Broken (816 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: fiction
Rating: 1.65 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2006-05-04 02:33:10 EDT
The broken lamp clattered each time the train roared by. The damp air seemed to be the only thing holding the walls in place.
I heard the crack as he twisted the ice tray. "Johnny, pour me another", I called.
"Pour me another, pour me another" he cried out in a sing-song voice. Always mocking me. He did an odd dance on his tiptoes as he came into the room, still going on with the, "Pour me another pour me another".
"Oh for fucks sake, man, the song and dance is a little mushhh". I tried to take back that last slurred word with a sharp intake of breath. "And, don't get on my case about anything tonight. I can't breathe for all the mildew in the air, let alone listen to you go on and on!!"
"Ah, darlin' a little defensive, are we?" he shot me a sly wink, "and it's not mildew in the air... mildew forms on surfaces... it's humidity!" He flashed me a brilliant white smile, twirled on his left heel, and plopped down next to me.
Little mister happy pants. I reached over and clasped my hand around my glass, pulling it towards me. He didn't release the glass, so I ended up pulling him to me along with my whiskey.
"Oh, darlin' feeling a bit... friiiisky tonight?" I looked away from his face so I wouldn't have to see another one of his perverted winks.
I pulled harder on my glass, snatching it from his hand. As my weight shifted back against the couch I felt a sharp jab in my lower back.
Turning around, I discovered a spring pushing through the brown and green weave of fabric. "Are you still looking to get me a new couch? This is awful."
I didn't expect him to wink before talking, so I couldn't avoid seeing it this time. "Yeah, we wore this one out, did we?"
"I get the feeling that you want to fuck tonight, Johnny. Is that right?"
As we undressed and wound our bodies together I thought about how cliche my situation was. Preacher and Congregate. Student and Teacher. Sinner and Saint.
Another train rumbled through as he was prodding at my body with his slippery cock. He smiled, reveling in the feeling. Probably thinking of some fire and brimstone scene, with him as the glowing white savior, causing the earth to tremor with his might.
He kept his dick in me after he came, letting it slowly soften and seep out of me. "Why do I do this?" I asked him.
"For redemption, baby!" If I didn't know him, I'd think he was joking. But I knew him, and I knew it really was a twisted belief that he held.
The ice clanked against my teeth as I knocked back the last of my drink, "Yeah, so what's that mean for you?".
"Darlin', I'm saving the world."
The arguments were so obvious and so simple that I couldn't find the energy to have them, so I just said okay, and pulled my panties back on.
User Reviews
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-05-04 23:21:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Another train rumbled through as he was prodding at my body with his slippery cock."
Well shit, that was sexy. Due to a select brand of silken boxers that I prefer, I almost always have an erection, and that line killed it. So, thanks for that.
I thought it was kind of interesting...the part about him being a Preacher and saving his world with his slippery cock. And this woman who somewhat unhappily lets him. Interesting. The dialogue wasn't bad.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-05-04 23:17:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
STFU, n00b.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-05-04 22:28:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I dunno, Corn. This was lacking something for me.
You always rock either way.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-05-04 21:38:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-05-04 20:12:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I dont know what a plus two antiretalitory rating is, but it sounds impressive.
This story meant the following for me:
I typically SUCK at dialogue, so I'm trying to get better, and as it goes: practice makes perfect. I also liked the character development, I was hoping you'd all be able to SEE what the hell was going on. I want to be able to write in such a way that makes the reader FEEL for the people in the story.
Then of course the hypocricy of christianity was fun. And the fact that the tramp with a shitty house was more "morally aware" than the chipper preacher is intersting.
I was talking to Razor last night as I typed this story out, and I said, "Well, I just wrote something but I don't have an ending, oh well."
So all day today I was thinking about how impulsive I am (ie: writing a story and posting it within half an hour, no revisions, no thinking it through... I just type), and how I should be a little more strict with myself and actually TRY.
The End.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-05-04 13:35:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am not impressed.
take a plus two anti-retalitory rating.
now really, this is 'content'.
christ.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-05-04 11:44:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
no problem. i try to avoid it (yeah right) but my brain's been fried as of late.
taking finals and such.
more content later. swear.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2006-05-04 11:27:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Righto.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-05-04 11:13:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah Ghola... Tis kind of you to check it out! etc etc etc
I mean nothing personal about my complaints with the uberasskissery that you and your friends enjoy so much! I am only bitter because I want to be amused or entertained by uber and it's NOT HAPPENING!
I must have some fucked up views on sex... all my stories about sex are about loveless sex. I should analyze myself.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-05-04 11:04:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Had to look and see what you'd written.
At least you're putting a little effort into it.
That's nice.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-05-04 09:15:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh liked this.,
seems like something one of the women from bukowski's stories might write.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-05-04 07:44:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am going to make a conscious effort to save teh world from world wide web url seex.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-05-04 05:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hilarious
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-05-04 04:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<engorge>
"I'm saving the world baby"... I'm going to remember that line.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-05-04 04:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
really?
I was turned on by the lack of love in that sexual encounter.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-05-04 03:59:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
he was prodding at my body with his slippery cock""
eeeugh that sounds awful, for some reason..
well written
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-05-04 03:52:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
this very thing happened to me one time.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-05-04 02:34:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Alright then.