Pffft. Title? We Don't Need No Stinking Title. Well, Maybe We Do. How About " . . . ." Nah. Screw It. I Can't Come Up With Anything. (2493 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.59 on 153 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Teephphah (View user info) at 2006-05-12 10:56:40 EDT
I hate Nicholas Cage. Just fucking hate him.
This is true even though I tend to enjoy whatever movie I see with him in it. Especially "Say Anything." I love that one. But that's probably only because of the memories associated with it. My first "real" boyfriend finally put his hands down my pants while we were watching that movie. Sure, he was a little clumsy, but who wasn't back in 1987?
Oh! And then there's the part at the end where he parks his car and is standing there holding that boom box over his head playing Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" and . . . well . . .I just cry every time.
Wait.
That's not Nicholas Cage. That's John Cussack.
Well, I hate him too, but that's not I'm on about. What I'm on about is Nicholas Cage and how I hate him but tend to enjoy everything he's ever done.
In particular I'm thinking about a skit he did one time on Saturday Night Live. In the skit, Nick (I call him "Nick" sometimes as if we were familiar with one another) plays a father-to-be and he and his wife are trying to come up with names for their child-to-be. The wife keeps suggesting rational, reasonable names but Nick's character keeps coming up with ways that other kids will be able to twist the name to make fun of their child-to-be. His efforts in this regard in and of themselves are quite funny, however, the kicker to the skit is that at the very end the FedEx guy comes by and says that he's got a delivery for a "Mr. Asswipe Johnson." At this point Nick loses his shit and screams "It's pronounced 'Ah-zwee-pay!"
Har har har! Dude, you are so fucking losing your hair and I bet you can smell the future with that nose.
Anyway, that skit has always been close to my heart because I too have suffered the shame of having a name that does not sound the way it looks.
My dad was a James Bond fan and decided it would be schweet to name me after the suavest and debonairest Bond of all time - Sean Connery. Sure, Sir Connery was one of the biggest stars of the seventies, but that doesn't mean that the fine folks in the public school system had ever heard of him. They must not have, because EVERY SINGLE YEAR when I moved to a new class at school, I had to educate my teachers how to pronounce my name.
And it went a little something like this:
Teacher: Is Seen here?
Me: You mean "shawn?"
Teacher: No. It says here, "seen."
Me: I'm pretty sure it's "shawn."
Teacher: "Scene" maybe?
Me: Look. I don't really have time for this and I really hate having to explain this shit to you and the entire class again and again and again every year, so can you just trust me here? S-E-A-N spells "shawn." Seriously.
Teacher: That . . . that makes absolutely no phonetic sense whatsoever.
Me: I'm aware of this.
Teacher: That defies practically every known rule of physics, grammar and punctuation.
Me: I know. Trust me, I plan on changing my name to that of a prominent and proud black woman as soon as I'm of legal age in order to make it easier for people to read and pronounce. As for the one I'm stuck with now . . . personally, I blame the Celts. They're responsible for the fucked up spelling of my name and this horribly miniscule penis, which, if rumors are to be believed won't ever get any larger than it is now.
Teacher: Oh my Lord. I had no idea. You poor, poor boy. I'm so sorry. If there's ever anything I can do . . .
Me: I know. Thank you. Your sympathy changes nothing but is appreciated. So, can we drop the whole, "how to pronounce my name" thing now?
So, yeah. Maybe I, much like my good buddy Nick's character, am a little oversensitive about names and all that but I don't think anyone can blame me with the ABSOLUTE HELL I've been through. I'm pretty sure this is why I drink.
But my problem is this, in laughing spite of the affliction(s) with which my Irish heritage has inflicted upon me, I've managed to knock up my wife, again. And it's a girl. Which means that now I need to come up with a good girl's name. Sometime within the next eight weeks.
Well, technically, "seven and a half weeks." But I'm a firm believer in rounding up. If a guy has a . . . length of time that's say, seven and a half . . . weeks . . . long, and he wants to say it's eight . . . weeks . . . long, I think he should be able to. Hell, I think he should be able to say it's eight . . . weeks . . . long even if it is more like, say, SIX and a half inc . . . weeks, or five and a half, or even four and a half . . . WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE?!!!
I also need to come up with convincing reasons to explain to my wife why I have already unilaterally prohibited the names: Jenna, Brianna, Terra, Christy, Linda, Hypatia, Miko, Aurora, Meridian, Taylor, Jill, Kelly, Gauge and Sky.
Anyway, The Wife has a few ideas, but they mostly suck.
My three year old son has one idea: Mavis. Which, you will note, sucks. But, at least he is branching out. The Little Creative Genius has five stuffed animals that vie for his affection on a daily basis. Four of them are named "Dorothy." The fifth inexplicably is "Sport." The kid's also got four fish - a beta, two goldfish and an "other" - all of these are named "Gobi." So, as I say, at least he's branching out.
And so Ubersite, I come to you. If you were going to have a beautiful little girl who was going to become President of the United States one day, what would you name her?
So far, the names currently under serious consideration:
Emily - If the election were held last Monday, this would have been the winner as both The Wife and I were, apparently, in an "Emily" mood. This will also mollify The Boy, as Emily is the name of a Thomas the Tank Engine engine. It's no Mavis, but I think that's okay.
Abigail - this is the name that The Wife has had picked out for whatever baby girl she might have since she hit menarche. This may be why I'm against it. I don't like the idea of having a name picked out before the child is even conceived. I don't know why that is.
Lauren - Shit. I can't even justify this one. I'm a little bitch for Polo shit. Not the tacky plaids and shit, but the dress shirts, sweaters and the khakis mostly.
McKenna - Is that how you spell that? With a two capital letters? I vetoed this once already. If it has two capital letters in it I'm doing it again. Fuck sticking a kid with two capital letters in their first name.
Rivers will run red with blood and God himself will die by my hands.mp3 (6 MB) [audio/mpeg]
User Reviews
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-16 23:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, we were also thinking about "Shikza" for something a little more exciting . . . but we didn't think anyone around here would get it.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-05-16 18:37:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
those names are to common and boring.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-05-16 12:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-16 12:07:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
Or, worse, the name of a chick who gave GREAT head.
-------------------------------
AhHaHaHaHaHaHaHa!
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-16 12:07:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NOW you guys are feeling my pain. Every girl's name out there is a potential porn name.
Or the name of a chick who dumped you.
Or the name of a chick who gave horrible head.
Or, worse, the name of a chick who gave GREAT head.
Or, the name of the best dog ever from first grade.
Or, the name of a bald-headed Irish singer who made more money off of Prince's music than Prince did and ripped up a picture of the Pope on live TV only to later go on to become a nun herself.
Or, well, you get the idea.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-16 11:59:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-05-16 11:56:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-16 11:51:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
what's the english first name that is typical for fat loud blonde-dyed bitches with too much make up?
I am curious.
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Tammi.
Crystal.
Candi.
Angel.
===
hahaha, there was a Tammi chick chasing me when I worked at Reader's Digest (*kills self*), she was indeed fat and loud. So it must be true.
I remember her enormous feet in summer sandals...*shudders*.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-05-16 11:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hah. Wookie those are porno names, even people form estates aren't actually called that.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-05-16 11:56:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-16 11:51:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
what's the english first name that is typical for fat loud blonde-dyed bitches with too much make up?
I am curious.
------------------------------------------
Tammi.
Crystal.
Candi.
Angel.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-05-16 11:55:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Erm...Sharon...Britne'h...dunno
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-05-16 11:53:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-16 11:37:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't think being a billionaire keeps your kids out of porn anymore Indo. Unless the Hiltons are just measley little hundred-millionaires.
--------------------------
Well I think most girls nowadays end up in homeade porn. If they are named McKenna and not rich they make a career out of it.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-16 11:51:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what's the english first name that is typical for fat loud blonde-dyed bitches with too much make up?
I am curious.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-16 11:47:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-05-16 11:43:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sabine. Sabina. Naomi.
My co-worker decided to share with me this morning the horrors of being a parent of an 18-year-old girl. Looking at pictures of my 4-month-old daughter, it got me thinking... "It's not too late to drown her..."
===
Or sell her.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-05-16 11:46:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was a joke when I first heard about it: http://wireless.ign.com/articles/707/707802p1.html
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-05-16 11:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sabine. Sabina. Naomi.
My co-worker decided to share with me this morning the horrors of being a parent of an 18-year-old girl. Looking at pictures of my 4-month-old daughter, it got me thinking... "It's not too late to drown her..."
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-16 11:37:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't think being a billionaire keeps your kids out of porn anymore Indo. Unless the Hiltons are just measley little hundred-millionaires.
Submitted by Bizantine (user info) at 2006-05-16 11:37:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Siobhán?
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-16 11:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shut up little man
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-05-16 11:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If her name is McKenna and you aren't a billionnaire she will end up in porn.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-16 10:49:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
<takes appollo off christmas card list>
YEAH
NOW WHAT
HUH
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-16 10:43:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
To: Apollo88
Re: McKenna
OH NO YOU DI'IN'T! GIRL U SO CRAZY!
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-16 10:41:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I used to like black people until Abraham Lincoln ruined them.
WHAT?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-05-16 10:40:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-16 08:54:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
"Cunt bubble" does have a very distinctive ring to it. And I'll bet there would ever be another one in her classes at school, so she wouldn't have to be forever known to her friends as "Cunt Bubble P."
So that's good.
If the election were held yesterday, the child would have been named Jane Doe Phah. The Wife is now leaning heavily in favor of McKenna (sorry BAMF), and I'm leaning toward Lauren. """
DO NOT LET HER BE CALLED MCKENNA.
McKenna is a preppy blonde slut name.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-16 10:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Black people are great...if they're not Haitians.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-05-16 10:19:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i used to like deidra 8until black people ruined it.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-16 10:05:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-05-16 08:56:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
So special in fact that in about 10 minutes I have to go pick up Sam's mom from eye surgery and take her home. I don't know why I even came in except that coming in and turning on the computer before leaving keeps me from having to take half a day or something. It gets even better, tomorrow I have to pick her up at her place at 7:00 for a follow-up appointment at 7:30. So so convenient that he had to be in a training seminar in Atlanta. Don't think this won't cost him, I just can't decide whether to put the new rose garden in the front yard covering that hideous plumbing thing beside the driveway or in the backyard along the fence.
===
NOBODY GIVES A SHIT!
HTTP://WWW.LIVEJOURNAL.COM
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-16 09:04:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We have our name for the next girl already picked out
Aribella
stay away from it boy!
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-16 09:02:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and Sophia popped up again. It's a crap-shoot. Could go any which way. I'M ALL DISCOMBOBULATED!
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-16 08:58:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My lawyers will be in touch for copyright infringement
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-05-16 08:56:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It kind of sucks that you picked out the same cool slightly different name as everyone else. Kind of like Alex. Half the kids at karate and my dog are named Alex. Growing up I only knew one Alex and she was really Alexis.
This means nothing granted, but I never had to deal with the kind of crap like Tom 1 and Tom 2 or anything because no one else was ever named and actually went by Kathryn.
cause I'm special
So special in fact that in about 10 minutes I have to go pick up Sam's mom from eye surgery and take her home. I don't know why I even came in except that coming in and turning on the computer before leaving keeps me from having to take half a day or something. It gets even better, tomorrow I have to pick her up at her place at 7:00 for a follow-up appointment at 7:30. So so convenient that he had to be in a training seminar in Atlanta. Don't think this won't cost him, I just can't decide whether to put the new rose garden in the front yard covering that hideous plumbing thing beside the driveway or in the backyard along the fence.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-16 08:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Cunt bubble" does have a very distinctive ring to it. And I'll bet there would ever be another one in her classes at school, so she wouldn't have to be forever known to her friends as "Cunt Bubble P."
So that's good.
If the election were held yesterday, the child would have been named Jane Doe Phah. The Wife is now leaning heavily in favor of McKenna (sorry BAMF), and I'm leaning toward Lauren.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-05-16 08:38:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've always like Harriet.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-05-16 08:37:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A GENU-INE BONE FIDE TEEEPHPHPHPPHPAA POST AND I MISSED IT!
Curse this 'job' !
+2 million.
Call her 'cunt bubble'
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-05-16 08:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay I've read the rest now.
It was good. Great in parts.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-05-16 08:28:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"My first "real" boyfriend finally put his hands down my pants..."
You're female!?!?!?
you surely can't be a gay republican.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-15 16:13:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it means slut
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-15 15:55:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Salope? Is that a dog breed?\
Wait. No, that's saluke or something like that.
haaaaaaaang on sa-lope, sa-lope hang on.
No, that's probably not it either.
huh?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-15 13:03:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-15 12:40:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
Sophia actually has come up.
I'm just geek enough to think that naming my daugher "Wisdom" in greek is fucking cool.
Then she'd be called Sophie for short (Even though I'm not sure that's any shorter than the real name).
Then she'd be called B.J. once she turned 12 and started blowing boys for crack money. <cries>
===
You can use the shorter Danish version "Sofi".
It sounds less salope-esque.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-15 12:40:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sophia actually has come up.
I'm just geek enough to think that naming my daugher "Wisdom" in greek is fucking cool.
Then she'd be called Sophie for short (Even though I'm not sure that's any shorter than the real name).
Then she'd be called B.J. once she turned 12 and started blowing boys for crack money. <cries>
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-15 12:40:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it gives me a hard-on
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-05-15 12:31:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I rather like the name Sophie
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-15 12:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-15 08:51:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
In other news . . . no, I guess it is still the same news . . . nevermind.
Anyway, I just found out that Emily has been the number 1 most popular girl's name for something like the last ten years running. So that's out. I want my baby to have a unique name . . . just liek everybody else.
===
Sophie sounds like a good option then.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-05-15 12:15:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Name her Heather
Everyone knows that Heather's are bitches, and it's also a movie about teenage murder so that's a plus.
Not that it matters, I'm sure everyone will refer to her as BJ by the time she's 12 anyway.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2006-05-15 11:46:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Call her Grace
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-15 08:51:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In other news . . . no, I guess it is still the same news . . . nevermind.
Anyway, I just found out that Emily has been the number 1 most popular girl's name for something like the last ten years running. So that's out. I want my baby to have a unique name . . . just liek everybody else.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2006-05-14 10:58:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should name her "Dike."
Hey, you want a bunch of scumbag guys trying to fuck your daugher? No? Then name her Dike.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-05-14 01:42:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
there is NO WAY anyone over the age of twelve ever pronounced sean "seen" when reading your name. Unless you... no, it's simply not possible. Going to bed.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-05-13 07:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-13 01:08:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-05-12 23:42:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-12 23:38:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Doodles. I love you man. But honestly, you can't afford my services.
---
God damn it, yes I can... I have $5.38 right now, that's more then you're worth teeph, hell you're not even jewish, you can't be THAT good a lawyer.
____________________________________________________________
More "then" I'm worth? That's a good way to talk a guy into representing you.
Tell you what Dood, I hate to say it, but I'm all booked up at the moment. I'm afraid I won't be able to help you with your case against (V)3T|-|0|>. And that's too bad too, because I'm absolutely chomping at tbe bit to take on JewToast again. He won the last time we met . . . but *I* am the future of UberLaw*!!!
* Excluding the 0ff-chance that LegalLady chooses to start taking on Uber cases in the near future.
---
More than god damn it than I am so motherfucking retard it's not even funny. Fuck you Teeph, I'll just go the Synagogue and find me a lawyer there, I hope you get herpes on your anus from TL fucking you with her leg.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-05-13 04:16:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are fucking rediculous seen.
Where do you suppose your parents (or you) went wrong?
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-13 01:08:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-05-12 23:42:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-12 23:38:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Doodles. I love you man. But honestly, you can't afford my services.
---
God damn it, yes I can... I have $5.38 right now, that's more then you're worth teeph, hell you're not even jewish, you can't be THAT good a lawyer.
____________________________________________________________
More "then" I'm worth? That's a good way to talk a guy into representing you.
Tell you what Dood, I hate to say it, but I'm all booked up at the moment. I'm afraid I won't be able to help you with your case against (V)3T|-|0|>. And that's too bad too, because I'm absolutely chomping at tbe bit to take on JewToast again. He won the last time we met . . . but *I* am the future of UberLaw*!!!
* Excluding the 0ff-chance that LegalLady chooses to start taking on Uber cases in the near future.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-05-12 23:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-12 23:38:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Doodles. I love you man. But honestly, you can't afford my services.
---
God damn it, yes I can... I have $5.38 right now, that's more then you're worth teeph, hell you're not even jewish, you can't be THAT good a lawyer.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-12 23:38:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Doodles. I love you man. But honestly, you can't afford my services.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-05-12 22:53:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Puffy_Fluff (user info) at 2006-05-12 15:40:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Liar. Is that the best you got? why don't you post it then you crusty ham wallet.
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So that you can run on and on about how it's photoshopped? Right. No thanks. I've got better things to do with my time. Here's an idea, you cock juggling thundercunt, how about you take your withered meth addict 40 year old ass and find someplace else to play? Nobody but Caul is amused by you, and we all know what horrible taste he has. He humps meese.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-05-12 21:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just use proper spelling.
My niece is LaurYn.
And I have no names.
If I ever have a girl, my wife can pick, and I can veto, but I won't pick...
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-05-12 20:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a name for you Teeph, Amber, so she can grow up to be a stripper and appease my sexual appetite when I'm shlongy's age.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-05-12 20:20:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:06:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
My favorite girl name is Sophie. It tingles my penis which according to this post, is bigger than yours.
---
Sophie the name of the crossdresser you fucked last night to feel like a 'real man' caul?
Teeph, I have a proposition for you, I'm planning on suing Method for discrimination. He won't let me be his lackey because I can't type well. Would you consider being my lawyer? Seeing as you're the only lawyer I sort of, kind of, in a stalker way, know?
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-05-12 20:02:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like Emily Irene.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-05-12 18:27:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Name your kid Darth Vader
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-05-12 17:42:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm partial to Emily Kate.
Submitted by Velouria (user info) at 2006-05-12 16:52:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like the name Addison. Though if I got pregnant again, I'd throw myself in front of a moving bus. But hey, that's me.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-12 16:47:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Puffy_Fluff (user info) at 2006-05-12 15:40:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
you crusty ham wallet.
===
hahahahahha great insult.
i love english imagery. :-D
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-05-12 16:02:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you for hating Nicholas Cage. No one ever understands why I hate him so much.
As for names, I've always liked the name Audra for some reason. I also like Audrey. And Roxanne even though it reminds me of a cracked out whore. My dog's name is Roxanne.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-05-12 15:47:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Was is Jezebel?
I like the Danger for a middle name idea.
Have you ever read Freakonomics? There is a chapter in there about how children's names are a predictor of their future success. I somehow don't think this applies to you, it was more about how gosh how to say this, well people who have pregnancy scares in the 10th grade with fucked up names themselves are more likely to give their own kids fucked up names or normal names but spelled in fucked up ways. I don't mean like Sean should really be Shawn, I mean say you wanted to name a kid Jessica but went with J'sika or something.
Anyway, it's pretty much a given that a kid named J'sika is not going to end up president of anything other than perhaps a gang so why do these baby's mamas do this. The conclusion had to do with the sense of community as in The Man ain't gonna tell me how to spell my baby's name.
Interesting book really. At the end of the chapter, he shows the trend of the most popular names by demographic. The really rich set the trend and then about 10 years later you start seeing some of the names they give their kids showing up in the middle class. Lower class people, other than the ones who go with J'sika stuff go for soap opera stars and the like.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2006-05-12 15:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My proctologist is also a hypnotist. He told me that he makes think I'm a puppet, sticks his hand up my ass and puts on a little show for all the people with ass problems in the waiting room.
I could be mad at him for this. It makes feel like I'm helping out, though. Like really lifting people's spirits.
Everyone must do their part. My part involves having someone elbow deep in my asshole, lifting the spirits of forlorn asses.
Submitted by Puffy_Fluff (user info) at 2006-05-12 15:40:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Liar. Is that the best you got? why don't you post it then you crusty ham wallet.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-05-12 15:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Would you like to come to my house and take alook in my yearbook? stupid bitch.
Submitted by Puffy_Fluff (user info) at 2006-05-12 15:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-05-12 13:20:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
loki, I can top your "boy named Rhonda" story.
At my highschool, there was a set of twins named Gonnorhea and Syphilis. But they were pronounced gon-NOR-ree-uh and si-PHIL-us. Their mother thought they were the names of greek goddesses. They went by Rhea and Phylis.
Additionally, my freshman year, we had a football player named Shithead. He was half Iranian, and apparently this is a common name over there. Pronounced shi-THEED. It was funny when the announcers at the football games tried to say it.
I am relatively certain I have told both of those name-stories on here before.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
you're a liar - at least about the shitheed part - I've heard that story a dozen different ways: the lady at the welfare office picking up her check with her kid shitheed...the guy at 7-11....blah blah blah......
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-12 15:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd name my kid Jesus and rape him for good measures.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-12 15:18:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I dunno. I'm not AGAINST biblical names per se, but there are folks at church who, it seems to me, (but you know me, I wouldn't say anything because I am full of couth and tact), are trying to out-bible each other with their children's names, and I'll have no part in that thank you very much.
We've got a Jotham and a Josiah and a . . . crap, there was a girl with a messed up "Biblical" name (meaning: "It happens to be in the Bible" not "It is the name of a key player or even a B-Team player in the Bible").
Damn. Can't remember. It was good though. Oh well.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-05-12 15:14:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know this family that just had a son..I don't know what his first name is, but his middle name is "Danger".
Just think, how cool will that be when he gets older?
He can say "Danger is my middle name!"
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-05-12 15:05:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
**I tutored the girls in English and helped one of them through a pregnancy scare our junior year**
That was destiny was it not?
Hey TP you could go with the open a Bible, point to a word, and name her that trick like the Puritans did or at least the way the people in Orson Scott Card's "Seventh Son" which I'm pretty sure is historically accurate.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:57:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:01:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
i personally am planning on naming my child D'Brickashaw, regardless of gender.
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HAHAH YES
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:43:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:27:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
Cait Sith might just work . . .
Of course we could also name her Tifa, after her father. What?
Or Aeris, or Rikku (rowr), or Mara Jade, or Mon Mothma, or Lando (Lando's unisex, right?), I like Trinity too, or Switch, or . . . it could go on for days.
I was also looking into Puritan Virtue names, like Charity or Chastity . . .
I was thinking "Frugality." Not bad, eh?
----
Auto Final Fantasy 7 +2! Is the female version of Barret "Barrette" or "Berretta"?
How about other -y names, like "Redundancy", "Gravity", or "Mortality"?
Mortality Jones... I think I like that!
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:43:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:29:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:14:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
There's really a portion of the government that protects children from absurd names in Canada?
That is awesome.
===
hahaha, NO! it's an organism that protect kids generally. Surely you have the equivalent in the U.S. Or do you just send abused malnourished kids in Iraq? >:-)
-------
nope. Somalia. We like for our malnourished abused children to be blown up by warring druglords and not our own hands. That way, we have an excuse to invade another country further down the road.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:38:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny is as funny does.
It's like a box of chocolates.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:37:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bleeder (I'd say Bleederlass, but it's redundant ya know)
Yup! Cuchulain Ali; father: Zuber, mother: Yasmina. Sometimes the renfest goes too far.
I also know that. My wife is Irish. I make whiskey jokes every day. Plus I took a course in Irish folklore.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:30:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<wince>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:43:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
My mom always says to go with names that people can't shorten
like Luke, I mean the short form of Luke is Luke
On the other hand we thought she had it licked with my name Jason but people call me Jay and then I rip their fucking eyeballs out
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:29:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:14:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
There's really a portion of the government that protects children from absurd names in Canada?
That is awesome.
===
hahaha, NO! it's an organism that protect kids generally. Surely you have the equivalent in the U.S. Or do you just send abused malnourished kids in Iraq? >:-)
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:29:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Speaking of drawing names from weird sources like movies, etc. . .
I recently learned that Bruce Willis' and Demi Moore's kid "Rumor" is named after the characrer from To Kill A Mockingbird. That makes me want to kill them a little less for the stupid celebrity baby name.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:27:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Icky, you actually know a Cuchulain?
Actually it's Cu'Culainn... he was an awesome mythological figure.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:27:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-05-12 13:20:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
loki, I can top your "boy named Rhonda" story.
At my highschool, there was a set of twins named Gonnorhea and Syphilis. But they were pronounced gon-NOR-ree-uh and si-PHIL-us. Their mother thought they were the names of greek goddesses. They went by Rhea and Phylis.
Additionally, my freshman year, we had a football player named Shithead. He was half Iranian, and apparently this is a common name over there. Pronounced shi-THEED. It was funny when the announcers at the football games tried to say it.
-------------
Get the hell out of here. Are you serious? What are people thinking?
Ima name my kids Acetaminophen and Ibuprofen.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:27:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cait Sith might just work . . .
Of course we could also name her Tifa, after her father. What?
Or Aeris, or Rikku (rowr), or Mara Jade, or Mon Mothma, or Lando (Lando's unisex, right?), I like Trinity too, or Switch, or . . . it could go on for days.
I was also looking into Puritan Virtue names, like Charity or Chastity . . .
I was thinking "Frugality." Not bad, eh?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:20:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Celtic names, Celtic names, what IS it with the popularity of Celtic names these days? I mean sure, it makes sense if you're of Irish descent, but I know asian and arabic couples who are naming their kids Maeve and Cuchulain.
Teeph, if you're gonna go with a subculture, at least go for a unique one, like nerd. Think of the diversity; Wedge/Binks (both unisex names), Troi, Romana, Leia, Trinity, Cait Sith.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:18:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jonny et Durae -
Siobhan has come up during my adventures into baby-name websites. So have Sinead, Sion_____ (Oh, what the hell is the name of the Sunrunner Princess from Melanie Rawn's books, can't freaking remember), forget how you spell it but it's pronounce "Ay-lish", Moira, Bridgette (have a cousin with the name, so it's out) . . . there are tons.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:14:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had HEARD about that, Caul... so it's true? There's really a portion of the government that protects children from absurd names in Canada?
That is awesome.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:11:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-05-12 13:20:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
loki, I can top your "boy named Rhonda" story.
At my highschool, there was a set of twins named Gonnorhea and Syphilis. But they were pronounced gon-NOR-ree-uh and si-PHIL-us. Their mother thought they were the names of greek goddesses. They went by Rhea and Phylis.
Additionally, my freshman year, we had a football player named Shithead. He was half Iranian, and apparently this is a common name over there. Pronounced shi-THEED. It was funny when the announcers at the football games tried to say it.
I am relatively certain I have told both of those name-stories on here before.
===
rahahahhahahaha shi-THEED! oh wait...my name is LaFlamme :~(
We once had a couple in the news who tried to name their daughter Spatula. The organism that protects kids sent them to court and they had to change their stupid idea.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-05-12 14:04:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-05-12 13:42:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
CookieLass I have nothing that could ever hope to compete with that. Tell me those kids had their names legally changed when they were old enough.
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I wish I knew... we weren't particularly close in highschool... I tutored the girls in English and helped one of them through a pregnancy scare our junior year, but didn't keep track of them after we graduated. I do know that Shithead wasn't allowed to change his name unless he wanted to be disowned. Him younger brother was one of my younger brother's good friends.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2006-05-12 13:53:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit JonnyX, you stole mine.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2006-05-12 13:52:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Siobhan, it's even harder to pronounce than yours.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-05-12 13:44:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd go with Maureen.
If you wanna get old-school Celtic, then try Siobhan.
If I ever have a Negro child, he shall be called D'a'n't'e.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-05-12 13:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
CookieLass I have nothing that could ever hope to compete with that. Tell me those kids had their names legally changed when they were old enough.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-05-12 13:33:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
your daughter is not going to be president after you and your wife are done raising her.
the most she can ever hope for is to be a greeter at the Wal-Mart.
So it really doesn't matter what you name her.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-05-12 13:20:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
loki, I can top your "boy named Rhonda" story.
At my highschool, there was a set of twins named Gonnorhea and Syphilis. But they were pronounced gon-NOR-ree-uh and si-PHIL-us. Their mother thought they were the names of greek goddesses. They went by Rhea and Phylis.
Additionally, my freshman year, we had a football player named Shithead. He was half Iranian, and apparently this is a common name over there. Pronounced shi-THEED. It was funny when the announcers at the football games tried to say it.
I am relatively certain I have told both of those name-stories on here before.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2006-05-12 13:15:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto Cage hate +2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-05-12 12:51:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Emily is an excellent name. Please refrain from naing your child any Scottish surnames. I will be forced to hunt your beautiful, brilliant daughter down and tear her head fromher body, followed by that of you and your lovely wife.
+2 for hating Nicholas Cage. He named his kid Kal-el and should be murdered.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-05-12 12:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Because I just watched the movie I believe you're making reference to in your title last night I have to +2
Badges? We don't need no steenking badges.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-05-12 12:16:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
genius.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2006-05-12 12:09:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
CAPS LOCK!!
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2006-05-12 12:06:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Seen, you're the dopest.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-05-12 12:03:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Vulva
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-05-12 12:01:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude just find something that rhymes with your surname; Meska Walzweska for example. Or give her a comedy name like Se-man or Butella or Victoria.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:41:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Panthro
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
That's it!!!
Actually, I like Emily. I like Abby, but not Abigail.
I know way too many Lauren's.
McKenna is cool, if you dig the weirdo name stuff...
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:56:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Darth Vader says: "I'm goin' over ta Uncle Lu's place to play mah"?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:56:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Call her Panama or Scooby.
You should totally name her Scooby.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:56:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AMERICANS ARE CRAZY!!! http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7087679804529792194
Funny shit.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:47:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Kirsten?
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:47:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lu is short for Luke. Haven't you ever seen those redneck movies where the daughter says "I'm goin' over ta Uncle Lu's place to play mah".
Also Darth Vader says it in The Empire Strikes Back, it's a deleted scene...
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:46:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
mackenzie
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Helga"
That sounds like those eastern european man/woman hybrids you see at the olympic hammer throw.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:45:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nothing that ends with an A
no reason you just shouldn't
As for the Sean thing, I had a friend in high school whose name was Rhonda Scott. I have no clue why and that may not be the "guy" spelling of Rhonda. I know there were some Roman numerals on the end so it had to be some kind of family name. Obviously he went by Scott but he had a far worse time of the first roll call of the year than you did.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:45:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Call her Lem
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:43:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My mom always says to go with names that people can't shorten
like Luke, I mean the short form of Luke is Luke
On the other hand we thought she had it licked with my name Jason but people call me Jay and then I rip their fucking eyeballs out
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:43:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Name her after me Sean, deep down in side I know you still love me.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:42:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
quiche is blande and boring. kinda like loki's face.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Verona
Niamh (pronounced Neeve, it'll confuse the crap out of everyone)
Helga
Panthro
Sinead
Vermillion
Kanuka
Petunia (that always makes me think of genitals)
Zebra
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:38:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would totally make out with both of them
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V
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:38:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:26:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:20:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
My French Canadian side says Archavienne,
===
I don't know anyone by that name and it would probably the most unaesthetic name ever.
------
Oh, and you forgot Regina, you quiche-eating bastard.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:34:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:24:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Caul, shouldn't you be off smoking pole somewhere about now?
===
Funny, on your posts, where we have demonstrated over and over that you're fucking stupid, you are not nearly as agressive. But when you feel that someone is your side, oh boy, aren't you fucking badass?!! YOU JUST IMPLIED I WAS GAY!!! *SOBS*
Seriously, you are very witty. Phew!
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Taneesha Laqueesha Faneefa Leroy McGillacuty Ray Ray Phah
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:33:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I also need to come up with convincing reasons to explain to my wife why I have already unilaterally prohibited the names: Jenna, Brianna, Terra, Christy, Linda, Hypatia, Miko, Aurora, Meridian, Taylor, Jill, Kelly, Gauge and Sky.
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Well, I can certainly tell which production companies you watch.
My wife would be proud.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:26:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:20:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
My French Canadian side says Archavienne,
===
I don't know anyone by that name and it would probably the most unaesthetic name ever.
---
I'm only a second generation FCB. Plus the grief his child would give him would make for funnier posts.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:30:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like the name Jenny. For some reason that name makes me think of ....erm, ahem.....female genetalia. I *think* it's because of my constant exposure to the works of Jenny McCarthy.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:29:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:23:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:20:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul if you had put "Le sigh"
I would have fell out of my chair laughing
===
"le sigh" has been done a number of times, by teeph at least once.
why is "le" so funny to you people? I'm curious...
In other news, I have decided to name my future daughter Sophie so I can have sex with her.
---
Gambit principal.
As all good children know, Gambit from X-Men could master the most illogical bits of grammar and conjugation the English language has to offer, but had to revert to French when it came to such complicated words as "yes" or "friend". This was intentional on the part of the writers, as it was the only way we knew he was cajun. Well, that and his overdone accent.
You don't even have an accent to go with, so your occasional use of the mother tongue is the only way we ignorant Americans can differentiate our resident FCB from some New Jersey poser.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:29:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THIS MIGHT BE THE GREATEST DAY EVER!
anyway, "le" is funny for nothing other than the thought of your sexy slumped shoulder hands out turned up with look of misunderstanding.
god that's hot
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:26:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:20:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
My French Canadian side says Archavienne,
===
I don't know anyone by that name and it would probably the most unaesthetic name ever.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my apologies badass
Caul, shouldn't you be off smoking pole somewhere about now?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:23:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:20:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul if you had put "Le sigh"
I would have fell out of my chair laughing
===
"le sigh" has been done a number of times, by teeph at least once.
why is "le" so funny to you people? I'm curious...
In other news, I have decided to name my future daughter Sophie so I can have sex with her.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:23:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whatever you do, just don't put her picture on here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/82819
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:21:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck!
Hey can I' get some adderall because I'm off the fucking chart flipped today!
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:20:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahhhh i hadn't even read that line. But now that i have yes, i get it
BECAUSE I'M REALLY A MAN
HAHAHA
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:20:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My French Canadian side says Archavienne, while my Native American/80's Afficianado side says Flock of Seagulls. I can do like a totally exploitive blessing dance for her and everything. I made it rain once. Either that or my wife turned on the sprinklers. Irish bitch. Email me (icarus1987 at yahoo.com) and we'll work something out. Being a lawyer and all I'm sure you can afford my travel/special effect expenses.
OO! OO! << Said like Tootie from "Car 54"
Speaking of Nicolas Cage, I was once dating this tall chick who thought it would be the most romantic thing in the history of primate evolution to watch "City of Angels" together. Anyways, it got to that scene where Meg Ryan was riding the bike and *weeps* for once in her life trusted herself to fate, when she was ironicmorrisetally hit by a logging truck and... and, I broke out laughing.
I mean come on. She's riding along, eyes closed, waving her arms in the air when all of a sudden *WHAM* she's putty. Well, not actually putty. Actually, for being hit by a logging truck, she was surprisingly in tact and able to speak and all that when Nicolas Cage came running up. But you can't expect a grown man who watches Saturday morning cartoons NOT to find that the slightest bit entertaining.
But I guess she did, as she stormed out of the house with the tape tucked under her arm. Anyways, the moral of this story is that you should never name your kid Laurie, or she will have no flipping sense of humor. Oh, and she'll also go nuts when she goes on depoprovera.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:20:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit, I'm sorry Teeph this is well worth a +2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:20:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul if you had put "Le sigh"
I would have fell out of my chair laughing
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:19:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:17:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yeah and make sure not to name her Chastity, or Angel unless you want her to become a stripper.
_____________________________________
There's a joke there about the names I've unilaterally nixed. I didn't think too many of the women-folk would get it.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:18:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:17:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
Badass, you forgot addicted to drugs. Otherwise this was pretty good.
===
read again, you idiot. he said it.
*sigh*
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:18:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
random change of heart..
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:17:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Badass - As I said, I'm going to have to veto McKenna again anyway based on the two capital letter thing. It was originally vetoed by the wife because she works with a guy who's last name is "Kenna" and, well, you know, the whole "appearance of inpropriety" thing.
Buuuut . . . then SHE put it BACK on the list? Damn it. Not again. DNA tests are fucking expensive.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:17:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yeah and make sure not to name her Chastity, or Angel unless you want her to become a stripper.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Badass, you forgot addicted to drugs. Otherwise this was pretty good.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:16:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:11:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
ALL KATHY'S ARE FAT, UNATTRACTIVE WHORES THAT ARE ADDICTED TO PENIS AND COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF DRUGS AND PROBABLY AMERICAN AND THUS SMELL BAD, GENERALIZE PEOPLE AND ARE HIGHLY HYPOCRITICAL
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I'm not too familiar with english first name trends to be honest.
I'm in no position to laugh about other people's names.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:11:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ALL KATHY'S ARE FAT, UNATTRACTIVE WHORES THAT ARE ADDICTED TO PENIS AND COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF DRUGS AND PROBABLY AMERICAN AND THUS SMELL BAD, GENERALIZE PEOPLE AND ARE HIGHLY HYPOCRITICAL
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Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:10:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear jesus thank God. And why the fuck does working kill brain cells? +2 cus im a tard
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:09:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:04:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
I am so confused. Were you gay at 14? Am i being retarded but does this make absolutely no sense to anyone? I will camp till it gets explained, then rate accordingly!
__________________________________________________________________
It's okay son. It was a joke.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:09:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember that skit, it was funny.
I like Nicolas Cage, I don't know why I just do and it's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
ISN'T HIS UNCLE FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPELL FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA
WHY IS MY CAPS LOCK ON
ah that's better
Brianna is a fat name.
Kathryn is a beautiful name but if you go with that, apparently it is imperative that you NOT allow it to be shortened to Kathy because that is not a power name.
(my mom has issues)
There is some newscaster person whose name is Sean and he actually pronounces is seen. It irritates me, what kind of idiot doesn't know how to pronounce his own name. And Michelle Norris on NPR the name is michelle not meeshell damnit.
The problem with McKenna is that everyone will think it's her last name. Emily, Abigail, and Lauren are all good though. I like Gabrielle but it would end up getting shortened to Gabby. I don't know if that's good or not, but that's what would happen. My idiot cousin who was a little shit as a kid has a little shit kid just like her named Brent. See where this is going? Oh hells yea we call her Brat.
Bodie Miller stole my juice or rather his parents did. I had long ago decided that my next dog was going to be named Bodie after the town in CA. Then along came Bodie Miller sucking up the Olympics so now I'm thinking that if I named a dog Bodie everyone would think I named it after Bodie Miller. It may not matter, I have a few years on this one so maybe by the time it happens everyone will have forgotten who Bodie Miller is.
(I have to compare this to naming dogs because I don't plan on having actual human chilrens)
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:08:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
and -2 for tha b-gee's crap. i can't stand that fucking band. it's almost as annoying as that "I will survive" song.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:08:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno whats going on but the song has an awesome title. Here s my querie (apoligies if i am being a coplete fucking moron)
1. 1987 ur first boyfriend put his hands down ur pants
2. You knocked up ur wife.
Thats my confusion!
I hate the cagemeister but not as much as the hoffmeister
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:07:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Technically, you motherfucker, I own all rights to the Name McKenna
SO TAKE IT OFF YOUR GODDAMN PEICE OF SHIT LIST!!!!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:06:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My favorite girl name is Sophie. It tingles my penis which according to this post, is bigger than yours.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:06:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I only read the first line.
I think, that's all I really needed to read.
Our hearts beat in unison....
It's hard for me to say this to you, in front of everyone, in the open, but...
fuck iceland.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:04:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am so confused. Were you gay at 14? Am i being retarded but does this make absolutely no sense to anyone? I will camp till it gets explained, then rate accordingly!
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:02:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and i vote for Emily.
Careful.... my friend was supposed to have a girl too. Her son is 7 now :) Always good to have some boy names on the back burner just in case!
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-05-12 11:01:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i personally am planning on naming my child D'Brickashaw, regardless of gender.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-05-12 10:59:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ah, so that's what's been wrong with the little fella. He misses
casual sex.
-- Homer Simpson
Two Dozen and One Greyhounds
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-05-12 10:58:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didnt need any more information after I hate Nic Cage to +2 this. I hate that finger-pointy-wavy thing he does in EVERY movie