im drunk right now (891 hits)
Category: Politics -> AfghanistanRating: 1.18 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by hot pocket (View user info) at 2006-04-29 00:54:13 EDT
It was a few weeks ago—before I started worrying about finals and the fact that I hadn't paid attention all semester—and I am out at the bars. This girl and I meet up and click so she comes back to my building with me; we throw in a movie (which we all know means 'lets put on some background noise') and lounge out on my couch. A bit later, things began getting close and our shirts come off and, as she rubs her hand up my chest and down my stomach, she notices something not so smooth about an inch and a half above and the the left of my navel.
Now let me say that a few days earlier I had also been drunk and had come home, alone this time, smoked and little bit and drank a little bit more with some of the guys on the wing and decided I needed another cigarette. I headed back to my room and changed for bed, there was nothing left to stay awake for that night. With the state I was in and while smoking the cigarette, I dropped it several times, once landing on and rolling onto my exposed stomach as I sat on my couch. I couldn't grab it in time and I got burned, leaving a swollen and very red and very visible swollen bump.
When she asked, I explained this exact story to her. She is one of the cigarette nazis and hates the very words tobacco, cigarette, nicotine, even the word filter makes her cringe. She is very adamant against smoking, she hates it and will not even kiss me let alone talk to me if she can taste cigarettes on me but fuck her, we fuck anyways and she likes it. And, when I tell her this explanation of the red mark she says, not missing a beat, "that's why you shouldn't smoke"
"No bitch! That's why I shouldn't drink! Cancer is why I shouldn't smoke!"
Then we had rough, cigarette smelling buttsecks and then I asked her if she needed cab fare home.
And then I smoked two more cigarettes.
Fuck you. I'm drunk now and posting at 1 in the a.m.
Fuck you you fucking fucks.
User Reviews
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-29 12:17:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In Russia, STD contracts YOU!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-29 12:04:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So did you have poo on your weener?
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-04-29 11:43:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did it look like possible outbreak of something really yucky? Because it did when you described it. I'm surprised you got laid, when it looked like you had STDs on your belly. Do you have STDs on your belly?
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-01-24 16:32:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-04-30 15:22:43 (#)
Ranking: 1
Fair enough.
You so wish you were The Bosh Man.
--
yea man what the EFF
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-09-27 20:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTSECKSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2006-09-27 20:24:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is really good
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-04-30 21:29:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have a lot of promise.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-04-30 15:22:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fair enough.
You so wish you were The Bosh Man.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-04-30 14:58:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"She is very adamant against smoking, she hates it and will not even kiss me let alone talk to me if she can taste cigarettes on me but fuck her, we fuck anyways and she likes it."
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-04-30 14:20:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
There is NO way you can type with that excellent grammar and punctuation and be drunk.
-2 Blatantly Lying.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-29 11:57:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you are my hero.
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-04-29 04:08:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2006-04-29 01:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's what you get for telling her the truth. Next time, just tell her you got hurt defending someone, or by helping a granny change a flat tire. If you'd done this, you'd be fucking that girl right now.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-29 01:02:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Gladly.
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2006-04-29 00:58:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
do it