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Disgruntled - Part 3 (462 hits)

Category: None
Labels: Disgruntled

Rating: 0.71 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)

Submitted by Beano (View user info) at 2006-05-19 06:27:18 EDT

Part - 3

--

My wife left me two years ago, which in itself wasn't so bad as I didn't particularly love the bitch; you know what it's like. You date someone then all of a sudden it's been two years so they spend a year talking about getting married, therefore after three years or so together, you get married. Never really wanted to marry her, but there you have it.

I was successful in what I did, it was only mid level management, I'd done my stint at the sharp end and was then confined to the office at the CIA headquarters, party because of my previous successes and party by choice, but it paid well and we had a nice house. I.... no, we were happy.

They had ruined it all, they....her, the CIA, and him. It wasn't my fault and how I ended up becoming the scapegoat is what really fucks me off.

Vic3 was overdue.
--

Charlotte was 17, her dad had arranged for her to carry out menial tasks in low security areas during the summer break from college not just to earn some pocket but because he deeply wanted her to follow in his footsteps. He knew that if she came in and did a tidy job it would elevate her profile if at a later date she was to apply for something permanent.

She was a typical teenager when it came to most things. She listened to all the popular music and dress in the same fashion as her peers, however she had a head on her shoulders they far outweighed the body it was placed upon.

Charlotte didn't drive herself but that wasn't a problem because her father dropped her on the outskirts of the complex where she would work before entering deeply into the high security and limited access area that he worked in.

--

I'd seen this young tart being dropped at the entrance of the site while I made one of my passes early one morning. I didn't think we employed people that young but you never really knew what was going on across a complex this big.

There was me being fired after 10 years in a job I did well just because I'd taken some time off and wasn't 'stable' and here they were employing fucking kids.

Anyway, she took my eye probably because she was so pretty. I'd have to keep an eye on her.

--

Charlotte and her Dad were enjoying the conversation on their drive home, as they always did. She was above average intelligence and her father revelled in being able to converse with his daughter at such a high lever.

He never really told her because he didn't want to act like one of these parent who thinks that their kids are so much better than everyone else's, but he had pride oozing from every pore in his body.

He also was acutely aware of the dangers of pushing her too hard in the direction he hoped she pursue as a career path, he desperately wanted to guide her but instead too a step back and prayed that she was find it naturally.

As such Charlotte had a pretty free reign, OK so she was 17 and therefore should have been allowed out, but she had a trust and freedom given to her by her parents that wasn't overly common in other teenagers.

--

This bitch is out ever night of the week, fuck this was going to make it easy for me.

When I'd first realised that it was her Dad that dropped her off in the morning and picked her up in the evening I thought I'd have to choose a new Vic3, I couldn't see a way of killing her without killing him as well and I really didn't want to kill two people at once. That would be too unpredictable.

But of course she visits friends every night, some a few blocks away and the mother or father driver her over and pick her up at the end of the night, but I think that's more to do with her not driving than it is because they have concerns for her safety. But she also has many friends within a block or two and therefore she walked. This was what was of interest to me.

--

The family enjoyed a meal together as they usually did in the evenings; it was an opportunity for the father and Charlotte to fill in her mother on what they had both been doing at work. Her mother definitely felt a pang of jealousy that Charlotte and her father was so close since she took the summer job at the complex.

She had to remind herself that this was silly thinking and that they both equally wanted Charlotte to do well in her chosen career as they believed that she would and also that Charlotte loved them both equally.

However it was tough to be at home all day knowing that their bonds were getting stronger and stronger in her absence.

It was probably because the time that she could catch up with Charlotte always seemed so short, it was a quick hour after Charlotte got home from work because, invariably, she'd be out visiting friends early in the evening.

--

I follow her this evening and realise that she took the identical route this time last week. I've most likely identified a pattern which is of course what I need.

Yes, I check my notebook (the small one that a carry with me at all times) and confirm that she did visit this very same house last Thursday also. As I lurk by the house I see that it's a boy that comes to the door. Firing off a few shots for the portfolio I merge with the darkness and leave them to it.

--

Charlotte had decided that she would tell her parents about Nick, after all they had been seeing one another for three months now and she felt that she had found someone special. Not only was he handsome and sporty he also had the intellect and manners that she knew her mother and father would appreciate.

In the car on the way to work she tentatively informed her father that she had a boyfriend.

He was delighted, he asked question after question about Nick, where he lived, what his parents did, what he studied, what teams he supported and sports he played. He insisted that Charlotte bring him to the house for a family lunch.

On their return home that evening her mother was equally excited for her and a date was arranged the following weekend for a BBQ in the garden and a chance for them to meet Nick.

The thoughts that her mother had about losing her daughter even more, this time to a stranger had to be pushed to the back of her mind.

--

I'd lain off the surveillance somewhat because I'd made my mind up I would check if she left her house Thursday and headed in the direction of the boys house. If she didn't I'd pick it back up and start again but I was sure that she visited him weekly and on the same day.

This had given me the time to think, that was the only problem; I stewed and mused over what they'd said to me when they let me go. I re-read the letter that I was given telling me that they were terminating my employment.

'Unpredictable, unstable, unreliable, mood swings and inconsistent' were all words that leapt out from the page at him.

I'd show them.

--

Charlotte had been looking forward to Thursday all week, not only did she get to see Nick but of course this Thursday she got to invite him to her house. She had told Nick all about how great her parents were, how cool, how intelligent, and how lovely and friendly and ...and.... She just couldn't wait for him to meet them.

They were going to love him and he was going to love them. She just knew it.

Donning her favourite summer dress she flew down the stairs, across the hallway shouting a hurried 'goodbye' and skipped down the steps at the front of her parents house.

--

I saw her. Good. It was Thursday and she was keeping to her schedule. I put my hand between my legs just to check again that the pistol still lay there.

I drove the car past her, round the corner and into position

--

Walking as quickly as her legs would take her Charlotte turned a corner and noticed a car pulling up to the kerbside. The street around her parent's house was like rabbit warrens, and it was common to be stopped and asked for directions.

She stopped at the car and leaned down to speak with the driver.

--

As soon as she turned she slowed, I watched her patiently approach, a smile on her face. She was having a good day by the looks of things.

As she reached the car I handled the gun, she bent into my view and said the word "lost" which I assumed would have been followed by "Mister?" if I hadn't have shot her in the mouth and right eye.

I flicked the card through the open window and 'You'll be sorry' fluttered into a pool of her blood.

gun[1].jpg (41 kB)

User Reviews

Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-07-26 12:44:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Pisssssssssss

Submitted by maf54 (user info) at 2008-05-14 05:05:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Just to counter what that idiot Director did to you.

Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-05-13 18:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

No Comment

Submitted by deedee (user info) at 2006-05-22 00:34:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by phels97 (user info) at 2006-05-19 10:21:04 (#)
Ranking: 2

I love this series...keep them coming.

----------------

watch the typos though! :)

Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-05-20 07:30:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

SirWolf, I always like the replies you post. It is always constructive and I try where possible to take on board your advice (like developing the shooter).

Obviously not being a writer it is difficult to always keep things on track, but again I will bear what you have said in mind. Thank you.

Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-05-19 20:44:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Ok, this series is awesome. Please finish this. I've been stuck on my series for a year and I haven't liked where I've written the second part.

Now to my normal nitpicking: If you shoot someone in the mouth at close or point blank range, the head will be rocked backwards and most likely the bullet will rupture the brain stem, causing the victim to collapse (possibly backwards). Now, he also shot her in the right eye, which is highly unlikely unless he's slow on the trigger because he would've have to wait until her head returned upright and she had started to collapse.

An efficient killer, and I get the impression this character is as such, follows the first shot with a quick follow-up shot. This follow-up shot most likely would've caught her under the chin as the first shot had blown her head backwards.

You could be alluding that this was one of his first kills and he hasn't quite established his efficiency yet. If so, I see where you're going with it. You have an apt attention to detail in your writing that I very much enjoy. You're also still concise while maintaining that; of which, I am not (see also: this review). So, I felt compelled to pick that one detail apart. It's very likely that this bottle of Crown has something to do with it, so I hope all this makes some kind of sense.

Submitted by skalors (user info) at 2006-05-19 16:47:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

No Comment

Submitted by phels97 (user info) at 2006-05-19 10:21:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I love this series...keep them coming.

Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-05-19 07:45:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Bugger..... I'm such a retard sometimes.

Part 1 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/87748
Part 2 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/87937

Submitted by fuzzy_buzz (user info) at 2006-05-19 07:36:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

cool