Old Leather and Chaps: When Incest Should Have Been Right --- IGKTW Round 1 (1208 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.23 on 44 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by rad1101 (View user info) at 2006-04-25 04:07:48 EDT
I wanna tell you about Texas Radio and the Big Beat
Comes out of the Virginia swamps
Cool and slow with a back beat
Narrow and hard to master
Some call it heavenly in it's brilliance
Others, mean and ruthful of the Western dream
I love the friends I have gathered together on this thin raft
We've constructed pyramids in honor of our escaping
This is the land where the Pharaoh died
I was once a nice boy from the country. Not one of those surfing pretty boys out from California way, or one of those eggheads from up north, but one of these small town rats who did nothing in their childhood but leave school in the sixth grade so they could help their daddies in the fields. Positive ambition in the world meant a nice beating after you got back from wherever you came from. Living like this made a boy grow up into a man early, an angry young man who was hard to the world, and ready to go into it to fight whatever he could find. Momma sat by and watched.
You see the world through your cynical eyes
You're a troubled young man I can tell
You've got it all in the palm of your hand
But your hand's wet with sweat and your head needs a rest
Made it down to New Orleans, full of piss'n'vinegar. I was broke, living on the streets, doing what I had to hustle to make it to the next day. Fucking fought for my life on those black streets full of human trash. That's where I met her.
Holly came from miami f.l.a.
Hitch-hiked her way across the u.s.a.
Plucked her eyebrows on the way
Shaved her leg and then he was a she
She says, hey babe, take a walk on the wild side.
I met this broad at this club. Hot as hell, and sucked dick just as well. I was with her for two weeks before she left me for some other dude, but I was hooked. I'd fuck anything with long hair and tits, as long as it had a cock to go with it.
Well, I've been down so goddamn long
That it looks like up to me
Well, I've been down so very damn long
That it looks like up to me
Yeah, why don't one you people
Come on and set me free
I said, warden, warden, warden
Won't you break your lock and key
I said, warden, warden, warden
Won't you break your lock and key
Yeah, come along here, mister
Come on and let the poor boy be
Baby, baby, baby,
Won't you get down on your knees
Baby, baby, baby,
Won't you get down on your knees
Come on little darling,
Come on and give your love to me, oh yeah
Well, I've been down so goddamn long
That it looks like up to me
Well, I've been down so very damn long
That it looks like up to me
Yeah, why don't one you people
Come on, oh come on, come on and set me free
And you know I went all over this country of ours looking for the thing that would satisfy that base human need. From Florida to California; up the coast and back again. I spent forty years of my life holding down meaningless jobs to get by, and picking up the next dirty thing living in squalor. Suck my cock and I'll suck yours, that's the way we did it here, you believe that happy crappy.
Now an old man, the only way to get some is to cruise the video booths at a slummy Vegas porn joint. The last kid to come in was a real beaut, I got down on my knees and put his shlong into my mouth. Gave him pleasure until he called me an old faggot worth nothing in life. The small caliber slug entering my skull put an end to that for sure. My last thought was of her. The reason I was placed on this path.
Why couldn't you save me from this?
Why couldn't we have made things right at the beginning?
The killer awoke before dawn, he put his boots on
He took a face from the ancient gallery
And he walked on down the hall
He went into the room where his sister lived, and...then he
Paid a visit to his brother, and then he
He walked on down the hall, and
And he came to a door...and he looked inside
Father, yes son, I want to kill you
Mother...I want to...fuck you
---
Song Credits
The Doors: The Wasp (Texas Radio And The Big Beat)
Styx: Fooling Yourself
Lou Reed: Walk On The Wild Side
The Doors: Been Down So Long
The Doors: The End
User Reviews
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2006-05-26 01:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2ING EVERY POST SUCKS! I'LL NEVER MAKE THIS BET AGAIN!
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-04-27 14:27:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-04-27 14:26:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There ya go.
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-04-27 14:26:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-04-27 14:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This is a hodge-podge collaboration of attention-deficit disorder goodness.
And yet somehow it worked. I guess it's because you went where the songs took you?
1.75!
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-04-26 10:09:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-25 09:13:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU SHOULD HAVE USED THE WEIRD AL LYRICS
_________________
+2 for this.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2006-04-26 09:57:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
very unimpressed, bars high in this comp.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-04-25 16:54:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey O-man, I was kinda going for the Robert Cray thing anyway
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-25 13:59:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
this had such potential man.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-25 13:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't say I felt moved by this in either direction. I didn't love it, I didn't hate it.
It was just so..."so"...to me that I find myself zero minded and find this zero scored.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-04-25 12:39:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Boy, I done here want you in my mouth!!!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-04-25 10:46:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 The doors
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-25 09:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU SHOULD HAVE USED THE WEIRD AL LYRICS
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-04-25 08:45:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
homophobes
Submitted by Stuch (user info) at 2006-04-25 07:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Umm...
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-04-25 06:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I maintain you should have wrote about TubGirl and her voyage across the Goat sea on her way to the Lemon Party.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-04-25 06:26:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I DO NOT REMEMBER TELLING YOU TO WRITE THIS!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-25 05:30:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I reckon it was taste of damp marzipan.
I hate marzipan but I recognise that this puts me in the minority.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-25 05:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd like to eat a migraine.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-04-25 05:20:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and the coloured girls say doo.. doo doo.. doo doo.. doo doo doo doo. doo..doo doo..
doo doo.. doo doo doo doo waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa <tenor sax solo>
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-25 05:17:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And whores. Whores that bring pizza. Dominos can do them. Then I can do dominos. Now that would make my workday better.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-25 05:16:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And a weevil that does your hair. It could be grown from your own DNA to secrete special enzymes what we normally secrete anyway onto ones barnet thus ensuring a rich lustre even when the cunting shower has broken down.
Genetic engieering is just going to make the world so much better.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-25 05:14:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We should genetically engineer more plants to. Special furry plants that eat sweat and migraines or something. O_R COFFEE STAINS! I spilt coffe on my desk and no cunt has cleaned it. With a coffe eating lichen coating my office this would not be a problem.
I would also like to see some manner of enhanved cactus that dry cleans my jacket throughout the day.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-25 05:12:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And interdepartmental group hugs. We'd all go down to some special room, showering and changing into pyjamas first of course, and then go into the special room that is full of soft things. We would then all curl up in a big ball and snooze.
The moral boost would offset the fact that we shall be fed intravenously at our desks.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-25 05:10:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OR BETTER YET sleep for 8 hours and then work for two, eat, sleep for 8 hours and work for two on and off for 3 days. Then we go back to our domiciles to putter about, drink ourselves into a stupour, have sex with one another and stuff.
I am the future.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-04-25 05:09:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
im going to nappy poo right now.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-25 05:08:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've lost my good mood. By brain was full of happy chemicles and now it is empty.
We should work for two hours and then nap for two hours on and off. It's the only real way humans can live and not go insane.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-04-25 05:01:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
MYSPACE.COM IS BROKEN
:(
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-25 04:58:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-04-25 04:48:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think the child rape was implied somewhere in there. Thus the oedipus complex.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-25 04:45:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It was good but I didn't like the ending.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-04-25 04:24:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I clearly didn't try.
at least its better than snarks entry
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-04-25 04:23:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
all of you are homophobic
this story is clearly about hard times
GET IT
HARD TIMES
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-25 04:21:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, I liked the title
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-04-25 04:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks method.
I almost posted this as a song lyric:
Oh-oh-oh-oh
I was there to match my intellect on national TV
Against a plumber, oh, and an architect, both with a PhD
I was tense, I was nervous, I guess it just wasn't my night
Art Fleming gave the answers
Oh, but I couldn't get the questions right, -ight, -ight
I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)
Well, I knew I was in trouble now
My hope of winning sank
Oh, 'cause I got the Daily Double now
And then my mind went blank
I took Potpourri for one hundred
And then my head started to spin
Well, I'm givin' up Don Pardo
Just tell me now what I didn't win, yeah, yeah
I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)
That's right, Al--You lost. And let me tell you what you didn't win: a twenty colume set of the Encyclopedia International, a case of Turtle Wax, and a yeard's supply of Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco Treat. But that's not all. You also made yourself look like a jerk in front of millions of people. You brought shame and disgrace to your family name for generations to come. You don't get to come back tomorrow. You don't even get a lousy copy of our home game. You're a complete loser!
Don't know what I was thinkin' of
I guess I just wasn't too bright
Well, I sure hope I do better
Next weekend on The Price Is Right, -ight, -ight
I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy, baby
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-04-25 04:15:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*dies*
*is gay*
*dies some more*
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-04-25 04:15:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ANd YOU KNOW ANYTHING LESS THAN A +2 FROM ANYONE IS AN AUTOMATIC JACK MCCALLUM WIN
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-04-25 04:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Travelling tales and hard times. "
I think I painted this very well with my broad brush strokes.
mind you I used a 2x4 as a brush.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-04-25 04:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I mean seriously.
THis is pretty fucking tough times.
and traveling.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-04-25 04:13:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am the anti-blues.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-04-25 04:12:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your secret is safe with me, Rad
that's pretty funny though
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-04-25 04:12:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh fuck off. you're lucky I posted anything.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-25 04:12:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It was alright, I guess. You had another six hours, you know.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-04-25 04:09:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
teh contest
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86802