dolphin. And how do these people hold their breath long enough to cum?
Seriously, if any sex takes THAT much work...it's probably not worth it.
User Reviews
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2006-04-24 12:25:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I feel a little sick.
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-04-24 10:09:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I kissed a dolphin in jamaica once.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-24 09:23:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-04-24 08:16:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Looks like someone finally discovered the internet.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-04-24 08:09:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bibliophile.
Damn.
*eats sandwich*
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-24 07:44:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's originally from a site called www.dolphinsex.org (now sadly defunct).
I believe it was a big hoax, but it was worryingly detailed. It has links to a goosesex site and a necro one too - with warning about formalderhyde and how it dissolved condoms and much discussion of the hazards of disease. Again, I think these were an elaborate joke. I seem to recall a cautions about the bottlenosed dolphin's pelvic thrusts being strong enough to rupture a human woman.
Distressing that I still hold this info in my head.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-24 07:28:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What the FUCK is wrong with that guy?! Holy SHIT!
Submitted by cascade (user info) at 2006-04-24 00:46:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-04-24 00:25:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by cascade (user info) at 2006-04-24 00:20:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
Perhaps the URL "zoophile.net" might have clued you in?
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So many people refer to themselves with the "-phile" suffix for completely non-sexual things that it didn't even occur to me. Goddamn word warping of the modern day.
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ha! so true! Now I'm thinking of bibliophile as something completely different
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-04-24 00:25:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by cascade (user info) at 2006-04-24 00:20:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
Perhaps the URL "zoophile.net" might have clued you in?
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So many people refer to themselves with the "-phile" suffix for completely non-sexual things that it didn't even occur to me. Goddamn word warping of the modern day...
Submitted by cascade (user info) at 2006-04-24 00:20:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Perhaps the URL "zoophile.net" might have clued you in?
Submitted by turkishblend (user info) at 2006-04-24 00:09:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Hi. I'm Troy McClure, you might remember me from such driver's ed films as "Alice's Adventures through the Windshield Glass" and "The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot."
Submitted by deedee (user info) at 2006-04-24 00:06:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i am speechless... wtf?!