Sex, Shower and fanny gunk (995 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: -1.5 on 2 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The_Story_Teller (View user info) at 2006-05-05 11:34:08 EDT
Ok, so me and my beautiful girlfriend are chilling out in bed, when a gust of wind must have blown past my penis as my member was soon peeping up at me (hmmm just a little easily aroused). Now i must stress this is a very very true story, and i must know if this has happened to anyone else as it still scares me.
Ok, so i have an errection, and i want sex, basic maths 2+2, all the guys will understand, and to my great suprise so did she.... hmmm how very odd.... But why would i question that? Well I knew there would be something, and as it turned out she was very heavy on the blob (uh-oh period juice!), which means i have a very difficult decision to make.... How am i gonna release my mini men? Luckily, she suggests fucking in the shower, so we can become clean as we go along, good idea i thought, sex, no blood, sex, great!!
Jesus Christ himself could not prapare me for the awkward, then disgusting, then panic that was to follow. Now, quite strong in arm strength, i was to slightly hoist her up in the shower, and slip it in from behind, easy right? well no, being 6 foot 2", and her just 5 foot, things dont line up easily if ya get me. For those of you who don't understand, with her standing infront of me flat on her feet, i have to proper get down low and bend in yoga like positions to get my cock in the boat dock of love.
So this is where the hoisting came into play, try and bring her to my level you see? So, one of her feet is planted on the edge of the bath tub, the other leg is being held up by yours truely, it seemed everything was going to be ok. However, there still wasn't enough room or angle for me to comfortably destroy the inner walls of her cunt. Fuck this i thought, and so she started sucking my cock on request, it was good, i was happy. Not for long. Being the immature wank stain i am, gettin head wasn't good enough, no i had to piss her off by spraying the shower in her face while she was doing it, she got moody, bitch.
She got over it, and this is where it gets fucking gross. Due to us being uncapable to fuck in the shower safely, she suggests porking her in the arse as less angle is needed. Being an ass lover myself, i stuck it in their quicker than Moses fled Egypt. But, but but but but..... When i got in about half way, things got very strange, now i put this down to her bleeding vagina, but one can only assume. ANYWAY as i was saying, when it got in about half way, she went very pale (strange as we had bum banged a few times in the past and been fine) "Are you alright babe?" I ask her, no reply, maybe it hurts, whats going on she looks dead, and then without warning, an image i will never ever forget, her vagina exploded with this slime like blob of minging red shit, now im sorry for any women reading this, but that aint no fucking blood its like, blood mixed with elephant sweat and deer shit, i mean, yuck! The water of course is running, and it is a matter of seconds before i am jumping round like a bird in hysterics, honestly, iron mike tyson would have slit his wrists at this point, i mean, man it was fucking touching my feet!
Ok recap, we try shagging in the shower coz shes on her period, don't work, stick it in her arse and then she spontaneously combusts all over my fucking bath, whore. Anyway, whilst panicking and leaping out the bloody goo at my feet, after growing whiter and paler during my hysterics, my bird flops to the floor, cold and unconsious (im just glad the evil death goo had retreated down the plug hole at this point). So now im bloody i didnt get my fucking fuck and i have killed my girlfriend. Normal day in my life.... great.
So in desperation and preparing for my interview with the police over my unintentional murder, i ran to retrieve a towel for my loved one. I put my arm around her shoulder and lifted her, wrapped the towel around her and carried her to the bed, still unconsious. As nasty as it sounds i think i was still more bothered about stepping in fanny gunge than helping my dead girlfriend, well she was breathing, but she really was not in a good way.
So i start doing all the checks and try to bring her around, which after 2 minutes (seemed like hours) she opened her eyes and said "if your gonna be an idiot suck your own fucking cock"...... WHAT THE FUCK? WAS SHE NOT EVEN AWARE I HAD JUST BEEN DIRTIED BY HER RED SHIT!!!! SAVED HER WHEN SHE FAINTED!!!! AND SHE REMEMBERED NOTHING!!!! I explained what happened and she saw how bad she looked in the mirror, and possibly my dirty feet (sorry had to hahaha)!!! However it was my fault, i dont know how or why, but i was in the fucking dog house. Next time i'll let her lie in a puddle of her own slime. Bitch. I had a wank.
Now i know its gross, makes me look bad and you will rate it bad, but it was some freaky shit, fucking girls on period is not too bad, when your standing in it barefoot then its sick, even the ladies would agree.
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-05-05 11:43:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://tinyurl.com/l4h9n
Fascinating! Was this your inspiration?
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-05-05 11:40:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
nurrrr