I had a friend (906 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: favourites
Rating: 1.41 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by LSD 420 <lsd4444.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-04-26 19:21:09 EDT
I went to grade school with this kid. His name was Tommy.
Tommy was so cool. One time, in grade 2, the teacher yelled at him and literally, he threw his entire milk at her. Tommy was really, really big though. Fat AND muscle. So his milk was like a whole carton. She started to curdle later that day and a flock of French people dipped crackers in her. Tommy laughed so hard he peed MY pants. That's how badass he was.
He was always swearing in class and the teacher just kind of cowered in a corner hoping he wouldn't throw some pasta. He always had pasta with him, which was good because one time he got really hungry and didn't have any, so he ate some lady's dog. She was walking in through the yard at recess and he just ran over and took a bite out of it. Later, he coughed up the bones in my face. That hurt.
We used to play basketball outside, but Tommy was like "oh fuck dat shit, nigga" and he'd take the ball, and pop it with his teeth. He used to go home and sharpen his teeth with his dad's nail-file. One time, he bit my teacher and she got rabies. I think that means Tommy had rabies. He got it from the dog, probably.
One time, I remember that Tommy was in a play during an assembly on airline safety, and in the middle of his line, he said "cabbage" instead of "baggage" and then as loud as he could, he was just screamed out "FUCK!" and took his boot off and threw it into the audience. I heard it hit our teacher. She made him sit in the corner the next day, but he kept making fart noises, so she made him go outside.
He would go into the washroom and take a poo in the urinal just to piss of the janitor. I heard one time he got in a fistfight with the janitor and won. That musta been cool to see.
He used to go into the girl's washroom and pee on the seat just to confuse the girls.
He once ate a girl. I thought that was funny.
One time, he hit a ball so hard in gym that it hit this kid in the balls and he had to be sent to the office. Tommy got called down too and he bit the principle.
Tommy didn't take no guff.
One time, somebody tried to give Tommy guff...
Didn't take it. Yessir, I tell ya. That Tommy was a cool dude.
He was so cool; he could drink a whole water cooler. I saw him do it once.
He was so cool; he could burp whenever he wanted.
He was so cool; he could spell dirty words on his calculator.
LE PIECE DE RESISTANCE:
One time, Tommy went all the way around the bar on the swing set. He broke it though and a piece of metal blinded my other friend. He died later.
Tommy was funny. He used to always call me things like "boner-head" or "boner-face" or "nipple-ring."
One time, he threw a snowball at a kid and it made him bleed. That was pretty cool.
I heard he grew up to be a mountain lion. That must be cool, because Tommy was really cool.
Or it might have been a mountain biker...
I dunno. He was still cool.
User Reviews
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-10-05 12:50:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
amazing
Submitted by Targa (user info) at 2006-10-09 04:14:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The whole thing is one giant +2.
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-09 02:56:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-09-05 19:12:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2006-09-03 00:04:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2006-09-02 20:48:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-09-02 20:23:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2006-09-02 20:20:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-09-02 19:51:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
tommy ain got nothin on justin
===================================
damn straight bitch.
I be kicking tommys ass and rapin his dog since like first grade, when tommy was still in diapers and pissing on his textbooks.
---
No. Never again, please.
*shakes head*
========================================
sorry.
I thought my "B.A" ness was being threatenend. I merely responded with the first thing that came to mind.
I didn't know there was an imposter justin on here, I didn't know what I said was in poor taste.
I just...I didn't think about it, I just...just did it; ya know? It was all over in a flash. I didn't mean to, you have to believe me.
You believe me? Don't you LSD? Don't you?
please don't let them take me away.
I'll be a good Junior Uber again, I promise. I'll even -2kakke the n00bs, I'll +2 suck n' fuck anything DPRIME Madness.
Please LSD
Don't let them take me away.
=====================================
Ya know what? I think you support that fucking imposter. The "j-unit" over on that other page. I think you want them to try to take me away, don't you? You think you'll be safe when I'm gone? You think you can sleep at night, wearing that nightie I bought you, and be safe? Do you really think that sheer silk nightie, you know the one you said brought out the color in your eyes, do you really think it has magical powers like I told you it did?
Do you?
Or do you think I was lying?
Waiting for the right moment, the moment when you thought you were safe. When you thought that the beatings you took from me were over. When you thought it was safe to buy me the wrong brand of smokes, or not open my beer for me. You thought they would put me away for life? No, I was waiting, waiting for this moment.
They never found that little girl's body, did they? I know, I followed the papers, they never found her. She...just...dissapeared.
Out in the middle of the rockies, she just...vanished.
I'll tell you this. It was a feeling of power, having someone's life in your hands. It turned me on, almost as much as beating you turned me on.
But you don't think that'll happen again, do you?
You think it's all over, don't you?
Haven't you ever watched lifetime television?
We always come back.
sleep well.
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2006-09-02 20:50:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
see? I can do it.
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2006-09-02 20:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-09-02 20:23:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2006-09-02 20:20:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-09-02 19:51:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
tommy ain got nothin on justin
===================================
damn straight bitch.
I be kicking tommys ass and rapin his dog since like first grade, when tommy was still in diapers and pissing on his textbooks.
---
No. Never again, please.
*shakes head*
========================================
sorry.
I thought my "B.A" ness was being threatenend. I merely responded with the first thing that came to mind.
I didn't know there was an imposter justin on here, I didn't know what I said was in poor taste.
I just...I didn't think about it, I just...just did it; ya know? It was all over in a flash. I didn't mean to, you have to believe me.
You believe me? Don't you LSD? Don't you?
please don't let them take me away.
I'll be a good Junior Uber again, I promise. I'll even -2kakke the n00bs, I'll +2 suck n' fuck anything DPRIME Madness.
Please LSD
Don't let them take me away.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-09-02 20:23:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2006-09-02 20:20:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-09-02 19:51:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
tommy ain got nothin on justin
===================================
damn straight bitch.
I be kicking tommys ass and rapin his dog since like first grade, when tommy was still in diapers and pissing on his textbooks.
---
No. Never again, please.
*shakes head*
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2006-09-02 20:20:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-09-02 19:51:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
tommy ain got nothin on justin
===================================
damn straight bitch.
I be kicking tommys ass and rapin his dog since like first grade, when tommy was still in diapers and pissing on his textbooks.
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-09-02 19:51:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tommy ain got nothin on justin
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2006-09-02 18:38:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i want to be tommys bitch
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-09-02 11:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny. The naked Mario Brothers code is.......
up up down down left right left right select up up down down
no wait....
that's your mom's ass on my cock.
Have a great weekend.
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-04-27 06:46:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tommy was my bitch.
ZING
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-04-27 06:16:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
only +1 for using word soccer
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-04-26 23:36:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was entertaining.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-26 22:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shlongy is a wise old man...
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-04-26 22:26:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Damnit, you got me there...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-26 22:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Liar. You never had a friend.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-04-26 22:01:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess it reminds me of chuck norris on codein. Just a lot lazier...
Submitted by Stellar5446 (user info) at 2006-04-26 21:48:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know...
they sound too much like they want to be chuck norris jokes but just don't cut it
They're funny, i guess.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-04-26 21:33:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hence the "nipple-ring" haha
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-04-26 21:23:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tommy secretly hated you.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-04-26 21:14:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bwahahahah
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-04-26 21:11:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i laughed
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-04-26 20:56:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Come on...I put so little work into this
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-04-26 20:41:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MORE REVIEWS COME FUCKING ON THIS IS GOLDEN FUCK?
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2006-04-26 19:54:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"She started to curdle later that day and a flock of French people dipped crackers in her."
only because i will be failing a french final on friday
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-04-26 19:44:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"He once ate a girl. I thought that was funny."
Hahaha!
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-04-26 19:40:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He used to go into the girl's washroom and pee on the seat just to confuse the girls.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-04-26 19:33:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tommy laughed so hard he peed MY pants
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-04-26 19:30:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard he grew up to be a mountain lion.