IGKTW Round 1 - Sorrow (803 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: IGKTW
Rating: 1.65 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sphagnum (View user info) at 2006-04-24 14:24:55 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86802 <------- Should be in all of them.
Clyde glanced around suddenly. The faint whisper of scratching at the cement floor pierced his eardrums like a shrill scream. Surrounded by darkness and unable to gain his proper bearings, he found himself instantly petrified at even the slightest hint of movement or sound.
"Who's there?" he screamed.
Silence...
He sat motionless, listening intently to see if the noise still existed. He continued to scan the darkness, unable to see anything at all.
Nothing...
He began to settle once again, leaning back against the wall that he had managed to find after clumsily crawling around in the pitch black. After several minutes of controlled breathing he finally resigned to the fact that he was stuck in this predicament for the time being and would be best served to just try to relax and ride it out.
He closed his eyes as a stress-induced fatigue washed over him.
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"That'll be a penny, Mr. Darley"
Reaching into his pocket, Clyde pulled out some change and threw it on the counter in front of the barman.
"Keep them coming, Jackson." He said, raising his eyebrows in the direction of the young woman sitting at the end of the bar.
"Yes, sir!" chided the Barman, winking with approval as Clyde made his way over to the vacant stool which, at the time, was the most inviting thing in the bar.
He sat down next to the girl who eyed him up briefly before rolling out a façade of disinterest so obvious, the blind man charged with tickling the ivories, let out a groan of disapproval from the other side of the room.
"If I didn't know any better, I'd have easily mistaken you for a ceiling inspector, Ma'am". Clyde said, admiring the girl's beauty now that he was close enough to fully appreciate it.
"I'm only looking at the ceiling because it is the most interesting thing in this here bar" came the wily retort.
"My names Clyde" he said, offering his hand.
"Nora" came the reply, as she looked at his hand dismissively and instead offered her own.
Clyde took her hand and gently kissed the soft skin on the back.
"Charmed" he said raising his hand to summon the bartender over to take his new companion's order.
That was the night Clyde met his wife. He didn't know it at the time but Nora was destined to be his lifelong companion and the Mother of his 3 children.
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Clyde was disturbed by a squeaking sound coming from the darkness. It sounded like a new pair of shoes sliding along a hardwood floor. Unable to identify exactly what it was and too tired to care, Clyde closed his eyes again and surrendered to sleep.
"Thanks, Fred" He said, as he wandered out of the hardware store and back onto the street.
He made his way along the sidewalk and back up towards the car. Checking to make sure there was no traffic coming, he crossed the street and continued on to where he was parked.
The breeze was stiff so he pulled the large jacket he was wearing tight and lowered his head in an attempt to repel its bite. A Saxophonist's melody made its way down the street and filled his ears with its simplicity. The lively tune seemed to bring with it a small amount of warmth which made the winter chill much more bearable. As he got closer to the source of the sound, he realized that it was coming from the small tavern on the corner, opposite the fire station.
He slowed his walk as he approached the tavern and stole a look throw the glass window to see what was happening inside.
The inside was plain. Tacky wallpaper surrounded the walls, its blatant ugliness concealed by the cheap, dull lighting that emanated from the single fitting in the center of the room. A lone black man sat on a stool in the middle of the bar. His eyes were closed as he blew his way through a tune on his dirty, old instrument. Clyde watched silently as the man worked away, completely oblivious to the other people who sat around, drinking and listening.
All of them were white, except for the musician, and a big sign on the door read 'NO NIGGERS'. Clyde wondered why the man would ever even entertain the thought of entering such an establishment. The redneck patrons who lined the bar and sat at the tables all had the look of intolerance that Clyde had become so accustomed to over the years, that he suddenly felt the hairs on the back of his neck standing up.
Making sure that he was in a position where he wouldn't be seen, Clyde leant back and enjoyed the Man's talents.
Several minutes later and the man played the last note. He removed the instrument from his lips and slowly opened his eyes. Silence and menacing glares were all he could see. The bartender skipped over to the man and placed something into his hand, taking a brief second to whisper something in his ear. Nodding his head in acknowledgement, the man stood up and headed for the door. He picked up his jacket on the way and threw it over his shoulders, pulling the front around to protect his Saxophone from the weather.
Clyde watched intently from his darkened vantage point. He watched the man get up, he watched the man walk out. He also saw the two guys get up on the other side of the room and slowly make their way towards the door where the musician was exiting.
A loud crack followed by the sound of brass on gravel revealed the intentions of the two thugs. Clyde silently watched as the old man fell to the ground under the weight of the blow and grimaced as one of the guys kicked him in the face. Not a sound was uttered as the two men kicked and kicked away at the old man until he lay motionless on his side with his mouth agape. One of the thugs decided that kicking the man to death was not enough and proceeded to urinate all over the old man's lifeless body.
Feeling the rage boiling inside him, Clyde removed the hammer he had purchased from the Hardware store out of the bag at his side and left the sanctuary of the shadows to deal out his retribution on the cowardly attackers. The first man never even saw him coming. In one fell swoop, Clyde hit him in the back of the skull with the claw of the hammer before putting his leg on the man's back so he could leverage the tool, along with half the man's brain, back out again.
Without a hint of remorse, he swung the claw around and caught the other man in the side of the face, dislodging the man's eyeball with the protruding fork. With all his might, he pulled the hammer towards him, bringing with it the right side of the man's eye-socket and the end of his bloody revenge.
Soaked in blood and sweat, Clyde threw the hammer out into the middle of the street. He knelt down, putting his hands under the old man's arms and dragged him over to his waiting truck. Tears streamed down his face as he loaded the man into the back of the truck. He would not leave him there on the sidewalk to rot away until someone threw him in the trash. No, he was going to take him home and give him the humane burial that he deserved.
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Clyde awoke again. The sweat pouring out of his forehead was quickly drying in his cold surroundings. He ran his hands through his hair and realized that it was soaking wet. The icy air chilled him to the bone bringing with it the urge to relieve himself. He thought for a moment about how he was going to do it in a civilized manner but before he could come up with the answer, his body made up his mind for him.
The warm sensation on his thighs was a welcome relief as he drifted off to sleep again...
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"Daddy, can we go out and play?"
Clyde was startled from his sleep by the sound of his daughter's and two son's inquisitive chorus. He rolled over to look at the three of them standing next to his bed, waiting in anticipation for his reply.
"Make sure you stay in the yard and keep an eye on your brothers." Came the reply, as his attention drifted from all three, to the youngest one, Delilah.
The three of them turned as one and took off out of the room. Clyde smiled as he watched them leave, then he rolled over to see if his wife was awake. He stared at her lovingly, watching the slight movement of her chest as she breathed. A smile broke out again as he thought about how lucky he was to have such a stunning wife and three beautiful kids.
"What are you looking at, Mr. Darley?" She asked, without opening her eyes.
"The most beautiful creature in the world." He said, as he drew her towards him in a loving embrace. He stared into her now open eyes and brushed her hair out of her face. Then, he reached down and lifted her nightshirt so that he could run his fingers across the back of her thigh, just below her buttocks.
She giggled as she felt his hand on her backside before reaching down to put her own hand over his.
He moved his mouth to hers and began to kiss her passionately, rolling over as he did to pin her underneath him. She began to giggle again as he sat on top of her and began to tickle her stomach.
He was in the process of leaning in to kiss her again when he heard the front door break of its hinges with insurmountable force.
He sprung up off his wife and ran over to the bedroom door, hoping to lock his wife in so that he could scale out the window and go after his kids. Unfortunately, the intruder was heading in the same direction.
Both men met at the threshold, one trying to close the door, the other trying to keep it open. Unfortunately for Clyde, the intruder was not alone. As the backup hit the door with his shoulder, Clyde was knocked back against the wall and subsequently ended up sprawled all over the floor. The first man through the door kicked Clyde hard in the back before grabbing his right arm and twisting it behind his back, almost removing it from its socket.
The other man went inside the room and straight over to the wife who was now sitting up in the bed. He picked up a towel on his way across the room and handed it to the woman so that she could cover her half naked body. He looked her in the eyes and firmly explained that they were here for her husband who was being charged with the murder of two men in town the previous Saturday. A look of shock spread over her face as he delivered the news and some of the details of exactly what had transpired on that fateful night.
She watched through sorrowful tears as her husband was cuffed and then dragged, kicking and screaming, down the hallway and out the front door before being thrown into the back of their police wagon.
Clyde was never allowed to speak at his trial. The story of why the two men were so brutally killed was never bought into his defense. As far as everyone in the court was concerned, he was a filthy nigger and deserved to be executed for killing those poor, innocent white boys.
Clyde didn't bother resisting either. When he was found guilty and sentenced to death, he sat with a blank look on his face staring at the wall. He was pushed and prodded all the way out of the courtroom but never once resisted. Once outside, he was spat on by hundreds of angry townsfolk holding up placards with disgusting comments and pictures on them.
The only thing he thought about was "why?"
Why had all of this happened to him?
Why was that so much hate that he would even end up in this predicament in the first place?
Why didn't they let him explain why he did what he did?
And most importantly; Why had his wife and kids been absent when he needed them most? He desperately scanned the courtroom everyday he was there to see if they had come.
She hadn't even come to say goodbye...
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The loud metallic clink of the door shook Clyde from his dream. He was laying on his side in the fetal position, shivering like a leaf.
The door swung open revealing a light that rendered him instantly blind. He held his hands up try and see beyond it but his efforts were futile. Suddenly the light dulled again, softened by the silhouette of a man walking towards him with a tray.
"Hears your lunch, nigger." Said the man, spitting in the tray before throwing onto the ground in the middle of the room.
"Dogs like you deserve nothing but the best." He said, as he turned around and left the room closing the door behind him before locking it again.
Clyde just lay there without moving. The scratching began again, this time in front of him where the food had been thrown. Something large and furry brushed up against his hand before nibbling at the skin around his fingernails.
Having lost all hope and all his will to live, he just closed his eyes and waited for the darkness to consume him.
User Reviews
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2006-06-13 01:40:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Clyde glanced around suddenly. The faint whisper of scratching at the cement floor pierced his eardrums like a shrill scream. Surrounded by darkness and unable to gain his proper bearings, he found himself instantly petrified at even the slightest hint of movement or sound.
this would be a fair to mediocre effort for a 10 yr old.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-04-29 18:08:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-29 15:43:23 (#)
Ranking: -2
FUCK OFF
__________________
Care to explain?
Submitted by recall (user info) at 2006-04-29 16:07:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Meh is right.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-29 15:29:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
meh
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-04-27 22:24:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow i didnt know you could actually write something good................
actually i did but its been awhile.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-04-27 13:54:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
regarding the advancement/scoring. I've done three mini comps now and every time there was question about a drive by rater dropping a -2 I would recalculate the rating without the drive by. EVERY time the results stayed the same. it worked itself out EVERY time, I was really surprised by that. just saying cause I did see your comments regarding the judging and on this post and I'm not sure that it ends up mattering so much. Congrats again, B
Submitted by richsghostdog (user info) at 2006-04-25 16:02:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good read.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-04-25 15:49:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-25 13:12:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not fussed about it really. I decided I would make an effort this time, so I did.
Even if it ended up -2 on 3 reviews, I would have been satisified with the work that I'd done.
Afterall, ratings mean nothing.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-25 13:09:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-25 13:03:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
I wouldn't say worried, just curious as to why I would bother.
That's why I complained about the system they use to decide who goes through.
---
Stagger has already said that errors in rating (pointing fingers at Stagger for his occasional 'shit - i meant to +2 this') and clearly provocative ratings (retaliation etc will be ignored. I'll stick them all in a spreadsheet and post it so you can all see. For instance the Apollo88 rating on this post was clearly meant to wind you up Sphag. Feel better now?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-25 13:03:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wouldn't say worried, just curious as to why I would bother.
That's why I complained about the system they use to decide who goes through.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-25 12:59:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you get worried in competitions like this that your (should I say our as it applies to me as well) past actions will come back to bite your ass?
Good tale Sphagnum, you do well when you try.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-25 12:51:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh yeah! I'd forgotten about that.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-25 12:48:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a good storyteller, Sphagnum.
I see this week is working out well for us so far.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-04-25 07:36:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-04-25 00:10:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
like this?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-24 20:26:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm having some drinks and I'm THIS close to fucking this rating up...
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-04-24 19:19:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-11 20:03:16 (#)
Ranking: -2
Dude, it was just a question.
I'm in awe at your ability to turn up the moment one of these people post;
Fattony
ETS
Apollo
Caulaincourt
This tool
etc.
I thought you might be running a script that automatically alerts you when one of them posts. If so, I want a copy of it. ""
you can use RSS.
http://www.ubersite.com/u/Sphagnum/rss
on my google home page would show your latest posts, if I was retarded enough to want to read your posts that is.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-24 18:33:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
After reading this I understand completely why you don't like anything I write. Sort of makes me feel better.
And have a +2 because I won't fuck your rating for a contest.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-24 17:18:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aside from a few minor glitches (that would not have been caught by spellcheck because a word was missing or substituted for another), this was really, really good.
I like this Sphagnum a lot.
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-04-24 16:12:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I spooged a little. Lie. I spooged a lot.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-04-24 16:06:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats
Beotch
love, "the guy that nobody knows" or whatever the hell you've been calling me.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-04-24 15:39:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i actually said "wow" outloud while reading this. very good.
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-04-24 15:15:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it too.
Plus, the switching back and forth worked well. Whereas sometimes it can be a distraction, I think the way you did it made the story more interesting.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-24 14:58:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I likes a good lynching I does
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-24 14:57:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pick* that up.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-24 14:56:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I just read it in its entirety for the first time. I was pleasantly surprised at how it turned out. I thought there would be millions of mistakes.
Mind you, I didn't pack that up, so I wonder how many others I missed.
Glad you guys liked it.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-24 14:54:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Minor typo on 'hears your lunch' - but otherwise this was excellent.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-04-24 14:53:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-24 14:36:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-24 14:35:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
When you actually take the time to write a story, there's something about the way you write that I really enjoy.
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I'll echo that sentiment.
looks like you will be continuing after all. nicely done. B
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-24 14:36:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-24 14:35:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
When you actually take the time to write a story, there's something about the way you write that I really enjoy.
--------------------
I'll echo that sentiment.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-24 14:35:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When you actually take the time to write a story, there's something about the way you write that I really enjoy. It's a sort of raw, vicious quality, and it fits with the blues like nothing else can. Plus 2.
Submitted by Stuch (user info) at 2006-04-24 14:32:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a sucker for violence and non-linear structures. But this was more than that.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-24 14:31:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this - I'm sure it blew - but I want you to win so you have to find ANOTHER story to steal, type and post.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-24 14:26:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Apologies for:
Length
Quality
Lack of Proofreading
Quality
Length
etc.
At least I won't be making it any further, so this is the only time you'll have to endure these things.