People need a fucking clue.... (976 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -1.41 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by skalors1 (View user info) at 2006-05-19 13:38:14 EDT
The betterment of oneself takes exactly one lifetime; no more, no less.
Yet, what happens if civilization never strives for betterment. Our culture is failing to identify itself as unique, but people seem to believe that we are succeeding. The only success we have had is falling into an idiosyncratic way of life. I hold to one true belief, and that is that the majority of people are genuinely fucking retarded. I guarantee that some, if not most, of you at uber prove my belief to be true. We are constantly falling backwards in our own beliefs and desires until we come to a crossroads where shit just doesn't matter anymore. Realities in this culture and on this earth are relatively fucked up. Here is a compilation of a few of the culture groups that just don't get it.
The "EMO" - No, this term is not short for the "European Music Office." It is short for emotional. Which, to sum it up, means that you are fucking screwed in the head and you need a bullet in your head as badly as you need a consultation with a psychiatrist. Sure, you were beat by your parents and had a miserable life living in suburban America because "no one understood you," but look on the bright side, no one is going to be surprised when you finally stop slicing at those wrists and just completely cut them open to let them drain in your parents bathtub while your girlfriend is fucking someone else in your living room. This is natural selection at its best.
You belong in a cult. It is ok to drink the punch. Yes, yes, we promise we will drink it too.
The Intellectual - Ok, ok, we get it. You have too much fucking time on your hands. You think that being verbose and informed gives you an edge on life. Yet you fail to understand that, unless you are directly researching facts in a specific field of learning, your information and "knowledge" is only as strong and reliable as the bias you study. Admit the fact that you're a fucking moron and get on with life. Don't get depressed and go EMO on me either, because you will become sorely depressed when you realize that you still don't get it.
You are closely related to the dolphin. They are so fucking smart they get caught in nets all day long.
The Narcissist - Wow, you look good. I admit that some people are naturally handsome. They aren't challenged with trying to look good, sometimes they just do. My fiancée is like that. Yet, what about the fucking morons that bust their asses each and every day so they can go home and look at themselves in the mirror? They may even masturbate to the fact that they have a ripped body. I used to be built myself, but I lifted weights for sports. When I never went on to play professional baseball, my need to maintain that physique became non-existent. So I slowly let my muscles build down while keeping my weight off and I never looked back. Yet, for some reason, people think they can make up for there shortcomings in life by making themselves feel better with their appearance. We know you're depressed and have no value of self worth, don't think you are creating self worth by showing off your body. The only thing that shows us is that you are an insecure dumb fuck. There is nothing wrong with looking good, but if you are worried about it, call a psychiatrist; the problem goes deeper than appearance.
You are closely related to the EMO and you don't even know it yet.
The Kiss Ass - You know who you are. If you are reading this trying to determine if you are a kiss ass, you are not only a fucking moron, but you are denying the truth of your existence. You are a lot like the body builder. You have no value of self worth, and probably no friends, so you compensate for both by being someone you're not so that your self worth is not damaged by someone else's opinion. You will never realize that we are on to you. We know all about your insecurity. We laugh at you when you walk away. Sure, we will call you, just after we fuck the girl you have been trying to get for the past year. If you want to know what you can do to change this, try being yourself. It works, I swear. Hey, and stop trying to find a girlfriend or a one night stand online. If you don't, you will fall victim to constant abuse by women, and if you manage to find some dumb slut to meet you somewhere, you will probably fall victim to the "clap" as well.
I am sorry it took this article to tell you what a fucking fag you are.
There are more, but I have not the time to help all of those lost and confused souls out there. We have the one-night stand girls, who are both morally bankrupt and their cash registers are still full of ones. Then there are the Mormons, who are still searching for those golden tablets and the glasses that allow you to read them. Scientology is just fucked up; maybe I will find the energy to care enough about that "religion" to say something. The best of the group are the "I don't have a girlfriend /tell will you be mine" fuck nuts. You waste your time and money for nude pictures of a girl you could find on the internet. Take 5 minutes, shoot your load and go back to playing your game, the desire will be gone, I promise.
I give this post two thumbs up, sit and fucking spin.
User Reviews
Submitted by unknown9 (user info) at 2006-05-20 13:47:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i am awsome
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-05-20 13:01:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You know... I just actually read a couple lines of this.
You have potential. Quit eMoing out everywhere and put some of the skill here into a decent post. Maybe you should center all that emo hate and devote it to writing something postworthy.
Something original... unlike this.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-05-20 01:11:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The cynicist -
You blast everything you percieve as being wrong with the world with zero conceptuality regarding your own inherent flaws. You attack other things so as to make yourself believe that somehow, despite the fact that you are a monumental failure in life, there is some kind of justification for it all, and the pretty, smart, and egotistical people are to blame for you being on the bottom rung. In reality, it is your own relentless self defeatism, apathy, and complete general inferiority that has lead to this situation. Instead of proactively trying to remedy this, you will simply sit in front of a computer screen, wallowing in self-defeatism and attacking all those things you erroneously percieve as causing them.
Get skullfucked.
-2die.
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-05-19 22:01:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
bleh
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-05-19 20:14:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"The Intellectual - blah blah blah
You are closely related to the dolphin. They are so fucking smart they get caught in nets all day long.""
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Take a look at your own reviews...
This is the operator calling with a collect call from pot to kettle.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-05-19 18:12:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by skalors (user info) at 2006-05-19 14:34:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
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heh...Welcome to N00bersite, dude!
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-05-19 17:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ha ha. You suck.
What's that feel like?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-05-19 16:37:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by skalors (user info) at 2006-05-19 16:16:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by skalors (user info) at 2006-05-19 16:24:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, I think the altitude is to blame. People hate admitting the fact that they suck. My fiancee calls englewood the hood as well. I am not privy to the joke. I live in a real nice neighborhood!
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-05-19 15:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Englehood??
Sweet.
Damnit... how come I'm the only one representing Colorado? You and jgreening are making us look like fools!
STOP IT!
*weeps*
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-05-19 15:38:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-05-19 15:04:14 (#)
Ranking: -2
This has been beat to death, and only emos talk about emos in an attempt to deny their emoness.
Submitted by skalors (user info) at 2006-05-19 15:26:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and for you information, the word "fuck" originated when the English were trying to breed out the Scots. It means to fornicate under consent of the king.
Submitted by skalors (user info) at 2006-05-19 15:17:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I live in Englewood, just bordering Cherry Creek.
Stop stalking me!
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-05-19 15:07:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I live here, beeeyotch:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/87197
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-05-19 15:04:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This has been beat to death, and only emos talk about emos in an attempt to deny their emness.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-05-19 15:03:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skalors (user info) at 2006-05-19 14:46:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh shit, we have a professor for english in our midst. Loki, forgive me for I have sinned against you, the god of english.
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Actually, Loki is the god of mischief, if you bothered to learn anything from mythology class.
Submitted by skalors (user info) at 2006-05-19 14:59:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
COMountain, can you tell me how the word "fuck" originated? Btw, where in Colorado do you live?
Submitted by v8lover (user info) at 2006-05-19 14:57:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Jebus FUCK I must be bored... I actually read this shit right to the end, and the only enjoyment I got out of it was while writing this fucking review.
Submitted by Puffy_Fluff (user info) at 2006-05-19 14:52:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Scientology is just fucked up
_______________________________
yup
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-05-19 14:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Kinda like... "Fuck Off."
See how I directed it at the "author?"
Give it a whirl... it works in so many ways!
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-05-19 14:49:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
did you just make an attempt at an insult?
...or did you just summarize my last comment?
At any rate, for those of you who wasted time on this post, here's an interesting song that uses "fuck" in all its glory:
It is interesting to note Fuck is often times shunned as a word for intercourse but widely accepted for use as in the non literal sense. I found a fucking girl at the fucking bar, got fucked up, found a fucking hotel and "Made love".
The word fucker is used as a term of endearment rather than antipathy. This usage is not uncommon; to say "you're one smart fucker" is often a term of affection. However, because of its ambiguity and vulgarity, the word fucker in reference to another person can easily be misinterpreted. Though fuck can serve as a noun, the fucker form is used in a context that refers to an individual. Normally in these cases, if fuck is used instead of fucker, the sentence refers to the sexual ability of the subject (for example, "He's a great fuck!"), although confusingly in a minority of occasions the word "fuck" can hold the exact same meaning as "fucker" (e.g. when preceded by an adjective: "You're a pretty clever fuck.").
Related to fucker is the word motherfucker. Sometimes used as an extreme insult--an accusation of incest--this term is also occasionally used to connote respectful awe. For example, "He's a mean motherfucker" does not mean "He's abusive, filthy and copulates with his mother," but "He's someone to be afraid of." In this context, some gang members might even describe themselves as "motherfuckers." Motherfucker can be used as a rhythmic filler in hip hop, rap or dance music. A good example of this is in The Crystal Method's song "Name of the Game." At about 3:30 into the song, there's a dramatic buildup and then a sudden pause. To fill the space, an audio sample of someone exclaiming motherfucker (or, as it's pronounced, "mutha fucka") is injected, filling the gap with perfect rhythm. Perhaps motherfucker's rhythmic compatibility is due to its quadrisyllabic pronunciation, making it a natural fit for popular music that is written in 4/4 metre. Also contributing to its use in aggressive, high-energy music is the fact that it includes a hard "k" sound in its third syllable, making it easy to exclaim, particularly when pronounced as "mutha fucka." Despite these rhythmic qualities, motherfucker has not become as accepted in English usage as its root fuck.
An example of the flexibility of use of fuck is the song "Mercyfuck" (1998) by the singer/songwriter Mary Prankster:
I wish I could fuck all my sorrow away
And fuck 'til the dawn of the next fucking day
Fuck the chorus and verse, fuck the pain getting worse
Fuck it all 'til I burn
I wish I could fuck so and so's dad 'til you see
I'm the worst fuck-up in all history
Fuck your image and mine, fuck your limp valentine
Fuck it all 'til I learn
A more succinct example of the flexibility the word is the phrase "Fuck you, you fucking fuck!" or "Fuck the fucking fuckers!"
Because of its vulgar status, the word fuck is usually restricted in mass media and barred from titles in the United States. In 2002, when the controversial French film Baise-moi (2000) was released in the USA, its title was changed to Rape Me, rather than the literal Fuck Me, though this may have been for effect. Similarly, the Swedish film Fucking Åmål was retitled Show Me Love.
Online forums and public blogs may censor the word by use of automatic filters. For example, Fark.com replaces the word fuck with fark. Others replace the word with asterisks (****) to censor it (and other profanities) entirely. To avert these filters, many online posters will use the word fvck. This particular alteration is in common usage at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, where students use it in reference to the inscriptions on MIT's neoclassical buildings, in which the letter U is replaced by V. A typical coinage in this idiom would be "I'm fvcked by the Institvte." (Other less common spellings to cheat a censor are "fück" and "phuck.")
The word fuck is a component of many acronyms, some of which—like SNAFU and FUBAR—date as far back as World War II. Many more recent coinages, such as the shorthand "WTF?" for "what the fuck?," have been widely extant on the Internet, and may count as examples of memes.
Submitted by skalors (user info) at 2006-05-19 14:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh shit, we have a professor for english in our midst. Loki, forgive me for I have sinned against you, the god of english.
Do the world a favor and crawl up a hole to die. Preferably, for the sake of comedy, you mother's ass would be best. Have her take a picture please. Thanks.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-05-19 14:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Is there an executive summary for this? I skimmed it for materiality and found none. I also couldn't find a topic sentence or any support. I'm just going to go with a general this is crap and move on.
Submitted by skalors (user info) at 2006-05-19 14:34:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha, fags. I can condescend all I want you worthless bastards. By the way, how in the world can I be kissing ass when I know for a fact that most of you fall under one of those categories. I am sorry, but you have lost at the game of life.
+2 for spite ass crabs.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-05-19 14:32:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
worthless, too.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-05-19 14:29:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've got to +2 this.
It's always fucking hilarious when people are brought to the realization that not only do they suck at writing, they suck at life.
...and we help them arrive there.
Then their panties get all in a bunch and they write hate posts thinking it'll have some effect on the rest of us.
This was a good effort, but you're still completely wortless.
Sorry.
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2006-05-19 14:25:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Brilliant! I am going to print this dozens of times and distribute it to my coworkers because they need it! There's no wiping paper in the shitter, and you have saved the day for all of us!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-05-19 14:21:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SHUT YOUR FUCKING PIE HOLE
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-05-19 14:19:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yet, for some reason, people think they can make up for there shortcomings in life by making themselves feel better with their appearance
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Their.
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-05-19 14:10:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If I gave a fuck, I sure as fuck wouldn't give it to you.
Submitted by dooawop (user info) at 2006-05-19 13:58:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2
If I gave you anything else I would be an ass kisser.
Submitted by _SuSpEcT_ (user info) at 2006-05-19 13:53:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i agree with wildcat. no good at all sorry bud
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-05-19 13:48:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
1.) Condescend much?
2.) This has been done a million times.
3.) I've seen better.
4.) Who are you again?