IGKTW - Round 1 - Departure (656 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.93 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by r0fl (View user info) at 2006-04-24 13:13:56 EDT
The Ferris Wheel rotated it's roundabout path, lights gleaming. Despite its rust plagued façade, the violet and crimson bulbs glowed with an intensity rivaled by supernovas innumerable light-years away. It churned, beckoning.
Countless immature index fingers pointed up at the lights as Terrance maneuvered and snaked through the lines. He noted some of the fingers were adorned with engagement and promise rings. Couples as well as parents and their immature offspring clamored for the line leading up to the Wheel. His heart sank lower as he stared down at his own left hand, no longer adorned with his ring.
An uncharacteristically cool summer breeze blew Terrance's hair to the right, reminding him of the need to visit the barber soon. He hadn't really kept up with his appearance since Jenny's been gone. As he approached the rotating mass of steel, electricity and uncertainty, he imagined the gigantic circular structure getting jammed, marooning him atop at the top as the bottom quadrant boarded. Murphy's law, he supposed.
It was at this very Carnival that Terrance and Jennifer had met almost two decades ago. Her amber hair was the color of honey, and it too smelled sweet, even if she was now beginning to gray. He could still remember the softness of the indigo cotton candy he plucked from her hair, spurring the conversation that eventually led to the discovery of so much emotion - ecstasy and now emptiness.
The Wheel had been both their favorites, and their pilgrimage here every year was as annual as it was festive. The smell of farm animals, mini-doughnuts and processed cheese covered pretzels filled him, enveloped him, reminding him that he was indeed starving of food and happiness.
Terrance's sneakers - now a dingy cappuccino colored remnant of his once sparkling Reeboks - dragged through the dirt paths of the carnival. He drew up the hood to his sweatshirt, suddenly cold from the inside out. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and shuddered, bellowing out a massive sneeze toward the ground. A woman turned around in front of him offering a meaningless "Bless You."
He scoffed at her. Didn't come here tonight to talk to anyone, he thought, let alone another woman.
He arched his neck and gazed at the alternating blue and yellow carriages carrying couples up and down and around the Wheel. We had always sat in the blue ones, he thought. She always loved the color blue.
His mind drifted off to their bedroom adorned with a variety of shades of blue. The curtains, walls and ceiling, sheets and pillows - all blue. He could recall the rolling around in those sheets, together with her, connected as one being. They cried aloud in excitement and pleasure as they used to make love frequently, especially Sunday mornings.
He focused again on the present as he passed a strip of food vendors, reminding him again of his hunger. He removed his wallet from his back pocket of his jeans and paid the man, grasped his corn-dog and 20 ounce Coca-Cola and walked towards the wheel. It rose as he approached.
I wonder what she's doing right now, he thought. It was as if she left him hours ago, yet it been weeks.
The line was slow as it always was. He devoured his supper and tossed the stick and paper cup into a nearby trashcan. He heard the clink of empty glass bottles below in the bin. Terrance's mind again traveled to those Sunday mornings after their escapades watching the news drinking coffee. The noise of the rubbished bottles reminded him of the sound his porcelain mug created as he placed it back onto a saucer.
The mug was blue (of course), with the generic "#1 Dad" in bold Times New Roman. She bought it for them as a gag gift on one of the many Valentine's they shared - they were never able to conceive despite their most valiant efforts. So they did the next best thing you'd suppose: they bought a bulldog named Rufus.
"Hay-There Terry," said Simon, who's been working the Wheel for over twenty-five years.
"Hey," Terrance mouthed, giving him a nod of acknowledgement. The sunken, depressed tone in Simon's voice was enough for Terry to know.
Simon knew why he was alone tonight. Did the whole Tri-County know that Jenny had left him?
Word traveled fast in small towns he supposed.
Simon grasped the faux-velvet rope, signaling it was his turn to board a lonely compartment. He sat on the metal seat and felt the cold of the night through the seat of his jeans. He stared straight ahead into the empty seat opposite him in disbelief. Another shudder.
The Ferris Wheel whirred to life causing his cell to rock back and forth in pendulum-like motion.
In darker hours in the past twenty years of their relationship he would sometimes wonder what life would be like without his Jennifer Elizabeth. He gazed again at the stars, supposing they'd still shine tomorrow. He drew another deep breath of the cool country air as gooseflesh crawled up his legs and arms.
The sting of tan-lined emptiness on his own ring finger punctuated everything he felt. The ring now rested around his neck on a gold chain, a testament to his wife.
As luck had it, he was abruptly stopped at the apex of his circular journey after one and a half turns. He could hear the beeping of arcade games below, once again transporting him back in time, this time to the hospital.
He removed his glasses, attempting to clean the lenses with his bottom of his shirt wrapped around his fingers. The beeps and bells reminded him of the monitors and electrodes covering his wife's body months before the cancer ravaged and took her body.
A single tear welled in his right eye, and his nose began to run. He rose grasping the center metal pole with both hands and stared below. The ring dangling from his neck was now in his hand.
Terrance pulled the ring and necklace against his flesh, snapping the clasp and freeing it. It lay in his palm, shimmering in the pale moonlight. He put it back on his finger where it belonged. He drew a deep breath, and leapt.
He would see Jenny shortly.
User Reviews
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2008-01-22 08:55:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post.
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-05-01 10:14:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-05-01 10:01:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sadly, I didn't make rating deadline for every one of these entries.
This was well written, and hit home for me more than most of the others. Really touching.
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Thanks Sac. I'm not boasting about this entry, but I really did like it. And unfortunately, I really don't think I can top it for the next one. My apologies in advance for taking. I'll be lucky to get half the rating this one did.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-05-01 10:01:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sadly, I didn't make rating deadline for every one of these entries.
This was well written, and hit home for me more than most of the others. Really touching.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-04-27 17:39:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice atmosphere...
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-04-27 10:50:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-24 18:20:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Now just why the hell has IGKTW produced some of the best posts ever?
This has been the case with the last few mini comps in my opinion.
Submitted by HawthorneHeights (user info) at 2006-04-26 00:03:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Story.
If I wrote this, I woulda got -2 die emo.
Good.
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-04-25 19:58:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-25 19:30:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was clean, a good read. Good luck, man.
Thanks man, I'm just trying to get some type of name recognition around here at some point. I figure these contests'll help.
This is definately one of the best collection of reads I've seen here in awhile.
Someone should tell Razor.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-25 19:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't win yet.
It's neck and neck right now.
I must say for the record that I believe yours is the better piece out of the two, no ass kissing on my part at all. I was not happy with what I posted.
This was clean, a good read. Good luck, man.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-04-25 19:10:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's here it. "Whaddaya mean TODAY, McCallum?"
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-04-25 19:10:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've got fucking brain damage today.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-25 18:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-04-25 18:26:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
1.75
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-04-25 18:26:10 (#)
Ranking: 1
This was okay. didn't really grab me, not hopeless shit.
Like a few entries in this contest there was some clumsy phrasing, so 1.75.
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I hope you are about to place two more +2s here, otherwise I may have to cane you Jack.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-04-25 18:26:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1.75
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-04-25 18:26:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was okay. didn't really grab me, not hopeless shit.
Like a few entries in this contest there was some clumsy phrasing, so 1.75.
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-04-25 17:10:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-04-25 16:57:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-24 18:20:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Now just why the hell has IGKTW produced some of the best posts ever?
.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.
No doubt. I feel like I'm giving an inordinate amount of +2s, but I'm really not.
And, whose alter is this?
|
v
Chroniclysm.
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-04-25 16:57:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-24 18:20:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Now just why the hell has IGKTW produced some of the best posts ever?
.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.
No doubt. I feel like I'm giving an inordinate amount of +2s, but I'm really not.
And, whose alter is this?
|
v
Submitted by richsghostdog (user info) at 2006-04-25 16:54:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good imagery & flow.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-04-25 15:52:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-25 14:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-04-25 08:08:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto Ferris Wheel +2
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-04-24 18:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-24 15:04:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great.
A sad story which was extremely well told.
Good show.
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Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-24 18:41:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The blues is simple and direct, and even though it all uses the same patterns and rhymes, it touches some universal trigger. The blues is primal TTOM.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-24 18:20:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now just why the hell has IGKTW produced some of the best posts ever?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-24 15:14:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-04-24 15:02:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-24 13:57:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story. I was happy when I saw you'd signed up. You fucked up the 'it's' in the first paragraph, but that's not enough to dock you a point.
I think my entry was longer than red's. Just quietly.
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I hate you.
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You can't hate my alter!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-24 15:04:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great.
A sad story which was extremely well told.
Good show.
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-04-24 15:02:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-24 13:57:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story. I was happy when I saw you'd signed up. You fucked up the 'it's' in the first paragraph, but that's not enough to dock you a point.
I think my entry was longer than red's. Just quietly.
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I hate you.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-24 13:57:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story. I was happy when I saw you'd signed up. You fucked up the 'it's' in the first paragraph, but that's not enough to dock you a point.
I think my entry was longer than red's. Just quietly.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-24 13:38:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Big Mike's and Jack McCallum's were longer I think. Anyway, it's the girth that matters.
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-04-24 13:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-24 13:27:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-04-24 13:26:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
I probably shouldn't have entered this the week before finals, I'll get to reading/rating all you guys sometime tonight.
Redskies, I'm going to have to pencil in like 20 minutes to read the mammoth you dropped on us.
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Some road are longer than others bro.
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I'm just saying it's intimidating as all hell.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-24 13:28:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dang.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-24 13:27:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-04-24 13:26:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
I probably shouldn't have entered this the week before finals, I'll get to reading/rating all you guys sometime tonight.
Redskies, I'm going to have to pencil in like 20 minutes to read the mammoth you dropped on us.
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Some road are longer than others bro.
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-04-24 13:26:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I probably shouldn't have entered this the week before finals, I'll get to reading/rating all you guys sometime tonight.
Redskies, I'm going to have to pencil in like 20 minutes to read the mammoth you dropped on us.
Submitted by Stuch (user info) at 2006-04-24 13:25:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't see that coming, I'm all choked up now.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-24 13:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The last journey.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-04-24 13:16:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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