This is a list of things I could do with $400 which otherwise would go to waste on wasteful investments (673 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 0.28 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JTC (View user info) at 2006-05-09 03:46:52 EDT
I was browsing TEH UBERZ reading up on what's going down in the world (cause Uber is the only place I ever go EVER its totally my life) and there it was, MandaPanda's most secret thoughts on what girls are wearing today. Or, as I call them, "rape victims in progress." But that's just me, you might call them something totally different. Everyone's got their own flavor, wouldn't you say? "Come to think of it," I says to myself, "me old high school mateys just had their Prom. I wonder how it went." Well, I only kind of wonder how it went. I mean, I'm pretty sure there were ten to fifteen guys rubbing one out on their dates while another six or eight were hiding in the restrooms making sounds like hyenas because they couldn't get a date, who the fuck can't get a date for prom? You just ask a freshman or sophmore, and they are all like "Eeeeeeeeeeee! Proooooom! These shoes costed me TWO HUNDRED DOLLAS!" Even the retarded kid I knew went, for fuck's sake just ask a fat goth girl, you know they put out. Like all the time.
Which brings me to my next point. I went my Junior year, but not my Senior, and I will tell you why. You will find out, if you just keep fucking reading. Stop fucking...humping the couch or whatever you're doing, if I can't do it neither can you. I don't remember how much I spent, I had to rent a tux, I'm not one of those rich motherfuckers who just buys a new one for every rich ass event they want to go to, then I had to pay for other shit like tickets and food and that buuuullshit, anyway I got off easy, my hapless date bought the shoes, the dress, whatever the fuck girls do at the hair place (probably get their hair done), etc. All in all I'll stick us in around $400, that's being conservative. Do you have any idea what I could've done with $400? HUH? I'll fuckin tell you what I could have done.
Bought like...a thousand White Castle hamburgers. $.40 a piece, if you buy them in the smallest quantity possible. Realistically I could have bought more like 1100-1200 by buying the Crave Cases, and that's a LOT OF SHITTY HAMBURGERS. Damn, I could feed like a hundred starving Mexicans.
Or I could have saved a million African kids, they only eat one rice a day, and rice is cheap, if you know who to talk to.
Bought a shitty car, stolen some chrome dial rims, lowered that shit, and put a big ass exhaust pipe on it, and had the flyest ride in the town. Tha ladies be bumpin. (I'm not sure if that's the right terminology, I tend to shy away from the hard street life.)
Bought South America.
Paid off Shlongy to give me...probably three +2s.
I could have hired a bouncer for a day, I would have been all walking around with him, saying in a British accent, "Chawls give that bloke a rumparound turnsatop silly whap a bum zinger balderdash?" and he would have said, "My name is Oscar." Then he would have given that bloke a...whatever it was. Then we could have had tea. Expensive tea.
Become a Vampire hunter. The only thing more ridiculous than believing in something that doesn't exist is hunting it. Fortunately, Vampires do exist, and there is a serious lack of capable hunters. The market is there, you just need a little capital to get started. Silver bullets are NOT cheap.
Baked a whole lot o' pies, apple pies, or even cobbler. I don't make a very good cobbler, I have to admit, but I guess when I get to my fiftieth one I'd have some practice under my belt.
I could have hired hookers. Three hookers. Three chicks at the same time? No, thank you. Two chicks and a transsexual? YOU BET YOUR ASS. If I was feeling especially thrifty, I would kill them and store them in a closet for later use.
Won at Monopoly every time.
Gone to titty bars for a whole week.
Been mad crunk for a very long time.
Paid a gay man to parade through downtown in a pair of red longjohns, waving a rainbow flag and wearing a strapon on his forehead, while singing childrens' songs.
lol, ghey menz
Which reminds me, polesmokers at prom, who ever thought I'd see the day? Well I DID see the day! What a wild and wacky night! Now I don't know what went on at the latest Prom, but I know at the one I went to, why, there was full on insertion on the dance floor, ghey kissinz, mad titty touching, a trio of clowns providing professional clown-gangbanging in the middle of the floor, a rabbit trying to get away from some dogs, a bunch of apes wearing monacles and drinking expensive wine, some other apes throwing shit at each other, an airplane, John F. Kennedy, the Pope, rednecks, Japan, and a really big clock.
You may think it was worth $400 to see that, but you sir are dead wrong, DEAD wrong. I have Internet for that, I don't need no social interaction, or I can just go downtown, take like twenty bucks and some crack with me, and get the homeless people to do it for me.
User Reviews
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2006-05-09 22:23:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF is a JTC?
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-05-09 22:20:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're right, this was fucking long! I will try to slim them down in the future.
Submitted by MonkeyingAround (user info) at 2006-05-09 18:41:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
way way way to much rambling... I didn't even bother to finish it.
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-05-09 18:29:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-05-09 14:42:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I could get like 50 e tabs.
Thats a lot of ex.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-05-09 05:02:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I give you that, but only for the picture, not for the work itself
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-05-09 04:31:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I thought this was awful. Maybe it's just my mood.
*takes shot of cheap vodka*
All the clouds are grey
But the sky is brown.
I've been for a walk,
On a brummy day.
I'd be safe and warm
If I was in Dunnae
Central heated dreamin'
on a scabby day.
Walked in to the bog,
Jus' to pass a turd.
Well ah got down on my knees,
An' ah began to gurn.
You know the cleaner likes the smell
He knows he's gon-na stay.
Redundancy dreamin',
On a brummy da-ay.
Today is rubbish.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-05-09 03:53:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How random.