Ubersite
Home - About Us - Contact
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." - Mark Twain
Welcome to Ubersite!
Search Ubersite
Search for:

Most Recently Reviewed
  1. It's time...
  2. Living in Japan, circa 1
  3. Something REALLY Stinks In...
  4. John offered us Peace. Mi...
  5. Dungeons & Dragons: The Ma...
  6. Just….some stuff
  7. Hawaiians Don't Barter Wit...
  8. I hate all you motherfucke...
  9. Holes.
  10. SPT: Sign the petition. S...
more...
Most Heated
  1. Holes. (256 heat)
  2. I Need And Want The Mens P... (89 heat)
  3. Something REALLY Stinks In... (87 heat)
  4. The Shatner/Lee Incident (... (78 heat)
  5. A Bitch and Her Dog (62 heat)
  6. Red On The Head, Like A Di... (61 heat)
  7. Um, guys... can we keep th... (55 heat)
  8. McCallum Info Worth A Shit... (39 heat)
  9. next week (35 heat)
  10. Bubba, you can kiss my ass... (31 heat)
more...
Most Viewed Messages
  1. The Ultimate MS Paint: It... (1149450 hits)
  2. "If I cum now, will it be ... (707694 hits)
  3. Exploiting Peer-to-Peer Ne... (387721 hits)
  4. How To Pick Up Chicks (328623 hits)
  5. Motivating the Weekend (310279 hits)
  6. Knockoff porn movie titles (303715 hits)
  7. My J-Date Misadventure (288197 hits)
  8. Licking A Bum's Ass (252295 hits)
  9. Badass Australian Cows (248377 hits)
  10. Totally Useless Facts (233531 hits)
more...
Most Viewed Authors
  1. Bart Cilfone (1471292 hits)
  2. Stanley Moore (1450668 hits)
  3. Razor (1411503 hits)
  4. JMG114 (1391886 hits)
  5. MickGinny (1296292 hits)
  6. loki (1069713 hits)
  7. Jonukah (986073 hits)
  8. weeeeep (933192 hits)
  9. Most Hated (928188 hits)
  10. Cat Crooner Extraordinaire (894551 hits)
  11. Ubersite needs me! (887938 hits)
  12. Abortions Tickle (885838 hits)
  13. Tom (838478 hits)
  14. Sideburns, MUHFUCKA (816571 hits)
  15. apollo88 (774699 hits)
  16. T+I+G+E+R (763614 hits)
  17. oy vey (763017 hits)
  18. Sorrell (751385 hits)
  19. Satan is my Motor (695933 hits)
  20. Alter 5694™ (695034 hits)
  21. RON PAUL 2008! (692024 hits)
  22. HIDDEN101 (689665 hits)
  23. User Blocked (650021 hits)
  24. Phil Phone (647666 hits)
  25. TTOM88 (637611 hits)
  26. iddqd (626787 hits)
  27. kaos-king (611801 hits)
  28. comicbookguy (604891 hits)
  29. ♥ (588675 hits)
  30. O (584107 hits)
Click here to return to the list of messages.

Heroes, Time, Death, Thumbs, Dolphins and the Meaning of Life (505 hits)

Category: None

Rating: 1.55 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Labels:

Submitted by ampersand (View user info) at 2006-05-02 00:17:26 EDT


In our dreams when we are young, we frequently imagine ourselves as heroes. Some of us imagine we become firemen or police officers, fighting for the lives of the innocent. A noble thing to be sure. Some imagine we become athletes, or musicians, or actors. Stars, in other words. Inspirations for the world. Reasons for poor, malnourished children in the ghetto to get up and keep on living, just because they want to be just like so and so. Certainly many stars are simply in it for money and fame, but our young minds don't consider such things when they dream of being Like Mike. Ask that young boy shooting free throws there, well after his bedtime. Michael Jordan is not a mega-millionaire. Michael Jordan is a hero.

There are bigger dreams in our minds then basketball though. Bigger heroes. There are the knights in shining armor, rushing off every which way to save damsels in distress. Scaling tall towers, slaying foul witches and mighty dragons. Achilles, Odysseus, Hercules. Uncompromising men. Men who would stop at nothing. Men who would stare death square in the eye without ever blinking. Never mind that they are works of fiction, these are the heroes we remember. Not just centuries later, because surely a hundred years from now they will still remember a man called The Babe. Millennia later. Entire civilizations later. Rome fell, and still we remember. New York will fall, and still we will remember.

Why though? Why will we remember Ajax and Agamemnon? I think it's a part of human nature, we always have to pull for the underdog. And in all these stories, are not the heroes always up against some unstoppable foe? Some indomitable force? The odds have never been underwhelming have they? You never read a story about a guy who rides off to deal with a minor threat. Prince Charming never goes off to rescue his princess from the beast that's really rather harmless. No, it's always the guys who ride to off to certain death you hear about. People like other people with the courage to say "fuck it all, this is almost certainly going to kill me, and I'm doing it anyways." People with enough courage to stare back at death. Enough courage to stare death down even, to beat him at his own game. It takes courage to fight a magical, fire-breathing dragon with naught but three feet of steel doesn't it?

I would submit to you then, that it takes courage to live. In fact if you measure by odds of success, nothing takes more courage. Dragons lose, no one ever beats time. I would further submit to you then that, this ability to fight against something he can not beat, this is why man is great.

In the world of 'The Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe', man is the third most intelligent species in existence, right behind mice and dolphins. We won't discuss exactly how mice made it to the top of that list but whether dolphins are actually smarter then man is up for debate. In the book, man posits that he has created cultures and cities and fought great wars and all that jazz, so he must be the smarter of the two. Dolphins counter with the position that man has created cultures and cities and fought great wars and all that jazz, so dolphins must be the smarter of the two. I side firmly with man.

If the dolphins were here with me today (they aren't though, apparently they flew away into space a few moments before the earth exploded) they might reference Hiroshima, or Auschwitz, or even just the decaying atmosphere as points in their favor. I would concede these points. Then I would point to the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, to The Great Wall of China, to The Golden Gate Bridge. I would read for them Coleridge's "Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner" and Romeo's famous aside. I would play for them Bach, and Beethoven and The Velvet Underground. I'd give them a transcript of Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream Speech". I'd have them watch "Rudy". I'd tell them about my grandfather who came here on a boat from Norway, owning little more then the clothes on his back, to see if he could make a living in The Land of Opportunity. I'd tell them that when he got here he did make a living, and that it was good enough to send five daughters to college. I'd tell them about how he went to France in 1942 and lost part of his stomach fighting for what he believed in. He has to cut all his food into very small parts before he eats it now. Some foods he can't eat at all because his stomach can't digest them anymore. There hasn't been a day in his life where he regretted it.

You see it's not our thumbs that make us different, it's our will. It's the will to be bigger, better, faster and stronger. It's what lets us succeed when everyone tells us we can't. It's why Hercules killed the hydra. It's how Odysseus made it back to Ithaca. It's why the dragon will always lose. It's the will to try the impossible. Even when it seems stupid. Even when it is stupid. It's the will to go past stupid, to go past stubborn, to go past pigheaded, to go past skull fucking insane. To go past impossible.

But I digress. Let me return to a few paragraphs previous where I wrote: "no one ever beats time". If opposable digits were all that set man apart, this would be true. But man has beaten time. Shakespeare knows it:

"And yet to times in hope, my verse shall stand
Praising thy worth, despite his cruel hand."

Shelley, with his "two vast and trunkless legs of stone", knows it. Every high school student getting quizzed on "The Iliad" right now knows it. But dolphins don't know it. Even if you spotted them a thumb they couldn't figure it out. With a thumb, impossible is impossible. With a will though, impossible isn't anything at all.

untitled.JPG (6 kB)

Submit to Digg Submit to StumbleUpon

User Reviews


Submitted by LisaD (user info) at 2007-05-18 13:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

No Comment

Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2006-06-13 01:30:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

good times

Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-13 01:01:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2006-05-04 06:17:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

awesome

Submitted by street-pirate (user info) at 2006-05-02 17:05:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

yes.

Submitted by sosomething (user info) at 2006-05-02 08:58:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

+2 with a ! for flavor. I actually found this inspirational - awesome.

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-05-02 08:21:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I dont trust any animal that smiles all the time

Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2006-05-02 07:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-05-02 07:44:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by JumpingJax (user info) at 2006-05-02 03:50:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-05-02 03:16:17 (#)
Ranking: 2

I bet I'm the only person reviewing this so far that has read it.


-----------------------


I bet you huff your own farts.

Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-05-02 03:16:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I bet I'm the only person reviewing this so far that has read it.

Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-05-02 00:26:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by JumpingJax (user info) at 2006-05-02 00:22:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0



Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-05-02 00:18:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I almost called it "Rudy Weren't no Dolphin, Biatch."


Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2% and it's all because of my
motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility of more
donuts to come.

-- Homer Simpson
You Only Move Twice