The Lump in the Sheets (814 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: -1.11 on 47 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Doodies (View user info) at 2006-04-28 18:22:15 EDT
He hit her harder this time, so hard he felt one of her broken teeth tear open a gash across his fuck knuckle.
"God-damn you fuckin' bitch!"
Cowering where she landed, a fine red mist sprayed with each shallow breath.
He moved towards her, sucking blood from his balled fist.
"Now I'm pissed," he muttered, and chuckled at his wit.
She saw through one swollen eye what was coming, but was too weak to move.
He kicked her good and solid, almost losing his balance with the force of it, and she was gone.
"Good for you," he whispered, and picked up her body, being careful to lift with his legs.
He placed her on the bed tenderly, and unzipped his jeans.
When he was finished (and he never took long), he pulled the fitted sheet up around the whole mess and tied the four ends together in a double overhand.
He sat at his desk, and lined through one of the circled ads on the classified page he'd torn from the weekend paper.
It read in part: "8 Year Old Chocolate Lab Female FREE to Good Home!"
He glanced at the lump in the sheets, smiled, and looked for another.
User Reviews
Submitted by lordofthepost (user info) at 2006-04-29 20:11:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Incredible... Maddox would be proud..
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-29 01:03:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, Doodie buttcheek, we be back. I came, I sang, I kicked yer ass.
Heh.
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 21:48:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, Bubba.
That was fun.
Have her back early, okay?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 21:46:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Doodie, I could explain to you the inner workings of the universe, but
your response would always be HUH? Foopid Stucker.
Teh ol' lady wants us to go sing some o dat dere Karry Oakie, so I be
back later. I'll sing a blues tune with your soft, exquisite little
ass in mind.... :-D
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 21:41:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 21:32:02 (#)
Ranking: 1,000,000
BUT LET'S PUT ON TEH HEAT!!! _I really do hate your ugly ass, but I'll
heat yer shit anyway :)
You're gonna hafta explain that to me.
And wipe that smile off yer screen.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 21:32:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-28 21:15:03 (#)
Ranking: -2
I want my 30 seconds back.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 21:03:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:50:44 (#)
Ranking: -2
_______________________________________________________________________
Thank you.
No problem. It DOES take you a little while to catch on, though.
But imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, they say.
So thank YOU, Jabba2341.
You are a sugar-peach.
______________________________________
Doodles: Sorry, bud. You are an innocent. . .
Doodie: It takes me no time at all to catch on to a fool like you,
because I didn't wish to lower myself.
BUT LET'S PUT ON TEH HEAT!!! _I really do hate your ugly ass, but I'll
heat yer shit anyway...)
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-28 21:25:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey, it's me!
</sarcasm>
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-04-28 21:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sniff my crotch.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-04-28 21:15:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I want my 30 seconds back.
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 21:03:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:50:44 (#)
Ranking: -2
_______________________________________________________________________
Thank you.
No problem. It DOES take you a little while to catch on, though.
But imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, they say.
So thank YOU, Jabba2341.
You are a sugar-peach.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-28 21:00:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:41:12 (#)
Ranking: -2
Wardy, retarded radishes and demented turnips are smarter than you. :-D
--------------------------
what scale are we working with here? iq? which one? are there more than one? i'm probably fucked anyways, but i don't want to be considered dumber than a turnip if there's any sort of loophole...
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:50:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:44:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
You are right as usual, Bubba. I am a fool who sucks big green donkey dicks.
_______________________________________________________________________
Thank you.
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:44:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:41:12 (#)
Ranking2341
Doodie, how does it feel to have a handle...???
It's kinda nice. What's it like to have a period?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:41:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wardy, retarded radishes and demented turnips are smarter than you. :-D
Doodie, how does it feel to have a handle that means SHIT??? :-/
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:36:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:22:50 (#)
Ranking 2341
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:20:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:15:34 (#)
Ranking: 32,314
Eat...My cats.
Post edited at users request.
______________________________________________
Eat my...Doggie.
Once more with mus'tard.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:35:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
a shift key? what the fuck? how am i going to shift if i don't have a clutch? and you actually think you're *smarter* than me.
haha, loser.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:29:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:20:58 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:08:32 (#)
Ranking: -2
Wardy: Stop trying to be Mr. Cliffs notes. I realize you are teh student
of 'writing intensive dogshit', but your interpretive abilities suck.
--------------------------------
look man, i'm not comin' at you but if you're gonna be comin' at me better i...
don't try and act like you don't know where i'm going with this. you and i both know that there's a 98% chance that i'm smarter than you (based on various mathematical calculations), but we also know that there's a 143% chance that you will always be more successful than me (i think i carried a few remainders wrong there, because i don't think you can have over a hundred percent probability, but like you said, i'm a dogshit major, not a math major, so who knows). What does all this mean? i have no fucking clue, but it probably means you should never take anything i ever say seriously.
that being said, i love you, but i fucked your wife. twice. in between the boobs.
__________________________________________________________________________
In reverse order: Thank God it was between the boobs, 'cause your tiny weenie would be lost
in her crotch.
You have no clue? Who woulda thunk it?
You're smarter than I am? Right. I, Sir, know full good and well that a shift
key exists on EVERY keyboard. USE IT, DIPSHIT!!!...........
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:22:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:20:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:15:34 (#)
Ranking: 32,314
Eat...My cats.
Post edited at users request.
______________________________________________
Eat my shorts, edit boy. Will Doggie doodie get worst ever?
Nah, just dumbest ever. Keep it up , GEORGE. . .
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:22:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:17:05 (#)
Ranking: -2
C'mon, Staggress. I wanted to enter that in the contest.
I'll repost with IGKTW.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:20:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:08:32 (#)
Ranking: -2
Wardy: Stop trying to be Mr. Cliffs notes. I realize you are teh student
of 'writing intensive dogshit', but your interpretive abilities suck.
--------------------------------
look man, i'm not comin' at you but if you're gonna be comin' at me better i...
don't try and act like you don't know where i'm going with this. you and i both know that there's a 98% chance that i'm smarter than you (based on various mathematical calculations), but we also know that there's a 143% chance that you will always be more successful than me (i think i carried a few remainders wrong there, because i don't think you can have over a hundred percent probability, but like you said, i'm a dogshit major, not a math major, so who knows). What does all this mean? i have no fucking clue, but it probably means you should never take anything i ever say seriously.
that being said, i love you, but i fucked your wife. twice. in between the boobs.
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:20:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:15:34 (#)
Ranking: 32,314
Eat...My cats.
Post edited at users request.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:19:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:16:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:03:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
oh and doodles guy, did you find what i meant by 'metaphor?'
It's doodies, and yes. Thanks, my brother.
__________________________________________________
Doodles, Doodies. Obviously not reading intensive.
What's a metaphor? Not for you. . .
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:18:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:17:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snalty (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:13:07 (#)
Ranking: -2400
Ew. Human necrophilia is okay to write about, but don't hurt the dead dogs. Geez
I've never actually kicked a dog.
Except for shitfuck's grandpa.
And he was biting my leg.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:17:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:16:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:03:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
oh and doodles guy, did you find what i meant by 'metaphor?'
It's doodies, and yes. Thanks, my brother.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:15:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:12:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:08:32 (#)
Ranking: 3450
Doodies: I have three cats, as well.
What do they taste like?
_________________________________________
Send your mouth way down South to your asshole. Smell that shit?
Eat it. My cats are better looking and smarter than you.
Submitted by Snalty (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ew. Human necrophilia is okay to write about, but don't hurt the dead dogs. Geez.
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:12:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:08:32 (#)
Ranking: 3450
Doodies: I have three cats, as well.
What do they taste like?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:08:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Doodies: I have three cats, as well. They also hate you.
Wardy: Stop trying to be Mr. Cliffs notes. I realize you are teh student
of 'writing intensive dogshit', but your interpretive abilities suck.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:06:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh.
As far as shock goes its pretty hard to top all the shit thats been on Uber over the years.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:03:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 19:58:00 (#)
Ranking: -2
I have three dogs who would gladly rip the putrid life
from your worthless body. If they don't wish to, I will do it
myself. You deserve to die slowly, you ignorant dipshit.
Your writing ability is the equivalent of a dead rat turd.
------------------
bubba, based on your reaction here doesn't this mean his writing is outstanding? i mean, i'm pretty sure it's fiction, and he did invoke a good bit of anger in you, which i'm sure was the purpose of the piece, so how can you say his writing sucks?
i'm not going to lie, i think if this really happened, yeah that'd be real shitty and all that jazz. so that's really all i've got so far. i'll keep brainstorming.
oh and doodles guy, did you find what i meant by 'metaphor?'
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 20:01:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 19:58:00 (#)
Ranking: 2347
I have three dogs who would gladly rip the putrid life
from your worthless body. If they don't wish to, I will do it
myself. You deserve to die slowly, you ignorant dipshit.
Your writing ability is the equivalent of a dead rat turd.
I guess I'm just a cat person.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-28 19:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I have three dogs who would gladly rip the putrid life
from your worthless body. If they don't wish to, I will do it
myself. You deserve to die slowly, you ignorant dipshit.
Your writing ability is the equivalent of a dead rat turd.
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 19:42:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-28 19:14:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
are you sure? read it again, i think you're missing it.
I'll go over it again.
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 19:40:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-28 19:20:19 (#)
Ranking: -245
jeesus...are you STILL here?
Yes, and don't call me Jesus.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-04-28 19:20:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good but 'When he was finished (and he never took long)' was a little clunky
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-28 19:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
jeesus...are you STILL here?
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-28 19:14:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
are you sure? read it again, i think you're missing it.
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 19:11:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-28 19:06:59 (#)
Ranking: -47
i'm aroused. confused. but aroused. so was like the dog at the end a metaphor for the bitch in the sheets? just curious...
Uh, wardy...there are no metaphors in that story.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-28 19:06:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm aroused. confused. but aroused. so was like the dog at the end a metaphor for the bitch in the sheets? just curious...
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 19:00:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-04-28 18:39:26 (#)
Ranking: 27
good day sir!
And a good day to you, madam.
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 18:56:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-04-28 18:52:36 (#)
Ranking: 32
Fuck off.
Are you fixed?
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-28 18:54:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-04-28 18:31:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
I assume this was done for shock value?
No, I use this site as a diary.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-04-28 18:52:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck off.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-04-28 18:39:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck knuckle? fuck knuckle? no FUCK YOU. good day sir!
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-04-28 18:31:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I assume this was done for shock value?