Adam's a Nasty Bastard (541 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: -0.73 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Puffy Fluff (View user info) at 2006-05-03 10:57:57 EDT
We all have those things for which we do that if anyone ever found out we would be mortified. It could be that you incessively pop pimples on your ass or masterbate using your mom's vibrator without cleaning it off first, or as simple as the fact that you like the 'Simple Life'. We have them, everyone has one, if you deny then you lie.
As much as I am all for being honest and open about what a freak I am , I am not here to discuss my freakness, rather the freakness of (not real name) Adam. Adam was a zit-faced dork as a child and grew up to be a zit-faced teenager, who eventually turned into a scarred-face ugly mofo adult.
Nobody wanted to get close to Adam. Mainly because you never knew when one of those humungo zits was going to blow and leave you covered in green/yellow puss. You just knew they were the ones that, when popped, would shoot out with Bionic woman like force (nananananana). We would stare and take bets about everything from quantity of puss each pock contained to the diameter of the pock. Though, sometimes it wasn't the diameter as much as it was the length - I still shudder at the thought.
So.....Adam was gross and everyone knew it. Adam knew it, the students knew it, the teachers knew it, the principle knew it....hell even his mom and pops knew it. But how gross was Adam you ask? Adam was as gross as the cyst you see on the discovery channel that is attached to some ugly ugandin's head that contains teeth and hair and his conjoined twin. When you saw him the first thought that came to your mind was "kill it, kill it dead! Kill it violently to ensure it never comes back". But somehow we knew he would comeback to life, or one of his zits would, so no-one tried to give him the death.
To get to the point: Adam's freakness. Adam, you would think, would leave those things on his face alone. They were things, there is no human name for what was on his face, just 'things'. But nope, he couldn't. He just had to rub, pinch and scratch. (Fuckin' nasty bastard that he was would do it right in class as he sat less than a foot in front of me. I spent half my day dodging flying puss.)
So, let's set the scene. We're in biology with our microscopes and slides ready to look at something stupid like an onion peel or some shit, when I see, out of the corner of my eye, Adam starting his usual sitting-in-class-boredom-zit-picking-fest. I'm like fuck, this is foul. So I succesfully dodge the first bullet - flying puss from my left. I dodge the 2nd in the nick of time. Then..... then! instead of a 3rd coming at me (which is what I expected as Adam has a pattern to his pop-fest) the puss that comes out of this particular crater is hard and long and stringy - not as fluid as the others. So...instead of this launching at me with the power of splitting adams (no pun) it just kinda' seeps out like a worm. I'm like, fuck, what's he gonna do with that now. He eats it. Yup! Eats it! Eats it like a starving dog would a T-bone steak - with a smile and a grunt.
There are somethings in this world that we are better off now knowing/seeing - one of them is that Adam eats the stringy puss from his zits.
User Reviews
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2006-06-14 17:45:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2006-05-10 17:32:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by dove666 (user info) at 2006-05-03 11:04:41 (#)
Ranking: -2
Hmmmm...
Next up: The history of weeping anal warts.
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that was just...wrong
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-05-10 16:31:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
masterbate using your mom's vibrator without cleaning it off first
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+2 for you doing that
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-05-04 14:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Wow. What ELSE happened at Junior High? Did Stacy make out with Kevin? Did Mr. McFlappypants scratch his ass during dodgeball? I MUST KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by BrownEyedGirrl (user info) at 2006-05-04 13:57:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ewwww!!!
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-05-04 09:53:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-05-03 11:21:23 (#)
Ranking: -1
Does Adam have a really BIG cock and shag his bird up the arse with it nowadays?
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Oh, no you di'int!
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2006-05-04 08:33:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I laughed
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-05-03 11:57:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yo mad props. Thanks brutha.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-05-03 11:37:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Automatic -2 for spelling it masterbate
Submitted by MonkeyingAround (user info) at 2006-05-03 11:21:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I just threw up a little in my mouth over this. Nasty.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-05-03 11:21:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Does Adam have a really BIG cock and shag his bird up the arse with it nowadays?
Submitted by Puffy_Fluff (user info) at 2006-05-03 11:10:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nope
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-05-03 11:09:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Look, we'll start a fund if you fucking stop. Please, just stop!
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-05-03 11:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not cool.
Submitted by dove666 (user info) at 2006-05-03 11:04:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hmmmm...
Next up: The history of weeping anal warts.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-05-03 11:03:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i watch 8th & ocean and love every second of it.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-05-03 11:01:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
shut the fuck up