Really bored at work! (430 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.66 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The_Story_Teller (View user info) at 2006-05-05 06:57:17 EDT
Right, i am sure you will all agree when i say work is shit, as you are reading this likely through sheer boredem, but hold on before you stick 76 pins through your eyelids, my work is shit.
I mean, i have to sit here at the bottom of the money trading ladder, while these sheep raping rich cunts all peer down on me like im a child molesterer. Now, you, you fat mince pie eating sperm, what the fuck are you looking at me like thet for? Now this particular shaven father christmas, i mean, he is a fat ugly fuck.... If this was school, man i would be giving him wedgies and spending his lunch money on sweets and yo yo's. Moron. So why is it the reverse here? What makes him so special?? And i bet he gets more fanny than i fucking do, im 18 in my prime! He's gonna choke on a hot dog any day now, but god must be on acid today to give him the holy grail. Similar ideas creep into my head about politicians and presidents, it is just fame for geeks, isnt it? no wonder they are all off shagging rent boys and such, i mean, i always called the geeks fags and homos in school, and thats what they are.... geeks fags and homos. Usually with girlfriends that look like a chi-wa-wa crossed with Ann Robinson. But still they at least get fanny.....
On the subject of clams and mingefolds, i bring myself onto my next collegue... The strange italian woman next door, now this bitch is a different type of scary.. I only ever see her in the smokers room, and to be honest i would rather suck a raw egg until it produces camel urine than have another talk with that Myra Hindley wannabe. Anyway how to put this, she constantly tells everyone about her bowel, liver and mouth cancer, and says she is aiming for lung next, like it is some magical achievement. Whore. I mean i feel sorry for her, but fuck me show some concern. The amazing thing is, im hearing "cancer cancer cancer" and all i am thinking is "i wonder what her minge looks like" you know, hariy, bald, loose or tight, you just wonder these things. The sad thing is the bird don't have to be fit and you could still sit there in awe wondering about the current presentation and upkeep of the person in questions vaginal region. Crazy. But hey, excersise of the mind mother fucker. There isn't really much more to say bout this raging plonker bird, but she has a french little fat mate who i can safely say, who's vagina i have never questioned, french....
Now perhaps due to the fact that i smoke an unusual amount of cannabis, i think of some strange shit when i get the chance. So, here i am, bored and near suicidal, and all i can do is wonder how the fuck dogs learn to screw, i mean, how the fuck do they do it? We learn from magazines, school, parents and friends, and these crazy little mo' fo's just make the shit up!!! Example, my loving male dog was taken home at an age of 2 months, well before he would think about shaggin, and before his mother could teach him how to raid the magical canyon of dirty tricks with his chipolata. So, what the fuck? how comes months down the line, he just starts sexually attacking my leg like a racehorse on crack, how does he know its gonna feel good he can't even wank?!?! Perhaps the licking... hmmm... but i like to believe that my dog is cleaning himself when licking occurs, not pleasuring himself in front of me, so how do dogs learn to fuck, todays untold mystery.
Since the last paragraph two hours have gone by, i have got over my question of dogs, and the fat fuck (mince pie sperm face) to my left is eating the biggest fucking scotch egg i have ever seen, its huge, i mean, i know he's probably hungry, but im angry just because i see a fat man eating, and when i think of a fat man, all i can do is picture them eat. Some judgmental thing i have sorry. But aint it true all fat people waddle, and do you actually think they forget what their cock looks like? i don't, i think they stand in front of mirrors and jack off for amusement, like monkeys in the zoo.
There is one slight medical factor that makes my work this week exceptionally difficult, i am having problems eating and going for my occasional dropping of the big brown tree stump. As a result, my doctor put me on senna tablets, for those who don't know, a natural laxative. So now im shitting faster than Bill Clinton blows his load in the sack and getting in trouble for doing so, dispite the fact my boss knows what i'm fucking takin. He deserves to have an alligator shit in his ear holes for this crap. How insensitive.
Off the subject of work and home smoking spliffs by half six, i get to retreat to the love of my beautiful girlfriend, who i expect is an undercover cock hounding whore and had to have the word "scrotum" explained to her, dumb bitch. This rant about the decaying fungus that is everyday life is short and sweet, if liked i will produce more. Dogs.... How do they fucking do it.
User Reviews
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2006-05-05 10:06:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Perhaps you could tell more stories.
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2006/5/4wiencek.html
Off you go!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-05-05 08:28:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Being president is fame for geeks.
I like that.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-05-05 07:19:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you're really so bored just masturbate.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-05-05 07:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OMG, like, you suck.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-05-05 07:04:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-05-05 07:01:56 (#)
Ranking: -1
How can you write a post for that long and not come up with anything interesting or amusing.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-05-05 07:01:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
How can you write a post for that long and not come up with anything interesting or amusing.