I Have The Perfect Date For Jared From Subway (640 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -1.25 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Beefy (View user info) at 2006-05-22 07:34:45 EDT
Originally posted on my site, Dec. 6, 2004.
So I was watching TV with a friend of mine and that damn Subway commercial kept showing. Which one? Any of them. And my friend and I both decided that Jared would be the perfect match for that Verizon Wireless guy. That's right, they both seem gay to us.
Let's look at the statistics. Jared is all about losing weight and eating good, and the Verizon guy is all about being heard. Sounds gay to me.
Jared is known for using the "Subway Diet" to lose many pounds and is now very thin where as he used to be very not thin. I have to agree with him on his newest commercial though, the one where he blasts McDonald's Chicken Selects and how they say "Stay away from my chicken selects". I would have to agree with Jared when he says "Ok, I'll stay far away". Me too.
The Verizon Wireless guy, who's real name is Paul Marcarelli, is known for walking around all over the earth with his Verizon cell phone out and frequently stopping every 10 feet to ask on the phone, "Can you hear me now? *brief pause* Good." Unfortunately, we can still hear you.
And he never comes to my house to try out his phone, nor do you ever see him in a basement anywhere. Both places I just can't seem to get any reception. If he did it'd be bad publicity for his phone though as it would probably go like this.
"Can you hear me now?" *pause* "I said 'can you hear...'.... CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!"
While on the other end the person is hearing...
"Can... *fuzz* me... *fuzz*..."
Meanwhile, in looking up information on Paul I found a forum of sorts where some girl wanted to get a poster of him from her local Verizon store so she could hang it up on her wall because she thought he was hot... and I still can't get a date. I'm sure I have some annoying habits, but I know that I don't have any nearly as annoying as "Can you hear me now?" so I'm guessing that's got to be why he's a chick magnet and I'm not.
Jared apparently has a following as well. Nevermind that he gets paid rather well from Subway for pushing their tasty sandwiches. I'm not promoting Subway in any way, but I can't lie, I do like their subs. But he also gets free sandwiches for life from there.
That's my problem. I'm not a loser who's always on my cell phone asking if they can hear me simply because I can't come up with some better conversation. Nor do I get free food for the rest of my life. Two things women like, annoying men and free food. And before you start writing in women, think about it. How much pleasure do you get out of bitching at your man to stop doing something because it's annoying? A TON. Proof? None of you women can tell me that you don't love having something to hold over their heads when they try to put something on you.
Boyfriend: "You didn't do the dishes today?!"
Girlfriend: "Maybe I'd do the dishes if you'd stop that annoying habit you have."
You see how that works? It's very simple.
So back to Jared and Paul going out. I think they'd make a fantastic gay couple. I'm not a gay hater like many people are nowadays, and that's sad. Not that I'm a non hater, but that people are haters. Gay people are people too. And if Jared and Paul want to get together and have many happy cellular sub babies together, then I support them. Hell, I'll even go to the wedding if they invite me. There's sure to be free subs.
So Jared and Paul, I salute you. You go on with your gay selves, and be proud. Many people have bought Subway subs and Verizon Wireless cell phones because of the words you speak on them respectively. Now maybe with you two being gay together, at least one community in this world will actually take you seriously.
I hate my Verizon Wireless phone.
User Reviews
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2006-05-22 17:03:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-05-22 13:03:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
GREETINGS NOOB, MY NAME IS JONNYX, AND I WORK FOR THE LAW FIRM OF JEWTOAST SHLONGY RAZOR, LLP.
YOU ARE HENCEFORTH SERVED THIS NOTICE <hands over paper> TO CEASE AND DESIST ALL FURTHER POSTS INCLUDING THE WORDS 'date' AND 'Jared', AS THEY ARE THE SOLE INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY OF OUR CLIENT, JMG114.
THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-05-22 10:13:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Jared is married.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-05-22 10:08:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
How about giving a reason they should be gay together, beyond that they annoy you? OR backing up any of your claims? No? -2.
Submitted by Beefy (user info) at 2006-05-22 09:22:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh yeah, I forgot that things posted here have to have a point. I'll keep that in mind the next time I read something that has no point, but a ton of good comments.
If you're going to blast something, could you offer some constructive criticism, or is that too much to ask?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-05-22 08:41:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-05-22 08:28:31 (#)
Ranking: -2
Not very good. Or funny. Pretty pointless really.
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He's right you know
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-05-22 08:28:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not very good. Or funny. Pretty pointless really.
Submitted by Beefy (user info) at 2006-05-22 08:02:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Foamy? Should I know what that means?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-05-22 07:59:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Foamy?
Probably.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-05-22 07:42:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment