Just Can't Let Go (324 hits)
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Submitted by promethias (View user info) at 2006-05-01 23:31:47 EDT
Hi! How's it going? I was somewhere else, started thinking about you and now here I stand. It's strange.
Have you ever thought so hard about something you can actually just watch it take place right in front of you? I guess that's a dumb question; most people call those dreams. It seems weird, I know, but I feel I'm living in that world now because I do it so often.
One minute I'm trying to talk to you, the next I'm watching my little niece Ellie crawling underneath the table. I can usually get the little ones to acknowledge me with a smile; everyone else acts as if I'm not even there, including you.
That's kind of why I'm here now. I figure we need to talk. You haven't talked to me in months. Sometimes, when I come visit, I see you crying, but no matter what I do or say, you just won't let me help, or even tell me what's going on.
I'm sick of feeling like an apparition, with everyone just passing me by. I've come to you because I thought you'd like it. You always said that I'd never let you in; that I'm closed off and afraid of being hurt again. So I've come to tell you some things.
I'd like you to know that you are mostly right. I've never had an easy time with explaining myself to people; telling them what was troubling me. When I was little, no one cared so I didn't think I was important enough to have people worry about me. My parents never asked about why I was moping around, and when I tried to talk to them, they never stopped to listen. Ever since then I've had problems with self-doubt, self esteem, and self-defeat. Only in the last couple of years did people hurt me after I'd opened up to them.
But here I am, out on a limb again, with my heart encased within a thin, cracked pane of glass. Asking for your help I guess. I'm not here because I feel obligated. I'm here because I want to be.
When I first saw you something was different. My heart told me you were special. I still don't know how to explain it. It took me all of 30 seconds to make my decision about you. The immediate feeling I had was more than just an impression.
However, when I heard you felt the same way, something started holding me back. Every time we'd go out together I'd feel awkward. I should have amounted it all up to tension and nerves, but instead I decided that I'm not good enough for you; I'm not. I feel you deserve far more than what I'll ever be able to give you. I can immediately think of plenty of other guys that would be far better suited for you. Despite all of that, I couldn't stay away.
After yelling at Andy for doing basically the same thing, I figured I should take my own advice and let you decide who was and wasn't good enough for you. But by then I was too late.
I'd taken my dear, sweet time over the three months we were together deciding what to do with you that you'd moved on. I couldn't quite understand how you could have feelings for someone and just drop them. I have no idea why I just let you go, but I wasn't going to argue with you. You wanted me to go away and I felt that I should respect your wishes. Here's the reason why.
I know it sounds dumb and you are just going to freak out like you have to every other person that has told you this, but I can't hold it in any longer.
I love you.
It's the only thing I can think of to explain the way I feel. I didn't notice it until you were gone. Andy was trying to tell me that I really did love you. I'd spent so much time trying to deny it, because I wasn't allowed to anymore, but the symptoms are all there.
You started dating Paul three days after you told me to go away (even though you told me it wasn't because of another guy). It really made me feel like crap when I heard that. I guess you weren't officially dating, but just dating him went completely against the whole "I just don't want to be dating anyone" speech you gave.
Despite all that, I still can't stop thinking about you. I go through the roof when I hear you laugh, talk, and especially when I hear you sing. But as soon as you leave I crash to the floor in a tangled heap, and the casing around my heart cracks even more as the feelings of emptiness, defeat, worthlessness, and emotional annihilation take over.
Brittany, that wretched sister of yours, continued to invite me over to your apartment when you were with Paul, but even that's stopped now. All I feel is happy for you. You'd think that being around while you and Paul are all touchy feely would make things worse, but somehow it doesn't.
Can you please explain to me why I'm like this? It's almost been four months and you still won't go away. Why can't I let go?
Now I see you crying again and I still don't know why. It pains me to see you like this. We used to be such good friends. But, ever since about three weeks after you told me to go away you've been avoiding me like I'm a ghost coming to haunt you. Did I upset you that badly when I tried to talk to you? When I almost said what was on my mind and left to go for a run. What happened?
I guess it's to be expected though. I'm the weird guy that likes you, and you have to be careful because no matter what you do or say, it will be taken the wrong way. So total avoidance is the only way to do this, right?
Don't get me wrong. I understand, for the most part. But come on. Give me some credit. You told me no so I'll listen. Just please stop pretending I'm not here.
Well I've said all I can. I'll leave you alone now, for good. After all these visits you still haven't given me an answer, and I guess that just boils down to hate. So I'll give you what you seem to want and leave you be.
Goodbye Amber
I love you.
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-05-02 05:00:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*WARNING*
Berty can break your spirit! If he ever writes more than a paragraph in a comment, your soul may be at risk!
*END WARNING*
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-05-02 04:44:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There comes a point in life when it becomes clear that asking another person to pick up and carry you isn't as reasonable as it first appears. Later still comes a revelation that the world is probably not as dumb as one thought it was and that, frankly, one probably deserves everything that one gets.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-05-02 04:38:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was just a little bit gushy/whiny for my taste.
However
http://www.ubersite.com/u/redskieslookfake/l/soppy_sentimental_mills_and_boon_crap
So who am I to judge?
Worth reading.
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-05-01 23:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Evil bitch names to watch out for: Amber, Danielle, Sharlene, Michelle, Jennifer, Cyndi, Alana...the list goes on.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-05-01 23:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't. Date. Girls. Named. After. Colors.
Join my cause.
SWEAR TO ME!