IGKTW - Slipping (803 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.69 on 44 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by badassmofo (View user info) at 2006-04-25 09:04:36 EDT
Pretend that this matters to you, for me.
Pretend that in your busy life, in your goings on, in your quaint little world that something someone else says or does holds some value.
For me, it doesn't have to be real, your attention could be a completely fake, I'm ok with that.
It gets lonely in here so lets just pretend.
All I've ever wanted was someone to listen to me, to pay me some mind. Somewhere in the human psyche there must still exist the desire to include your fellow man.
Right?
~~~
"Come on Thomas, time for your meds" she says without and ounce of compassion.
I fucking hate this place, 10 years and everyday is the same old thing. Meds in the morning, meds in the afternoon, and meds in the evening.
Perhaps I could gather my lucid thoughts if my mind wasn't constantly overrun with the latest and greatest wonder drug.
I've watched over the years and doctors don't give a shit about how or if something works.
No, they worry about price, they worry about which sales rep takes them to lunch or comps them a golf outing.
And who pays?
We pay.
~~~
There's a guy that comes in here on Fridays, old black man named Curtis. Curtis is supposed to be entertainment for us.
Curtis strolls in with his old Dobro, lays the thing across his knees and plays puppeteer to us, his mindless audience.
Curtis plays us blues music, hands sliding along his tool, picking, plucking, twanging his tune.
I find that odd I mean we're all clinically insane, do we need to be reminded of how bad the world sucks?
It doesn't matter much to me; whatever I feel or think about Curtis' music is just a passing thought that quickly melts away to the thoughts of childhood and the circus or skipping from cloud formation to cloud formation.
~~~
On Tuesday Nurse Helms told me I was on a journey to mental recovery.
I think I drooled in her direction and said "four".
It was the best I could muster.
Somewhere between thought and action things get skewed. What I thought was a good idea or cognizant thought becomes a garbled embarrassment.
Though I suppose I should be past being embarrassed, Nurse Helms has seen the most private sides of me more than my mother and likely myself, have.
What is this life?
~~~
Old Curtis talked to me once, said he'd come to take me away.
"Not jus' now" he said "but in time."
That day Curtis made me think of bluebirds chasing cardinals, skittering from one pear tree to the next, back and forth...expressing their own freedom.
The feeling last a moment and like that, it was gone; replaced with thoughts of gray walls, chain fences, and white paper cups with lukewarm water.
What does Curtis know of being blue?
~~~
One Wednesday they took us outside, me and my ragtag bunch of societal misfits.
We were allowed to walk the yard, the freedom of fences to keep us company.
I spent an hour throwing little stones over the fence and then getting on my knees and begging them to go get help.
"Run Now!" My mind shouted, "Run Now and find someone to get me out of here."
The stones sat there staring blankly at me as everyone else does, as if I spoke a different language, as if I were another species.
Whoa is life, turned away by simple lumps of granite and shale.
~~~
There were major happenings today, events of cataclysmic measures.
I wrote a sentence, full and complete.
'Can I have some Coke?" It had punctuation and all.
Dr. Gibbons said it was a major break through, he said I should be proud of myself and how far I've come along my journey to recovery.
The left me alone and I drove the pencil into my knee, right behind the cap and half of the pencil deep.
I don't know why.
I do know why.
I made a step, they gave me praise and then they left me alone, again.
'DON'T LEAVE ME' I think. 'Don't let me go, I'm right here...just take one more step and I'll be able to reach you.'
They couldn't hear me, the outburst happened in my mind and it fell only on my ears.
So I acted out.
I'll get their attention, one way or another.
~~~
I'm goin' upstairs, and bring down all of my clothes
I'm goin' upstairs, and bring down all of my clothes
Where I go baby, you will never know
My mother dead and gone, my father don't want me around
My mother dead and gone, my father don't want me around
Don't you know baby, I ain't got no place to go...
Cutis sang out to us.
I think today is The Day, the one Curtis has spoken about.
He's finally come for me.
Goodbye Nurse Helms.
Goodbye Doc Gibbons.
I'm off now, to find my place, my journey again renewed.
This path was never for me you see, I've thought that a while now.
~~~
"Good Morning Thomas" Nurse Helms said.
"Morning Nurse Helms and how are you today?" I replied.
"Oh not bad, not bad at all honey" I loved it when she called me little pet names, she knew how to make me feel special when I needed it. "You ready for the big day today?"
"Yes ma'am I am, I so excited to go home." My leg had finally healed, all thanks to Nurse Helms and Doctor Gibbons and I was headed home.
"Well good then sugar lets go on and get your outta here!"
~~~
I never really talked to anyone about my developing depression, my time in the hospital had advanced its onset but no one was the wiser.
How could I bring it up, what would people say?
For now the little mind trips I take, they'll have to be mine.
Besides, I've got them under control.
I think.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:25:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And then;
+2 Dobro.
I grew up with the blues, in a very white girl way. My dad has wicked taste in music and he filled our home with great stuff.
I never found the blues particularly depressing, because I've always assumed a strength underlying it all, interpreted into the blues a celebration of having feelings (be they good or bad), that may or may not be a figment of my imagination. Either way, I love the music. And this piece held something of the rhythm of it, for me at least.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:21:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First off, this made me laugh:
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-04-25 09:23:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn people moving rocks all over the place and mixing them up.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-04-27 17:46:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay, is it wrong that this made me giggle?
"Curtis plays us blues music, hands sliding along his tool,"...
Submitted by Webered (user info) at 2006-04-26 15:30:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Pretend that this matters to you, for me. "
No.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-04-25 23:45:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-04-25 18:24:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna forgive your typos.
This was VERY good. Thanks, man.
Submitted by richsghostdog (user info) at 2006-04-25 17:03:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Had its moments but slightly awkward to read. Good Skynyd ref...Curtis Lowe was the finest picker who ever sang the blues...RVZ '76
Submitted by Time_What_Is_Time (user info) at 2006-04-25 14:30:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Whoa is life,
----------
-1 for that.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-25 14:30:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wow Solely, haven't seen you in a while, I suppose the combination of me posting mostly bullshit and you not being around much is the reason why.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2006-04-25 14:20:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for the read.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-04-25 14:19:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
there were a few minor problems but overall I enjoyed this quite a lot.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-04-25 13:38:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kick. Ass. I'm too full of chicken lo mein right now to form a more eloquent comment.
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-04-25 13:32:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-25 13:13:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
um...thanks...uberdaddy?
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-25 13:12:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
don't worry it's no big deal, I just didn't want you to think that the disjoint was not intentional
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-25 13:11:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See what happens when you don't forfeit?
Good work, Charlie Brown.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-25 13:04:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i always hate to be the douche that ruins a solid 2.
eh.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-25 13:01:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, that was the idea
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-25 12:59:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
decent story, but it's strung together a bit awkwardly.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-04-25 12:50:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very worthy of the straight 2 you have so far.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-25 12:47:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well give it time Stuch, I've pissed off enough people to see this rating go down the shitter
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-25 12:22:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read it about and hour and a half ago but some retard decided that my time wasn't important and felt free to waste as much of it as he could.
Good stuff
Submitted by Stuch (user info) at 2006-04-25 12:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah shit. I'm glad it was this that knocked me out anyway.
Excellent.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-25 11:57:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
its weird where inspiration comes from
in no certain order the thoughts that led me to this story
Whoopi Goldberg as the nurse in Girl Interuppted
The dude with the metal mask from the Metallic video
The internal dialoge of the main character in Invisible Monsters
The pile of landscape stone outside my office
James and the Giant Peach
now if you can draw that map I'd be surprised.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-25 11:54:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-25 11:49:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
I got to the office this morning and thought a little about the blues, about being lonely and how engulfingly (word?) lonely it would feel if you couldn't express yourself.
=========
This was key for me in connecting to your character. The thought of not being able express myself is one of my very biggest fears.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-25 11:49:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not any easy assignment?
yeah I suppose it wasn't, I threw away 3 or 4 stories (of about 2 pages each) and went to bed last night around 1AM with the thought that I'd forfeit because I had nothing.
I got to the office this morning and thought a little about the blues, about being lonely and how engulfingly (word?) lonely it would feel if you couldn't express yourself.
But hey, at least with the 3 or 4 other stories I've got a jump on the next round if I make it through.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-25 11:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had to reread this a few times to fully engage what was going on before I could give a proper rating...so sorry for the delay on that, mofo.
It was a challenge to read, but third time was a charm. +2 on effort alone - I sense that this was not an easy assignment for you...am I right?
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-25 11:41:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you ladies.
Sorry I had to be curt on O's post.
This really did just get banged out this morning.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-04-25 11:36:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i woulda liked to read more crazy. but not less than +2. spacing buggered me too.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-25 11:34:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read yours first, I just needed to read your competitor's to rate, is all!
Aside from a few minor details that would have been caught on a proofread, I think this is great. And your competitor had the same issue, so it won't affect your rating.
I think you did a damn good job at portraying the loneliness, the helplessness, and the desperation of your character. Good show, man.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-25 10:45:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hello?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-25 09:34:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-25 09:23:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-04-25 09:20:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
wherethehellcouldyoufindgraniteandshaleinsuchcloseproximityhuh?smartguy??telllllllmeeeeeeeeee
--
I respect this anal attention to detail. Watching a film with me is a rubbish experience because I point out every anachronism. Unless you're a pretty lady, and then I'm too busy trying to put my hand in your pants.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-04-25 09:23:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn people moving rocks all over the place and mixing them up.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-25 09:21:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
landscape stone, I think its a tumbled stone mix...we have it right outside our office
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-04-25 09:20:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wherethehellcouldyoufindgraniteandshaleinsuchcloseproximityhuh?smartguy??telllllllmeeeeeeeeee
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-04-25 09:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Must...resist...urge...to...talk...about...geology...
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-25 09:16:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
COntest Link
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86802
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-25 09:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit, I forgot this
Song Credit:
John Lee Hooker 'I'm going Upstairs' Recorded 1961
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-25 09:14:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/u/redskieslookfake/l/igktw
While I remember
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-25 09:13:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant stuff. Reminded me a tad of One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest, but that is no bad thing.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2006-04-25 09:11:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stop it. this was good
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2006-04-25 09:10:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
.........jesus. Nice writing.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-25 09:06:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry about this, I wish I had more time to put together something better.
I guess this would be somewhat of a different take on 'the blues'