God I Wish I Was A Punter (557 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.8 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by GoldPlatedOrange <jimmyd274.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-04-24 11:38:36 EDT
There's been something on my mind that I must get off. It has been bothering me for some time now.
Now, I understand that many people work hard for their money, and some peoples work hard for not that much money at all. However, there is a profession that I don't feel that meets these criteria. The Punter on an American Football team. Now all American Footballers get paid ridiculous amounts of money when compared to sports here in the UK but this just takes the piss. Punting the football. It has to be the DAMN easiest job that anybody could ever have. I have many issues with this, it's not just the fact that it's so easy, its the fact that it pays so much.
I'm playing Madden football and I looked at the LOWEST paid punter in the game and it was $400k (that's about £225k). . I mean the highest paid pro football (or Soccer) player only gets £100k and they're the most skilful players in the world. But 400 THOUSAND FUCKING DOLLARS to kick a football. It's not like you're a kicker either that has to aim the ball. Oh no...you just kick it. You just kick that ball as far are you fucking can. Every now and then you try to aim it within 10 yards of a certain spot, but other than that...other than that you just kick it as far as you fucking can. It's your only job in life. That's ALL you do.
So it got me thinking. If this is your only job in life, then how come punters get cut? How can your only job in life is to be to punt a football as far are you can and you be bad at it. I mean, if you get paid at least 400K a year, then how can you fuck that up? I would think you would practice in the off-season or something. How can you be a BAD punter?
I respect the sport in general and the players, but this position is the PUSSIEST position ever. I mean COME ON! The likes of Rugby players are some of the fittest and strongest guys you'll ever see but noooo since America is shit at Rugby they decide to make their own sport and pump it so full of money the dumbest, most retarded member of the team is making $400k! It's not like when you're a little kid you punt a football around and when someone asks you what you want to be when you grow up, you say "punter." Nope. Oh no. Everyone wants to be Quarterback or Receiver. They demand to make the $10-20 million a year instead of the $400,000. The punters are the kids that realize that they have NO chance to be a Quarterback so they downgrade to the punter.
This brings up another point. If this job pays a SHIT load, and I think $400k is a LOT of money, then why didn't my parents move to America and convince me to punt when I was a little kid? Why did they insist on my playing tennis and all the other queer, low paid British sports? It's not like there's one objective in tennis, it's not like tennis is regarded as a particularly EASY sport, or that I would ever have any chance in being a pro tennis player. Why couldn't my dad be the way Tiger Wood's dad was? Why couldn't my dad be the way the William's sisters dad is? Why couldn't my dad just give me a football for my 5th birthday and teach me how to punt the ball? If I practiced it for...so...30 minutes a day...I would be DAMN good. It's not like he would have been a bitch about it either. I mean...Tiger Woods had to practice a shit load times a day and every shot possible. All my dad had to do was put me in the field across from the house and tell me to kick the ball.
Now, I realize that most people that make $400k a year must get a shit load of pussy. I think this is the only profession that this is not the case. If you were in a bar and hitting on a girl and she asked what you did for a living, it wouldn't matter how much you made, you wouldn't get any all night just due to the fact that you were a punter.
I'd love to hear the pep talk for a punter to do well in a game as opposed to the rest of the team. I really would. You know what they would say. When they are talking to a quarterback they say something like "ok, don't fuck this up, you have to win the game, it's all up to you. Don't get sacked, throw it to the open man, look for the blitz, use an audible," or some shit like that. What about a punter? "Ok, go kick the ball." And it's not like you can LOSE the game for the team. A kicker can, a kicker can lose the game for the team. But a punter can't unless he FUCCCCCKKKKKS up bad. And if it gets blocked, then he can just blame the Offensive line.
I would love for a punter to explain this profession to someone from a foreign country or someone that had no connection to the rest of the world and had no idea what was going on about anything, like...Chico. If they asked you what you do for a living. Here's what you would have to say. "Well...its really hard you see...someone throws a ball through their legs to me, and then I have to kick it as far as I can." They of course they would say, "oh...you do this all the time?" And they would reply, "no, about 3 times a week, for about 3 months out of the year."
I'm sure that a worker at McDonalds or your local supermarket has a harder job than a punter does. I really am, I know it. And how much does a worker at McDonalds get a year? 15k? I dunno...but I'm SURE not 400k.
I always wondered what the training camp would be for the football team. But what about the punter? What's he got to run conditioning for? Does he just punt the balls while the rest of the team are getting heatstroke and running 50 miles? Probably. And what does the punting coach say to him? "Ok...this time punter...this time kick the ball farther"
God I wish I was a punter
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-24 20:34:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, you're already a wanker so you're halfway there, Slim.
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-04-24 20:12:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-24 18:15:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I was a litle bit taller
I wish I was a baller
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I know you didn't just drop some Skee Lo on us. I've seen about five music videos in my life and that is one of them.
P.S. Lets see you put one in the coffin corner from 50 yards out. All professional atheletes (except Tim Duncan) are overpaid, there's no need to pick on the wee little guys.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-24 18:15:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I was a litle bit taller
I wish I was a baller
Then again, Id probably end up playing for the Scottish Rocks and that'd be shite.
Who the fuck calls a basketball team the ROCKS for fucks sake?!
Throwin' up rocks again bitch!
Submitted by GoldPlatedOrange (user info) at 2006-04-24 17:14:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lol believe me I am happy, thats what I love about Rugby, theres hardly any money in it so the people who play it only do so because they enjoy it.
Submitted by jokr2581 (user info) at 2006-04-24 16:44:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just be happy your sports aren't bastardized by multi millionaire wanna be rappers going around shooting everyone.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-24 15:31:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You're the Scott Norwood of Ubersite.
Look it up.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-04-24 13:49:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ignorant slunt.
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Submitted by hoojAmAphut (user info) at 2006-04-24 13:37:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've often wondered why football players get paid so much. Most, mind you most, not all of them seem like the most productive thing they could do for society(had they not played football) is work at mcdonalds. I don't see why they'd take the biggest blackest nigger out of the hood, and give him a 20$mil contract.. Everyone else on the planet plays for fun..
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-04-24 12:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-04-24 12:35:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was going to -2 this, but mentioning Madden evens it out.
Punters get paid what they do because the revenues generated by the NFL allow them to. Sure, they don't play one of the more important roles of a football team. I get it. But the NFL has a league minimum which they are required to pay even 3rd-6th stringers and guys that never even see playing time.
So what this post SHOULD have been about is how much you wish you were a 6th string offensive lineman getting paid the exact same as a punter, but you'd get to ride the pine every single game and it didn't matter if you stayed in shape or not.
I'm not going to bother looking into it, but I would imagine that European football players would make similar salaries if the football league over there genereated similar revenues.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-04-24 12:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the nfl is trying to poach a bunch of our aussie rules players to fill that exact position, as they can kick the ball a loooooong fucking way, and, as has been shown by that current aussie guy whos a punter, can make a tackle if it all goes to hell, too.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-04-24 12:20:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I was a punter.
Submitted by EntityErased (user info) at 2006-04-24 12:16:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ever tried to place a punt between the endzone and the 10?
It's not easy.
But, yeah, I agree that doing that MAYBE once a game isn't worth $400k.
Definitely not.
But imagine being a long snapper.
JUST a long snapper.
A few teams have ONE special guy to hike the ball 10 or 15 yards.
I'm sure he makes $400k a year, and I could snap the ball 10 yards.
All day, if you wanted me to.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-04-24 12:09:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's ok. You say punter, but we know you REALLY want to be the catcher.
Submitted by phels97 (user info) at 2006-04-24 11:52:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good call. I dont know why people dont have their kids practice punting or field goal kicking while they are young. There is alot less skill involved in punting, but im sure 90% of European soccer players (or all soccer players at that) have enough skill to do both.
Submitted by GoldPlatedOrange (user info) at 2006-04-24 11:46:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah but most people on the site are American so just making sure they knew what I was talking about
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-04-24 11:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"paid pro football (or Soccer)"
Football. Definately football.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-04-24 11:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
when I turn 29 and my life is going no where i am going to be a walk-on kicker in the CFL... whooo!